UC-NRLF 


B        3        332        976 


I 


I 


AMANT 


^e  ST  LOUI 
XPOSITION 


Good   land !     I  couldn't  sort  'em  out  and  describe  them  that 
passed  by  in  an  hour. — Frontispiece.      Page  83. 


SAMANTHA 


AT  THE 


ST.  LOUIS  EXPOSITION 


BY 
JOSIAH  ALLEN'S  WIFE 

(MARIETTA   HOLLEY) 

AUTHOR  OF  "  MY  OPINION  AND  BETSEY  BOBBET'S,"  "  SAMANTHA  AT  SARATOGA, 
" SWEET  CICELY,"  "SAMANTHA  AT  THE  WORLD'S  FAIR,"  ETC. 


ILLUSTRATIONS  BY 
CH.  GRUNWALD 


G.  W.  DILLINGHAM  COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS  NEW  YORK 


Copyright,  1904,  by 

MARIETTA  HOLLEY. 

filtered  at  Stationsra'  Hall, 

London,  England. 

•    lined  Novfmbt 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition. 


Press  of  J.  J.  Little  &  Co. 
Astor  Place,  New  York 


LIST    OF    ILLUSTRATIONS 


PAGE 


He  showed  'em  in  a  careless  way  as  much  as  fifteen  dollars 

in  cash  ....  7° 

Josiah's  good  nater  returnin'  with  every  mouthful  he  took  .  106 
It  is  the  big  crowd  that  is  surgin'  through  the  Pike  to  and 

fro,  fro  and  to  .  .  .  •  •  •  .187 

"I  hain't  Theodore.  I'm  President  of  a  Gas  Company  .  298 
She  laid  her  pretty  head  in  my  lap,  sobbin'  out,  "What  shall  I 

do?  What  shall  I  do?  "  .  .  .  .  -  214 

Good  land!  I  couldn't  sort  'em  out  and  describe  them  that 

passed  by  in  an  hour    ....  Frontispiece      83 


R69940 


SAMANTHA  AT  THE  ST.  LOUIS 
EXPOSITION 


CHAPTER   I, 


HAD  noticed  for  some  time  that  Josiah  Allen 
had  acted  queer.      He  would  seem  lost  in 
thought  anon  or  of tener,  and  then  seemin  'ly 
roust  himself  up  and  try  to  act  natural. 
And  anon  he  would  drag  his  old  tin  chest  out  from 
under  the  back  stairway  and  pour  over  musty  old  deeds 
and  papers,  drawed  up  by  his  great-grandpa  mebby. 

He  did  this  last  act  so  often  that  I  said  to  him  one  day, 
"  What  under  the  sun  do  you  find  in  them  yeller  old 
papers  to  attract  you  so,  Josiah!  ' 

But  he  looked  queer  at  me,  queer  as  a  dog,  as  if  he  wuz 
lookin'  through  me  to  some  distant  view  that  interested 
him  dretfully,  and  answered  evasive,  and  mebby  he 
wouldn't  answer  at  all. 

And  then  I'd  see  him  and  Uncle  Sime  Bentley,  his  par 
ticular  chum,  with  their  heads  clost  together,  seemin  'ly 
plottin'  sun  thin'  or  ruther,  though  what  it  wuz  I  couldn't 
imagine. 


8  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

And  then  they  would  bend  their  heads  eagerly  over 
the  daily  papers,  and  more'n  once  Josiah  got  down  our 
old  Olney's  Atlas  and  he  and  Uncle  Sime  would  pour  over 
it  and  whisper,  though  what  it  wuz  about  I  couldn't 
imagine.  And  if  I'd  had  the  curosity  of  some  wimmen  it 
would  drove  me  into  a  caniption  fit. 

:And  more  V  a  dozen  times  I  see  him  and  Uncle  Sime 
down;  by, '.the  back  paster  on  the  creek  pacin'  to  and 
fro  as  if  they  wuz  measurin'  land.  And  most  of  all  they 
seemed  to  be  measurin'  off  solemn  like  and  important 
the  lane  from  the  creek  lot  up  to  the  house  and  takin' 
measurements,  as  queer  lookin'  sights  as  I  ever  see,  and 
then  they  would  consult  the  papers  and  atlas  agin,  and 
whisper  and  act. 

And  about  this  time  he  begun  to  talk  to  me  about  the 
St.  Louis  Exposition.  He  opened  the  subject  one  day  by 
remarkin'  that  he  spozed  I  had  never  hearn  of  the  Louis- 
ana  Purchase.  He  said  that  the  minds  of  females  in  their 
leisure  hours  bein'  took  up  by  more  frivolous  things,  such 
as  tattin'  and  crazy  bed-quilts,  he  spozed  that  I,  bein'  a 
female  woman,  had  never  hearn  on 't. 

And  my  mind  bein'  at  that  time  took  up  in  startin'  the 
seams  in  a  blue  and  white  sock  I  wuz  knittin'  for  him, 
didn't  reply,  and  he  went  on  and  talked  and  talked 
about  it. 

But   good  land!    I  knowed   all   about   the  Louisana 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  9 

Purchase;  I  knowed  it  come  into  our  hands  in  1803,  that 
immense  tract  of  land,  settlin'  forever  in  our  favor  the 
war  for  supremacy  on  this  continent  between  ourselves 
and  England,  and  givin'  us  the  broad  highway  of  the 
Mississippi  to  sail  to  and  fro  on  which  had  been  denied 
us,  besides  the  enormous  future  increase  in  our  wealth 
and  population. 

I  knowed  that  between  1700  and  1800  this  tract  wuz 
tossted  back  and  forth  between  France  and  Spain  and 
England  some  as  if  it  wuz  a  immense  atlas  containing 
pictured  earth  and  sea  instead  of  the  real  land  and  water. 

It  passed  backwards  and  forwards  through  the  century 
till  1803  when  it  bein '  at  the  time  in  the  hands  of  France, 
we  bought  it  of  Napoleon  Bonaparte  who  had  got  posses 
sion  of  it  a  few  years  before,  and  Heaven  only  knows 
what  ambitious  dreams  of  foundin'  a  new  empire  in  a 
new  France  filled  that  powerful  brain,  under  that  queer 
three-cornered  hat  of  hisen  when  he  got  it  of  Spain. 

But  'tennyrate  he  sold  it  in  1803  to  our  country,  the 
writings  bein'  drawed  up  by  Thomas  Jefferson,  namesake 
of  our  own  Thomas  Jefferson,  Josiah's  child  by  his  first 
wife.  Napoleon,  or  I  spoze  it  would  sound  more  respect 
ful  to  call  him  Mr.  Bonaparte,  he  wanted  money  bad,  and 
he  didn't  want  England  to  git  ahead,  and  so  he  sold  it 
to  us. 

He  acted  some  as  Miss  Bobbett  did  when  she  sot  up  her 


10  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

niece,  Maliala  Hen,  in  dressmakin '  for  fear  Miss  Henzy 's 
girl  would  git  all  the  custom  and  git  rich.  She'd  had 
words  with  Miss  Henzy  and  wanted  to  bring  down  her 
pride.  And  we  bein'  some  like  Miss  Hen  in  sperit  (she 
had  had  trouble  with  Miss  Henzy  herself,  and  wuz  dret- 
ful  glad  to  have  Mahala  sot  up),  we  wuz  more'n  willin'  to 
buy  it  of  Mr.  Bonaparte.  You  know  he  didn't  like  Eng 
land,  he  had  had  words  with  her,  and  almost  come  to 
hands  and  blows,  and  it  did  come  to  that  twelve  years 
afterwards. 

But  poor  creeter!  I  never  felt  like  makin'  light  of  his 
reverses,  for  do  not  we,  poor  mortals!  have  to  face  our 
Waterloo  some  time  durin'  our  lives,  when  we  have 
fought  the  battle  and  lost,  when  the  ground  is  covered 
with  slain  Hopes,  Ambition,  Happiness,  when  the  music 
is  stilled,  the  stringed  instruments  and  drums  broken  to 
pieces,  or  givin'  out  only  wailin'  accompaniments  to  the 
groans  and  cries  of  the  dyin'  layin'  low  in  the  dust. 

We  marched  onward  in  the  mornin'  mebby  with  flyin' 
colors  towards  Victory,  with  gaily  flutterin'  banners  and 
glorious  music.  Then  come  the  Inevitable  to  crush  us, 
and  though  we  might  not  be  doomed  to  a  desert  island  in 
body,  yet  our  souls  dwell  there  for  quite  a  spell. 

Till  mebby  we  learn  to  pick  up  what  is  left  of  value  on 
the  lost  field,  try  to  mend  the  old  instruments  that  never 
sound  as  they  did  before.  Sew  with  tremblin'  fingers  the 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  11 

rents  in  the  old  tattered  banners  which  Hope  never 
carries  agin  with  so  high  a  head,  and  fall  into  the  ranks 
and  march  forward  with  slower,  more  weary  steps  and 
our  sad  eyes  bent  toward  the  settin'  sun. 

But  to  stop  eppisodin'  and  resoom.  I  had  hearn  all 
about  how  it  wuz  bought  and  how  like  every  new  dis 
covery,  or  man  or  woman  worth  while,  the  Purchase  had 
to  meet  opposition  and  ridicule,  though  some  prophetic 
souls,  like  Thomas  Jefferson,  Mr.  Livingstone  and  others, 
seemed  to  look  forward  through  the  mists  of  the  future 
and  see  fertile  fields  and  stately  cities  filled  with  crowds 
of  prosperous  citizens,  where  wuz  then  almost  impassable 
swamps  and  forests  inhabited  by  whoopin'  savages, 

And  Mr.  Bonaparte  himself,  let  us  not  forgit  in  this 
proud  year  of  fulfilled  hopes  and  achievement  and  pro 
gress  how  he  always  seemed  to  set  store  by  us  and  his 
words  wuz  prophetic  of  our  nation's  glorious  destiny. 

I  had  knowed  all  about  this  but  Josiah  seemed  to 
delight  to  instruct  me  as  carefully  as  a  mother  would 
guide  a  prattlin'  child  jest  beginnin'  to  walk  on  its  little 
feet.  And  some  times  I  would  resent  it,  and  some  times 
when  I  wuz  real  good  natured,  for  every  human  bein' 
no  matter  how  high  principled,  has  ebbs  and  flows  in 
their  moral  temperatures,  some  times  I  would  let  him 
instruct  me  and  take  it  meekly  like  a  child  learnin'  its 
A-B  abs. 


12  tfamantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

But  to  resoom.  Day  by  day  Josiah's  strange  actions 
continued,  and  at  intervals  growin'  still  more  and  more 
frequent  and  continuous  he  acted,  till  at  last  the  truth 
oozed  out  of  him  like  water  out  of  a  tub  that  has  been 
filled  too  full,  it  wuz  after  an  extra  good  meal  that  he  con 
fided  in  me. 

He  said  the  big  celebration  of  the  Louisana  Purchase 
had  set  him  to  thinkin'  and  he'd  investigated  his  own 
private  affairs  and  had  discovered  important  facts  that 
had  made  him  feel  that  he  too  must  make  a  celebration 
of  the  Purchase  of  the  Allen  Homestead. 

"  On  which  we  are  now  dwelling  Samantha,"  sez  he. 
"  Seventy-four  acres  more  or  less  runnin'  up  to  a  stake 
and  back  agin,  to  wit,  as  the  paper  sez." 

Sez  I,  "  You  needn't  talk  like  a  lawyer  to  me,  Josiah 
Allen,  but  tell  me  plain  as  a  man  and  a  deacon  what  you 


mean.' 


"  Well,  I'm  tellin'  you,  hain't  I,  fast  as  I  can?  I've 
found  out  by  my  own  deep  research  (the  tin  trunk  wuzn't 
more'n  a  foot  deep  but  I  didn't  throw  the  trunk  in  his 
face),  I've  discovered  this  remarkable  fact  that  this  farm 
the  very  year  of  the  Louisana  Purchase  came  into  the 
Allen  family  by  purchase.  My  great-great-grandfather, 
Hatevil  Allen,  bought  it  of  Ohbejoyful  Gowdey,  and  the 
papers  wuz  signed  the  very  day  the  other  momentous 
purchase  wuz  made. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          13 

There  wuz  fourteen  children  in  the  family  of  old 
Hatevil,  jest  as  many  as  there  is  States  in  the  purchase 
they  are  celebratin'  to  St.  Louis. 

"  And  another  wonderful  fact  old  Hatevil  Allen  paid 
jest  the  same  amount  for  this  farm  that  our  Government 
paid  for  the  Louisiana  Purchase. ' ' 

"  Do  you  mean  to  tell  me,  Josiah,  that  Hatevil  Allen 
paid  fifteen  millions  for  this  farm.  Will  you  tell  me 
that?  You,  a  member  of  the  meetin'  house  and  a 
deacon?  ' 

"  Well,  what  you  might  call  the  same,  it  is  the  same 
figgers  with  the  six  orts  left  out.  Great-granther  Allen 
paid  fifteen  dollars  for  this  piece  of  land,  it  wuz  all  woods 
then." 

'  '  Another  of  these  most  remarkable  series  of  incidents 
that  have  ever  took  place  on  this  continent,  Thomas 
Jefferson  wuz  a  main  actor  in  the  Louisana  Purchase. 
He  has  left  this  spear  some  years  ago,  and  who,  who  is 
the  father  of  Thomas  Jefferson  to-day?  " 

I  didn't  say  nothin',  for  I  wuz  engrossed  in  my  knittin', 
I  wuz  jest  turnin'  the  heel  of  his  sock  and  needed  my 
hull  mind. 

"  And  sez  he,  smitin'  his  breast  agin,  "  I  ask  you, 
Samantha,  who  is  the  father  of  Thomas  Jefferson  to 
day?  " 

I  had  by  this  time  turned  the  heel  and  I  sez,  "  Why, 


14  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

I  spoze  lie's  got  the  same  father  now  he  always  had,  chil 
dren  don't  change  their  fathers  very  often  as  a  general 
thing.'7 

"  Well,  you  needn't  be  so  grumpy  about  it.  Don't  you 
see  that  these  wonderful  coincidences  are  enough  to  apall 
a  light-minded  person.  Why,  I,  even  I  with  my  cast  iron 
strength  of  mind,  have  almost  felt  my  brain  stagger  and 
reel  as  I  onraveled  the  momentous  affair. 

"  And  I  am  plannin'  a  celebration,  Samantha,  that  will 
hist  up  the  name  of  Allen  where  it  ort  to  be  onto  the  very 
top  of  Fame's  towerin'  pillow,  and  keep  it  in  everlastin' 
remembrance. 

"  And  I,  Samantha,"  and  here  he  smote  himself  agin 
in  the  breast,  "  I,  Josiah  Allen,  havin'  exposed  these  cir 
cumstances,  the  most  remarkable  in  American  history, 
I  lay  out  to  name  my  show  the  Exposition  of  Josiah 
Allen.  And  I've  thought  some  times  that  in  order  to 
mate  mine  with  the  St.  Louis  show,  as  you  may  say,  I'd 
mebby  ort  to  call  myself  St.  Josiah." 

"  Saint  Josiah!  "  sez  I,  and  my  axent  wuz  that  icy 
cold  that  he  shivered  imperceptibly  and  added  hastily, 
"  Well,  we  will  leave  that  to  the  future  to  decide." 

"  But,"  sez  he  firmly,  spruntin'  up  agin,  "  if  the  nation 
calls  on  me  to  name  myself  thus  I  shall  respond,  and 
expose  myself  at  my  Exposition  as  Saint  Josiah." 

Sez  I  anxiously,  "  I  wouldn't  expose  myself  too  much, 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  15 

Josiali.  You  remember  the  pa  that  took  his  weak-minded 
child  to  the  ball,  and  told  him  to  set  still  and  not  speak 
or  they  would  find  him  out. 

"  And  they  asked  him  question  after  question  and  he 
didn't  say  a  word,  and  finally  they  begun  to  scoff  at  him 
and  told  him  he  wuz  a  fool,  and  he  called  out,  '  Father, 
father,  they  Ve  found  me  out.'  " 

Josiah  sez  snappishly,  "  What  you  mean  by  bringin' 
that  old  chestnut  up  I  cant  see." 

"Well,"  sez  I,  "  I  shan't  sew  the  moral  on  any 
tighter."  But  he  kep'  on  ignorin'  my  sarcastick  allusion. 

"  To  keep  up  the  train  of  almost  miraclous  incidents 
marchin'  along  through  the  past  connecting  the  St.  Louis 
and  the  Allen  Purchase  like  historical  twins,  I'm  go  in' 
to  spend  on  the  Exposition  of  Josiah  Allen  jest  the  amount 
paid  for  the  other  original  purchase,  and  I  may,  for  there 
is  no  tellin'  what  a  Allen  may  do  when  his  blood  is 
rousted  up,  I  may  swing  right  out  and  pay  jest  the  same 
amount  St.  Louis  is  payin'  for  her  Exposition." 

"  Fifty  millions!  "  sez  I  with  emotions  of  or— or  to 
think  I  had  a  pardner  that  would  tell  such  a  gigantic 
falsehood,  and  instinctively  I  thought  of  a  story  I'd 
hearn  Thomas  Jefferson  tell  the  evenin'  before. 

He  said  three  commercial  travelers  wuz  talkin'  be 
fore  an  old  man  from  the  country  whose  loose  fittin' 
clothes  were  gently  scattered  with  hay-seed.  The  first 


16  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

one  told  with  minute  particulars  of  a  Western  cyclone 
that  had  lifted  a  house  and  sot  it  down  in  a  neighborin' 
township.  The  next  one  said  that  he  wuz  knowin'  to 
the  circumstances  and  how  the  cyclone  swep  back  and 
brought  the  suller  and  sot  it  down  under  the  house. 
And  the  third  one  remembered  vividly  how  the  cyclone 
went  back  the  second  time  and  brought  the  hole  the 
suller  left  and  distributed  it  round  under  the  new  site. 

The  old  man  listened  with  deep  interest,  and  said  he 
wuz  glad  he'd  had  the  privelige  of  hearin'  'em,  for  their 
talk  had  cleared  up  a  Bible  verse  he'd  long  pondered 
over. 

They  wuz  astounded  to  think  their  talk  had  awakened 
religious  meditations.  But  the  old  gentleman  said  their 
conversation  had  cleared  up  that  passage  where  it  said: 

' '  Annanias  come  forth. ' ' 

He  said  it  wuz  now  plain  to  him  that  it  meant  that 
these  three  drummers  should  stand  before  Annanias,  the 
Prince  of  Liars,  he  takin'  his  place  behind  'em,  the  fourth 
in  the  rank  of  liars. 

But  this  is  neither  here  or  there,  I  only  mention  it  as 
comin'  into  my  mind  instinctively  and  onbeknown  to 
myself  as  I  hearn  Josiah  Allen's  remark,  it  came  and 
went,  as  thoughts  will,  like  a  lightning  flash,  even  as 
I  wuz  repeatin'  the  words  agin  in  wonderment  and 
horrow. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          17 

"  Fifty  million  dollars!  " 

"  No,  I  said  to  you,  Samantha,  that  in  our  conversa 
tion  we  would  leave  out  the  orts,  fifty  dollars  wuz  what  I 
meant.  But  as  I  said  this  is  what  I've  thought  when  my 
brain  wuz  fired  with  ambition  and  glory  of  histin'  the 
name  of  Allen  up  where  it  ort  to  be  and  will  be.  But 
when  my  blood  has  quieted  down  and  I  took  a  dispas 
sionate  view  of  the  affair  I  have  thought  it  would  be  more 
in  keepin'  with  the  old  traditions  of  the  Allen  family  to 
spend  jest  fifteen,  I  can  do  a  noble  job  with  Uncle  Sime's 
help  and  Ury's,  with  exactly  the  same  sum  that  wuz  paid 
for  these  purchases. ' ' 

I  see  he  wuz  jest  bound  to  ignore  the  millions.  But  I 
knowed  it  wouldn't  do  any  good  to  keep  twittin'  him 
of  it.  And  then  he  went  on  to  describe  more  fully  the 
Exposition  of  Josiah  Allen  that  he'd  been  plottin'  for 
weeks  and  weeks.  He  said  that  he  and  uncle  Sime  had 
used  up  two  hull  pads  of  writin'  paper  at  a  cost  of  five 
cents  each,  plannin'  and  figurin'.  But  he  didn't  begrech 
the  outlay,  he  said.  He  wuz  layin'  out  to  have  the  lower 
paster  used  as  a  tentin'  ground  for  the  hull  Allen  race, 
and  the  Gowdeys  if  he  decided  they  wuz  worthy  to  jine 
in,  he  hadn  't  settled  on  that  yet.  The  cow  paster  wuz  to 
be  used  for  Equinomical  and  Agricultural  displays  and 
also  Peaceful  Industries  and  Inventions,  and  the  lane 
leadin'  up  to  the  barn  from  the  lower  paster  he  laid  out 


18  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

to  use  as  a  Pike  for  all  sorts  of  amusements,  pitchin' 
quaits,  bull-in-the-barnyard,  turnin'  hand-springs  and 
summer  sets,  etc.,  etc. ' ' 

Sez  I  coldly,  ' '  It  would  draw  quite  a  crowd  to  see  you 
and  Deacon  Gowdey  standin'  on  your  two  old  bald  heads 
turnin '  a  summer  set." 

"  Oh,  I  laid  out  to  have  younger  people  in  such  thrillin' 
seens,  Ury  and  others. ' '  And  then  he  went  on  to  describe 
at  length  his  Peaceful  Industry  Show. 

I  couldn't  sot  still  to  hear  it  only  I  felt  I  wanted  to 
know  the  worst  and  cope  with  it  as  a  surgeon  probes  to 
the  quick  in  order  to  cure. 

He  thought  he  could  git  Aunt  Huldy  Wood,  who  wove 
carpets,  to  set  up  her  loom  for  a  few  days  under  the  big 
but-nut  tree,  and  be  weavin'  there  before  the  crowds.  He 
said  she  wuz  a  peaceful  old  critter  and  would  show  off 
well  in  it.  And  Bildad  Shoecraft,  another  good-natured 
creeter,  he  could  bring  his  shoe-making  bench  and  be 
tappin'  boots.  He  could  not  only  show  off  but  make 
money  at  the  same  time,  for  he  spozed  that  many  a  boot 
would  be  wore  down  to  the  quick  walkin'  round  viewin' 
the  attractions.  And  Blandina  Teeter  he  spozed  she  could 
run  my  sewin'  machine  under  the  sugar  maple.  And  he 
thought  mebby  I  would  set  out  under  the  slippery  ellum 
makin'  ginger  cookies  or  fryin'  nut-cakes,  in  either 
capacity  he  said  I  wuz  a  study  for  an  artist  and  would 
draw  crowds. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          19 

"  The  wife  of  Josiah  Allen  fryin'  nut-cakes,  what  a 
sound  it  would  have  through  the  world. " 

"  No,  Josiah,"  sez  I,  "  I  shan't  try  to  fry  nut-cakes  in 
a  open  lot  without  ingregients  or  fire. ' ' 

"  Well,  mebby  you'd  ruther  be  one  of  the  attractions 
of  the  Pike,  Samantha.  I  hain't  goin'  to  limit  you  to  one 
thing.  As  the  pardner  of  the  originator  of  this  stupen- 
gous  scheme  you  are  entitled  to  respect.  There  is  where 
Napoleon,  the  other  great  actor  in  these  twin  dramas, 
missed  it,  he  didn  't  use  his  wife  as  he  ort  to.  But  jest  see 
the  wonderful  similarity  in  these  cases.  He  had  two  step 
children;  the  wife  of  Josiah  had  two;  I  am  smaller  in 
statute  than  my  wife;  so  wuz  Napoleon." 

' '  You  spoke  of  your  Peaceful  Inventions,  Josiah, ' '  sez 
I,  wantin'  to  git  his  mind  off,  for  truly  I  begun  to  fairly 
feel  sick  to  the  stomach  to  hear  his  talk  about  himself 
and  the  Great  Conqueror. 

1  i  Oh,  yes,  Samantha,  that  in  itself  will  be  worth  double 
the  price  of  admission." 

' '  Then  you  expect  to  ask  pay,  Josiah  ?  ' 

"  Certainly,  why  not?  Do  they  not  ask  pay  at  the 
twin  celebration?  ' 

"  But  you  spoke  of  inventions;  I  shall  let  the  rest  of 
the  Aliens  show  off.  Lots  of  'em  have  invented  things, 
but  of  course  my  inventions  will  rank  number  one.  There 
is  my  button  on  the  suller  door  I  cut  it  out  of  an  old 


20  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

boot  leg.  Who  ever  hearn  of  a  leather  button  before,  and 
it  works  well  if  you  don't  want  to  fasten  the  door  tight. 
Then  there  is  that  self  actin'  hen-coop  of  mine  that  lets 
a  stick  fall  down  and  shuts  the  door  when  the  hen  walks 
up  the  ladder." 

66  But  no  hen  has  ever  clim  the  ladder  yet,  Josiah." 

"  No,  perhaps  they  hain't  yet,  but  I'm  expectin'  to  see 
'em  every  day,  'tennyrate  paint  that  coop  a  bright  red 
and  yaller  and  it  will  attract  a  crowd. 

"  And  then  there  is  that  travelin'  rat  trap  of  brother 
Henzy  's,  you  know  his  grandmother  wuz  an  Allen,  I  shall 
mayhap  let  him  appear.  And  then  there  is  all  my  f  armin ' 
implements  and  the  rest  of  the  Allen's  I  lay  out  to  be 
just  to  all,  and  let  'em  all  come  and  show  off  in  my  Agri 
cultural  show. 

' i  But  of  course  there  has  got  to  be  a  head  to  it ;  Napo 
leon  wuz  the  head  of  the  other  Purchase,  and  I'm  the 
head  of  this.  In  short,  Samantha,  I  am  It. ' ' 

Oh,  how  full  of  pride  and  vain  glory  he  wuz,  and  I 
knowed  such  feelin's  would  have  to  be  brung  down  for 
his  spiritual  good.  I  realized  it  as  he  went  on, 

"  I  tell  you,  Napoleon  and  I  would  have  made  a  span, 
Samantha,  if  he  could  been  spared  till  now. ' ' 

Oh  how  shamed  I  wuz  to  hear  such  talk,  but  I  sot  de- 
mute  for  reasons  named,  and  he  sez  agin,  "  I  thought 
mebby  you  would  want  to  be  one  of  the  attractions  of  the 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  21 

Pike,  Samantha;  I  lay  out  to  have  livin'  statutes  adornin' 
the  side  of  the  lane  leadin '  up  from  the  beaver  medder  to 
the  horse  trough. ' ' 

"  Livin'  statutes!  "  sez  I,  coldly,  "  I  don't  know  what 
you  mean  by  them." 

"  Why,  I  thought  for  a  few  cents  I  could  git  a  lot  of 


children  and  old  folks  to  be  white-washed  for  a  day  or 
two  and  pose  as  statutes.  It  would  be  a  new  thing  and 
a  crackin'  good  idee,  for  livin'  statutes  that  can  wink, 
and  bow,  and  talk,  and  walk  round  some,  I  don't  believe 
wuz  ever  hearn  on  before." 


22  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

t  i  No  indeed, ' '  sez  I,  '  '  but  I  can  tell  you,  Josiah  Allen, 
I've  played  many  strange  parts  in  the  role  of  life  at 
your  request,  but  I  tell  you  once  for  all  I  shall  never, 
never  be  whitewashed  and  set  up  for  a  statute,  you  can 
set  your  mind  to  rest  on  that  to  once. ' ' 

"  Mebby  you'd  ruther  be  a  Historical  Tabloo,  Saman 
tha;  I  lay  out  to  have  beautiful  ones,  and  I  thought  I 
wouldn't  confine  myself  to  the  States,  but  would  branch 
out  and  have  the  foreign  nations  represented  figuratively. 

"  A  naval  battle  between  Eussia  and  Japan  would 
draw;  if  I  could  fix  some  floats  on  the  creek  my  stun 
boat  could  represent  Russia,  and  Deacon  Buffer's  Japan, 
I  jest  as  lives  mine  would  be  blowed  up  and  sunk  as  not, 
'tain't  good  for  much.  And  if  I  did  have  that  I  would 
have  the  Russian  Bear  set  on  the  shore  growlin',  and  the 
Powers  furder  back  lookin'  pleasantly  on.  You  might  be 
a  Power,  Samantha,  if  you  wuzn't  a  female." 

"  No,  thank  you,  Josiah,  I  don't  hanker  after  the 
responsibility  for  good  or  evil  that  ort  to  hang  onto  a 
Power. ' '  $* 

li  I'd  be  the  Russian  Bear  myself,  Samantha,  with  our 
old  buffalo  robe,  only  I've  got  everything  else  to  do;  I 
could  grasp  holt  of  things  and  squeeze  'em  tight  and 
growl  and  paw  first  rate." 

"  I  wouldn't  try  to  take  that  Russian  Bear's  job  of 
graspin'  and  growlin'  and  pawin'  onto  me,  Josiah,  if  I 
wuz  in  your  place;  it  would  tucker  anybody  out," 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  23 

"  The  Eagle  of  France, "  sez  he  dreamily,  "  could  be 
represented  in  reduced  form,  as  artists  say,  by  Solomon 
Bobbett's  old  Bramy  rooster  with  some  claws  tied  on. 
And  Scotland,  the  land  knows  there  is  thistles  enough 
along  the  cow  path  to  represent  her  if  they're  handled 
right.  And  for  Ireland  I  might  have  two  fellers  fightin' 
with  shelalays,  Ury  could  make  the  shelalays  if  he  had 
a  pattern." 

I  knit  away  with  a  look  of  cold  mockery  on  my  face 
that  I  spose  worried  him,  for  he  sez,  ' '  I  wish  I  could  git 
you  interested  in  my  show,  Samantha.  Mebby  you'd 
want  to  represent  Britanny  scourin'  the  blue  seas,  you 
always  thought  so  much  of  the  Widder  Albert.  You 
could  enact  it  in  the  creek  where  the  water  is  shaller. 
You've  got  a  long  scrubbin'  brush,  I  always  thought  you 
looked  some  like  Britanny,  and  you  do  scrub  and  scour 
so  beautiful,  Samantha." 

"  No,  Josiah,  you'll  never  git  me  into  that  scrape,  not 
but  what  Britanny  may  need  help  with  her  scrubbin' 
brush.  But  I  shan't  catch  my  death  cold  makin'  a  fool 
of  myself  by  tacklin'  that  job." 

"  Oh,  you  could  wear  my  rubber  boots.  But  I  shall 
not  urge  the  matter,  I  only  thought  we  two  countries  are 
such  clost  friends  and  I  wanted  you  to  have  the  foremost 
character,  but  I  can  probable  git  someone  else  to  enact  it. 
But  the  strain  is  fearful  on  me,  Samantha,  to  have  every 
thing  go  on  as  it  should," 


24  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Expositioji 

His  looks  wuz  strange.  I  could  see  that  he  wuz  all 
nerved  up,  and  his  mind  (what  he  had)  wuz  all  wrought 
up  to  its  highest  tension;  I  knowed  what  happened  when 
the  tension  to  my  sewin'  machine  wuz  drawed  too  tight— 
it  broke.  And  my  machine  wuz  strong  in  comparison  to 
some  other  things  I  won't  mention  out  of  respect  to  my 
pardner.  I  felt  that  I  must  be  cautious  and  tread  care 
fully  if  I  would  influence  him  for  his  good,  so  I  brought 
forth  the  argument  that  seldom  failed  with  him,  and  sez  I : 

"  If  I  hadn't  no  other  reason  for  jinin'  in  these  doin's, 
cookin'  has  got  to  be  done  and  how  can  a  statute  or  a 
Historical  Tabloo  bile  potatoes  and  brile  steak  and  make 
yeast  emptin's  bread  perked  up  on  a  pedestal  or  posin' 
in  the  creek,  and  you  know,  Josiah,  that  no  matter  how 
fur  ambition  or  vain  glory  may  lead  a  man,  his  appetite 
has  got  to  be  squenched,  and  vittles  has  got  to  be  cooked 
else  how  can  he  squench  it." 

And  to  this  old  trustworthy  weepon  I  held  in  all  his 
different  plans  to  inviggle  me  into  his  preposterous  idees 
and  found  it  answered  better  than  reason  or  ridicule. 
But  even  this  failed  to  break  up  his  crazy  plan.  His  hull 
mind  (what  he  had)  wuz  sot  on  it. 


CHAPTER   II 

FELT  dretful  and  how  I  wuz  goin'  to  break 
it  up  and  git  his  mind  off  I  couldn't  tell;  I 
talked  it  over  with  the  children.  They  wuz 
goin'  to  be  mortified  to  death  by  the  idee 
if  carried  out  and  they  told  me  in  confidence  and  the 
woodhouse  kitchen,  "  It  must  be  stopped!  ' 

And  I  sez,  "  How  is  it  goin'  to  be  stopped!  I've 
handled  every  weepon  I  know  how  to  lay  holt  on.  I've 
pompied  him,  cooked  the  very  best  of  vittles,  argued  with 
him,  eppisoded,  but  all  to  no  use,  he's  as  sot  as  a  hen 
turkey  on  a  brick  bat,  and  I've  got  to  the  end  of  my 
chain. ' ' 

Sez  Tirzah  Ann,  "  Have  you  tried  readin'  historical 
novels  to  him?  ' 

"  No,"  sez  I,  "  I  don't  dast  to  be  too  hash  with  him, 
your  pa's  health  hain't  what  it  wuz,  I  dassent  take  too 
hash  measures. ' ' 

Sez  she,  "  Have  you  tried  readin'  poetry?  ' 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "  I  have  read  Pollock's  Course  of  Time 
most  through  to  him,  and  the  biggest  heft  of  '  Paradise 
Lost,'  and  I  read  the  last  named  with  deep  feelin',  I 
can  tell  you." 


26  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

"  Didn't  it  do  any  good?  " 

' '  Not  a  mite, ' '  sez  I.  "He  would  choke  me  off  in  the 
soarinest  passages  to  boast  about  some  crazy  side-show 
at  his  Exposition." 

Tirzah  Ann  sithed  and  sez,  "  I  don't  know  what  can 
be  done." 

Thomas  J.  is  more  practical  and  sez,  "  Can't  you  git 
his  mind  on  some  work?  Hain't  there  sunthin'  that  ort 
to  be  done  round  the  farm?  Or  in  the  house?  " 

"  Id 'no,"  sez  I.  "  He  can't  plow  or  reap  in  February 
or  pick  gooseberries  or  wash  sheep.  But  I  know  what 
ort  to  be  done  in  the  house,  I  tried  my  best  to  git  him 
at  it  in  the  fall,  I  do  want  a  furnace  and  hot  water  pipes 
put  in  to  heat  the  house.  We  most  freeze  these  cold  days, 
and  it  is  too  much  for  your  pa  when  Ury  is  away  to  tend 
to  the  fires." 

"  That's  just  the  thing!  "  sez  Thomas  J.,  "  get  him 
interested  in  that  and  he  will  forgit  all  about  the  Allen 
Exposition  by  the  time  it  is  done." 

But  I  sez  in  a  discouraged  way,  "  If  I  couldn't  git 
him  at  it  in  the  fall  Id 'no  how  I'm  goin'  to  now." 

"  But  it  is  worth  tryin',"  sez  Thomas  J.,  "  for  his 
scheme  must  be  broke  up,  and  if  you  git  your  furnace  in 
now  it  will  be  all  ready  for  another  fall." 

"  Well,"  sez  I,  "  I  can  try."  And  so  I  begun  that 
very  night  on  a  new  tact,  or  ruther  the  old  tact  in  a  new 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  27 

way,  I  told  him  how  sot  Thomas  J.  wuz  on  our  havin' 
a  furnace  and  hot  water  pipes  put  in. 

Josiah  thinks  his  eyes  of  his  only  son,  and  I  see  it 
kinder  moved  him,  but  he  wouldn't  give  his  consent, 
and  sez: 

* '  What  do  you  want  hot  water  pipes  and  a  furnace  for 
in  the  summer?  ' 

Sez  I  pintin'  to  the  snowy  fields,  "  Do  you  call  this 
summer,  Josiah!  And  Thomas  J.  sez  it  will  be  so  nice 
to  have  it  all  ready  in  the  fall.  And  I  do  wish,  Josiah, 
you  would  hear  to  me." 

' i  Well,  well,  I  am  hearin '  you,  hain  't  I,  and  been  hear- 
in'  for  a  year  back,  I  hain't  deef  as  an  adder!  '  And 
he  jammed  his  hat  down  over  his  ears  and  went  to  the 
barn.  But  there  wuz  a  sort  of  a  waverin'  expression  to 
his  linement  that  made  me  have  hopes. 

Well,  when  I  had,  with  the  children's  help  and  an 
enormous  expenditure  of  good  vittles  and  eloquence, 
brought  him  round  to  the  idee,  I  found  I  had  another 
trial  worse  than  the  first  to  contend  with.  Instead  of 
hirin '  a  first  rate  workman  who  knew  his  bizness,  he  wuz 
bound,  on  account  of  cheapness,  to  hire  a  conceited  cree- 
ter  who  thought  he  could  do  anything  better  than  anyone 
else  could. 

He  knew  how  to  milk,  Jabez  Wind  did,  and  how  to 
clean  stables,  and  plough  and  hoe  corn.  But  he  felt  he 


28  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

could  do  plumbin'  better  than  them  who  had  handled 
plumbs  for  years.  And  when  I  see  Josiah  wuz  sot  on 
hirin'  him  to  do  the  job  I  felt  dretful,  for  he  wuz  no  more 
fit  for  it  than  our  brindle  cow  to  do  fine  sewing  or  our 
old  steer  to  give  music  lessons  on  the  banjo.  He  wuz  a 
creeter  I  never  liked,  always  tryin'  to  invent  sunthin' 
and  always  failin.  But  Josiah  insisted  on  havin'  him 
because  he  wuz  so  much  cheaper. 

And  I  sez,  ' '  You  '11  sup  sorrow  yet,  Josiah  Allen,  with 
your  tendency  to  save  and  scrimp.  Jabez  Wind  don't 
know  nothin'  about  such  work;  he  hain't  got  any  shop 
or  tools  and  I  don't  want  him  meddlin'  round  my  house. 
We  want  the  rooms  warmed  good  and  we  don't  want  a 
big  noise  and  racket,  as  I've  hearn  they  make  sometimes, 
I  couldn't  stand  it  with  such  noise  and  cracklin'  goin' 
on  day  and  night. ' ' 

"  Oh,"  sez  Josiah,  "  that's  one  great  beauty  of  Jabez- 
eses  invention,  it  is  perfectly  noiseless,  not  a  murmur  or 
gurgle  from  one  year's  end  to  the  other,  and  so  easy  to 
tend.  Jest  twice  a  year,  he  sez,  to  put  a  pail  of  water  in 
the  upper  tank,  two  pails  of  water  a  year  to  insure  sum 
mer  warmth,  no  dirt,  no  noise,  not  much  like  luggin'  in 
wood  from  mornin'  till  night,  breakin'  your  back  cuttin' 
and  splittin'  it  and  litterin'  up  the  house." 

The  idee  of  the  perfect  stillness  did  tempt  me,  I  so 
love  comfort  and  quiet,  and  also  not  havin'  to  sweep  up 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  29 

after  chips  and  kindlin'  wood.  But  yet  how  did  we  know 
these  things  wuz  so?  And  agin  I  sez,  "  How  do  you 
know  he  can  do  all  this!  He  hain't  got  any  tools." 

Sez  Josiah,  "He's  got  idees  if  he  hain't  got  tools.  A 
man  can  borry  tools,  but  lie  can't  dicker  for  such  idees 
as  Jabez  has  got.  See  the  things  he's  undertook." 

Sez  I,  "  Anybody  can  undertake  things;  his  idees  hain't 
made  him  rich  or  famous.  That  air  ship  of  hisen  he  wuz 
goin'  to  sail  to  Europe  on,  rared  up  and  spilt  him  in  his 
uncle's  back  yard.  And  his  automobile,  when  he  sot  off 
on  it  and  headed  it  for  the  road  it  backed  up  and  took 
him  down  that  steep  hill  back  of  the  barn  into  the  creek, 
where  it  kep  on  ploughin'  up  dirt  and  slate  stuns  till  his 
uncle  stopped  it  by  main  force  and  lifted  Jabez  out  from 
under  it  drippin'  like  a  water  rat.  And  his  machine  for 
perpetual  motion,  his  ma  uses  it  now  for  clothes  bars," 
sez  I.  "  What  has  he  ever  done  to  merit  your  encom 
iums?  " 

"  Well,"  sez  he,  "  he's  bound  to  succeed  this  time. 
His  idees  are  some  like  the  hardware  man's  at  Jonesville 
only  Jabez 'es  are  more  deep  and  not  nigh  so  expensive." 
I  never  liked  Jabez  Wind  and  shouldn't  if  I'd  seen  him 
settin'  swingin'  his  legs  off  the  very  top  of  Fame's  pil 
low.  He  wuz  oncongenial  to  me,  made  so  from  the  begin- 
in'  I  never  knew  any  particular  hurt  of  him,  but  he  seemed 
so  much  like  his  own  sir  name,  so  puffed  up  and  onsub- 


30  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

stantial.  He  wuz  middlin'  well  off  to  start  with,  or  his 
ma  wuz,  but  he  had  used  up  all  her  property  in  his  dif 
ferent  enterprises. 

Now  I  dote  on  inventors,  they  wear  a  halo  in  my  par 
tial  eyes.  They're  the  greatest  men  of  our  day,  and  I 
mentally  kneel  at  their  feet,  but  gold  always  has  coun 
terfeits.  The  real  inventor,  made  by  the  Deity  to  carry 
out  his  plans,  is  modest,  silent,  broodin'  over  his  great 
secrets,  away  from  the  multitude  where  angels  minister 
to  him.  But  Jabez  wuz  loud,  boasting  arrogant,  his  pert 
impudent  face  proclaimin'  the  great  things  he  wuz  goin' 
to  do,  but  never  did.  He  wuz  in  love,  too,  or  what  he 
called  love,  with  a  girl  that  wuz  a  prime  favorite  of  mine, 
sweet  little  Rosamond  Nickleson,  she  and  I  wuz  such 
great  friends  she  often  used  to  come  and  stay  a  week  at 
a  time  with  me. 

When  Jabez  Wind  came  to  Jonesville,  Rosy  wuz  about 
the  same  as  engaged  to  a  good  sensible  young  farmer, 
Royal  Nelson,  who  lived  three  milds  above  Jonesville  on 
the  old  stage  road.  He  wuz  a  stiddy,  likely  young  man, 
who  owned  a  nice  farm  well  stocked,  wuz  good  looking 
good  appearing  but  ruther  bashful  and  retiring  which 
made  him  some  times  in  company  a  little  awkwud  in  his 
manners,  and  most  offish  where  he  wanted  to  please  most. 
But  he  had  a  good  mind,  and  his  heart  wuz  pure  gold, 
and  he  loved  Rosy  with  the  deep  earnest  love,  such  un- 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  31 

demonstrative  men  often  cherish  for  the  one  woman  in 
the  world  for  them.  His  calm  gray  eyes  would  light  up 
with  the  pure  light  of  deathless  love  when  they  rested 
on  the  sweet  face  of  little  Eosy.  And  he  wuz  always  try- 
in'  to  help  her  in  some  way,  lookin'  out  for  her  interest, 
he  seemed  to  love  to  protect  and  wait  on  her  in  a  way 
that  argued  well  for  the  future,  but  mebby  it  wuz  this 
constant  and  almost  slavish  devotion  that  made  her  slight 
him,  she  had  got  so  used  to  his  stiddy  love  that  she  didn  't 
appreciate  it  as  she'd  ort  to. 

He  had  paid  attention  to  Kosy  for  most  three  years. 
I  thought  mebby  he  wuz  such  a  manly  chap  he  didn't 
want  to  hurry  her,  she  wuz  so  young,  but  everybody 
spozed  they  wuz  as  good  as  engaged  when  Jabez  Wind 
come  to  Jonesville  to  live  with  his  uncle,  old  Kellup  Wind. 
He  lost  his  wife,  and  Miss  Wind,  his  brother's  widder, 
come  to  keep  house  for  him  and  brung  Jabez  with  her. 
I  hum  it  wuz  the  bargain  she  wuz  to  have  two  dollars  a 
week  and  Jabez  'es  board.  That  showed  me  what  he  wuz, 
a  young  man  twenty-five  years  old  hangin'  on  to  his 
mother's  apron  strings  to  support  him,  or  ruther  hangin' 
onto  her  hard  workin'  fingers,  she  wuz  a  good  house 
keeper. 

"  Well,  Jabez  made  such  a  splurge  in  the  social  pool 
of  Jonesville  society,  he  made  such  florid  eloquent  boasts 
of  the  wonderful  things  he  wuz  goin'  to  do  in  the  near 


32  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

future;  his  clothes  wuz  so  showy,  and  his  looks  so  showy 
(shaller  I  called  it),  with  beady  shiny  black  eyes,  red 
cheeks,  mustache  and  whiskers  naturally  red  like  his 
hair,  but  dyed  black,  and  he  played  the  fiddle  so  sweet, 
the  girls  said,  and  he  sung  comic  songs  so  bea-eu-ti-ful, 
and  he  danced  so  light  that  he  become  a  general  favorite 
in  Jonesville  society  and  the  girls  all  seemed  to  seek  after 
him.  But  from  the  first  he  singled  out  Rosy  as  the  object 
of  his  special  patronizin'  affection.  She  wuz  well  off, 
her  pa  left  her  a  good  property  in  money  besides  bein' 
so  pretty  and  good  herself. 

And  she,  girls  are  so  queer,  the  best  of  'em,  from  the 
very  fact  that  his  affection  wuz  so  patronizin'  and  down 
stoopin7  to  her,  and  kinder  oncertain,  for  onlike  Koyal 
he  would  have  spells  of  slightin'  her  and  waitin'  on  other 
girls,  why  mebby  for  this  very  reason  she  seemed  to  be 
carried  some  distance  away  with  him,  and  believed  all 
his  grand  idees  and  looked  forward  to  the  realization  of 
his  stupendious  schemes,  high  soundin'  schemes,  which 
had  took  him  no  furder  than  the  middle  of  the  creek  and 
his  uncle 's  back  yard. 

His  uncle  didn't  believe  in  him  no  more  than  I  did, 
but  stood  it  with  him  on  account  of  Karen,  bein'  a  man 
that  loved  domestic  comfort,  and  havin'  lived  in  dirt,  on 
pan-cakes  and  canned  meats  durin'  different  rains  of  in 
competence  materialized  in  hired  girl  form,  before  Karen 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  33 

come.  But  Karen  worshipped  Jabez,  his  highest  mounts 
of  future  eminence  seemed  too  low  for  his  footstool  in 
her  adorin'  eyes,  somehow  the  very  loftiness  of  his  airs 
to  her,  his  own  mother  who  supported  him  and  bought 
his  clothes,  seemed  to  render  him  more  precious  in  her 
eyes.  Wimmen  are  queer,  queer  as  dogs. 

Well,  Jabez  knew  I  wuz  onwillin'  to  have  him  tackle 
the  job  of  warmin'  our  house  with  his  new  water  pipe 
invention,  because  I  had  spoke  my  mind  about  it  when 
he  and  Karen  had  been  over  to  spend  the  evening  and 
Karen  come  over  the  next  mornin'  ostensibly  to  borry  a 
cup  of  molasses,  she  wuz  lookin'  wore  out,  she'd  worked 
so  hard  the  day  before,  doin '  a  big  washin '  and  bringin ' 
the  water  from  the  creek,  and  I  sez,  "  Why  didn't  Jabez 
bring  it  for  you?  ' 

"  Oh,  he  wuz  so  busy  with  his  inventions  I  couldn't 
bear  to  disturb  him,"  sez  she,  holdin'  her  hand  to  her 
achin'  side,  "  my  son  is  the  greatest  genius  in  the  world 
and  folks  will  admit  it  yet,  he's  a  young  man  of  a 
thousand. ' ' 

Sez  I,  "  I  should  think  more  on  him,  Karen,  if  he 
should  go  to  work  and  take  care  of  you  instead  of  you 
at  your  age  workin'  so  hard  to  take  care  of  him." 

She  married  when  she  wuz  quite  well  along  in  years 
and  wuz  gittin'  old  now  and  hadn't  ort  to  work  so  hard. 
But  her  pale  face  lit  up,  "  Oh,  he  will  take  care  of  me 
luxuriously  when  he's  completed  some  of  his  inventions." 


34  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

"  But,"  sez  I  pityin'ly, "  you  know  they  hain't  worked 
yet,  any  on  'em.  You  hung  your  washin'  yesterday  on 
the  remains  of  his  Perpetual  Motion,  and  his  motor  car 
riage  bein'  dug  up  from  the  creek,  his  uncle  uses  it  as  a 
hen  coop." 

"  Oh,  but  they  will  be  successful,  they  will." 

1 1  I  hope  so,  but  I  feel  it  my  duty  to  tell  you  that  I  feel 
dubersome  about  it,  dretf ul  dubersome. ' ' 

"  But,"  sez  she,  "  the  New  Perpetually  Gushing  Hot 
Water  Tank  is  goin'  to  make  us  independently  rich. 
He's  takin'  the  plans  now  of  Luman  Heath's  kitchen 
stove  and  riggin'  up  the  machinery;  Luman  is  to  pay 
him  lavishly,  you  know  Luman 's  wife  is  my  own  cousin." 

I  see  how  it  wuz,  Karen's  friends,  to  please  her,  wuz 
willin'  to  offer  up  their  sure  comforts  and  solid  founda 
tions  as  a  sacrifice  on  the  altar  of  friendship  and  the 
thought  come  over  me,  mebby  I'd  ort  to.  But  it  did  seem 
as  if  I  couldn't. 

Sez  Karen,  "  If  it  is  a  success  at  cousin  Luman 's,  as  it 
is  dead  sure  to  be,  Jabez  is  goin'  to  take  it  to  the  St. 
Louis  Exposition." 

' '  He  thinks  the  foreign  powers  will  want  to  treat  with 
him  for  it.  But  I  told  him  I  would  ruther  he  would  let 
our  Government  have  it.  But  'tennyrate  he  won't  let 
the  Powers  git  the  better  of  him  in  the  contract  and  con 
trol  it  and  enrich  themselves  at  his  expense.  He  will  get 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  35 

his  onparelled  idees  patented  before  he  takes  it  to  St. 
Louis,  it  wouldn't  be  safe  not  to.  I  spoze  the  papers  will 
be  full  of  it." 

Such  talk  didn't  seem  to  move  me  a  mite,  but  it  im 
pressed  Josiah  dretfully  and  he  sez,  "  I  shall  have  this 
new  invention  stand  next  to  my  hen  coop  at  the  Exposi 
tion  of  St.  Josiah." 

I  shuddered  and  turned  the  subject  round  quick  as  I 
could.  Well,  Karen  labored  with  me  over  two  hours, 
dwellin'  in  particular  on  the  perfect  stillness  of  the  heat- 
in'  apparatus,  and  agin  as  before  that  thought  tempted 
me  awfully,  for  I'd  hearn  the  cracklin'  snappin'  sounds 
that  sometimes  comes  from  steam  heat  and  dreaded  to 
have  it  reproduced  in  my  home,  and  seein'  my  looks 
Karen  amplified  on  the  idee,  How  sweet  it  would  be  in 
December  to  set  down  in  a  rockin'  chair  in  the  still 
warmth  of  a  day  in  July  and  go  through  the  winter  in 
that  luxurious  lovely  way.  She  talked  till  she  had  to  go 
home  almost  on  the  run,  for  she  said  Jabez'es  mind 
worked  so  hard  it  exhausted  his  body  completely  so  she 
had  to  have  the  most  nourishin'  food  ready  for  him  at  the 
very  minute  or  he  would  break  right  down.  But  to  the 
last  she  praised  up  Jabez'es  work.  But  I  wouldn't  say 
a  encouragin'  word  furder  than  this,  "  I  feel  dubersome 
about  it,  Karen,  dretful  dubersome." 

That  afternoon  Rosy  come  over  to  stay  all  night,  and 


36          Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

she  too  tackled  me  on  the  subject.  He  had  asked  her  to, 
always  hangin'  onto  some  woman  for  help.  But  with  her 
too  I  used  the  same  tick-tacks  I  had  with  Karen,  I  said 
mildly  after  each  modest  plea  for  his  great  genius,  and 
how  well  he  would  do  the  work, ' '  I  feel  dubersome  about 
it,  Rosy,  dretful  dubersome." 

Then  she,  too,  sweetly  spoke  of  the  summer  warmth, 
and  the  entire  absence  of  noise,  and  agin  that  thought 
tempted  me,  but  I  sez,  "  How  do  you  know,  Rosy,  that  it 
will  be  entirely  noiseless!  ' 

"  Oh,  I  know  it  will,  Jabez  sez  so.  He  is  sure  to  suc 
ceed,  and  it  will  help  him  so  to  have  your  influence,  he 
expects  to  publish  a  book  of  the  greater  eulogies  from 
noted  people  on  this  new  invention,  and  he  intends  to 
have  your  name  head  the  list.  When  you  say  this  per 
fectly  noiseless  machine  heats  your  house  too  warm  in 
the  coldest  weather,  what  a  help  it  will  be  to  him,  and 
your  name  will  be  first,'7  she  repeated  agin. 

"  He'd  better  have  the  President  and  Cabinet  come 
first,"  sez  I  dryly,  dry  as  a  chip  in  dog  days. 

< '  No,  he  spoke  about  that,  but  thought  he  would  have 
them  come  next  to  yours,  and  I  approved  of  it,"  sez  she 
affectionately,  "  and  so  did  his  ma." 

"  He  will  git  out  the  book  as  soon  as  he  comes  home 
from  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  with  all  the  big  eulogies 
he  gits  there  on  his  inventions." 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  37 

I  groaned  to  myself  and  got  up  quick  and  went  into 
the  buttery  and  took  a  drink  of  cold  water,  I  felt  so  kinder 
sickish.  Well  at  modest  intervals  she  would  politely 
and  gently  tackle  me  about  it,  at  the  table  and  while  she 
wuz  washin'  dishes,  but  I  held  firm,  though  very  con 
siderate  and  tender  to  her.  I  mogulated  my  axent  low 
and  gentle  and  looked  mild  at  her  over  my  specs,  as  I 
washed  and  she  wiped,  but  my  words  wuz  ever  the  same. 

"  I  feel  dubersome  about  it,  Eosy,  dretful  dubersome." 

At  last  Josiah  's  temper  riz  up  and  he  vowed  he  wouldn  't 
dally  any  longer,  sez  he,  "  I  earned  this  money  by  the 
sweat  of  my  brow  and  I'm  goin'  to  use  it  as  I'm  a  minter, 
and  I'm  a  minter  have  these  water  pipes  put  in  by  Jabez 
Wind.  (He  got  the  money  by  sellin'  a  colt,  Id'no  as 
there  wuz  any  great  sweat  about  it). 

But  he  wuz  bound  to  have  it  done,  and  he  did.  And 
for  reasons  named  I  dassent  cross  him  too  fur  and  put 
my  foot  right  down  on  the  plan.  And  the  children  sez, 
"  Better  anything,  mother,  than  his  celebration.  If  he 
don 't  tear  the  house  down  over  your  head  let  him  go  on. ' ' 
(Let  him!  I  guess  I  had  to  let  him.) 

Jabez  come  on  with  all  his  riggin'.  He'd  borrowed 
tools  of  the  hardware  man  at  Zoar,  another  of  Karen's 
cousins,  and  obtained  the  furnace  and  pipes  on  credit,  I 
spozed. 

I  made  all  the  preparations  I  could  in  case  of  disaster. 


38  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Took  up  the  carpets  in  that  part  of  the  house,  took  down 
the  curtains  and  moved  the  furniture,  used  all  the  pre 
cautions  I  could  to  escape  with  life  and  limb  if  possible, 
and  insure  the  safety  of  my  dear  but  misguided  pardner, 
and  then  I  sot  down  in  the  parlor  bedroom,  the  furthest 
I  could  git  without  goin'  upstairs,  and  let  the  tide  of 
events  sweep  by  me  or  sweep  me  away,  and  I  didn't  know 
which  it  would  be.  I  had  to  be  downstairs  anyway,  for 
(though  Philury  helped,  I  had  to  stand  with  my  hand  on 
the  helium,  so  to  speak,  and  see  to  everything.  What 
made  it  worse,  too,  it  come  on  the  coldest  snap  we'd  had 
all  winter. 

Well,  one  of  the  main  arguments  by  Jabez  and  Josiah 
wuz  the  speed  with  which  this  work  wuz  to  be  accom 
plished.  The  hull  thing  wuz  to  be  done  and  we  settin' 
down  fannin'  ourselves  inside  of  three  days,  but  for  over 
four  weeks  our  house  wuz  a  perfect  pandemonium  of 
noise  and  confusion. 

Iron  pipes  lay  round  in  every  direction,  screws  and 
vises,  nuts  and  hammers,  wrenches  and  irons  of  all  shapes 
and  descriptions  strewed  the  house  from  top  to  bottom, 
and  ashes,  dirt  and  dust  wuz  rampant,  and  Jabez  runnin' 
up  and  down  stairs,  to  and  fro,  talkin'  loud  about  what 
a  success  he  wuz  makin'  of  it  and  how  everything  wuz 
workin'  jest  as  he  wanted  it  to,  and  boasted  in  particular 
every  time  he  come  acrost  me,  ashakin'  with  the  cold,  how 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  39 

perfectly  still  and  noiseless  it  wuz  goin'  to  be,  and  how 
luxurious  and  almost  enervatin'  would  be  the  warmth. 
And  I  sez,  rubbin'  my  cold  hands  and  pullin'  my  heavy 
woolen  shawl  closter  round  me,  "  It  would  be  a  little 
different  than  it  is  now  if  it  wuz  still,  or  if  it  wuz  warm." 
And  agin  I  shivered  in  the  frigid  air  and  sez: 

"  You  guaranteed  we  wouldn't  be  torn  up  here  over 
three  days,  and  it  wuz  four  weeks  yesterday. " 

"  That  is  because  I  have  took  such  extra  precautions 
to  have  it  perfectly  noiseless.  Never,"  sez  he  impres 
sively,  "  from  one  year's  end  to  the  other  will  you  ever 
hear  a  sound  from  that  apparatus,  not  the  least  murmur 
or  echo  of  a  sound." 

"  Well,  I  hope  not,"  sez  I,  "  and  I  hope  to  gracious  it 
will  be  finished  some  time,  for  I'm  most  freezin'  and 
Josiah  is  takin'  cold,  as  I  can  see." 

"  No  I  hain't  nuther,"  sez  Josiah,  his  voice  soundin' 
real  wheezy  and  husky  out  from  under  his  heavy  wool 
comforter. 

Sez  I,  "  You  be  cold,  Josiah  Allen,  your  nose  is  blue 
this  minute. ' ' 

"  Well,  what  if  it  is!  I  always  liked  that  color  any 
way,  I'd  ruther  have  it  blue  that  red  as  madder,"  sez 
he  glancin'  at  my  most  prominent  feature. 

Sez  I,  "  It  is  the  bitter  cold  that  has  turned  our  noses, 
Josiah  Allen,  and  when  is  it  go  in'  to  end?  ' 


40  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

"  It  is  going  to  end  to-morrow  mornin ',  at  seven  A.M. 
we  start  the  fire,  and  then/'  sez  he  proudly,  "  I  will  set 
down  in  perfect  summer  heat,  calm  and  happy,  and  you, 
too."  For  I  spoze  my  oncomplainin '  misery  appealed  to 
his  latent  manhood,  and  it  had  been  latent  in  him  for 
some  time.  But  he  wuz  driv  most  beyend  his  strength, 
and  the  cold  wuz  almost  Klondikey,  I  could  make  allow 
ance  for  him.  Well,  the  next  day  passed,  and  the  next 
and  the  next,  and  finally,  jest  four  weeks  and  four  days 
after  he  had  guaranteed  to  have  it  finished,  Jabez  hautily 
announced,  and  Josiah  proudly  proclaimed,  a  fire  could 
be  started.  Karen  wanted  to  be  with  us  in  the  first  trial 
of  the  heat,  so  she  appeared  on  the  seen,  so  triumphant 
and  overjoyed  it  fairly  made  her  worn  haggard  face  look 
considerable  brighter. 

Eosy  had  come  to  spend  the  day  and  stay  all  night, 
invited  by  Karen  to  witness  her  son's  triumph.  But  I 
onbeknown  to  anybody,  feelin'  I  needed  a  strong  arm 
and  cool  brain  to  depend  on,  had  beset  Royal  Nelson  to 
come  and  stand  by  me  that  day  and  night,  I  didn't  say 
Eosy  wuz  to  be  there  for  fear  he  wouldn't  come,  for  I 
could  see  by  his  white  cheeks  and  sad,  yet  cool  lookin' 
eyes,  that  he'd  about  gin  her  up.  He  said  to  once  that 
he  would  come,  and  his  sad  eyes  kinder  laughed  as  he 
added,  "  I  will  stand  by  you  in  your  affliction." 

Well,  Jabez,  with  his  face  gay  and  joyous  and  his 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  41 

tongue  wagging  weighted  down  with  big,  boastful  words, 
headed  the  procession  down  suller;  Josiah  and  Ury  filled 
up  the  furnace  and  built  the  fire,  Jabez  seemin'ly  willin' 
they  should  do  the  work,  he's  so  lazy.  Rosy,  Karen  and 
I  remained  upstairs,  Philury  and  I  tryin'  to  mop  and 
sweep  up  some  of  the  dirt,  and  before  long  I  hearn  a 
buggy  drive  up,  and  see  it  wuz  Royal  Nelson,  and  in  a 
few  minutes  he  come  in  lookin '  solid  and  reliable  as  ever. 

Well,  the  upper  tank  had  been  filled,  and  at  the  wel 
come  news  the  fire  wuz  beginnin'  to  burn  bright  we  all 
went  upstairs  watchin'  to  see  the  grateful  heat  come  up, 
and  some  of  our  hands  wuz  on  the  pipes  every  minute, 
when  a  low  hollow  rumblin'  wuz  hearn  down  in  the  sul 
ler,  growin'  louder  and  louder  every  minute  till  it  got  to 
be  perfectly  terrific,  and  Jabez  run  down  there,  his  coat 
tails  almost  layin'  level  in  his  haste,  and  Josiah  most 
fallin'  over  him,  and  Royal  follerin'  on  more  tranquil 
lookin7  but  excited  all  through  I  could  see. 

Ury  stayed  by  us  a  spell,  but  as  the  deep  hollow  noise 
strengthened  to  a  loud  roar,  accompanied  by  a  strange 
rushin',  gurglin'  sound,  comin'  nearer  and  nearer,  he 
seized  Philury  by  the  arm  and  rushed  her  outdoors 
through  the  snow,  not  stoppin'  till  they  got  to  the  barn, 
then  he  leggo  of  her  and  stood  in  the  barn  door  to  recon- 
noiter.  It  wuz  a  awful  and  skairful  seen.  I  couldn't 
blame  Ury,  but  like  Sara  of  old,  I  felt  that  I  must  stay 


42  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

by  my  stuff,  and  Rosy  and  Karen  hung  to  each  other, 
and  both  hung  onto  me,  all  on  us  tremblin'  like  three 
popple  leaves. 

Finally,  jest  as  the  three  men  come  hurryin'  back  into 
the  room  to  rescue  or  die  with  us  I  spoze,  the  boilin' 
water  gin  a  louder,  angrier  roar,  and  riz  up  out  of  the 
tank  three  feet  into  the  air  and  poured  and  steamed  and 
deluged  all  over  the  floor.  Well  wuz  it  I  took  up  the  car 
pet.  But  Josiah  Allen,  to  prove  he  feared  no  danger, 
had  insisted  on  leavin'  the  dressin'  gown  he  worshipped 
hangin'  up  in  the  clothes  press  where  the  tank  wuz. 
Alas!  alas!  as  he  brung  it  out  drippin'  and  steamin'  from 
the  fiery  bath,  where  wuz  the  once  gay  colors?  Them 
tossels  and  red  palm  leaves  on  yeller  ground  that  had 
so  lately  been  the  light  of  his  eyes  and  desire  of  his 
heart?  Who  could  tell  which  wuz  palm  leaves  and  which 
wuz  yeller  ground?  And  as  for  the  red  tossels,  their 
glory  had  departed  forever.  Josiah  groaned  aloud  as  he 
bore  it  out  leavin'  a  watery  wake  of  red  and  yeller  all 
the  way  to  the  kitchen,  where  I  follered  him  and  told 
him,  so  strong  is  woman's  love  in  the  hour  of  trouble, 
"  Dear  Josiah,  I  am  sorry  for  you,  but  I  told  you  jest 
how  it  would  be." 

He  dashed  it  onto  the  floor  and  hollered  out,  ' '  You 
didn't  tell  me  nothin'  about  it!  you  never  said  the  word 
dressin '  gown!  and  I'd  like  to  know  what  you're  sorry 
about,  it  is  nothin',  only  a  valve  has  bust  or  sunthin'." 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  43 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  sadly,  "  I  guess  it  is  a  sunthin'."  Here 
he  kicked  aginst  the  suller  door  so  hard  one  of  the  panels 
has  been  shaky  to  this  day,  and  mn  down  there,  Ja,bez 
follerin'  him,  while  I  seized  a  dipper  and  a  twelve  quart 
pail  and  hurried  up  to  the  flooded  deestrick,  which  we 
commenced  to  bail  out  like  a  sinkin'  boat,  Royal,  Karen 
and  Rosy  helpin'  me,  and  Ury  havin'  his  first  fears 
squenched  by  the  overflow  of  water  (which  he  expected 
he  said  would  blow  off  the  hull  ruff  and  top  story  of  the 
house),  he  and  Philury  laid  to  and  helped. 


CHAPTEE   III 

ELL,  Jabez  said  it  wuz  the  sudden  change 
from  cold  to  hot  water  that  had  caused  the 
overflow,  so  we  put  the  biler  on  the  kitchen 
stove  and  the  caldron  kettle  in  the  wood- 
house,  and  het  water  bilin'  hot  and  filled  the  empty  tank, 
Josiah  groanin'  loud  as  he  lugged  it  up  and  sayin'  when 
he  thought  I  didn't  hear  him,  "  Oh,  gracious  Heavens!  is 
this  two  pails  a  year?  ' 

Then  we  all  gathered  in  the  front  chamber  agin 
watchin'  events  to  come,  Jabez  boastin'  louder  than  ever 
how  like  a  charm  it  would  work,  and  Karen  opholdin' 
him.  But  Josiah  looked  anxious  as  I  could  see.  When 
agin  that  loud  angry  roar  begun  in  the  suller,  and  agin 
Ury  ketched  Philury  round  the  waist,  for  she  wanted  to 
stand  her  ground,  but  he  yanked  her  down  stairs  and  half 
way  acrost  the  back  yard.  He  loves  her  dearly  and 
thinks  it  a  man's  place  to  protect  his  pardner.  He  didn't 
go  so  fur  this  time,  but  had  almost  onbeknown  to  himself 
sought  safety  for  his  dear  Philury  in  flight. 

Agin  Jabez  and  Josiah  and  Royal  rushed  down  suller. 
The  dretful  roar  ended  in  a  higher  more  steaminer  vol 
ume  of  water  than  before,  agin  we  laid  to  and  bailed  it 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  45 

out,  our  ranks  bein '  reinforced  anon  by  the  returnin '  Ury 
and  Philury,  and  anon  furder  by  Josiah,  Royal,  and 
Jabez.  Jabez  didn't  boast  quite  so  loud  now,  and  I  wuz 
glad  to  see  that  Rosy  kinder  cuddled  up  closter  to  Royal 
as  she  wielded  the  dipper,  as  if  she  thought  him  a  refuge 
in  time  of  storm. 

Well,  from  that  time,  about  three  in  the  afternoon,  till 
ten  P.M.  the  programmy  wuz  stidy  over  and  over.  Fillin ' 
the  tank,  low  snortin'  and  rushin'  of  the  waters  up  and 
down,  chasin'  along  the  pipes  in  every  room,  hammerin', 
kicking  shooting  like  enraged  artillery,  at  last  thundering 
like  the  most  skairful  clap  of  thunder  and  then  with  a 
fearful  roar  the  volume  of  water  would  mount  up  and 
pour  into  the  spare  room  and  drizzle  down  into  the  settin' 
room  below,  takin'  off  the  plasterin'  in  spite  of  our  very 
best  efforts  to  bail  it  out.  Over  and  over  agin  wuz  the 
wearisome  and  soul  tuckerin'  job  carried  out,  varied 
every  time  by  Ury  ketchin'  Philury  and  fleein'  with  her, 
but  the  distance  shortened  every  time,  till  at  last  he  fled 
with  her  no  furder  than  the  top  of  the  kitchen  stairs. 
Karen's  horrow  struck,  mortified  looks  Jabez 'es  entire 
absence  of  boastin',  which  in  itself  wuz  dog  queer,  and 
Rosy's  instinctive  turning  to  Royal  for  protection,  which 
wuz  gladly  granted. 

Over  and  over  the  seen  wuz  enacted,  Jabez  every  time 
turnin'  some  screw  or  valve  or  sun  thin'  and  prophesyin' 


46  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

every  time  it  would  go  right  the  next  time,  but  said  it 
with  feathers  droopin ',  so  to  speak,  more  humble  like  and 
doubtful.  My  poor  pardner  as  he  lugged  up  two  heavy 
pails  of  water  at  half-past  nine  P.M.,  I  hearn  him  say: 

11  Oh,  gracious,  Peter!  is  this  two  pails  a  year?  This 
makes  more'n  a  hundred  pails  I've  carried  up  to-night 
myself  besides  Ury's  and  Jabezs'es*."  It  wuzn't  so,  he 
hadn't  carried  up  more'n  thirty  or  forty  twelve  quart 
pails.  But  yet  I  pitied  him.  Well,  that  also  thundered 
and  deluged  and  guyzered  out  onto  the  floor  accompanied 
by  the  drips  and  drizzles  into  the  settin'  room,  Ury's 
flight  with  Philury,  Karen's  mourns,  and  Josiah's 
groans,  for  he  had  lost  his  pride  and  openly  groaned  and 
jawed  at  Jabez  and  sez  to  him: 

"  You  dum  fool  you!  you  don't  know  beans  from  a 
broom  stick !  I  wouldn  't  trust  you  to  make  splinters  to  do 
up  a  dog's  leg!  '  And  Jabez  jawed  back  again,  and 
Josiah  sez,  "  I'll  make  you  pay  heavy  damages  for  this 
job,  and  I've  as  good  a  mind  as  I  ever  had  to  eat,  to  give 
you  a  good  floggin'  with  a  rawhide."  And  as  he  grew 
madder  and  madder  he  went  on: 

"  This  is  your  perfectly  noiseless  apparatus  is  it?  ' 
sez  he  pintin'  down  towards  the  thunderin'  roar,  "  this  is 
your  summer  heat,  hain't  it?  "  pintin'  to  the  shiverin' 
crowd.     "  This  is  your  freedom  from  labor-two-pails-a- 
year  job!  one  hundred  pails  of  water  have  I  lugged  up- 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  47 

stairs  to-night  if  I  have  a  pint!  Now/'  sez  he,  makin' 
towards  him,  "  do  you  start  out  of  this  house  before  I 
fall  on  you  and  rend  you."  Karen  screamed  and  rushed 
between  'em  and  fell  onto  Jabez  and  dragged  him  off 
with  her,  he  seemin'  glad  to  go. 

Well,  we  let  the  fire  go  down  as  low  as  we  could  without 
goin'  out,  and  went  to  bed  shiverin'and  half  froze,  but  with 
soap  stuns  and  hot-water  bags  we  made  out  to  git  through 
the  night.  In  the  mornin'  a  sorry  seen  greeted  us,  cold 
ness,  discomfort,  broken  plasterin'  and  dirt,  and  no  pros 
pect  to  all  appearance  of  havin'  any  better  times.  The 
only  gleam  of  light  I  could  see  in  the  hull  prospect  wuz 
that  Josiah  in  his  excitement  and  wretchedness  had  seem- 
in 'ly  forgot  that  he'd  ever  mentioned  the  Exposition  of 
St.  Josiah. 

Well,  right  after  breakfast  Karen  come  over  lookin' 
as  if  she  hadn't  slep'  a  wink  and  sez  she,  "  Jabez  lay 
awake  all  night  studyin'  on  it  and  he  knows  now  where 
he  made  the  mistake,  he  pinted  one  small  lead  pipe  up 
where  it  ort  to  been  pinted  down,  he  can  make  it  all  right 
in  an  hour. ' ' 

Well,  Josiah,  so  sure  it  is  that  the  hottest  love  soonest 
cools,  vowed  that  Jabez  should  never  step  his  foot  into 
the  house  agin.  And  I  wuz  glad  enough  to  see  that  Rosy 
agreed  with  him. 

But  I  wuz  naterally  made  more  megum,  and  thought, 


48  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

any  port  in  a  storm,  and  a  hour  won't  be  much  anyway. 
If  we've  stood  all  this  dirt  and  confusion  for  five  weeks 
we  could  stand  it  a  hour  longer. 

"  Well,"  sez  Josiah,  "  I  shall  go  into  the  woods  for  a 
jag  of  maple,  I  won't  see  him,  I  dassent,  for  I  should  fall 
on  him  and  destroy  him  if  I  did. ' ' 

So  he  went  after  a  load  of  maple  wood  and  Jabez  come 
and  tinkered  and  hammered  and  pounded  and  then  say- 
in'  with  some  of  his  pride  returned  into  his  port: 

' '  It  will  go  now  like  clock  work. ' ' 

He  filled  the  tank  and  lit  the  fire  agin  with  Ury's  help. 
But  I  wuz  glad  enough  that  Josiah  wuz  absent,  for  this 
time  the  noise  wuz  so  skairful  that  when  Ury  ketched 
Philury  round  the  waist  and  absconded  with  her,  he 
didn't  stop  till  they  had  ploughed  through  the  snow  clear 
past  the  old  hen  house. 

I,  too,  ketched  Eosy  by  the  arm  and  run  and  stumbled 
along  most  to  the  barn  before  I  remembered  myself  and 
regained  my  faculties,  so  to  speak,  it  wuz  so  turrible  this 
time  the  loud,  angry,  roarin',  hissin'  noise. 

Karen  nobly  stood  by  Jabez,  who  I  must  say  stood  by 
his  job  in  that  respect,  but  I  guess  they  went  out  into  the 
hall,  I  thought  I  ketched  a  glimpse  of  'em,  as  I  havin' 
regained  my  faculty,  run  in.  We  got  in  jest  after  the 
deluge  poured  out  agin,  higher,  louder  and  more  steam- 
iner  than  ever,  and  when  what  few  scraps  of  plaster  re- 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          49 

mained  on  the  settin'  room  had  fell  victims  to  the  bilin' 
flood.  Well,  we  let  the  fire  go  down  agin  and  cowered 
over  the  kitchen  stove  that  day,  and  agin  went  shiverin' 
to  bed.  That  night  the  weather  moderated,  and  with  a 
low  fire  in  the  furnace,  and  the  heat  from  the  kitchen 
stove,  we  kep'  middlin'  warm.  We  cleaned  up  the  plas 
ter,  mopped  the  floor  and  wuz  comparitively  comfort 
able  for  three  days.  The  fourth  night  the  fire  in  the 
furnace  riz  up  onbeknown  to  us  in  the  night,  and  the 
first  we  knew  we  wuz  waked  up  by  what  we  thought  a 
loud  clap  of  thunder  overhead,  accompanied  by  a  loud 
roar,  and  shakin'  of  the  walls,  and  Josiah  started  up  in 
bed  and  sez,  "  Is  the  house  struck,  Samantha!  "  Who 
ever  heard  of  thunder  at  this  time  of  year?  Or  is  it  a 
earthquake?  ' 

But  I  gittin'  holt  of  my  conscientiousness  quicker  than 
he  did,  sez,  "  Josiah  Allen,  it  is  that  heatin'  apparatus." 
And  to  confirm  my  words  we  hearn  the  angry  loud  roar 
and  the  water  splurgin'  out  over  our  heads  and  drizzlin' 
down  through  the  laths  in  the  next  room.  Even  as  I 
spoke  Eosy  come  down  stairs  in  her  pretty  pink  wrapper, 
and  sez  she  half  asleep,  but  wholly  afraid,  "  Oh,  Aunt 
Samantha,  I  do  wish  Royal  was  here!  what  a  fearful 
time!  "  sez  she. 

And  if  you'll  believe  it,  so  onselfish  is  a  woman's 
heart,  even  in  the  midst  of  her  deepest  tribulations,  and 


50          Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

so  kinder  sentimental,  her  words  sent  a  faint  ray  of  joy 
over  my  heart,  some  like  the  pale  light  of  a  star  shinin' 
out  over  a  wild  western  tornado.  But  before  I  could 
reply  Ury  come  runnin'  diown  stairs  holdin'  Philury, 
faithful  critter  that  he  wuz,  and  Josiah  yelled  at  him: 
"  Do  you  go  over  to  Kellup  Wind's  and  bring  that  cussed 
fool  over  here,  and  if  he  don't  take  out  that  invention  of 
his  under  ten  minutes  I  will  have  the  law  on  him,  and 
whip  him  within  an  inch  of  his  life!  ' 

It  wuz  half-past  three  and  we  all  got  up,  and  I  got 
breakfast  by  lamp  light.  Ury  come  back  and  said  Jabez 
had  been  studyin'  for  the  hull  of  the  last  three  days  and 
said  he  wuz  absolutely  sure  now  he  knew  what  ailed  it, 
it  wuz  the  little  piece  of  pipe  that  led  to  the  tank,  it  wuz 
set  in  the  wrong  place,  it  would  take  about  twenty  min 
utes  to  fix  it  so  it  would  be  entirely  right.  Josiah  hol 
lered  out,  "  Be  we  goin'  to  be  used  by  that  dum  fool  to 
try  his  experiments  on?  Let  him  take  it  out  or  I  will 
take  it  out  and  throw  it  at  him!  ' 

But  Karen  had  writ  a  note  to  me,  pleadin'  with  me 
as  a  sister  in  the  meetin'  house,  to  let  Jabez  have  this  sole 
chance,  and  I  showed  this  note  to  Josiah  and  sez,  "  For 
Karen's  sake  mebby  we'd  better  let  him  try  it." 

"  For  Karen's  sake!  "  he  yelled  out,  "  why  should  we 
pompey  her?  It  is  all  her  fault.  What  did  she  let  him 
live  for  when  he  wuz  a  babe?  She  is  to  the  bottom  of  it, 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  51 

if  it  hadn't  been  for  her  lettin'  him  live  we  shouldn't 
be  in  this  state,  up  at  midnight,  hungry  as  bears,  cold 
as  frogs,  and  our  house  a  wreck  I  ' 

But  how  true  it  is  the  noisest  grief  is  soonest  squenched. 
At  last  he  gin  in  and  Jabez  attacked  it  agin,  and  tink 
ered  and  puttered  at  it  all  day,  I  watchin'  Josiah  clost 
for  fear  he  would  surround  Jabez  and  fall  on  him  and 
demolish  him  in  his  anger.  But  all  the  difference  his 
work  made  it  seemed  as  if  the  noise  wuz  a  little  louder 
and  the  flood  more  tumultious  and  rushin'  if  it  could  be 
tumultiouser  and  rushiner.  And  by  my  advice  Jabez 
fled  out  of  the  suller  door  and  streaked  it  for  home  cross 
lots,  for  I  feared  that  my  beloved  pardner  might  be  led 
by  his  righteous  wrath,  even  into  salt  and  buttery. 

Jest  as  Jabez  streaked  it  home,  I  watchin'  him  from 
the  buttery  window  and  also  keepin'  my  pardner  at 
bey  in  the  milk  room,  I  see  a  buggy  drive  into  the  yard, 
and  wuz  I  not  glad  to  see  the  manly  form  and  calm  quiet 
face  of  Eoyal  Nelson.  After  he  drove  his  handsome  span 
of  grays  into  the  horse  barn  he  come  in  and  I  see  his 
linement  looked  considerable  brighter  and  happier, 
brightenin'  still  more  as  he  met  Rosy's  sweet  smiles  and 
cordial  words. 

She  wuz  sick  of  Jabez,  sick  as  lobely  could  make  her. 
And  her  old  love  and  leanin'  on  Royal  Nelson  had  come 
back  in  full  force.  Her  fancy  for  Jabez  had  been  light 


52  Samantlia  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

and  transitory  as  his  sir-name.  And  as  I  see  their  happy 
means  as  they  met,  I  felt  that  even  the  wreck  and  ruin 
about  us  wuz  mebby  not  too  dear  a  price  to  pay  for  their 
future  happiness.  The  first  thing  Eoyal  and  Ury  did, 
Josiah  helpin'  'em,  wuz  to  take  out  the  furnace  and 
pipes,  the  hull  caboodle  on  'em,  and  then  went  over  to 
Jonesville  and  bought  a  new  furnace  and  got  a  good 
responsible  man  to  put  it  in  that  very  day.  They  tele 
phoned  to  that  hardware  man  to  Zoar  to  come  and  take 
away  the  remains  of  that  invention,  and  how  he  settled 
with  Jabez  I  never  knew,  for  Karen  hushed  it  up,  but  I 
know  there  is  a  coldness  between  'em  and  they  don't 
speak. 

Well,  the  places  all  bein'  made  in  the  walls,  and  this 
man  bein'  a  good  workman,  who  had  learnt  his  trade, that 
night  about  eight  P.M.  the  hull  job  wuz  done,  and  still 
ness  and  genial  warmth  made  the  place  seem  almost  like 
Heaven  compared  to  what  it  had  been.  The  next  day 
a  man  come  and  plastered  overhead,  Ury  and  Philury 
helped  clean  the  floors  and  put  down  the  carpets,  and 
in  three  day's  time  everything  wuz  happy  and  calm  and 
quiet,  and  Josiah  wuz  beginnin'  to  recover  from  the 
effects  of  too  voylent  wrath  upon  his  nerve. 

Our  noses  had  regained  their  natural  color,  and  on  the 
third  day  Eosy  with  a  last  warm  kiss  and  sweet  smile 
on  me  and  visey  versey  went  home,  Koyal  carryin'  her 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          53 

in  his  new  covered  buggy,  drawed  by  them  two  handsome 
gray  horses.  They  wuz  engaged,  and  their  plans  all 
made,  they  wuz  to  be  married  in  the  summer  and  go  to 
the  St.  Louis  Exposition  on  their  weddin'  tower. 

And  I  thought,  as  I  see  'em  drive  off,  happy  as  a  king 
and  queen  in  the  bright  moonlight,  how  true  it  is  our 
brightest  joys  often  come  through  darkest  tribulations. 
Rosy's  and  Royal's  happiness  wuz  enough  in  itself  to 
pay  me  abundantly  for  my  tribulations.  And  then  my 
settin'  room  new  plastered  and  Josiah  would  never  con 
sented  to  tear  it  off,  and  it  wuz  lumpy  and  streaked  and 
broken,  and  here  it  wuz  new  plastered  over  smooth  as 
glass. 

Oh!  thinkses  I  how  thankful  I  ort  to  be  and  how  I  ort 
to  forgit  the  troubles  of  the  night  in  the  joys  of  the 
mornin'. 

And  crownin'  blessin'  of  all  Josiah  had  seemin'ly  for 
got  all  about  the  Exposition  of  Josiah  Allen.  He  hadn't 
mentioned  it  for  days  and  the  children  and  I  wuz  full 
of  hope,  it  wuz  broke  up.  But,  alas!  in  this  world  how 
little  you  can  tell  what  is  broke  and  what  hain't. 

And  the  news  Josiah  brung  home,  what  comfort  there 
wuz  in  the  thought— I  like  Karen  and  felt  to  rejoice  with 
her.  It  seemed  that  Luman  Heath,  not  havin'  heard  of 
our  afflictions,  had  let  Jabez  go  on  with  his  work  the  very 
next  day  after  he  finished  here.  And  the  Perpetually 


54  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Gushing  Hot  Water  Tank  wuz  the  death  blow  to  Jabez 
Wind's  inventive  ambition,  and  alas!  proved  almost  the 
death  blow  to  Luman  Heath's  beloved  ones,  the  hull  fam 
ily  circle  on  'em. 

He  attached  it  to  the  kitchen  stove,  which  wuz  a  per 
fect  steamer  to  burn  and  heat  up.  And  fixed  it  so  that 
instead  of  the  hot  water  goin'  acrost  the  room  to  the  kit 
chen  sink  as  he  meant  to  have  it,  it  jest  squirted  right  up 
into  the  air  bilin'  hot,  so  they  had  a  perfect  fiery  geyser 
there  in  their  kitchen.  Jabez  run  for  his  life,  it  had  hit 
him  in  the  face. 

They  wuz  Methodist  folks  with  lots  of  children  well 
brung  up  and  they  never  thought  of  havin'  such  doin's 
in  their  house,  but  the  bilin'  crater  pourin'  down  hot 
water  come  so  sudden  and  onexpected  onto  'em  that  three 
of  the  little  children  wuz  scalded  most  to-death  as  they 
sot  on  the  floor  readin'  Bunyan's  "  Pilgrim's  Progress." 
And  Luman,  bald-headed,  too,  the  fiery  flood  descended 
onto  him  while  he  wuz  tryin'  to  bear  his  wife,  who  fell 
into  hystericks,  into  the  settin'  room,  he  wuz  hit  on  top 
by  the  bilin'  torrent  and  blistered  right  on  his  bare  head 
as  big  as  your  hand. 

He  laid  his  wife  down  half  faintin',  told  the  screamin' 
children  to  look  out  for  her  and  keep  out  of  the  kitchen, 
hollered  for  the  hired  man  to  go  after  a  doctor,  and  fell 
back  into  a  kind  of  spazzum.  He  bein'  a  good  man  who 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          55 

wouldn't  swear,  or  rare  round  kep  in  his  feelin's  more. 
The  children  got  over  it  before  he  did,  bad  as  they  wuz 
scalded,  they  screamed  and  yelled  and  let  off  considerable 
steam  that  way.  But  he  wuz  bed  sick  for  weeks  holdin' 
onto  his  wrath  and  bein'  too  good  to  jaw  and  kick  Jabez, 
the  doctor  said  made  it  worse  than  if  he  had  kicked  some. 

But  to  resoom  backwards.  The  hired  girl  wuz  the  cool 
est  of  any  of  'em,  she  went  into  the  kitchen  with  a  water 
proof  and  umbrella,  and  tried  to  turn  the  nozzle  of  the 
Perpetual  Gushing  Hot  Water  Tank  out-doors,  and  havin' 
to  use  both  hands,  and  bein'  smart  and  quick  witted,  she 
put  the  coal  scuttle  on  bottom  side  up,  and  though  blinded 
by  it  and  some  scalded,  she  made  out  to  turn  the  fury 
of  it  out  through  the  kitchen  winder  where  it  steamed 
and  squirted  and  poured  out  bilin'  water  onto  the  flower 
beds  and  acrost  'em  into  the  road,  scaldin'  passers  by, 
and  bein'  a  perfect  horrow  and  mystery  to  'em.  It  wuz 
big  and  powerful,  there  hain't  no  doubt  of  that. 

Well,  owin'  to  the  hired  girl's  courage,  by  the  time  the 
doctor  got  there  the  tank  wuz  emptied,  and  the  torrent 
had  subsided  into  a  drizzle.  Luman  Heath  didn't  prose 
cute  Jabez,  bein'  such  a  good  man,  and  how  I  honor  him 
for  it,  how  I  honor  him  for  not  actin'  and  swearin'.  The 
doctor  may  say  what  he  wants  to,  he  wuz  noble  to  bear  it 
as  he  did.  I  have  seen  kickin'  and  actin'  in  times  of 
trial,  and  how  I  honor  a  man  who  can  refrain,  and  he 
got  well  as  quick,  I  believe,  as  though  he  had  acted. 


56          Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

But  as  I  wuz  sayin'  the  greatest  relief  that  come  to 
the  community  from  our  trials  wuz  as  follers.  Take  it 
with  his  doin's  at  our  house  and  Luman  Heath's,  Jabez 
Wind  had  evidently  had  enough  of  inventions.  He  hired 
out  for  a  year  the  very  next  day  after  the  eppisode,  to 
work  for  twenty  dollars  a  month  on  a  farm,  house  rent, 
wood,  and  cow  furnished.  Kellup  Wind  is  goin'  to  live 
with  a  daughter,  and  Karen  is  blissful  at  thought  of 
keepin'  house  for  Jabez.  Good  creeter!  I  hope  she  will 
have  a  little  rest  now.  I  said  I  meant  to  go  and  see  her 
jest  as  soon  as  she  wuz  settled. 

Well,  for  two  days  my  feelin's  of  joy  and  thankfulness 
wuz  onclouded.  But  alas,  poor  mortals!  that  plant  the 
flowers  of  their  happiness  on  earthly  sile,  they  must  see 
'em  wither  before  their  £ace  and  eyes  anon  or  oftener 
like  Jonah's  gourd. 

The  third  day,  whilst  I  wuz  settin'  happy  and  calm  in 
my  frame  in  my  warm  peaceful  settin'  room  often  liftin' 
my  eyes  contentedly  to  the  satin  smooth  ceilin '. 

What  wuz  my  emotions  of  grief  and  borrow  to  see 
Josiah  rise  up,  haul  out  his  tin  trunk  where  he'd  care- 
fuly  stored  away  the  plans  of  the  St.  Josiah  Exposition, 
and  go  to  studyin'  'em  agin  with  renewed  vigor,  savin': 

"  I  hope  to  gracious  I  can  have  my  mind  clear  now  to 
go  on  and  plan  my  Exposition;  this  dum  work  has  set 
me  back  turribly." 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          57 

I  let  my  work  fall  into  my  lap  and  gin  vent  to  some 
sithes,  so  deep  they  wuz  almost  groans,  whilst  the  bitter 
waters  of  disappintment  trickled  over  my  hopes  and 
drownded  'em  out.  Had  I  got  to  go  through  another  siege 
of  argument  and  persuasion  and  extra  vittles?  Could 
my  too  hard  worked  oratory  hold  out,  and  also  my  pro 
visions? 

I  see  the  children  next  day  and  told  'em  how  it  wuz, 
that  their  Pa  seemed  more  sot  on  his  plan  than  ever, 
and  talked  more  excited  and  earnest  about  it  than 
I  had  ever  seen  him.  For  it  did  seem  as  if  his 
deep  ambitions  dammed  up  for  a  time  by  furnaces  and 
Jabezeses"  had  broke  loose  into  a  wider,  deeper  current 
than  ever.  He  talked  incessantly  about  it  day  and 
night,  laid  on  his  plans,  and  reached  out  onto  new 
ones. 

The  children  sez  to  me  agin:  "  Mother,  it  must  be 
stopped  at  all  hazards !  ' 

And  agin  I  wep',  and  sez  to  'em:  "  How  can  it  be 
stopped?  " 

Tirzah  Ann  looked  completely  squelched  and  could  do 
nothin'  only  weakly  ask:  "  If  I  spozed  I  could  git  him  to 
play  on  a  accordeon,  she  kinder  thought  that  some  time 
she'd  hearn  of  some  man,  somewhere  havin'  his  mind 
soothed  by  one." 

"  Accordeon!  "  sez  I.     "  You  couldn't  git  his  mind 


58  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

offen  that  plan  if  you  gin  him  one  of  the  golden  harps 
we  read  about." 

Tirzah  Ann  subsided,  only  sayin':  "  We  would  all  be 
the  town's  talk,  and  it  would  probable  kill  her  with  mor 
tification." 

Thomas  J.  sot  still  with  his  brow  knit  in  deep  thought 
and  sez  "  I  will  try  one  thing  more." 

I  never  knew  exactly  how  Thomas  J.  worked  it,  or  what 
he  paid  'em,  but  I  know  that  a  day  or  two  after,  the  prices 
them  livin'  statutes  asked  Josiah  for  bein'  whitewashed, 
wuz  sun  thin7  perfectly  exorbitant,  and  so  with  the  Pow 
ers  and  the  Peaceful  Inventors.  He  never  could  stood  it 
with  his  closeness. 

Thomas  J.  didn't  appear  outwardly,  but  wuz  the  power 
behind  the  thrones,  so  I  spoze.  "When  Josiah  wuz  taxed 
with  these  fearful  expenses  (they  writ  it  in  letters  to 
him)  his  plan  tottled  ready  to  fall.  And  of  course  I 
stood  ready  and  follered  it  up  with  eloquent  arguments, 
tenderness  and  the  very  best  of  vittles.  Neither  on  'em 
could  carried  the  day  alone,  but  all  together  conquered. 
He  gin  in.  The  plan  tottered  over  and  fell  onto  him, 
and  my  pardner,  to  continue  the  metafor,  lay  under  the 
ruins  as  squshed  and  mute  as  if  he  wuz  never  goin'  to  git 
up  agin. 

But  when  his  wild  emotions  of  ambition  and  vanity 
and  display  wuz  all  broke  up  a  settled  melancholy  hov- 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          59 

ered  down  onto  him  and  draped  him  like  a  black  mantilly. 
He  seemed  all  onstrung,  and  all  my  efforts  to  string  him 
up  agin  seemed  vain. 

I  strove  to  hide  my  apprehensions  under  a  holler  veil 
of  calmness  and  even  hilarity;  I  give  him  catnip  with  a 
smile  on  my  lip  but  deep  forebodin'  in  my  mind,  and  the 
same  with  thoroughwert.  But  catnip  didn't  nip  his  am 
bition  and  thoroughwort  wuzn't  thorough  enough  to 
restore  his  cheerfulness. 

I  encouraged  him  to  go  to  the  lake  fishin '  with  Deacon 
Henzy,  though  Pd  suffered  more  than  I  had  ever  told 
from  similar  occasions.  Deacon  Henzy  loves  hard  cider 
and  keeps  a  kag  on  tap  durin'  the  summer,  he  sez  it  is 
for  his  liver,  but  liver  or  no  liver  it  hain't  right. 

I  hain't  goin'  to  make  no  insinuations  about  their  do- 
in 's  though  sister  Henzy  has  approached  me  on  the  sub 
ject  time  and  agin,  she  hain't  so  clost  mouthed  as  I  am. 
But  I  will  merely  say  that  when  they  got  back  their  two 
breaths  didn't  smell  as  two  deacon's  breaths  ort  to  smell. 
But  I  didn't  say  nothin'  about  it  outside  and  shan't,  I 
use  tack.  I  spoke  on't  to  Josiah  at  the  time,  yes  indeed 
I  beam  the  call  of  Duty  and  obeyed. 

But  as  I  wuz  savin',  though  it  trompled  on  all  my  feel- 
in's  and  forebodin's  I  urged  'em  to  go  agin  and  they  went. 
And  I  shan't  tell  how  their  breaths  smelt  when  they  got 
back— it  hain't  best,  only  simply  sayin'  that  Josiah  took 


60          Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

an  empty  pint  fruit  can  with  him  that  mornin'  when  he 
went  over  to  the  Deacon's  to  start,  and  I  never  inquired 
what  he  took  it  for,  so  fur  will  a  female  let  even  her 
principles  be  outraged  when  the  life  of  her  beloved  com 
panion  is  at  the  stake— I  tried  to  think  he  wuz  go  in'  to 
take  milk  in  it. 

But  the  small  string  of  tiny  fish  wuz  all  he  ketched  out 
of  the  deep  waters,  he  didn't  ketch  any  cheerfulness  or 
happiness  for  himself  or  me,  only  disappintment  and 
shagrin  for  I  felt  if  I  didn't  use  all  my  tack  mebby  the 
meetin'  house  would  try  to  set  down  on  him.  Two  dea 
cons!  the  very  idee  on't! 

But  I  kep'  mum  and  dressed  the  fish  myself  and  fried 
'em  in  butter,  only  hopin'  I  wouldn't  lose  'em  in  the  fry- 
in'  pan,  but  Josiah  didn't  seem  to  relish  'em  no  better 
than  he  would  side  pork,  and  agin  I  felt  baffled,  and  re- 
memberin'  the  fruit  can,  a  element  of  guilt  also  mingled 
with  the  baffle.  Biled  vittles  with  a  bag  puddin'  which 
he  loved  almost  to  idolatry  I  put  before  him  in  vain;  I 
petted  him;  I  called  him  "  dear  Josiah  "  repeatedly;  I 
fairly  pompeyed  him,  but  no  change  could  I  see,  I  felt 
turrible. 

He  still  kep'  a  runnin'  down  and  I  didn't  know  when 
he  would  stop  runnin'  and  I  shuddered  to  think  where 
he  might  run  to.  At  last  in  spite  of  Josiah 's  on  willing 
ness  I  sent  for  Doctor  Bombus.  He  come  and  took  his 
wrist  in  hisen  and  Josiah  sez  kinder  mad  actin': 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          61 

"  What  do  you  want  to  feel  of  my  polt  for?    My  polt 

beats  all  right!  " 

He  looked  at  his  tongue,  Josiah  stickin'  it  out  as  if 
he  wuz  makin'  a  face  at  him.  He  inquired  about  symp 
toms,  all  of  which  Josiah  answered  snappishly,  the  exam 
ination  over,  the  doctor  walked  the  floor  back  and  forth 


with  one  hand  under  his  coat  tail  and  the  other  in  his 
breast  in  deep  thought  and  then  said: 

"  My  diagnosis  denotes  no  diametrical  and  insurmount 
able  difficulties  but  I  would  recommend  a  temporary 
transition  or  in  other  words  a  change  of  climate. " 

"  Change  of  climate!  "  muttered  Josiah,  "  I  guess  any 
body  that  lives  in  this  state  gits  changes  enough,  from 
torrid  to  zero  in  twenty-four  hours  lots  of  times— I'd 
like  to  know  where  you  wintered!  " 


62          Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

1 '  Nevertheless  and  notwithstanding, ' '  sez  Doctor  Bom- 
bus,  blandly  ignoring  Josiah  's  muttering  impatience,  1 1  I 
can  but  recapitulate  my  former  prescription,  a  temporary 
translation  from  surrounding  environment." 

And  he  gathered  up  his  saddle  bags  and  went  out,  bag- 
oning  me  out  into  the  hall  as  he  did  so.  And  then  he 
advised  me  to  take  him  to  the  St.  Louis  Exposition. 

But  I  sez,  "  I  dassent,  I'm  afraid  it  would  open  his 
woonds  afresh,  he  knowed  all  the  circumstances  that  had 
caused  his  sickness.  But  he  wuz  a  Homeopath  and  be 
lieved  in  takin'  the  same  kind  of  medicine  backward  and 
forward  as  it  were,  sunthin'  as  the  poem  runs: 

Tobacco  hie  when  you're  well  will  make  you  sick, 
Tobacco  hie  will  make  you  well  when  you're  sick. 

I  told  him  I  thought  it  wuz  a  hazardous  undertaking 
and  I  hardly  dast,  but  he  informed  me  in  words  more'n 
two  inches  long  that  he  could  do  nothing  more  for  him, 
and  if  I  didn't  f oiler  his  advice  it  would  be  at  my  own 
peril. 


CHAPTER   IV 

FELT  tumble.  What  wuz  I  to  do  to  do 
right?  How  wuz  I  to  handle  this  enormous 
prescription,  St.  Louis  Exposition,  and  give 
it  in  proper  doses  to  the  beloved  patient? 
I  knowed  the  size  of  the  mind  I  had  to  deal  with,  I 
knowed  the  size  of  the  medicine  I  wuz  told  to  deal  out  to 
that  mind. 

Could  it  stand  the  strain?  Could  that  small  citadel 
stand  a  assault  of  such  magnitude  without  crumplin' 
and  crumblin'  right  down?  Dast  I  venter?  And  then 
agin  dast  I  disobey  the  imperative  advice  of  Doctor  Bom- 
bus?  So  I  wuz  tossted  to  and  fro  like  the  waves  of  the 
sea. 

But  one  thing  I  wuz  determined  on,  I  wouldn't  start 
alone  with  him  in  the  state  he  wuz  in,  for  if  he  should 
lose  his  mind  in  that  immense  place  how  could  I  find  it 
with  no  one  to  help  me?  It  would  be  worse  than  lookin' 
for  a  cambric  needle  in  a  hay-mow. 

I  knew  how  the  shafts  of  calumny  and  envy  might  be 
aimed  at  me  by  his  relations,  so  I  would  take  along  one  on 
his  side  to  share  my  responsibility,  so  if  he  did  lose  his 
mind  and  couldn't  find  it  agin,  they  couldn't  find  fault  with 


64 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 


me  and  say  I  hadn't  done 
my  best.  So  I  proposed 
that  his  niece,  Blandina 
Teeter,  should  go  with  us, 
she  is  well  off  and  a  willin' 
creeter. 

Josiah  didn't  seem  to 
care  either  way,  but  lan 
guidly  remarked  that  if  he 
did  go  he  wanted  a  sky 
blue  neck-tie.  That  wuz 
the  first  sign  of  interest 
he  had  took  in  anything, 
and  I  hailed  it  as  a  good 
omen  but  got  the  tie  as 
dark  a  blue  as  I  dast. 

Blandina  Teeter,  for 
merly  Allen,  is  a  widder 
with  a  tall  spindlin'  figger 
pale  complected,  with  big 
light  blue  eyes  that  ruther 
stand  out  of  her  head,  and 
a  tall  peaked  forehead 
with  light  hair  combed  down  smooth  on  both  sides  with 
scalops  made  in  it  by  hand.  She  is  good  natered  to  a 
fault,  you  know  you  can  kill  yourself  on  milk  porridge, 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          65 

and  though  folks  don't  philosophize  on  it  you  can  be  too 
good  to  be  comfortable. 

She  is  a  natural  lover  of  mankind,  no  thin'  light  in  it, 
jest  a  deep  meetin'  house  love.  She  wuz  born  that  way  on- 
beknown  to  her  I  spoze,  and  so  I  d'no  as  I  ort  to  blame 
her  for  her  soft  ways.  I  hadn't  seen  her  for  some  years 
and  had  kinder  forgot  how  soft  and  squshy  she  wuz  in 
her  nater,  and  I  declare  for't  when  I  got  her  and  Josiah 
both  together,  had  marshaled  my  forces,  as  you  may  say 
before  my  mind's  review,  I  didn't  know  how  I  wuz  goin' 
to  git  'em  to  St.  Louis  and  back  agin  hull.  It  did  seem 
to  me  that  if  I  got  through  all  right  with  Josiah,  she  wuz 
that  soft  and  meller  she  would  spile  on  my  hands  anyway. 

But  she  wuz  the  only  one  on  his  side  available  in  the 
position  of  second  chaperone  to  Josiah  and  so  I  took  my 
chances. 

She  had  been  a  widder  some  years;  Teeter  had  used 
her  shameful,  spent  her  property  and  throwed  her  round 
considerable,  but  still  she  kep'  up  her  perennial  love  and 
passionate  adoration  of  man.  And  thinkses  I  it  will  work 
well  anyway  with  her  Uncle  Josiah,  for  lovin'  all  mankind 
as  she  did  from  infancy  to  age,  I  knowed  that  bein'  the 
only  male  in  the  party  she  would  keep  her  eye  on  him. 

Blandina  wuz  more  than  willin'  when  I  explained  mat 
ters  to  her.  She  said  she  felt  that  men  wuz  such  precious 
creeters  that  too  much  care  could  not  be  took  of  'em,  and 


66          Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

that  it  would  give  her  the  greatest  pleasure  to  surround 
her  Uncle  Josiah  with  all  the  care  that  a  most  devoted  af 
fection  could  dictate. 

She's  an  awful  clever  critter,  it  hain't  good  nater  that 
she  lacks.  But  there  is  sunthin'  wantin'  in  her,  I  believe 
it  is  common  sense. 

But  we  sot  out,  I  with  considerable  misgivin'  at  heart, 
but  calm  and  cool  on  the  outside,  clad  as  I  wuz  in  dignity 
and  a  gray  braize  delaine  dress  and  a  bunnet  of  the  same 
color,  I  also  wore  my  costly  cameo  pin  fastened  in  my 
linen  collar.  Some  gray  lisle  thread  gloves  and  a  rich 
Paisley  shawl  completed  my  toot  a  sembly. 

Blandina  had  on  a  soft  yellerish  dress,  I  guess  it  wuz 
lawn  it  looked  most  as  soft  as  she  did,  and  a  hat  that 
kinder  drooped  'round  her  face  trimmed  with  crushed 
strawberry  roses.  She  also  wore  some  open-work  mitts, 
and  a  lace  long  shawl  that  had  been  her  ma's, 

Josiah  had  on  his  pepper  and  salt  costoom,  and  in  my 
partial  eyes  he  wuz  beautiful,  but,  oh,  so  sad,  so  deprested. 
Would  the  gloom  ever  be  lifted  from  his  beloved  lini 
ment!  So  my  heart  questioned  itself  as  we  helped  our 
selves  out  of  the  Democrat,  Ury  tendin'  to  the  trunks. 

It  wuz  a  Monday  mornin',  for  I  felt  that  I  wanted  to 
tackle  this  job  jest  as  I  would  a  three  weeks'  washin',  the 
first  day  of  the  week.  Ury  shook  our  hands  firmly  but 
sadly,  promisin'  to  the  last  to  see  to  things  and  not  let 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          67 

the  cows  into  the  garden,  and  keep  the  buttery  door  shet 
up  nights,  for  though  the  cat  is  not  a  habitual  snooper, 
yet  she  will  sometimes  snoop. 

The  car  wuz  crowded,  mebby  folks  had  hearn  of  our 
goin'  and  wanted  to  ride  a  spell  with  us.  'Tennyrate  Jo- 
siah  and  I  had  to  be  separated  at  the  outset  of  our  journey, 
he  settin'  with  a  man  acrost  the  aisle;  Blandina  got  a 
seat  with  an  aged  gentleman  while  I  sot  down  with  a  pale 
complected  woman  in  deep  mournin'.  Or  at  least  what 
mournin'  she  had  wuz  deep.  She  wore  a  thick  crape  veil 
and  black  cotton  gloves.  But  her  dress  wuz  chocklate 
delaine.  The  mournin'  wuz  borryed,  she  told  me  most  as 
soon  as  I  sot  down. 

She  wuz  on  the  way  to  the  funeral  of  her  father.  He 
had  lived  with  her,  but  died  while  he  wuz  on  a  visit  to 
her  sister.  She  wuz  feelin'  dretful  and  said  she  didn't 
know  what  she  would  do  without  him;  she  took  on  real 
bad,  and  I  sez,  "  Yes,  losin'  a  pa  is  an  awful  loss." 

"  Yes,"  sez  she,  "  pa  wuz  a  dretful  good  man.  I  don't 
see  what  we're  goin'  to  do  without  him;  we  shall  miss 
him  so  makin'  line  fences.  He  knew  all  about  where  they 
ort  to  stand." 

I  wuz  kinder  took  back.  But  then  come  to  think  it  over 
I  see  it  wuz  better  to  be  missed  in  line  fences  than  not  at 
all.  She  got  out  at  the  next  station,  and  my  own  pardner 
took  the  vacant  seat  by  my  side,  and  on  and  on  we  wuz 


68  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

whirled  from  the  peaceful  shores  of  Jonesville  to  the 
pleasures  and  dangers  of  the  great  city. 

As  I  said,  I  wanted  to  get  to  St.  Louis  the  first  of  the 
week,  but  Josiah  took  it  into  his  head  that  he  wanted  to 
visit  his  nephew,  Orange  Allen,  who  lives  in  the  Ohio,  and 
under  the  circumstances  it  wuz  not  for  me  to  cross  him 
in  anything  that  wuz  more  or  less  reasonable.  So  we 
stopped  there  and  had  a  good  visit.  He  keeps  a  dairy 
farm  and  owns  forty  cows  besides  a  wife  and  three  young 
children ;  he  is  doing  well.  His  pa  havin'  a  horticultural 
and  floral  turn  of  mind,  named  his  two  boys  Lemon  and 
Orange.  His  girls  are  Lily,  Rose  and  Violet.  Lily  is 
dark  complected  and  so  fat  that  she  looks  like  a  pillar  with 
a  string  tied  in  the  middle,  and  Rose  and  Violet  are  as 
humbly  as  they  make  but  respectable.  Folks  ort  to  be 
more  cautious  in  namin'  children,  but  they're  all  married 
quite  well,  and  we  had  a  good  visit  with  'em,  stayin'  most 
of  the  time  at  Orange's. 

And  I  see  with  joy  that  the  shadder  on  my  pardner's 
face  lifted  quite  a  little  durin'  our  stay  there,  but  of  course 
this  belated  us  and  we  didn't  git  to  St.  Louis  till  Saturday 
late  in  the  afternoon.  St.  Louis  is  a  big  sizeable  place. 
Mr.  Laclede  cut  the  tree  for  the  first  log-house  in  the 
forest  where  St.  Louis  now  stands  in  1764.  America  had 
several  cities  all  started  at  that  time,  but  St.  Louis  jest 
put  in  and  growed,  and  now  it  is  the  fourth  city  in  the 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          69 

United  States.  It's  an  awful  worker,  why  it  produces 
more  in  its  factories  than  is  produced  by  the  hull  of  thirty- 
seven  States,  jest  think  on't !  And  it  has  thirty-two  mil 
lion  folks  to  buy  the  things  it  produces.  Twenty-seven 
railways  run  into  it;  the  city  rules  itself  and  leads  the 
world  in  many  manufactures.  They  say  it  is  the  richest 
community  in  the  world,  and  I  couldn't  dispute  it,  for 
they  seemed  jest  rollin'  in  riches  all  the  while  I  wuz  there ; 
wuzn't  put  to  it  for  a  thing  so  fur  as  I  could  see. 

It  is  noted  for  its  charities ;  it  has  the  biggest  Sunday- 
school  in  the  world,  two  thousand  three  hundred  and 
forty- four  children  in  one  school — jest  think  on't!  Its 
Union  railroad  station  is  the  finest  in  the  Universe,  so  they 
say,  and  jest  the  buildin'  covers  twenty  acres.  And  it 
has  the  greatest  bridge  over  the  greatest  river  in  the  world. 

But  everything  has  its  drawbacks,  the  water  there  hain't 
like  Jonesville  water;  I  don't  say  it  to  twit  'em,  but  it  is 
a  solemn  truth,  the  water  is  riley,  they  can't  dispute  it.  I'd 
love  to  hand  'em  out  a  pailful  now  and  then  from  our 
well,  and  would  if  I  had  the  chance— how  they  would 
enjoy  it. 

Blandina  and  I  wanted  to  go  to  once  to  Miss  Huff's,  a 
woman  we  used  to  know  in  Jonesville  who  keeps  a  small 
boardin'  house. 

But  Josiah,  who  had  seen  pictures  on't,  wanted  to  go  to 
the  Inside  Inn.  He  said  they'd  advertised  cheap  rooms, 


70  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

it  would  have  a  stylish  sound  to  tell  on't  in  Jonesville 
and  it  would  be  so  handy  and  equinomical  for  we  wouldn't 
have  to  pay  entrance  fees.  So  to  please  him,  which  wuz 
the  main  effort  of  us  two  chaperones,  we  went  there.  We 
wuz  tired  to  death  that  night  anyway,  and  wanted  a  quiet 
haven  and  wanted  it  to  once,  for  truly  when  Josiah  pinted 
out  the  elegant  buildin's  that  we  passed  I  looked  coldly 
on  'em,  and  said  that  there  wuzn't  one  that  looked  so  good 
to  me  as  a  goose  feather  piller  would.  And  I  had  made 
up  my  mind  that  I  wouldn't  take  a  note  or  act  as  a  Ob 
server  at  all  till  Monday  mornin'.  So  I  faced  the  crowd 
and  the  Fair  ground  as  not  seem'  'em  as  it  were,  carryin' 
out  my  firm  idee  to  begin'  the  job  as  Observer  and  De 
lineator  the  first  day  of  the  week. 

The  Inside  Inn  we  found  wuz  a  buildin'  as  big  as  the 
hull  of  our  neighborhood  and  I  d'no  but  part  of  Loon- 
town  and  Zoar,  it  wuz  immense.  And  everywhere  you'd 
look  you  would  see  this  sign  pasted  up : 
"  Pay  In  Advance !  Pay  In  Advance !  " 
Josiah  acted  real  puggicky  about  it,  he  said  he  be 
lieved  they  had  hearn  we  wuz  comin'  and  got  them  signs 
printed  for  fear  we  would  cheat  'em  out  of  their  pay  or 
wuzn't  able  to  pay.  And  he  sez,  "  I'll  let  'em  know  I 
am  a  solid  man  and  have  got  money ! "  And  he  took  out 
his  little  leather  bag  where  he  keeps  the  most  of  his 
money  and  showed  'em  in  a  careless  way  as  much  as 
fifteen  dollars  in  cash. 


He  showed   'em   in   a  careless  way  as   much  as   fifteen   dollars   in 
cash. — Page  70. 


(<••«••<     t 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          71 

I  told  him  it  wuz  venturesome  to  show  off  so  much 
money,  but  he  said  he  wuzn't  go  in'  to  have  'em  insinuat- 
in'  in  this  mean  underhanded  way  that  we  couldn't  pay 
our  bills. 

Blandina  would  pay  her  own  bills,  but  then  she's  got 
plenty  and  Josiah  said,  "  Let  her  pay  for  herself  if  she 
wants  to."  And  I  said : 

"  Well,  I  spoze  it  will  make  her  feel  better  to  pay  her 
way." 

"  Yes,"  he  sez,  "  and  it  makes  me  feel  better  too." 

A  young  chap  took  our  satchel  bags  and  went  to  show 
us  our  room,  and  we  went  through  one  long  hall  after 
another,  and  walked  and  walked  and  walked,  till  I 
thought  we  should  drop  down.  And  finally  Josiah  stopped 
in  his  tracks  and  faced  the  feller,  and  sez  he: 

"Look  here,  young  man,  what  do  you  take  us  for? 
We  hain't  runnin'  for  mail  carriers,  and  we  hain't  nig 
gers  trainin'  for  a  cake  walk.  We'd  love  to  git  a  room 
and  set  down  some  time  to-day !  " 

"  Yes,  sir,"  sez  the  man,  "  we  are  most  to  your  rooms." 
And  he  turned  and  begun  to  go  down  stairs,  and  we  f ol- 
lered  him  down  two  flights  and  started  for  a  third  one, 
and  then  Josiah  faced  him  agin : 

"  What  in  Tunket  ails  you,  anyway?  Because  we  come 
from  the  country  we  don't  propose  to  be  put  down  suller 
amongst  your  cabbages  and  turnips !  I  want  you  to  take 


72          Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

us  to  some  good  rooms;  I've  paid  in  advance,  duna  you! 
and  I'm  goin'  to  stand  for  my  rights." 

"  Yes,  sir,"  sez  the  man,  "  they're  good  rooms." 

And  I  knowin'  we  wuz  three  to  one  and  if  he  wuz  leadin' 
us  off  into  a  trap  to  git  Josiah's  money  we  could  over 
power  him,  I  wunked  for  Josiah  to  keep  still,  but  he 
wouldn't,  but  kep'  on  mutterin'  whilst  the  man  led  us  down 
two  more  flights,  and  into  some  quite  good  rooms,  only  if 
you'll  believe  it  there  wuz  a  tree  growin'  right  up  through 
our  room  as  big  as  Josiah's  waist. 

And  that  made  Josiah  as  mad  as  a  hen  agin,  and  he 
told  the  man,  "  We've  been  imposed  upon  ever  since  we 
entered  this  house.  You  knew  we  lived  on  the  outskirts 
of  Jonesville,  and  you've  took  liberties  with  us  that  you 
wouldn't  if  we  had  come  from  the  heart  of  the  village. 
But  I'll  let  you  know  we're  knowed  and  respected,  and 
Jonesville  will  resent  it  to  think  you've  put  us  in  with 
trees,  tryin'  to  make  out  we're  green,  I  spoze." 

But  the  man  wuz  up  two  flights  of  stairs  by  this  time. 
And  I  quelled  Josiah  down  by  sayin'  we  would  try  to  make 
the  best  on't.  The  hotel  is  built  on  a  side  hill,  that's  why 
we  had  to  come  down  stairs ;  there  are  four  stories  more 
in  the  back  than  in  front,  and  they  wouldn't  let  'em  cut 
down  all  the  trees  so  they  had  to  build  right  round  'em. 

But  I  ruther  enjoyed  it,  and  hung  my  man t illy  up  on  it, 
there  wuz  some  nails  that  somebody  had  left  in  it,  and  the 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          73 

tabs  hung  down  noble.  And  as  I  told  Josiah,  "  Trees  are 
kinder  sociable  things  anyway." 

"  Sociable !  "  he  groaned.  "  We  don't  need  trees  in  order 
to  be  sociable."  And  sure  enough,  on  both  sides  on  us  wuz 
goin'  on  private  conversations  that  we  could  hear  every 
word  on.  It  wuz  a  very  friendly  place. 

Well,  I  het  up  my  little  alcohol  lamp  and  made  a  cup 
of  tea  and  we  had  lots  left  in  our  lunch  basket.  So  I  called 
Blandina,  her  room  wuz  only  jest  a  little  ways  from  ourn, 
and  we  had  a  good  lunch  and  felt  recooperated. 

We  slep'  as  well  as  we  could  considerin'  the  size  and 
hardness  of  the  mattress  and  pillows,  and  the  confidences 
that  wuz  bein'  poured  into  us  onbeknown  from  both  sides. 

The  house  is  built  dretful  shammy.  Why  I  hearn  that 
a  man  weighin'  most  three  hundred  took  a  room  there,  and 
comin'  in  one  evenin'  dretful  tired  from  the  day's  tramp 
on  the  Fair  ground  leaned  up  heavy  aginst  the  wall  to 
pull  off  his  boots,  and  broke  right  through  into  the  next 
room. 

And  that  room  wuz  occupied  by  a  young  married  couple. 
You  know  it  wuz  dretful  fashionable  to  marry  and  go  to 
St.  Louis  on  your  tower.  So  they'd  follered  Fashion  and 
the  star  of  Love  and  wuz  havin'  a  first  rate  time. 

They  had  been  there  several  days,  and  this  evenin',  he 
thinkin'  his  eyes  of  her,  and  feelin'  very  sentimental  as 
wuz  nateral,  wuz  readin'  poetry  to  her,  she  settin'  the 


74          Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

picture  of  happiness  and  contentment  with  her  feet  on  a 
foot-stool,  her  pretty  hands  clasped  in  her  lap,  and  her 
eyes  lookin'  up  adorin'ly  into  hisen  as  he  read: 

"  Oh,  beautious  love,  sweet  realm  of  joy, 
No  wild  alarm  shall  ere  thy  sweet  calm  break." 

When  crash !  bang !  down  come  the  partition  with  a  half 
dressed  man  on  top,  brandishin'  aloft  a  boot  and  screamin' 
like  a  painter,  as  wnz  only  natural.  He  broke  right  into 
Love's  Sweet  Realm  and  skairt  'em  into  fits. 

She  fell  to  once  into  highstericks,  and  he,  when  he  re 
covered  conscientiousness  threatened  to  lick  the  man,  and 
everybody  in  St.  Louis,  and  made  the  air  blue  with  con 
versation  that  the  Realm  of  Love  never  ort  to  hearn  on, 
and  wouldn't  probable  for  years  and  years  if  it  hadn't 
been  for  this  contrary  temps. 

I  hearn  this,  but  don't  say  it  is  so;  you  can  hear  most 
anything  and  it  held  us  in  all  right. 

The  next  day,  bein'  Sunday,  Josiah  thought  it  would  be 
our  duty  to  stay  on  the  Fair  ground  and  see  the  Pike,  etc. 
But  I  sez :  "  Josiah,  we  will  begin  this  hefty  job  right,  we 
will  go  to  meetin'." 

So  we  went  out  into  the  city  and  hunted  up  a  M.  E. 
meetin'  house  and  hearn  a  good  sermon  and  went  into 
class  meetin'  and  gin  testimonies  both  on  us.  And  Blan- 
dina  bein'  asked  to  by  a  man  went  forward  for  prayers 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          75 

and  sot  for  a  spell  on  the  sinners'  bench.  She's  been  a  mem 
ber  for  years,  but  she's  such  a  clever  creeter  she  wants  to 
obleege  everybody. 

Well,  bavin'  done  our  three  duties  we  went  back  peace 
ful  and  pious  in  frame  and  went  to  walk  in  of  course  to 
our  own  temporary  home.  But  what  do  you  think!  that 
misuble,  cheatin'  man  at  the  gate  asked  us  to  pay  to  git  in. 
We  hearn  afterward  that  this  wuz  a  dishonest  man  and 
wuz  sent  off. 

"  Pay !  "  sez  Josiah.  "  Pay  to  come  home  from  meetin' ! 
Did  you  want  us  to  hang  round  the  meetin'  house  all  day 
and  sleep  on  the  steps!  Or  what  did  you  want?  " 

The  man  kep'  that  stuny  look  onto  him  and  sez,  "  Fifty 
cents  each." 

Josiah  fairly  trembled  with  rage  as  he  handed  out  the 
money,  and  sez  he  in  a  threatenin'  way,  "  You  hain't  hearn 
the  last  of  this,  young  man.  Square  Baker  of  Jonesville 
will  git  onto  your  tracks,  and  you'd  better  have  a  tiger 
after  you  than  have  him  when  he's  rousted  up.  Pay  for 
comin'  home  from  meetin',  it  is  a  disgrace  to  the  nation! 
Call  this  a  land  of  liberty  when  you  have  to  pay  for  comin' 
home  from  meetin' !  " 

And  sez  he,  as  he  took  his  change  back,  "  Do  you  know 
what  you're  doin'  I  You're  drivin'  Samantha  and  me  away 
from  this  place,  and  Blandina."  And  sez  he,  with  an  air 
of  shootin'  his  sharpest  arrer,  "  We  shall  go  to  Miss  Huff's 
to-morry." 


76          Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

And  so  we  did.  Blandina  and  I  wanted  to  go  there  in 
the  first  place,  so  we  felt  well  about  it.  We  had  fulfilled 
our  duties  as  chaperones  to  the  fullest  extent,  and  had  also 
got  our  own  two  ways  in  the  end,  which  is  always  com- 
f  ortin'  to  a  woman. 

We  found  Miss  Huff  settled  in  a  pleasant  street  in  a 
good  comfortable  home,  not  so  very  fur  away  from  the 
Fair  ground.  She's  a  widder  with  one  son,  young  and 
good  lookin',  jest  home  from  school;  and  a  aged  parent, 
toothless  and  no  more  hair  on  his  head  than  on  the  cover 
of  my  glass  butter  dish.  And  I'll  be  hanged  if  I  knowed 
which  one  on  'em  Blandina  paid  the  most  devoted  atten 
tion  to  whilst  we  wuz  there,  but  nothin'  light  and  triflin'. 

She  is  likely,  her  morals  mebby  bein'  able  to  stand  more 
bein'  so  sort  o'  withy  and  soft  than  if  they  wuz  more  hard 
and  brittle,  they  could  bend  round  considerable  without 
breakin'. 

And  Miss  Huff  had  also  a  little  grand-niece,  Dorothy 
Evans,  whose  mother  had  passed  away,  and  Miss  Huff 
bein'  next  of  kin  had  took  into  her  family  to  take  care  of. 
Dretful  clever  I  thought  it  wuz  of  Miss  Huff.  Dorothy's 
mother,  I  guess,  didn't  have  much  faculty  and  spent  every 
thing  as  she  went  along;  she  had  an  annuity  that  died 
with  her,  but  she  had  been  well  enough  off  so  she  could 
hire  a  nurse  for  the  child,  an  elderly  colored  woman,  Aunt 
Tryphena  by  name,  who  out  of  love  for  the  little  one  had 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  77 

offered  to  come  to  Miss  Huff's  just  to  be  near  the  little 
girl. 

And  Dotie,  as  they  well  called  her,  for  everyone  doted 
on  her,  wuz  as  sweet  a  little  fairy  as  I  ever  see,  her  pretty 
golden  head  carried  sunshine  wherever  it  went.  And  her 
big  blue  eyes,  full  of  mischief  sometimes,  wuz  also  full  of 
the  solemn  sweetness  of  them  "Who  do  always  behold 
the  face  of  the  Father." 

I  took  to  her  from  the  very  first,  and  so  did  Josiah  and 
Blandina.  The  hull  family  loved  and  petted  her  from 
Miss  Huff  and  her  old  father  down  to  Billy,  who  alter 
nately  petted  and  teased  her. 

To  Aunt  Tryphena  she  wuz  an  object  of  perfect  adora 
tion.  And  Aunt  Tryphena  wuz  a  character  uneek  and 
standin'  alone.  When  she  wuz  made  the  mould  wuz 
throwed  away  and  never  used  afterwards.  She  follered 
Dorothy  round  like  her  shadow  and  helped  make  the  beds 
and  keep  the  rooms  tidy,  a  sort  of  chamber-maid,  or  ruther 
chamber-woman,  for  she  wuz  sixty  if  she  wuz  a  day. 

Besides  Aunt  Tryphena  Miss  Huff  had  two  more  girls 
to  cook  and  clean.  She  had  good  help  and  sot  a  good  table, 
and  Aunt  Feeny  as  they  called  her  wuz  a  source  of  con 
stant  amusement  and  interest ;  but  of  her  more  anon. 

We  got  to  Miss  Huff's  in  the  afternoon  and  rested  the 
rest  of  that  day  and  had  a  good  night's  sleep. 

In  the  mornin'  Josiah,  who  went  out  at  my  request  be- 


78          Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

fore  breakfast  to  buy  a  little  peppermint  essence,  come  in 
burnin'  with  indignation,  his  morals  are  like  iron  (most 
of  the  time). 

He  said  a  man  had  been  advisin'  him  to  take  the  Im 
moral  Railway  as  the  best  way  of  seein'  the  Fair  grounds 
as  a  hull  before  we  branched  out  to  see  things  more  min 
utely  one  by  one. 

"  Immoral  Railway !  "  he  snorted  out  agin. 

"  I  hope  you  didn't  fall  in  with  any  such  idee,  Josiah 
Allen."  And  I  sithed  as  I  thought  how  many  took  that 
kind  of  railway  and  wuz  whirled  into  ruin  on't. 

"  Fall  in  with  it !  I  guess  the  man  that  spoke  to  me 
about  it  thought  I  didn't  fall  in  with  it.  I  gin  that  feller 
a  piece  of  my  mind." 

"  I  hope  you  didn't  give  him  too  big  a  piece,"  sez  I 
anxiously ;  "  you  know  you  hain't  got  a  bit  to  spare,  speci 
ally  at  this  time." 

"  Oh,  how  I  watched  over  that  man  day  by  day !  I 
wanted  the  peppermint  more  for  him  than  for  me.  I  laid 
out  if  he  seemed  likely  to  break  down  to  give  him  a 
peppermint  sling. 

Not  that  I  am  one  of  them  who  when  fur  away  from 
home  dash  out  into  forbidden  paths  and  dissipation,  but 
I  didn't  consider  peppermint  sling  wrong  anyway,  there 
hain't  much  stimulant  to  it. 

Well,  we  started  out  for  the  Fair  in  pretty  good  season 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          79 

in  the  mornin',  Billy  Huff  offered  to  go  and  put  us  on 
the  right  car,  so  he  walked  ahead  with  Blandina,  Josiah 
and  I  follerin'  clost  in  their  rears.  Blandina  looked  up  at 
him  and  f  ollered  his  remarks  as  clost  and  stiddy  as  a  sun 
flower  follers  the  sun.  She  had  told  me  that  mornin' 
whilst  I  wuz  gittin'  ready  to  start  that  he  wuz  the  loveliest 
young  man  she  had  ever  met,  and  a  woman  would  be  happy 
indeed  who  won  him  for  her  consort.  And  I  said,  as  I 
pinned  my  collar  on  more  firmly  with  my  cameo  pin,  that 
I  presoomed  that  he  would  make  a  good  man  and  pardner 
when  he  growed  up. 

And  she  said,  "  Difference  in  age  don't  count  anything 
when  there  is  true  love."  Sez  she,  "  Look  at  Aaron  Burr 
and  Lord  Baconsfield,"  and  she  brung  up  a  number  more 
for  me  to  look  at  mentally,  whilst  I  wuz  drapin'  my  man- 
tilly  round  my  frame  in  graceful  folds. 

But  I  told  her  I  didn't  seem  to  want  to  spend  my  time 
on  them  old  ghosts  that  mornin',  havin'  such  a  big  job  on 
my  hands  to  tackle  that  day  as  first  chaperone  to  Josiah, 
and  I  got  her  mind  off  for  the  time  bein',  by  the  time  I  had 
fastened  on  my  mantilly  so  the  tabs  hung  as  I  wanted  'em 
to  hang. 


CHAPTER  V 

IOSIAH  wuz  for  goin'  into  the,  show  by  the 
entrance  nighest  to  Miss  Huff's,  but  I  said, 
"  No,  that  may  do  for  other  times,  but 
when  I  first  enter  this  Fair  ground  as  a 
Observer  (for  in  our  visit  to  the  Inside  Inn  we  wuz  only 
weary  wayfarers,  too  tired  to  observe,  and  the  Sabbath  we 
felt  wuz  no  time  to  jot  down  impressions).  No,  this  day 
I  felt  wuz  in  reality  our  dayboo,  and  I  sez  impressively, 
"  I  will  not  go  sneakin'  in  by  any  side  door  or  winder,  Pm 
goin'  to  enter  by  the  main  gateway." 
Josiah  kinder  hummed : 

"  Broad  is  the  road  that  leads  to  death 
And  thousands  walk  together  there." 

But  when  he  found  we  could  go  in  there  at  the  same 
price  he  didn't  parley  further,  .and  Billy  took  us  to  the 
car  that  would  leave  us  where  I  wanted  to  be. 

The  main  entrance  is  in  itself  a  noble  sight  worth  goin' 
milds  and  milds  to  see,  a  long  handsome  buildin'  curvin' 
round  gracefully  some  in  shape  like  a  mammoth  U  only 
bendin'  round  more  at  the  ends,  and  endin'  with  handsome 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  81 

bulletin's,  and  tall  pillars  decorate  the  hull  length  and 
flags  wave  out  nobly  all  along  on  top. 

Mebby  it  wuz  meant  for  a  U  and  meant  Union,  a 
name  good  enough  for  entrance  into  anything  or  anywhere. 
And  if  it  wuz  I  approved  on't,  and  would  encouraged  'em 
by  tellin'  'em  so  if  they'd  asked  me  beforehand.  Union ! 
a  name  commandin'  world-wide  respect,  writ  in  blue  and 
gray  on  millions  of  hearts,  sealed  with  precious  blood. 

The  centre  of  the  long  buildin'  peaks  up  and  arches  over 
you  in  such  a  lofty  and  magnificent  way  that  you  feel 
there  some  as  Miss  Sheba  must  have  felt  when  she  went 
to  visit  Mr.  and  Miss  Solomon  or  the  Misses  Solomon,  I 
spoze  I  ort  to  say,  he  had  a  variety  of  wives,  though  it 
is  nothin'  I  ever  approved  on,  and  would  told  him  so  if  I'd 
had  the  chance. 

But  good  land!  Mr.  Solomon  never  had  any  sights  to 
show  Miss  Sheba  approachin'  this  Fair,  I  wouldn't  been 
afraid  to  take  my  oath  on't. 

We  riz  the  flight  of  steps  which  hundreds  and  hundreds 
could  rise  similtaneously  and  abreast,  paid  our  three  fares 
and  went  in.  And  when  you  first  stand  inside  of  that 
gate  the  beauty  jest  strikes  you  in  your  face  some  like  a 
great  flash  of  lightnin',  only  meller  and  happifyin'  instead 
of  blindin'. 

And  the  vastness  of  it  as  you  look  on  every  side  on 
you  impresses  you  so  you  feel  sunthin'  as  you  would 


82  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

if  you  wuz  sot  down  on  the  Desert  of  Sara,  and 
Sara  wuz  turned  into  vistas  of  bewilderin'  beauty  towards 
every  pint  of  her  compass. 

There  wuz  broad,  smooth  paths  leadin'  out  on  every 
side  all  on  'em  full  of  folks  from  every  country  in  the 
world,  and  clad  in  every  costoom  you  ever  see  or  ever  didn't 
see  before.  Folks  in  plain  American  dress  side  by  side 
with  dark  complected  folks  wropped  up  seemin'ly  in 
white  sheets,  jest  their  black-bearded  faces  and  flashin' 
eyes  gleamin'  at  you  from  the  drapery.  Then  there 
would  be  mebby  a  pretty  young  girl  with  a  rose-bud  face 
under  a  lace  parasol.  Two  sweet-faced  nuns  in  sombry 
black  with  their  pure  white  night  caps  on  under  their 
clost  black  bunnets  and  veils,  and  follerin'  them  some 
fierce  lookin'  creeters  in  red  baggy  trousers  embroidered 
jackets  and  skull  caps  with  long  tossels  on  'em;  Persians 
mebby,  or  Arabs. 

As  Josiah  looked  at  these  last  I  hearn  him  murmur 
as  if  to  himself,  "  Why  under  the  sun  didn't  Samantha 
put  in  my  dressin'  gown  with  tossels,  and  the  smokin' 
cap  Thomas  J.  gin  me,  I  could  showed  off  some 
then." 

But  I  pretended  not  to  hear  him  for  my  eyes  wuz 
fastened  on  the  passin'  pageant.  Smart  lookin'  bizness 
men  with  handsome  well-dressed  wives  and  children,  then 
a  Injun  with  striped  blanket,  beaded  moccasins  and  head- 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  83 

dress  of  high  feathers.  Then  a  American  widder,  mebby 
a  plain  one,  and  mebby  grass;  then  some  more  wimmen. 
Then  some  Chinamen  with  long  dresses  and  pig-tails  fol- 
lered  by  some  gawky,  awkwud  country  folks;  some  more 
smart-lookin'  Americans.  Some  English  tourists  with 
field-glasses  strapped  over  one  shoulder.  Some  Fillipinos 
in  yellerish  costoom.  Then  a  kodak  fiend  ready  to  aim  at 
anything  or  nothin'  and  hit  it ;  then  some  Scotchmen  in  Tar- 
ten  dress  and  follerin'  clost  some  Japans,  lots  and  lots  of 
them  scattered  along.  Then  some  brown  children  and  their 
mothers,  the  children  dressed  mostly  in  a  sash  and  some 
beads,  and  some  more  pretty  white  children  dressed  elab 
orate,  and  some  niggers,  and  some  soldiers,  and  some 
more  wimmen,  and  more  folks,  and  some  more,  and  some 
more,  in  a  stiddy  and  endless  stream. 

Good  land!  I  couldn't  sort  out  and  describe  them  that 
passed  by  in  an  hour  even,  no  more  than  I  could  sort  out 
and  describe  the  slate  stuns  in  Jonesville  creek,  and  you 
well  know  that  wagon  loads  could  be  took  out  of  one  little 
spot. 

Josiah  said  to  me,  "  Why  jest  to  look  at  this  crowd, 
Samantha,  pays  anybody  for  comin'  here  clear  from  the 
Antipathies." 

Sez  I,  "  Josiah,  you  mean  the  Antipodes." 

"  I  mean  what  I  say ! "  he  snapped  out,  "  and  les's  be 
movin'  on,  no  use  standin'  here  all  day." 


Right  in  the  center  sets  Saint  Louis  himself  on  a  prancin'  horse,  holdin'  up  a  cross 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  85 

He  don't  love  to  be  corrected.  But  truly  that  immense 
and  strangely  assorted  crowd  constantly  comin',  con 
stantly  goin'  and  changin'  all  the  time  wuz  a  sight  well 
worth  comin7  from  Jonesville  to  see,  even  if  we  didn't  see 
a  thing  more.  But,  oh,  what  didn't  we  see !  what  a  glori 
ous  sight  as  our  eyes  left  the  crowd  and  looked  'round 
us.  Why  the  wonder  and  beauty  on't  fairly  struck  you  in 
the  face  some  like  a  flash  of  lightnin'  only  more  meller 
and  happifyin'." 

There  you  are  in  the  beautiful  Court  of  St.  Louis.  And 
right  in  the  centre  sets  Saint  Louis  himself  on  a  prancin' 
horse,  holdin'  up  a  cross,  I  wuz  glad  to  see  that  cross  held 
up  as  if  in  benediction  over  all  the  immense  crowd  below, 
it  seemed  as  if  it  begun  the  Fair  right,  jest  as  it  begins 
the  week  right  to  go  to  meetin'  Sunday. 

I  always  sot  store  by  Saint  Louis.  Leadin'  them  Cru 
sades  of  hisen  to  protect  Christians  and  free  the  Holy 
Land  from  lawless  invaders.  How  much  I  thought  on 
him  for  it.  Though  I  could  advised  him  for  his  good  in 
lots  of  things  if  I'd  been  'round. 

Now  his  marryin'  a  girl  twelve  years  old  who  ort  to 
been  in  pantalettes  and  high  aprons,  I  should  tried  to 
break  it  up,  I  should  told  him  plain  and  square  that  I 
wouldn't  have  heard  for  a  minute  to  his  marryin'  our 
Tirzah  Ann  at  that  age.  She  shouldn't  married  him  if 
he'd  been  King  Louis  twenty  or  thirty  instead  of  nine. 


86  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

But  I  wuzn't  there  and  he  went  on  and  had  his  way,  as 
men  will. 

But  he  acted  noble  in  lots  of  things,  made  a  wise  ruler 
and  a  generous  one,  lived  and  died  like  a  hero.  And  I  was 
glad  to  see  him  riz  up  in  such  a  sightly  place,  holdin'  up 
the  cross  he  wuz  willin'  to  give  his  life  for. 

He  looked  first  rate,  he  wore  a  sort  of  a  helmet  and  had 
a  cloak  on,  shaped  some  like  my  long  circle  cape,  only  it 
didn't  set  so  good,  and  I  wuz  sorry  they  didn't  have  my 
pattern  to  cut  it  by.  Hisen  kinder  curled  up  at  the  back, 
they  ort  to  cut  it  ketterin'.  Two  noble  statutes  stood  on 
each  side  on  him,  kinder  guardin'  him  as  it  were,  though 
he  didn't  need  it  as  long  as  he  clung  to  the  cross.  Scat 
tered  all  along  by  the  side  of  the  broad  paths  wuz  little 
green  oasises,  on  which  the  splendor-tired  and  people- 
tired  eyes  could  rest  and  recooperate  a  little. 

In  front  of  you  quite  a  little  ways  off  on  each  side 
stood  immense  snow-white  palaces  each  one  on  'em  seem- 
in'  more  beautiful  than  the  last  one  you  looked  at,  full 
of  sculptured  beauty  and  with  long,  long  rows  of  pearl 
white  collumns  and  ornaments  of  all  kinds.  Beyond, 
but  still  as  it  were  in  the  foreground,  as  it  ort  to,  high  up 
on  a  lofty  pedestal  stood  the  statute  of  Peace. 

My  pardner,  who  for  reasons  named,  wuz  inclined  to 
pick  flaws  in  this  glorious  Exposition,  sez  to  me: 

"What's  the  use  of  sculpin'  Peace  up  on  so  high  a 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  87 

monument  and  showin'  her  off  as  if  she  wuz  safe  and 
sound,  and  then  histin'  cannons  up  right  by  her  throwin' 
balls  that  will  travel  twenty  milds  and  then  knock  her  sky 
high." 

I  sithed,  but  almost  onbeknown  to  myself  looked  at  the 
Cross,  and  hoped  that  that  divine  light  would  go  ahead 
through  the  wilderness  of  world  warfare  makin'  a  safe 
path,  so  Peace  could  git  down  from  her  high  monument 
bime-by  and  walk  round  some  through  the  world  with 
out  gittin'  her  head  blowed  off. 

Smilin'  and  gleamin'  jest  beyond  wuz  the  bright  sunny 
waters  on  which  little  boats  painted  in  bright  colors  with 
gay  awnin's  wuz  glidin'  about  here  and  there,  and  bursts 
of  melodious  song  come  from  the  gayly  attired  boatmen 
anon  or  oftener.  And  furder  on  wuz  the  Grand  Basin, 
a  large  beautiful  piece  of  water,  and  back  on't  down  a 
green  hill  seventy  feet  high  leaps  and  bounds  and  gurgles 
and  sings  three  glitterin'  cascades,  each  one  seemin'  to 
start  out  from  a  splendid  buildin'  up  on  the  hill. 

The  ones  on  the  side  smaller,  but  the  middle  one  a  grand 
and  stately  palace  called  Festival  Hall,  and  jinin'  these 
three  buildin's  together  are  what  they  call  the  Collonnade 
of  States.  A  impressive  row  of  snow-white  pillows,  and 
on  them  pillows,  settin'  up  in  the  place  of  honor,  are  big 
statutes  of  female  wimmen,  fourteen  in  number,  symbolic 
of  the  original  States  of  the  Louisiana  Purchase. 


88  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

I  wanted  to  go  right  up  to  Festival  Hall  the  first  minute, 
it  didn't  seem  fur  it  wuz  through  such  seens  of  bewilderin' 
beauty,  but  a  bystander  standin'  by  said  it  wuz  half  a  mild. 

But  Josiah  kinder  nudged  me  and  said,  "  Mebby  we'd 
better  take  the  Immoral  Railway.  With  you  by  my  side, 
Samantha,  I  feel  I  can  face  its  dangers." 

Sez  I,  "Where  has  your  principle  gone  that  you  had 
this  mornin',  Josiah?  " 

"  I  have  got  it,  Samantha,  jest  the  same ;  I  hain't  used 
none  this  time  o'  day.  But  I  thought  I  would  kinder  love 
to  tell  the  brethren  I'd  rid  on  it."  And  before  I  could 
parley  with  him  he  asked  that  same  bystander,  a  good 
lookin'  iron  gray  man, 

"Where  is  the  Immoral  Railway?" 

"  The  Intre  Moral  Railway  starts  there,"  sez  he,  pintin' 
to  a  place  quite  nigh  to  us. 

"  Intre  Moral,"  sez  I  to  myself;  "  that  is  a  good  name." 
And  as  we  wended  our  way  to  it  through  the  crowds  of 
folks  of  every  name  and  nation  I  sez  to  myself,  "  I'd  love 
to  ride  on  it."  For  havin'  naterally  so  scientific  and  deep 
a  mind  I  love  to  trace  back  words  like  little  rivulets,  to 
their  source,  and  see  where  they  spring  from.  For  mean 
dering  through  the  ages  they  gather  lots  of  foreign  stuff 
and  take  queer  turns. 

Intre  Moral,  I  took  it  that  that  meant  extra  moral.  I 
liked  the  sound  on't,  and  we  got  on  and  rode  quite  a  spell, 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  89 

and  see  everything  we  could,  and  when  we  went  clear 
'round  on  that,  we  got  onto  a  big  ortomobile  and  rid  'round 
on  that  so's  we  could  see  the  hull  Fair  as  it  were  in  one 
picture,  before  we 
examined  its  glo 
ries  more  min 
utely  one  by  one. 

And  I  should 
have  took  sights 
of  comfort  view- 
in'  the  magnifi 
cent  seens  spread 
out  and  growin' 
and  changin' 
every  minute  if  I 
hadn't  had  to  kep' 
one  eye  onto  Jo- 
siah  Allen  all  the 
time,  or  as  you 
may  say  two  eyes, 
one  my  own  gray 
orb  and  the  other 
the  eye  of  my  specs.  The  seen  wuz  so  hugely  grand,  so 
magnificently  stupendous,  and  the  mind  that  it  wuz  my 
duty  as  first  chaperone  to  guard  wuz  so  small  I  sez  to  my 
self,  could  it  be  bombarded  by  that  immense  grandeur  and 


90  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

not  utterly  collapse.  But  Blandina  wuz  on  the  other  side 
on  him,  so  I  didn  't  feel  as  I  should  had  the  responsibility 
devolved  on  me  alone. 

But  he  bore  it  well.  He  looked  off  on  the  seen  grander 
than  anything  Fairy  Land  ever  dremp  on  or  ever  will,  I 
believe.  And  then  he  looked  pensively  at  my  silk  bag 
where  I'd  stored  all  the  cookies  and  nut-cakes  it  would 
hold,  to  keep  up  his  strength  between  meals. 

And  so  gradually  I  dropped  my  agonizing  anxiety  and 
let  my  eyes  drink  in  the  onequalled  beauty  of  the  seen  as 
we  went  by  the  tall  glorious  palaces  towerin'  up  in  white 
magnificence..  Past  sparklin'  water  spaces  filled  with  gay 
pleasure  craft  full  of  happy  white-robed  voyagers.  Past 
the  spans  of  arched  bridges  leadin'  from  one  seen  of  glory 
to  another,  past  tall  white  shafts  carryin'  up  to  the  listenin' 
Heavens  deeds  of  glory  and  valor. 

Past  white  statutes  more  beautiful  than  poet's  dreams, 
risin'  up  from  green  velvet  lawns  or  marble  terraces. 
Broad  highways  would  dawn  on  our  vision,  anon  vistas 
of  incomparable  beauty  way  off,  way  off  as  fur  as  we 
could  see  would  open  up  other  views  jest  as  fair.  Anon 
the  columned  walls  of  some  nearby  palace  would  seem 
to  close  in  the  view,  and  then  agin  the  fur  vision,  and  anon 
the  blue  waters  flowin'  on  and  on.  And  scattered  all  over 
the  ground  roamed  the  happy  people,  men,  wimmen  and 
children  of  every  name  and  nation,  clothed  in  every  garb 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  91 

that  folks  ever  wore  under  the  sun,  and  some,  it  seemed  to 
me,  made  up  jest  for  that  occasion,  as  Eve  started  her  new 
fashion  of  fall  dress,  only  this  wuzn't  made  of  leaves,  no 
indeed !  fur  from  it. 

But  I  believe  the  foreign  costoom  we  see  most  of  all  wuz 
the  Japan.  And  all  through  the  Fair  that  nation  seemed 
to  show  off  in  the  very  first  rank.  Well,  I  wnz  willing  I 
always  kinder  liked  'em,  they're  so  polite  and  courteous 
to  everybody,  and  as  for  makin'  storks  and  folks  settin' 
on  nothin'  and  lookin'  perfectly  comfortable  settin'  on  it, 
they  go  fur  ahead  of  anybody  else,  and  they  have  lots  of 
other  noble  qualities.  In  cleanin'  house  time,  now  I  have 
fairly  begreched  the  ease  and  comfort  of  them  Japanese 
housewives  who  jest  take  up  their  mat  and  sweep  out, 
move  their  paper  walls  a  little  mebby  and  there  it  is  done. 

No  heavy,  dirt-laden  carpets  to  clean,  no  papered  walls 
and  ceilings  to  break  their  back  over,  no  trumpery  brickaty 
brack  to  take  care  of  and  dust  and  make  life  a  burden. 
Kind  hearted,  reverent  to  equals  and  superiors— trained 
to  kindness  and  courtesy  and  reverence  in  childhood  when 
American  mothers  are  ruled  and  badgered  by  short 
skirted  and  roundabout  clad  tyrants. 

I  set  store  by  the  Japans  and  am  glad  to  hear  how  fast 
they're  pressin'  forwards  in  every  path  civilization  has 
opened ;  science,  art  and  the  best  education.  And  wuz  glad 
to  see  so  many  of  'em  here.  They  could  give  Uncle  Sam 


92  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

a  good  many  lessons  if  he  wuz  willin'  to  take  'em.  But 
good  as  he  is  he  is  a  heady  old  creeter,  and  won't  be  driv 
into  anything  and  has  a  powerful  good  opinion  of  himself. 

But  to  resoom  forwards.  After  we'd  gone  the  complete 
'round  of  the  Intre  Moral  Railway  and  ortemobile  we  got 
out  agin  on  the  Plaza  not  fur  from  where  we  embarked, 
and  at  my  request  we  took  a  boat.  Josiah  chose  one  of 
the  handsomest  ones  with  the  front  end  kinder  bowin'  up 
and  a  bright-colored  awnin'  over  it;  they  called  it  a 
gondola. 

The  gondolier  had  bold  flashin'  black  eyes  and  a  gay 
suit  that  struck  Josiah's  fancy,  and  I  knowed  by  his  looks 
he  wuz  meditatin'  on  what  Might  Have  Been.  I  felt  that 
he  wuz  in  fancy  rowin'  a  boat  up  our  creek  in  a  red  coat 
and  green  hat  with  yeller  feathers  mebby,  carryin'  sister 
Submit  Tewksbury  or  sister  Gowdey,  sailin'  towards  his 
own  Exposition  of  St.  Josiah.  There  wuz  a  sad  pensive 
look  on  his  liniment  that  belonged  to  ruined  hopes  and 
blighted  emotions. 

Blandina  whispered  to  me  she  thought  the  gondolier  a 
image  of  beauty  and  wondered  if  he  had  a  companion ;  she 
said  she  believed  he  would  be  devoted  to  a  wife  if  he  had 
one  that  looked  up  to  him. 

I  answered  her  like  one  talkin'  onbeknown  to  herself, 
two  of  my  eyes  and  my  spectacles  furtively  watchin'  the 
liniment  of  my  beloved  pardner,  and  my  speritual  eyes 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  93 

feastin'on  the  perfect  loveliness  of  the  seen.  Broad  smooth 
waters  how  beautiful  they  were,  dotted  with  craft  similar 
to  ourn  and  freighted  with  happy  voyagers  dartin'  here 
and  there,  and  some  of  the  boats  wuz  the  queerest  shapes, 
one  on  'em  looked  jest  exactly  like  a  big  white  swan,  and 
there  wuz  one,  if  you'll  believe  it,  that  looked  like  a  sea 
serpent,  I  wouldn't  have  rid  in  it  for  a  dollar  bill,  though 
Josiah  said  he'd  love  to  tell  Deacon  Henzy  that  he'd  strad 
dled  the  old  sea  serpent  and  rid  to  shore  on  it. 

But  I  sez,  "  Good  land,  Josiah,  you  don't  ride  on  the 
outside  on  it,  there  is  a  place  fixed  inside  somewhere  for 
passengers." 

But  most  of  the  boats  wuz  handsome.  Anon  the  water 
lay  smooth  and  fair  about  us,  and  fur  off  we  could  see 
immense  fountains  risin'  right  up  out  of  the  glassy  sur 
face,  sprayin'  up  and  glitterin'  down  floods  of  rainbow 
glory. 

Agin  we  landed  on  terry  firmy  I  a  feelin'  as  if  we 
wuz  roamin'  through  Fancy's  fields,  for  it  seemed  as  if  cold 
Reality  never  could  have  planned  anything  approachin' 
what  wuz  all  round  us.  For  as  you  draw  nigh  the  glitter 
ing  Cascades  you  fairly  stop  bewildered  by  the  beauty, 
and  most  want  to  shet  your  eyes  on  it,  not  knowin'  what 
path  to  choose  where  all  are  so  bagonin'  full  of  al 
lurements  and  the  hull  world  seemin'  to  be  allured  there 
by  'em.  On  one  side  the  glory  of  the  waters  dashing, 


:  The  water  lay  smooth  and  fair  about  us,  and  fur  off  we  could  see  immense  fountains  risin' 
right  up  out  of  the  glassy  surface  " 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition          95 

sparkling,  bounding  along  down,  with  fountains  sprayin' 
up  every  little  while,  and  white  statutes  smilin'  down  on 
us  nigher  by.  On  the  other  side  green  verdure  and  beyond 
and  on  every  side  the  glory  of  the  water,  and  above  us 
the  most  magnificent  buildin'  in  the  world  flanked  on  each 
side  with  the  long  Colonnade  of  States. 

And  speakin'  of  statutes,  jest  think  of  the  sculptured 
groups  we  passed  by  that  eventful  day,  more'n  I  could 
describe  in  a  month  of  Sundays.  Louis  and  Clark,  the 
very  men  I'd  read  about  in  Gasses  Journal,  how  I  wished 
their  eyes  could  see  and  their  ears  hear  me.  How  inter 
ested  and  proud  they  would  have  been  to  hear  me  tell  how 
even  as  a  child  I  loved  to  hear  mother  Smith  read  about 
their  journeyin's  into  the  new  and  onexplored  country, 
findin'  swamps  and  stumps  and  savages,  where  now  wuz 
smilin'  gardens  and  palaces.  Then  there  was  Robert  Liv 
ingstone,  and  Franklin,  noble  high  souled  old  creeter,  I 
always  loved  him  in  a  meetin'  house  sense,  drawin'  down 
lightnin'  and  so  forth — he  wuz  the  very  Pa  of  electricity 
as  you  may  say. 

And  James  Monroe,  and  Boone,  and  Settin'  Bull,  yes 
there  wuz  Settin'  Bull  settin'  or  ruther  standin'  right  in 
that  great  company.  And  all  on  'em  mute  and  onafraid, 
onmindful  of  the  presence  of  a  Samantha  and  Josiah, 
I  felt  to  pity  'em. 

But  the  noblest  meanin'  statute  of  all  in  my  eyes  wuz 


96  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

right  in  front  of  the  main  Cascade.  There  stood  a  im 
mense  statute  of  Liberty,  raisin'  the  veil  of  Ignorance  and 
protectin'  Truth  and  Justice.  Ignorance  don't  want  her 
eyes  oncovered,  she'd  'drather  keep  on  blind  as  a  bat.  But 
Liberty  hain't  goin'  to  mind  her,  she  wuz  bound  to  git  the 
bandages  off ;  I  wanted  to  encourage  her  in  it  and  I  waved 
my  hand  towards  her  and  smiled  in  lovin'  greetin'.  Josiah 
thought  I  wuz  flirtin',  and  asked  me  anxiously  if  I'd  got 
sight  of  any  man  from  Jonesville.  I  wouldn't  dain  to  reply 
to  him — at  my  age !  and  with  my  reputation  to  carry  round ! 
The  idee ! 

Well,  when  we  stood  on  the  stun  balcony  over  the  spot 
where  the  central  cascade  gushes  out,  what  a  seen  lay 
spread  out  before  us.  You  can  look  off  two  milds  one 
way  and  most  a  mild  another.  And  wuz  there  ever  in  the 
world  milds  so  crowded  full  of  beauty  and  each  beauty 
differin'  from  the  other  as  one  star  differs  from  another  in 
glory.  Eight  magnificent  palaces  are  in  full  sight,  their 
walls  bathed  by  the  blue  waters,  and  beyond  'em,  inter 
spersed  by  green  foliage,  wuz  a  perfect  wilderness  of 
towers,  minarets,  domes,  banners,  battlements. 

I  hain't  goin'  to  describe  what  I  looked  down  on,  for  I 
can't.  No,  if  I  had  a  big  book  of  synonyms  to  the  words 
Grand  and  Glorious  and  used  every  one  on  'em  tryin'  to 
describe  that  seen  I  couldn't  begin  to  do  justice  to  it,  and 
so  what  is  the  use  of  tryin'  with  the  Jonesville  vocabulary. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  97 

And  if  I  can't  describe  it,  don't  for  pity  sake  ask  Josiah 
Allen  to,  for  you  might  know  that  if  I  couldn't  he  wouldn't 
stand  no  chance.  But  I  hearn  him  gin  a  sort  of  gaspin' 
sithe  as  he  looked,  and  Blandina  I  believe  forgot  for  a 
few  minutes  her  passionate  though  chaste,  overrulin' 
passion. 

As  magnificent  as  the  hull  of  St.  Louis  Exposition  is, 
it  naterally  has  one  spot  handsomer  than  the  rest,  a  par 
ticular  beauty  spot  as  you  may  say.  Why  every  house 
has  it.  The  beauty  of  my  parlor  kinder  branches  out,  as 
you  may  say,  from  my  new  rep  rocker,  a  lovely  work  of 
art  that  cost  over  six  dollars.  I  keep  it  in  the  sightliest 
place,  where  the  eye  of  man  can  fall  on  it  at  first.  And 
the  central  beauty  spot  of  the  Fair  wuz  centered  in  the 
place  I  have  been  talkin'  about. 

I'd  hearn  that  it  wuz  some  the  shape  of  a  fan  and  we  had 
talked  it  over  between  us,  whether  it  would  look  like  my  best 
paper  fan  I  carry  to  meetin'  Sundays,  or  my  big  turkey 
feather  fan.  But,  good  land!  they  dwindled  down  so  in 
my  mind  while  I  stood  there  that  I  might  be  said  to  never 
have  sot  my  eyes  on  a  turkey's  feather,  or  a  turkey  or 
anything.  It  is  a  spectacle  that  once  seen  is  never  forgot. 

The  central  spot,  or  handle  of  the  fan  (in  allegory),  is 
occupied  by  Festival  Hall  and  on  either  side  stretches  out 
the  beautiful  Collonnade  of  States  with  its  lovely  and 
heroic  female  wimmen  settin'  up  there  as  if  sort  o'  takin' 


08  Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

care  of  the  hull  concern.  I  spoke  to  Blandina  about  it, 
how  pleased  I  wuz  to  see  my  sect  settin'  up  so  high  in  the 
place  of  honor,  and  she  sez : 

"  Oh,  Aunt  Samantha,  I  cannot  rejoice  with  you,  it 
rasps  my  very  soul  to  see  men  slighted !  What  would  the 
world  do  without  men!  " 

"  Well,"  sez  I,  wantin'  to  please  her,  "  men  do  come 
handy  lots  of  times.  But,"  sez  I  reasonably,  "  the  world 
wouldn't  last  long  if  it  wuzn't  for  wimmen."  But  to 
resoom. 

At  each  end  of  the  Collonnade,peakin'up  a  little  higher, 
is  a  sort  of  a  round  shaped  buildin',  beautiful  in  struc 
ture,  where  food  can  be  obtained.  And  knowin'  the  effect 
on  men  of  good  food  I  knowed  this  wuz  a  sensible  idea, 
for  no  matter  how  festivious  a  man  may  be,  and  probably 
is  in  Festival  Hall,  yet  his  appetite  stretches  out  on  both 
sides  on  him  jest  as  it  wuz  depicted  here.  And  female 
wimmen  stand  between  him  and  starvation  most  of  the 
time.  I  considered  the  hull  thing  highly  symbolical  and 
loved  to  see  it. 

But  jest  think  of  a  magnificent  picture  containin'  all  that 
is  most  beautiful  in  land  and  water,  extendin'  in  a  grace 
ful,  curvin'  way  three  thousand  feet.  Why  that's  as  fur 
as  from  our  house  over  the  Ebenezer  Bobbettses,  and  I  d'no 
but  furder,  and  every  foot  and  inch  of  it  perfectly  beauti 
ful.  How  much  land  do  you  spoze  is  took  up  by  this 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition  99 

central  spot  of  beauty!  Now  if  I  should  ask  sister  Sylvester 
Gowdey,  who  always  thinks  she  knows  everything  worth 
knowing  if  I  should  say,  "  How  much  land  do  you  spoze, 
sister  Gowdey,  is  took  up  by  jest  this  central  beauty  spot 
of  the  Fair?"  I'll  bet  she'd  say,  "  Mebby  half  an  acre." 

But  I'd  say,  "  Melissy,  it  occupies  six  hundred  acres." 

I  d'no  as  sister  Gowdey  would  believe  me,  but  it's  so, 
the  livin'  truth.  Why,  the  three  Cascades  are  three  hun 
dred  feet  long.  Beautiful  in  the  daytime  as  a  dream 
of  Paradise!  fancy  it  in  the  evening  when  thousands 
and  thousands  of  colored  lights  lend  their  glowin' 
charm  to  the  seen.  Why  you  almost  cover  your  eyes 
from  the  bewilderin'  glory  on't.  And  as  I  said  to  Josiah, 
"  W^e  shall  never  see  another  seen  so  beautiful  till  we  see 
Jerusalem  the  Golden  descend  before  our  rapt  vision." 
And  he  bein'  kinder  f  raxious,  sez : 

"  I  hain't  seen  that  yet,  nor  you  nuther." 

"  By  the  eye  of  Faith  I  have,  Josiah." 

"  Well,  tain't  no  time  or  place  for  preachin',  we  better 
be  gittin'  along !  " 

Right  under  the  main  Cascade  we  went  down  into  a 
beautiful  grotto  all  lighted  up,  with  one  hull  side  of  the 
room  made  of  fallin'  water.  I  never  expected  to  step  into 
such  a  place.  I  have  felt  perfectly  satisfied  when  I've 
papered  over  my  dining-room  with  paper  a  shillin'  a  roll, 
and  it  did  look  well.  But  what  wuz  it  to  this?  Refresh- 


100        Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

ments  are  served  down  there  clost  to  the  sparklin'  liquid 
side  of  the  room,  and  Josiah  wantin '  to  go  the  hull  figure, 
set  down  and  eat  a  nut-cake  which  I  gin  him. 

They  say  stimulants  can  be  obtained  down  here.  And 
mebby  they  can,  them  that  seek  can  generally  find,  there 
wuz  a  serpent  in  Paradise;  but  I  didn't  see  any,  I  spoze 
the  noble  look  on  my  face  would  dant  any  dealer  in  such 
pizen  from  displayin'  it  to  me.  And  it  ain't  likely  that 
Josiah  with  two  chaperones  would  set  eyes  on  any. 


CHAPTER  VI 

HE  two  side  cascades  represent  the  Atlantic 
and  Pacific  Oceans.  Josiah  sez  in  a  kinder 
patronizing  way,  "  They're  likely  Cas 
cades,  but  I  can't  see  in  what  way  they  rep 
resent  oceans." 

And  I  sez,  "  It  hain't  for  you  to  know  everything,  Jo 
siah,  you  hain't  expected  to.  Such  knowledge  would  be 
more  than  you  with  your  small  frame  could  stand  up 
under. ' ' 

"  Oh,  keep  throwin'  my  size  in  my  face.  It's  a  pity  I 
hain  't  a  giraffe,  then  mebby  I  'd  suit  you. ' '  And  he  added 
snappishly,  "  I'll  bet  you  can't  tell  yourself  how  they 
look  like  oceans." 

And  I  sez,  i  l  I  wuz  never  any  hand  to  tell  all  I  knew,  I 
always  thought  it  wuz  best  to  keep  one  story  back." 

But  to  tell  the  truth  I  couldn't  see  how  they  represented 
oceans,  only  they  wuz  both  water,  but  so  is  a  teacupful  of 
water,  or  a  spunful.  Another  way  they  differed  from  the 
ocean,  the  water  hain't  there  all  the  time,  only  once  in 
awhile.  Josiah,  bent  on  findin'  fault,  sez: 


102        Samuntha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

"  Pretty  oceans  they  be!  Dry  land  most  all  the 
time." 

But  I  sez,  "  IVe  always  wished  the  Atlantic  would 
dry  up  long  enough  for  me  to  go  over  afoot  or  with  the 
old  mair,  like  the  Israelites  over  the  Red  Sea,  I'd  start 
to-morry."  I'm  afraid  of  deep  water.  Why  half  the 
time  I'm  afraid  of  our  creek  and  dassent  go  acrost  the 
foot  bridge. 

But  the  water  wuz  there  when  we  see  'em,  and  the 
Cascades  wuz  beautiful  as  a  dream  and  more  beautiful 
than  lots  of  mine,  specially  when  I'm  tired  out. 

As  to  representin '  the  two  oceans,  I  spoze  it  means  them 
beautiful  golden  tinted  statutes,  the  Spirit  of  the  Atlantic 
and  the  Spirit  of  the  Pacific  that  stands  at  the  head  of 
the  Cascades. 

Well,  we  hung  round  there  a  long  time,  and  finally  at 
my  request  we  went  into  Festival  Hall  and  sot  down  a 
spell  and  rested.  And  I  thought  as  I  sot  there  I'd  like  to 
ask  Sister  Gowdey  how  big  she  thought  this  buildin'  wuz. 
She  would  never  dream  it  covered  two  hull  acres,  but  it 
duz,  three  or  four  thousand  people  can  set  in  it,  and  its 
organ  is  the  biggest  in  the  world,  more  than  ten  thousand 
pipes  in  it  and  each  pipe  as  full  of  music  as  an  egg  is  of 
meat. 

The  two  pipes  havin'  the  lowest  notes  a  small  horse  can 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         103 

walk  through  or  two  good-sized  men  standin'  side  by  side. 
So  you  can  imagine  the  streams  of  melody  that  can  float 
through  them  immense  channels.  It  has  one  hundred  and 
forty  stops,  every  one  on  'em  that  will  stop  if  told  to 
quick  as  a  wink. 

It  took  a  train  of  ten  cars  to  bring  it  from  Los  Angelus 
where  it  wuz  made.  You  can  imagine  how  its  music  fairly 
shakes  the  ground  and  carries  you  off  your  feet,  seemin'ly 
like  the  very  music  of  the  spears. 

Good  land!  what's  Tirzah  Ann's  organ  compared  to  it? 
And  I  thought  that  wuz  as  good  as  any  they  make,  the 
agent  said  it  wuz ;  we  paid  over  sixty  dollars  for  it. 

And  who  do  you  think  dedicated  this  most  beautiful 
structure  that  wuz  ever  built,  to  the  music  of  the  biggest 
organ  in  the  world!  Why,  it  wuz  woman,  my  own  female 
sect.  I  tell  you  it  made  me  proud  to  think  on't.  It  wuz 
told  me  by  one  that  wuz  there  that  it  wuz  filled  with 
wimmen  on  that  occasion,  and  as  many  men  as  could  git 
in  after  the  wimmen  wuz  seated. 

Jest  think  on't,  oh,  my  sect!  who  have  been  used  to 
sneakin'  up  back  stairs  to  look  down  on  men  seated  in 
state  at  banquet  tables,  or  peak  from  the  gallery  at  the 
Capitol  to  see  'em  nobly  engaged  in  makin'  laws  to  govern 
her,  tellin'  her  how  to  spend  the  money  she  earned  herself, 
and  how  long  to  send  her  to  jail,  and  where  and  when  to 
hang  her,  and  etcetery;  while  she  could  only  jest  peak  at 


104         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

'em.  Oh,  my  soul!  wuzn't  it  a  agreeable  state  of  affairs 
the  doin's  here  at  Festival  Hall!  As  I  said  to  Josiah  as 
we  sot  there,  "  Don't  it  show  my  sect  is  lookin'  up?  " 

And  he  said  he  never  found  wimmen  backward  in  look- 
in'  up,  he  said  he  never  see  a  place  that  would  dant  'em 
and  stop  their  tongues  from  waggin'.  He  made  light  of 
the  great  incident  and  would  been  glad  to  had  men  dedi 
cate  it ;  indeed  he  jest  the  same  as  told  me  he  felt  the  Ex 
position  had  stood  in  its  own  light  in  not  havin'  a  certain 
leadin'  man  in  Jonesville,  who  wuz  way  up  in  political 
and  moral  life,  havin'  held  the  offices  of  path-master  and 
deacon.  "  But,"  sez  he,  with  some  bitterness  of  sperit  and 
speakin'  skornfully: 

"What  if  wimmen  did  dedicate  it!  They  can  git  up 
dressed  in  their  silks  and  shiffoniers,  and  talk,  talk,  but 
they  can't  vote  no  matter  how  well  off  they  be.  They've 
got  to  pony  up  and  pay  taxes  and  toe  the  mark  in  law  jest 
as  men  tell  'em  to." 

"  Why,"  sez  he,  warmin'  with  his  subject,  "  we  men  can 
set  on  you  in  juries  and  you  can't  help  yourselves,  and 
hang  you  and  so  forth.  And  you  W.  C.  T.  U.  wimmen 
would  have  to  let  your  tax  money  go  to  pay  for  drinkin' 
shacks  if  we  men  of  Jonesville,  and  the  world,  took  it  into 
our  heads  to  make  you.  Why,"  sez  he,  lookin'  more  and 
more  big  feelin'  as  he  went  on,  as  why  shouldn't  he,  as 
he  recounted  men's  glorious  advantages, 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        105 

"  Nate  Flanders,  who  is  most  a  fool,  can  vote  and  make 
you  knuckle  down  and  do  as  he  tells  you  to.  And  don't 
you  remember  that  time  the  'lection  run  so  clost  they  got 
up  old  bed-ridden  Nate  Haskins,  whose  brain  had  been 
softenin'  for  years,  and  his  wife  had  to  dress  him  and  git 
him  ready  for  the  pole,  he  callin'  on  his  wife,  Nancy,  to 
put  on  every  identical  garment  and  tell  where  it  went,  and 
when  they  got  him  to  the  pole  he  wouldn't  vote  because 
Nance  wuzn't  there  to  tell  him  which  ticket  to  vote.  She'd 
jest  kep'  that  voter  alive  for  years,  and  been  head  and 
hands  for  him,  but  she  couldn't  vote  and  he  could. 

Everybody  has  seen  bosses  run  off  the  track  when  they 
wuz  goin'  too  fast;  Josiah  wuz  so  engaged  in  runnin' 
wimmen's  pride  down,  he  didn't  realize  where  he  wuz  gal- 
lopin'  to.  "  And  there  wuz  Jane  Ellis  who  lost  her  hus 
band  and  two  boys  through  drinkin',  she  had  to  let  her 
tax  money  be  used  to  help  nominate  a  license  man,  who 
opened  a  liquor  saloon  right  under  her  nose,  and  the  last 
boy  she  had  took  to  drinkin'  and  killed  himself  last  week 
drunk  as  a  fool." 

"  I'd  be  ashamed  to  boast  of  that,  Josiah  Allen,  I'd  be 
ashamed  on't." 

"  Well,"  sez  he,  lookin'  kinder  meachin',  "  I  didn't  say 
I  approved  of  that,  I  only  said  it  to  prove  how  weak  and 
triflin'  a  thing  woman  really  is  in  the  eyes  of  the  law." 
And  the  rubber-like  self-esteem  of  a  male,  havin'  sprung 
back  in  full  force,  he  went  on : 


106         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

"  Why,  Miss  Corkins,  up  to  Zoar,  that  pays  bigger  taxes 
than  any  man  in  town,  earnt  it  all  herself  too  in  the  mil- 
lionary  bizness,  why,  that  snub-nosed  nigger  that  drives 
for  her  can  vote,  and  she  can't.  And  then  I'd  talk  about 
dedicatin'  the  biggest  buildin'  in  the  world,  singin'  hims 
on  the  biggest  organ  and  lettin'  a  few  men  into  the  back 
door— I  wouldn't  feel  so  big  about  it  if  I  wuz  you. 

"  Why,  we  men  jest  throw  such  little  compliments  in 
the  way  of  females  to  keep  you  contented,  jest  as  I  throw 
crumbs  from  the  table  to  Bruno  to  home  and  pat  him  on 
the  back.  He  knows  he  can't  come  to  the  table.  W^e  men 
jest  hang  onto  the  ballot;  wimmen  hain't  goin'  to  git  holt 
of  that  in  a  hurry  and  boss  us  round,  no  indeed!  ' 

Oh,  how  obstrepolous  and  important  he  did  talk  and  act ! 
And  Blandina  lookin'  up  so  admirin'  at  him  and  agreein' 
to  every  word  he  said,  jest  for  all  the  world  like  an  anty, 
seemed  to  rile  me  worse  than  anything  else.  But  as  long 
as  I  couldn't  dispute  a  word  he  said,  knowin'  it  wuz  as 
true  as  gospel,  I  kep'  demute,  and  hoped  he  would  take  it 
for  a  dignified  silence  that  wouldn't  dain  to  argy. 

Well,  we  had  our  lunch  in  a  box  and  a  bottle  of  cold  tea, 
and  we  eat  it,  and  rested  quite  a  spell,  Josiah's  good  nater 
returnin'  with  every  mouthful  he  took,  till  by  the  time  we 
got  ready  to  start  out  agin,  he  wuz  as  clever  a  critter  as 
I  want  to  see. 

I  wanted  to  tackle  the  Palace  of  Arts  next,  as  it  wuz  quite 


Josiah's  good  nater  returnin'  with  every  mouthful  he  took. 

—Page  1 06. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         107 

nigh  by  considerin'.  The  Fair  grounds  are  so  immense 
that  you  have  to  travel  quite  a  distance  to  git  anywhere. 
But  Josiah  said  he  wanted  to  see  sunthin'  that  wuz  of 
practical  use,  ondervaluin'  beauty,  the  great  Power,  as 
some  do.  He  wanted  to  see  sunthin'  solid,  such  as  mines 
and  metals.  And  of  course  Blandina  jined  in  with  him, 
and  though  that  is  what  I  wanted  of  her,  as  second  chape- 
rone,  it  provoked  me  time  and  agin;  queer,  hain't  it?" 

So  as  that  too  wuz  quite  nigh  by,  we  went  to  the  Palace 
of  Mines  and  Metals.  It  wuz  a  beautiful  building  the 
walls  covered  with  ornamental  carvin'  and  ornaments,  and 
two  tall  pillars  standin'  up  each  side  of  the  entrance  as  if 
they  wuz  two  Genis  jealously  guardin'  the  Under  World 
from  intrusion.  But  we  got  by  'em.  And  what  didn't 
we  see  there?  Everything  that  wuz  ever  dug  out  of  the 
earth,  and  the  way  it  wuz  discovered,  mined  and  made 
useful  to  man. 

Gems,  precious  stuns,  granite,  marble  and  all  the  pro 
cesses  for  cutting  and  polishing.  Minerals  of  all  kinds, 
natural  mineral  paints  and  fertilizers,  cement,  luminants 
and  waters.  Asbestos,  mica,  coal,  coal  oil  and  all  the 
machinery  for  refining  and  storing  it.  Displays  for  natu 
ral  gas,  petroleum ;  everything  relating  to  lighting  mines ; 
safety  lamps ;  oils ;  electricity ;  acetyline.  Most  interestin' 
display  in  geology ;  all  kinds  of  rocks ;  crystal ;  clay ;  ores ; 
nickel  and  all  the  metals  for  making  iron  and  steel  and 


108         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

makin'  'em  right  there  before  you.  Explosives  used  in 
the  Under  World.  Everything  relating  to  the  workin' 
of  salt  mines;  oil  wells;  metals,  photographs;  maps,  il 
lustrating  how  these  riches  of  the  earth  wuz  deposited, 
and  all  the  machinery  for  collecting  and  making  them 
useful  to  man. 

And  there  wuz  a  place  where  we  could  see  a  miner's 
cabin,  and  miners  at  work,  blasting,  draining,  driving 
tunnels,  drilling,  traveling  underground.  A  gold  mill;  a 
New  Mexican  turquoise  mine;  a  lead,  zinc  and  copper 
mine,  all  working  there  before  us;  and  a  coal  mine  dis 
covered  there  on  the  Exposition  grounds,  an  underground 
railway  connected  these  two  mines.  And  all  sorts  of 
mineral  waters,  queer  things  they  be  flowin'  side  by  side 
out  of  the  same  ground  as  different  as  water  and  wine. 
And  there  wuz  a  foundry  and  mint  for  makin'  money. 

Imagine  a  buildin'  coverin'  nine  acres  full  of  such  in- 
terestin'  sights,  and  thirteen  acres  out-doors.  For  you 
must  remember  that  it  wuz  not  only  the  riches  of  Amer 
ica's  Under  World,  but  the  wealth  of  England,  France, 
Germany,  Sweden,  Italy,  Japan  and  in  fact  every  foreign 
nation.  Josiah  reveled  in  it,  and  so  did  Blandina  vicari 
ously.  And  I  enjoyed  it  too,  for  I  always  wuz  wonderin' 
what  wuz  goin'  on  under  my  feet,  and  now  I  had  a  glimpse 
on't. 

Well,  we  stayed  there  a  long  time  and  went  from  there 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        109 

into  Manufactures  Buildin',  when  who  should  we  meet  but 
Uncle  Giles  Petigrew,  a  M.  E.  deacon  who  used  to  live  in 
Zoar  but  who  had  moved  to  St.  Louis  some  years  before. 
We  used  to  know  him  well.  He  wuz  a  old  man  when  he 
left  Zoar,  and  had  lost  four  wives  a  runnin'  before  he  left 
there,  and  of  course  I  didn't  know  how  many  he'd  lost 
since  he  come  West,  I  see  he  wore  a  mournin'  weed,  and 
mistrusted  he'd  lost  another,  and  so  it  turned  out.  It 
beats  all  what  bad  luck  he  has  had.  He  wuzn't  to  blame 
for  any  one  on  'em,  'tennyrate  them  that  passed  away  at 
Zoar,  and  I  spozed  it  wuz  jest  the  same  here.  Never 
pizened  any  of  'em,  or  divorced  'em  or  anything,  it  wuz 
jest  his  bad  luck. 

He  seemed  real  glad  to  see  us  and  wuz  dretful  chipper 
for  a  man  most  a  hundred ;  he  got  hold  of  my  hand  and 
shook  it  as  if  he  never  would  leggo,  and  went  right  on 
confidin'  in  me  about  his  lost  companion,  what  a  treasure 
she  wuz,  and  what  a  loss. 

And  I  sez,  "  Your  wives  wuz  real  nice  wimmen,  most 
all  on  'em  wuz,  or  them  that  I  knowed. 

"  Oh,  yes,"  sez  he,  "  and  these  blows  that  has  fell  on 
me  has  most  onmanned  me." 

And  I  sez  in  pityin'  axents,  "  You  won't  try  to  git  an 
other  wife,  will  you,  Uncle  Giles?  " 

'Yes,  I  shall,  as  long  as  the  Lord  keeps  a  takin',  I 
shall — is  that  woman  with  Josiah  a  widder? " 


110         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

I  answered  evasive,  and  kinder  stepped  in  between  him 
and  Blandina,  I  didn't  want  her  to  hear  what  he  wuz 
sayin',  I  dassent.  It  wouldn't  been  best  for  her  to  mar 
ried  a  man  most  a  hundred.  And  I  knowed  her  soft  nater 
made  her  a  willin'  martyr  to  widower's  wiles.  Age  made 
no  difference  to  Blandina.  And  I  dassent  venter  to  let  him 
git  nearer  to  her.  So  I  bid  him  a  hasty  good-by  and 
linked  my  arm  into  hern  and  led  her  away.  She  lookin' 
back  and  sayin',  "How  agreeable  and  willin'  a  lookin' 
man  that  wuz,"  and  I  hurried  her  on  fast  to  Manufac 
tures  Buildin'— stoppin'  by  the  way  to  see  the  beautiful 
Sunken  Garden. 

The  display  in  Manufactures  is  so  large  that  they  fill 
two  immense  palaces,  Manufacturers  and  Varied  Indus 
tries,  and  you'd  git  lost  you  couldn't  help  it,  amongst  the 
bewilderin'  and  endless  native  and  foreign  displays,  only 
the  aisles  are  divided  off  into  streets  and  squares,  all  the 
same  width,  so  you  can  git  'round  first-rate.  And  if  you 
had  ten  or  fifteen  years  you  could  spend  here  you  might 
possibly  see  most  of  the  displays  of  your  own  native  land 
and  all  the  foreign  countries.  These  two  palaces  cover 
twenty-eight  acres,  as  big  as  Luman  Gowdey's  farm  that 
he  gits  a  good  livin'  on,  and  the  hull  twenty-eight  acres 
are  full  of  interestin'  sights.  You  can  walk  nine  miles  in 
it  right  ahead — as  fur  as  from  Jonesville  way  up  to  Zoar, 
and  back  agin. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         111 

And  jest  think  of  every  single  thing  that  wuz  ever  manu 
factured  from  a  hatpin  to  a  rose-wood  bedstead,  and  from 
a  needle  to  a  piano,  and  there  it  wuz  in  plain  sight  if  you 
could  git  to  it,  for  truly  you  got  bewildered  amongst  the 
endless  displays.  Furniture,  upholstery,  all  sorts  of  cloth, 
silk,  wool  and  cotton  that  wuz  ever  woven,  all  kinds  of 
silver  and  gold,  and  pearl  and  jet  and  shell  and  ivory 
articles  that  wuz  ever  used,  clocks,  watches,  jewels,  em 
broideries,  laces,  carpets,  curtains,  wall  paper,  stationery, 
hardware,  glass  and  crystal,  furs,  bronze,  ironware,  leather 
goods,  stained  glass,  artists'  supplies,  tailor  shop,  rubber 
store,  toy  store. 

But  good  land!  what  is  the  use  of  tryin'  to  name  'em 
over?  I  couldn't  do  it  if  I  had  a  blank  book  as  big  as  a 
dictionary  and  writ  it  full.  But  you  can  jest  think  of 
everything  manufactured  you  ever  see,  or  ever  didn't  see 
and  there  it  wuz,  and  more  and  more  and  more,  and  I 
might  fill  pages  with  "  mores,"  but  what  use  would  it  be. 

But  one  of  the  best  things  we  see  at  the  hull  Fair  wuz 
there  in  the  Palace  of  Varied  Industries.  For  to  the  think- 
in'  mind,  the  countless  display  of  articles,  the  marvels  and 
magnificence  of  this  Exposition  is  not  its  main  value,  but 
its  educational  worth,  its  power  to  inspire  and  teach  the 
people  of  the  world  better  ways  of  living  and  working, 
how  to  make  the  most  and  best  of  life  for  themselves  and 
others.  And  among  the  educational  exhibits  one  of  the 


112         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

most  interestin'  to  my  mind  is  the  one  I  speak  on  in  the 
Varied  Industries  Palace. 

The  company  that  displays  this  has  other  interestin'  ex 
hibits  at  different  places  at  the  Exposition,  but  here  they 
have  a  display  that  I  wish  the  head  of  every  big  con 
cern  that  employs  labor  could  see  and  study  and  take 
to  heart.  This  company  employs  thousands  of  men  and 
wimmen  in  makin'  a  machine  that  wonderfully  simplifies 
labor. 

But  where  the  real  educational  value  comes  in  hain't  in 
the  machine  itself,  or  the  makin'  on't,  though  that's  in- 
terestin',  but  the  way  this  company  treats  its  employees. 

You  sit  in  a  neat  little  theatre,  fitted  up  with  easy  seats, 
and  electric  fans  and  every  comfort,  and  right  in  front  of 
you,  throwed  onto  a  big  screen,  are  pictures  from  real  life 
showin'  Capital  and  Labor  dwellin'  together  like  a  lion  and 
a  lamb,  and  the  child  Justice  leadin'  'em. 

Here  you  see  and  hear  in  the  interestin'  talk  of  the 
lecturer  pictures  from  the  old  time,  when  the  company 
first  begun  its  work  up  to  the  gigantic  plant  and  immense 
buildings  of  to-day.  You  see  a  woman  tryin'  to  warm 
some  coffee  over  a  radiator,  they  say  the  president  of  the 
company  see  that,  and  it  first  made  him  think  of  furnishin' 
a  lunch  room  with  a  kitchen  and  every  convenience  for  his 
employees. 

You  see  pictures  of  the  women  employees  goin'  to  their 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         113 

work  a  half  hour  later  than  the  men,  so  the  cars  won't  be 
so  crowded.  You  see  'em  at  their  recreation  time  of  fifteen 
minutes,  at  ten  in  the  forenoon  and  three  in  the  afternoon, 
goin'  through  their  physical  exercises,  or  some  other  rec 
reation  to  brighten  'em  up  for  the  rest  of  the  day. 

Then  you  see  'em  at  their  clubs  and  classes,  or  playing 
tennis  or  baseball,  or  in  the  big  auditorium  built  for  their 
use,  listenin'  to  some  great  orator  or  fine  musician.  These 
employees  are  not  drudges,  but  joy  is  labor  and  labor  is 
joy. 

Then  there  is  a  picture  showing  a  street  of  the  homes  of 
these  employees,  pretty  houses  with  windows  and  door 
ways  covered  with  vines  and  bright  blossoms,  makin'  a 
picture  of  what  some  say  is  the  most  beautiful  street  in  the 
world. 

And  there  are  pictures  of  noted  people  who  have  been 
there  to  study  and  learn  their  methods,  folks  from  foreign 
countries,  who  will  carry  the  blessed  and  beautiful  example 
seen  here  to  other  lands.  In  one  view  is  a  Prince  and 
Princess  who  went  there  to  learn  their  ways,  lookin'  admir- 
in'ly  on.  In  another  is  a  Cardinal  givin'  his  benediction  to 
thousands  of  the  happy  workers. 

It  is  a  sermon  better  than  is  often  preached,  what  you 
see  there  in  that  little  theatre.  It  is  Love  and  Labor  and 
Beauty  and  Joy  walkin'  hand  in  hand.  I  wuz  highly  tickled 
with  it,  and  spent  a  glad  hour  here. 


114         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

But  Josiah  and  I  thought  we'd  seen  enough  for  one  day, 
and  would  go  home.  But  Blandina  wanted  to  look  over 
the  articles  of  men's  wearin'  apparell  a  little  more ;  I  don't 
see  what  comfort  they  wuz  to  her  but  she  said,  "  They 
brought  back  memories."  And  I  spoze  they  did  make  her 
think  of  Teeter  and  mebby  his  possible  successor.  But 
one  thing,  I  believe,  that  made  her  want  to  stay,  we  met 
Billy  Huff  jest  as  we  wuz  comin'  out  of  the  buildin',  and 
Blandina  proposed  that  she  should  stay  a  little  longer  with 
him  and  I  gin  a  willin'  consent,  more  willin'  it  seemed  to  me 
than  Billy  wuz,  though  he  couldn't  refuse  to  escort  home  a 
guest  of  the  house. 

But  Josiah  and  I  went  home  and  both  on  us  used  some 
anarky  on  our  tired  limbs,  and  he  cleaned  the  mud  offen 
our  shoes,  for  truly  it  wuz  faithful  and  stuck  by  us. 

It  had  rained  the  night  before  and  that  made  it  dretful 
muddy,  Josiah  acted  real  grouty  about  it  and  sot  there 
mutterin'  and  complainin'  about  the  mud  till  I  got  kinder 
wore  out  and  sez: 

"  For  mercy  sake !  I  guess  you've  seen  mud  before, 
Josiah  Allen.  Think  of  our  Jonesville  streets  after  a  heavy 


rain." 


"  Well,  they  never  wuz  so  muddy  that  I  lost  the  old 
mair  in  'em,  and  a  man  told  me  to-day  that  they  lost  a 
elephant  here  the  other  day,  it  went  right  down  in  the  mud 
out  of  sight,  and  they  never  see  hide  or  hair  of  him  agin." 


Samantha  at  the  St.   Louis  Exposition         115 

"  Don't  you  believe  that,  Josiah  Allen ;  it  hain't  no  such 
thing,  I  hearn  all  about  it,  the  elephant  didn't  go  clear  in. 
He  didn't  go  more  than  half  in,  they  could  see  his  back  all 
the  time  and  they  got  him  out  all  right." 

"  Well,  that's  furder  in  the  mud  than  the  old  mair  ever 
went  enough  sight,  and  I  never  could  have  faced  my  coun 
try  agin,  if  the  streets  had  been  so  muddy  at  my  Expo 
sition." 

"  Don't  be  pickin'  flaws  all  the  time,  Josiah.  There  is 
enough  of  beauty  and  grandeur  here  to  satisfy  any  com 
mon  man." 

"  But  I  hain't  a  common  man,  Samantha,  and  never  wuz 
called  so." 

"  Well,  oncommon  then,  there  is  enough  beauty  here  to 
satisfy  an  oncommon  man." 

That  seemed  to  molify  him,  and  he  gin  in  that  it  wuz  a 
pretty  good  show.  But  in  many  things  inferior  to  what 
hisen  would  have  been  if  he'd  carried  it  out.  But  I  dis 
couraged  all  such  morbid  idees  and  led  his  mind  off  onto 
sunthin'  else. 

That  evenin'  whilst  Josiah  went  out  to  mail  a  letter 
Blandina  come  into  my  room  and  sez  the  first  thing, 
"  Aunt  Samantha,  I  love  him  passionately  but  my  love  is 
scorned  by  him." 

And  she  busted  into  tears.  I  didn't  ask  no  questions, 
but  from  Billy's  icy  demeanor  at  supper  table  and  Blan- 


116         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

dina's  sentimental  grief-stricken  linement  I  mistrusted 
she'd  made  overtoors  to  him  that  had  been  rejected. 

But  I  tried  to  turn  her  mind  'round  by  showin'  her  a 
letter  I'd  jest  got  from  Maggie,  my  son,  Thomas  Jeffer 
son's  wife,  tellin'  me  that  her  sister  Molly,  who  had  been 
visitin'  a  college  friend  in  the  South,  had  come  home  much 
sooner  than  she  had  been  expected  and  seemed  run  down 
and  most  sick. 

But  she  wuz  bound  to  go  to  the  Fair  and  they  thought  it 
wouldn't  hurt  her  to  go,  as  there  didn't  seem  to  be  any 
thing  serious  the  matter  with  her  only  she  seemed  melan 
choly  and  out  of  sperits,  it  seemed  to  be  her  mind  that 
wuz  ailin'  more  than  her  body.  And  would  I  if  there  wuz 
room  in  my  boardin'  place  take  her  in  and  mother  her  a 
little.  Maggie  couldn't  come  herself,  she  wuzn't  feelin' 
strong  enough,  and  Thomas  J.  won't  leave  her,  specially 
if  anything  ails  her,  no  indeed!  he  jest  worships  her,  and 
visey  versey  she  him. 

I  can't  deny  my  first  thought  on  readin'  the  letter  wuz, 
another  straw  to  be  laid  on  the  back  of  the  camel,  meanin' 
myself  in  metafor.  But  my  second  thought  wuz  I  should 
be  glad  to  have  her  come,  for  she  is  a  lovely  girl  and  I  set 
store  by  her.  She's  been  away  to  school  and  college  for 
years,  but  I  had  often  seen  her  durin'  her  vacations  at 
Thomas  Jefferson's. 

Maggie  had  showed  her  letters  to  me  that  she  had  writ 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         117 

whilst  she  wuz  away  South  on  this  visit  to  her  friend.  One 
young  man's  name  run  through  'em  like  the  theme  to  a 
great  melody,  and  then  all  to  once  stopped,  and  though 
Maggie  and  I  hadn't  passed  a  word  on  the  subject  I  mis 
trusted  more  than  Maggie  mistrusted  I  did  about  the  cause 
of  Molly  bein'  so  deprested. 

Young  folks  will  be  young  folks !  young  blood  can't  run 
slow  and  stiddy,  and  how  young  hearts  can  ache,  ache. 
The  tide  that  youth  sails  out  on  is  a  restless  one,  it  has  its 
passionate  tides,  lit  by  glowing  sunshine,  and  anon  by  the 
glare  of  the  tempest.  It  flows  ever  and  anon  smooth,  and 
then  agin  rough  rocks  of  disappointment  checks  its  swift 
glad  flow,  and  what  it  calls  despair,  but  which  dwindles 
down  into  nothin'  more  than  regret  time  and  agin.  It  has 
its  low  tides,  full  of  the  sobbin'  of  waters  that  are  flowin' 
back  to  the  depths,  and  everything  seems  lost  and  gone. 
But  anon  the  tide  flows  back  again  and  so  it  goes  on,  storm 
and  dull  calm,  sunshine  and  tempest,  and  they  don't  know 
which  is  the  hardest  to  endure.  That's  why  youth  is  so 
beautiful,  so  glorious,  so  tragic. 

How  I  wished  I  could  take  Molly  (for  I  loved  her) 
and  lift  her  clear  over  the  breakers  into  the  calm  of  the 
deeper,  smoother  waters  that  the  home  going  boat  finds 
when  it  is  nearing  the  nightfall.  The  calm  waters  lit  by  a 
light,  soft  and  stiddy  but  sort  o'  sad  like,  not  like  the 
dancin'  sunlight  of  the  mornin',  oh  no!  when  the  tired 


118         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

mariner  looks  back  over  the  voyage  and  gits  ready  to  cast 
anchor  in  the  Home  Haven. 

But  I  knowed  I  wuz  onreasonable  to  even  wish  it,  for 
grim  old  Experience  must  stand  at  the  helium  every  time  in 
everybody's  life,  and  folks  hadn't  ort  to  expect  dyin'  grace 
to  live  by;  Molly  had  got  to  weather  the  storm  of  life 
whether  or  no  and  I  couldn't  help  it.  But  to  stop  eppisod- 
in'  and  resoom. 

I  made  a  practice  of  writin'  down  mornings  before  I 
started  for  the  Fair  the  places  I  wanted  to  see  that  day 
if  the  rest  of  the  party  consented,  and  I  writ  down  that 
mornin'  Liberal  Arts,  Fisheries,  Educational  Buildin', 
Electricity,  Machinery,  Transportation,  Horticultural  and 
Agricultural  Buildin's  and  etcetery. 

Josiah  wanted  to  know  what  etcetery  meant,  and  I  told 
him  any  other  place  we  wanted  to  see  which  he  said  wuz 
reasonable,  and  he  thought  probable  he  should  have  to  go 
to  some  shows  on  the  Pike,  he  said  he  had  met  Uncle  Sime 
Bentley  the  day  before  and  they  talked  it  over  and  de 
cided  that  it  seemed  to  be  their  duty  as  solid  stiddy  men 
to  go  to  some  of  the  worst  shows,  specially  them  that  had 
pretty  girls  in  'em,  so  they  could  be  convinced  of  their  in 
iquity  and  warn  the  young  Jonesvillians.  He  said  they 
would  take  their  advice  as  quick  agin  if  they  could  warn 
'em  from  experience. 

"  But  Josiah,"  sez  I,  "  I  wouldn't  take  such  a  distaste- 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         119 

ful,  hateful  job  onto  me,  it  hain't  your  duty  to  make  such 
a  martyr  of  yourself,  specially  as  you  hain't  well." 

But  Josiah  said  he'd  always  said  "  He  wouldn't  put  his 
hand  to  the  plow  and  look  back,"  and  he  and  Uncle  Sime 
had  talked  it  all  over  and  agreed  they  would  make  the 
sacrifice  for  the  good  of  Jonesville.  But  I  meant  to  break 
it  up ;  I  knowed  it  wuzn't  his  duty  to  nasty  up  his  mind, 
hopin'  to  do  good  by  it,  when  I  could  never  git  it  cleaned 
up  agin  as  clean  as  it  wuz  before. 


CHAPTER   VII 

TINT  Tryphena  come  in  to  make  up  our  room 
whilst  we  wuz  argyin'  about  it.  She  come 
earlier  than  common,  for  she  said  she  wuz 
goin'  herself  to  the  Fair  that  day  and  take 
Dotie,  who  hadn't  been  at  all.  I  told  her  it  would  be  a  job 
to  take  care  of  a  child  in  that  big  crowd. 

But  she  said,  "  I'd  rather  take  care  of  Miss  Dotie  than  to 
eat  any  time.  And  as  for  the  crowd  it  wuz  nothin'  to 
crowds  she'd  been  in  when  she  lived  in  Paris  with  Miss 
Louise  and  Prince  Arthur.  She  had  took  him  when  he  wuz 
a  little  boy  to  the  Boy  Bolony  and  the  Champin  Eliza  when 
there  wuz  millions  of  folks  there."  She  wuz  always  talk 
ing  of  Prince  Arthur,  which  I  fancied  wuz  a  pet  name  for 
a  child,  and  still  given  to  the  young  man  she  wuz  constantly 
talkin'  about  through  her  pride  and  love  for  him. 

Aunt  Tryphena  wuz  from  slave  parentage,  but  she  had 
always  lived  in  white  families  since  a  child,  so  she  had 
little  of  the  peculiar  dialect  of  her  race.  But  she  wuz 
black  as  the  Founder  of  Evil  himself,  tall  and  thin  with  a 
mighty  head  of  wool  white  as  snow,  which  she  covered 
with  a  yellow  turban  about  her  work.  She  had  abnormal 
powers  of  falsehood;  not  for  profit  or  to  make  trouble,  but 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         121 

jest  simple  lying  for  lie's  sake.  The  most  incredible  stories 
she  would  string  off,  and  nothing  pleased  Billy  more  than 
to  git  her  to  goin',  as  he  called  it. 

He  would  call  our  attention  silently  and  reach  behind 
her  when  she  wuz  about  her  work  and  turn  an  imaginary 
crank  in  her  back,  and  then  in  the  same  pantomime  would 
jump  back  as  if  in  fear  of  the  fatal  power  he'd  invoked, 
but  would  wickedly  delight  in  the  endless  stream  of  talk 
let  forth,  occasionally  asking  a  few  questions,  enough  to 
keep  her  going.  She  would  lean  on  top  of  her  broom  and 
tell  of  her  former  adventures  thrilling  enough  and  lengthy 
enough  to  fill  a  dozen  lives.  But  everything  had  happened 
to  her  personally,  very  few  noted  people  but  she  had  seen 
and  been  on  intimate  terms  with,  very  few  far  distant  coun 
tries  but  what  she  had  visited,  "  Santered  through,"  as  she 
termed  it. 

In  a  fine  disregard  for  geography  she  would  tell  of  step 
ping  from  Chicago  over  to  the  Phillippines,  and  so  on  to 
London  and  then  to  Europe.  She  detailed  many  adven 
tures  in  Paris  and  described  places  that  made  us  think 
that  she  had  some  time  lived  there.  She  said  she  went 
there  with  Miss  Louise  and  her  son,  Prince  Arthur,  when 
he  wuz  little,  as  his  nurse.  And  she  described  him  as  hav 
ing  all  the  virtues  of  his  sex  with  none  of  its  frailties.  She 
said  she  had  his  picture  which  she  would  show  us  some  day. 
She  described  his  mother  as  a  "  proud  piece,"  almost 


122         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

putting  her  down  on  a  level  with  "  poor  white  trash,"  which 
wuz  the  deepest  depth  her  plummet  of  contumely  could 
reach.  And  she  described  her  as  holding  her  son  by  her 
apron  string,  as  she  termed  it. 

She  said  he  had  been  home  this  summer  on  bizness  down 
South  and  had  come  to  see  her,  which  Billy  said  wuz  true, 
a  very  handsome  and  elegant  young  gentleman  having 
called  twice  to  see  his  old  nurse  during  the  spring  and 
summer. 

She  said  he  come  to  see  her  on  his  arrival  at  St.  Louis 
on  some  bizness  connected  with  the  Fair,  and  then  he  san- 
tered  off.  to  Saratoga  for  a  few  weeks,  and  then  on  to  ole 
Virginny  and  New  Zealand,  and  then  back  to  St.  Louis  to 
attend  to  his  bizness  agin  about  the  Fair.  She  said  he  wuz 
pale  and  sad  the  last  time  she  see  him,  and  she  mistrusted 
his  ma  had  been  cuttin'  up.  She  sez : 

"  You  know  she  lacks"  That  wuz  Aunt  Tryphena's 
greatest  condemnation  to  say  folks  lacked.  She  never  told 
what  they  lacked,  but  left  it  to  the  imagination  of  the 
hearer ;  from  her  expression  you  would  imagine  they  lacked 
all  the  cardinal  virtues  and  them  that  wuzn't  cardinal.  She 
said  his  ma  wuz  sick  and  kep'  the  Prince  right  under  her 
feet,  and  he'd  gone  back  now  to  be  with  her  leaving  St. 
Louis  only  a  week  or  so  before  we  come. 

Bein'  asked  why  she  left  Miss  Louise  she  wuz  more  re 
ticent,  only  remarking  that  after  Prince  Arthur  went  to 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         123 

college  she  wanted  a  change,  so  she  had  strolled  over  to 
South  America,  and  from  there  to  Asia  and  so  on  to 
Chicago  where  she  wuz  hired  as  nurse  to  Miss  Dotie,  and 
when  her  ma  died  and  the  child  wuz  taken  by  its  great- 
aunt,  Miss  Huff,  she  had  been  willing  to  help  the  latter 
through  the  Exposition,  for  she  wuz  a  nice  woman  and 
didn't  lack. 

But  we  could  see  that  her  real  reason  wuz  to  be  with  the 
child — faithful  creeter  she  wuz,  though  queer,  queer  as 
they  make.  And  to  see  the  little  creature's  white  snow  and 
rose  face  resting  lovingly  and  confidingly  aginst  the  black 
cheeks,  you  knew  that  Aunt  Tryphena  had  good  in  her. 
Little  children  are  good  detectives,  like  the  sun  that  photo 
graphs  hidden  virtues  and  failings  in  the  human  face,  so 
a  child's  intuition  brought  from  the  heaven  they  have  so 
lately  left,  takes  the  best  impressions  of  a  person's  real 
character.  Children  and  animals  live  so  near  Nature's 
heart  they  can  detect  real  diamonds  from  the  false,  no  paste 
glitter  can  deceive  'em.  Aunt  Pheeny  had  qualities,  or 
Dotie  wouldn't  have  loved  her  so  well,  and  I  felt  it  a  great 
compliment  that  she  seemed  to  like  me. 

Well,  as  observed  heretofore  we  had  took  a  hefty  job 
that  day,  and  we  proceeded  first  to  the  Educational  Build- 
in'.  It  wuz  a  noble  lookin'  structure  with  a  row  of  snowy 
pillows  all  'round  it;  a  good  many  think  it  is  the  hand 
somest  buildin'  on  the  Fair  ground,  and  as  I  said  to  Jo- 


124         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

siah,  it  ort  to  be  considerin'  the  greatness  and  importance 
of  the  work  it  displays,  for  our  free  schools,  our  educa 
tional  advantages,  are  the  pride  and  glory  of  our  country. 

"  Yes,  Samantha,"  sez  he,  "I  hearn  a  man  say  yesterday 
education  wuz  the  very  bull  work  of  our  country,  meanin' 
you  know,  Samantha,  it  wuz  strong  as  a  bull." 

"  Oh,  you  hain't  got  it  jest  right,  Josiah,  bulwark  don't 
mean  jest  that,  but  you've  got  the  sperit  of  it,"  I  hastened 
to  say,  for  he  don't  love  to  be  corrected. 

And  here  in  this  buildin'  we  see  everything  relating  to 
schools  from  kindergarten  to  university,  training  schools, 
where  children  wuz  to  work,  schools  for  the  blind,  deaf  and 
dumb  in  operation ;  the  work  of  labratories  going  on  before 
you ;  departments  in  drawing,  music,  agricultural  colleges ; 
experiment  stations,  forestry,  engineering  schools  and  in 
stitutions,  libraries,  museums,  education  of  the  Indian  and 
negro,  evening  industrial  schools,  business  and  commercial 
schools,  people's  institutes,  and  every  way  and  manner  of 
mind  training.  Photograph,  charts,  maps,  and  not  only  all 
our  own  educational  exhibits,  but  England,  France,  Ger 
many,  Russia,  China,  and  in  short  all  the  foreign  countries. 

We  stayed  a  good  while  there  and  I  would  have  loved  to 
stay  longer,  but  Josiah  got  worrisome  and  wanted  to  go 
on  to  Electricity  Buildin'  which  wuz  next  in  our  pro- 
grammy.  And  here  I  took  more  solid  comfort  than  in  any 
place  I'd  been,  beholdin'  the  marvelous  works  wrought  by 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         125 

the  greatest  discovery  of  the  ages.  That  wonderful  Force 
that  has  power  to  overcome  space,  save  or  slay.  It  is  in 
telligent,  can  talk  over  the  ocean  and  under  it,  talk  with 
wires,  and  if  a  wire  hain't  handy  it  will  take  a  beam  of  light 
and  talk  on  that,  and  it  can  git  along  without  either  one,  for 
here  is  the  biggest  wireless  telegraph  station  ever  built; 
visitors  can  talk  on  it  from  city  and  city,  jest  throwin'  their 
words  out  into  the  air  and  this  onseen  agency  carries  'em 
along  to  the  one  sent  to  and  nobody  else — wonderful  hain't 
it?  Wonderful  to  meditate  on  the  great  onseen  forces  all 
about  us,  mysterious  viewless  shapes,  nigh  to  us,  helpin' 
us,  journey  in'  on  errents  of  mercy  to  and  fro  on  paths  we 
can't  see,  leadin'  up  and  down  from  star  to  star  from 
heaven  to  earth  mebby. 

And  curious,  hain't  it,  that  the  noble  and  ardent  dis 
coverers  who  have  tried  to  git  friendly  with  them  Great 
Forces  and  introduce  'em  to  the  world  have  been  called 
ignorant  and  pagan,  when  if  these  scoffers  knowed  it  there 
is  no  paganism  or  ignorance  to  be  compared  to  that  of 
bigotry  and  intolerance. 

And  we  see  there  dynamos  of  all  kinds,  motors,  storage 
batteries,  all  sorts  of  power  machines.  Electric  railway 
equipments  of  every  kind,  telephone  stations  for  talking 
with  wires  and  without  'em,  all  kinds  of  electric  lighting, 
arc  lamps,  electro-chemical  displays.  And  in  one  place 
they  show  the  way  Niagara  wuz  made  to  yield  up  her  re- 


126         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

sistless  power  to  work  for  mankind.  Labratories  for  all 
sorts  of  electrical  exhibits  and  research  work.  Electricity 
purifying  water,  making  it  safe  to  drink,  wuz  one  of  its 
best  exhibits. 

There  wuz  everything  there  it  wuz  possible  to  show  in 
electricity  and  magnetism,  not  only  in  our  own  country, 
but  the  work  and  discoveries  of  all  the  foreign  countries 
in  this  most  interestin'  of  fields. 

There  is  another  wireless  telegraph  and  telephone  station 
in  the  Model  City  that  we  visited  another  time.  You  walk 
into  this  room  and  you  don't  hear  anything  more  than  the 
ordinary  noise  the  big  crowd  makes  passin'  to  and  fro. 
And  the  air  about  you  don't  seem  any  different  from  jest 
plain  Jonesville  air.  Your  human  eyes  and  ears  can't  dis 
cover  any  difference. 

But  you  jest  take  up  a  receiver  and  put  it  to  your  ear 
and  lo,  and  behold  the  atmosphere  all  about  you  is  full  of 
voices,  near  and  fur  off,  strains  of  music.  It's  a  sight. 

And  I  sez  to  Josiah,  "  Who  knows  but  some  happy  soul 
some-  happy  day  may  discover  the  secret  of  seeing?  Who 
knows  what  divine  visitors  are  this  minute  coming  and 
going  over  these  onseen  routes  connecting  our  souls  with 
distant  ones,  connecting  one  land  to  another,  one  planet 
to  another  like  as  not." 

And  growin'  some  eloquent,  I  kep'  on,  "  We  don't  hear 
the  sound  of  their  footsteps  lighter  and  more  noiseless  than 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         127 

the  down  of  a  blossom,  shod  as  they  are  with  the  softness 
of  silence.  We  don't  hear  the  rustle  of  their  garments, 
woven  of  f rabic  lighter  than  air.  We  can't  see  their  tender 
faces  no  more  than  we  can  see  the  sweet  breath  of  the  rose. 
If  they  lay  their  tender  hands  on  our  foreheads  they  rest 
there  so  light  and  tender  we  fancy  it  is  only  a  breath  of  air 
touchin'  our  fevered  brows  bringing  a  sudden  rest  and 
comfort. 

"  If  they  speak  to  us  when  we're  tired  out  and  heart 
broken  we  hear  their  voices  only  in  our  souls  that  are 
suddenly  and  strangely  consoled.  If  their  eyes  ever  look 
into  our  eyes  filled  with  the  divine  pity  and  sweetness  of 
their  all  comprehendin'  love  and  sympathy,  we  only  know 
it  by  the  sudden  sunshiny  light  and  warmth  that  fills  our 
being.  But  sometime,  somewhere,  some  happy  soul  may 
see  and  comprehend  what  we  now  faintly  apprehend." 

Josiah  whispered,  "  Samantha  Allen,  do  you  realize 
what  you're  doin' !  You're  attractin'  attention  and  makin' 
talk,  come  along!  this  is  no  time  for  eppisodin',  if  there 
ever  is  a  right  time." 

And  bein'  brung  down  to  earth  agin  I  found  to  my 
great  surprise  I  wuz  sayin'  this  out  loud  entirely  on- 
beknown  to  myself.  And  I  follered  my  pardner  out  of 
the  buildin'. 

But  to  resoom  backwards.  We  thought  we  would  go 
from  the  Palace  of  Electricity  to  that  of  Transportation, 


128         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

and  I  feelin'  real  tired  thought  I  would  take  a  chair  a  spell 
(eloquence  is  tuckerin'  specially  when  you're  walkin' 
afoot),  and  I  proposed  that  we  should  all  take  chairs 
for  a  spell.  But  Josiah  said  he  didn't  want  any  chair, 
and  Blandina  of  course  follered  suit  and  said  she  felt  jest 
like  Uncle  Josiah,  she  wouldn't  set  down  if  she  could. 

But  I  sez,  "  Well,  I  think  I  will  take  one,"  and  Josiah 
ruther  onwillin'ly  said  he  would  git  one  for  me,  and  sez 
he,  "I'll  see  how  much  the  man  will  throw  off  if  I  push 
the  chair  myself." 

Sez  I,  "  The  man  wouldn't  trust  a  perfect  stranger  with 
a  chair." 

Then  Josiah  wondered  if  he  couldn't  borry  the  loan  of 
a  wheelbarru  that  would  hold  me  up.  He  could  trundle 
me  along  as  well  as  not. 

Sez  I,  "  I  shall  not  enter  the  Palace  of  Transportation, 
Josiah  Allen,  in  a  wheelbarrow." 

"  Well,  I  could  probable  git  in  Machinery  Hall  a  pair  of 
big  castors  and  fix  'em  onto  your  shoes,  and  Blandina  and 
I  could  push  you  'round  like  a  buro.  What  do  you  think 
of  that!  "  sez  he  anxiously. 

"  I  shall  not  enter  into  any  such  operation ! "  sez  I. 
"How  it  would  look!" 

"  I  d'no  as  it  would  look  so  dretful,  you  standin'  up 
straight  and  easy,  and  Blandina  and  I  pushin'  you  along, 
and  'tennyrate  I  guess  it  would  look  as  well  as  bein' 
throwed  onto  the  town !  chairs  cost  like  the  old  Harry." 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         129 

Sez  I,  "  Don't  worry,  I  shall  pay  with  my  own  butter 
money."  And  so  I  did,  and  rid  to  Transportation  Buildin' 
with  Josiah  and  Blandina  walkin'  by  my  side.  We  entered 
one  of  its  sixty  doors,  and  the  first  thing  we  sot  our  eyes 
on  up  in  plain  sight,  but  fur  ahead  wuz  the  wheels  of  a 
great  locomotive  weighin'  more  than  two  hundred  thou 
sand  pounds,  revolvin'  'round  in  dizzy  speed.  They  said 
it  went  by  compressed  air,  another  wonder,  jest  common 
air  that  you  could  dip  up  in  your  hand  and  not  think  you 
had  anything  in  it,  and  yet  if  managed  right  had  power 
enough  to  turn  all  the  machinery  we  see  goin'.  Around 
this  monster  engine  wuz  electric  head-lights  throwin'  daz- 
zlin'  beams  in  every  direction.  The  hull  tiling  well  named, 
the  Spirit  of  the  Twentieth  Century.  And  all  'round  it  wuz 
grouped  models  showing  the  development  of  the  inventor's 
dream  from  the  first  rough  effort  at  an  engine  up  to  the 
most  perfect  specimen  of  to-day.  All  sorts  of  electrical 
railways,  freight  and  work  cars,  tracks,  switches,  signals, 
carriages,  ortomobiles,  motor  vehicles,  naval  architecture, 
models,  boats,  steamships,  men-of-war,  battleships  of  the 
line. 

Exhibits  of  all  sorts,  illustrating  inland  transportation 
in  India,  France,  Germany,  Switzerland,  Spain  and  every 
other  foreign  country.  You  could  see  to  once  that  there  wuz 
ways  enough  to  travel,  and  if  you  stayed  to  home  it  wuz 
your  own  fault. 


130         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Well,  we  went  from  there  to  Machinery  Buildin',  that 
bein'  writ  down  next  on  my  pad.  But  as  we  walked  along, 
I  considerable  riz  up  in  my  mind,  owin'  to  what  I'd  seen, 
who  should  we  come  acrost  but  the  widder  Whisher  of 
Loontown,  a  woman  we  knew  well.  She  wuz  settin'  on  a 
bench  cryin'  as  if  her  heart  would  break,  and  I  sez : 

"  Why,  sister  Whisher,  what  is  the  matter?  "  (She  wuz 
sister  in  the  meetin'  house.) 

She  had  a  paper  in  her  hand  and  held  it  oi*t  to  us,  "  Jest 
see  that !  I  found  it  in  the  pocket  of  my  innocent  boy ! " 
pintin'  to  a  coat  layin'  by  her. 

<  <  Why, "  sez  I, '  *  that  paper  is  took  more  than  any  other 
almost;  I  like  it  myself  first-rate,  its  editorials  are  the 
brightest  and  smartest  you'll  find  anywhere." 

"  Oh,  but  it  is  so  sensational !  so  vulgar,  so  demoralizin' 
to  the  tender  and  innocent  heart  of  youth.  And  to  think 
that  my  spotless  child  that  I  have  guarded  so  sedgously 
from  every  breath  of  evil  should  have  it  concealed  in  his 
pocket.  I  have  always  burnt  every  copy  I've  found."  And 
agin  she  sobbed,  and  agin  I  sez : 

"  Sister  Whisher,  don't  take  it  so  to  heart ;  he'll  have  to 
weather  worst  storms  than  this  on  the  sea  of  life.  And  you 
can't  expect  to  be  with  him  always  and  stand  to  the 
helium." 

"  Oh,  but  Reginald  Heber  is  so  innocent,  so  pure-hearted ; 
almost  an  angel,"  sez  she,  "  I  have  been  so  afraid  that  he 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         131 

wuz  too  perfect  for  this  sinful  world ! "  And  her  tears 
flowed  afresh. 

Well,  I  see  I  couldn't  plug  up  this  flowin'  fountain  of 
tears  with  sympathy  or  reason,  so  we  mogged  along. 
Widder  Whisher  wuz  always  kinder  soft  and  she'd  made 
a  perfect  idol  of  Reginald,  who  wuzn't  any  better  than 
common  children  so  fur  as  I  could  see. 

And  after  goin'  a  few  steps,  Josiah  and  I  in  advance, 
Blandina  a  little  in  our  rears,  who  should  we  see  comin' 
directly  towards  us  but  Reginald  Heber  himself.  He  evi 
dently  didn't  notice  who  we  wuz,  but  wuz  merely  takin'  note 
of  a  new  victim,  for  after  takin'  fair  aim  at  my  stomach  he 
bent  his  head  down  and  went,  "  Choo,  choo ! — choo,  choo !  " 
like  a  engine  and  run  towards  me  at  full  speed,  and  bunted 
his  round  shingled  head  right  into  my  stomach  with  almost 
the  force  of  an  arrer  shot  out  of  a  catamount,  yellin'  all  the 
while  like  a  demon. 

"  Git  out  of  the  way,  you  old  four-eyed  devil  you !  " 

Makin'  light  of  my  spectacles,  I  spoze,  though  truly  I 
wuz  too  weak  to  reason.  After  doublin'  me  up  in  agony 
he  sought  safety  in  flight.  But  my  indignant  pardner 
ketched  him  by  his  little  short-tailed  coat  and  dragged  him 
back  to  his  ma,  hollerin'  at  her : 

"  I'll  give  you  a  specimen  of  your  innocent  boy !  He's 
jest  the  kind  of  an  innocent  angel  I'd  love  to  take  a  hem 
lock  shingle  to,  and  would,  if  it  wuzn't  for  makin'  talk." 
And  he  told  the  hull  thing  before  I  could  interfere. 


132         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

She  wept  afresh,  but  sez  she,  lookin'  at  the  whimper  in' 
and  strugglin'  Reginald  H.,  "  How  soon  the  demoralizin' 
effects  of  that  paper  shows — 

But  Josiah  continued  on  in  that  same  loud  axent,  his 
liniment  red  as  blood  with  anger,  "  If  I  had  your  darling  to 
deal  with  a  spell,  there  would  be  a  change  in  him,  or  a 
funeral  appinted,  and  the  body  would  be  ready  at  the 
time  sot,  I  can  tell  you  that !  " 

Josiah  wuz  fearful  excited  and  by  the  side  of  himself. 
Such  voylent  language  is  almost  a  perfect  stranger  to  him, 
but  he  feared  for  my  bones.  But  I  found  after  walkin' 
'round  a  spell  that  they  wuz  intact,  but  the  pain  in  my 
stomach  hung  about  me  all  day,  and  that  night,  no  matter 
how  high  my  standin'  wuz  in  the  W.  C.  T.  II.,  I  had  to 
take  a  peppermint  sling. 

But  to  resoom  backward.  Machinery  Buildin'  wuz  an  im 
mense  beautiful  palace.  And  when  I  tell  you  its  contents 
are  valued  at  eight  millions  you  won't  expect  me  to  dis- 
scribe  the  hull  on  'em,  no,  it  hain't  reasonable.  When  we 
entered  we  see  the  first  thing  a  engine  of  over  fifty  thou 
sand  horse-power. 

Now,  jest  think  on't,  a  one  horse-power  hain't  to  be 
despised.  Why,  I've  thought  our  old  mair  power  when  she 
wuz  hitched  onto  a  bob  sled  wuz  powerful.  But  jest  think 
of  fifty  thousand  horse-power.  Why,  if  they  wuz  hitched 
in  front  of  each  other  with  lines  about  the  usual  length,  the 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         133 

line  would  reach  more  than  a  hundred  miles.  Why,  the 
veiy  idee  is  staggerin'  to  the  intellect. 

But,  there  it  was  right  there  before  our  eyes  grindin' 
out  power  to  run  this  monster  Exposition,  and  not  com- 
plainin'  or  needin'  the  whip  as  the  fifty  thousand  horses 
would,  only  jest  knucklin'  down  stiddy  to  the  work,  groan- 
in'  considerable  loud,  and  who  blames  it.  And  you  could 
see  everything  in  the  line  of  engines  from  the  little  half 
horse-power  gas  engine,  about  half  the  mair's  strength, 
about  cow  power,  mebby,  and  from  this  up  to  a  steam 
turbin  of  eight  thousand  horse-power,  a  rotary  steam 
engine.  And  in  the  Belgian  exhibit  wuz  a  gas  engine  of 
three  thousand  horse-power,  a  common  sized  horse  can 
be  driv  through  its  cylinders,  it  takes  about  thirty  tons  of 
coal  a  day  to  run  it.  And  there  wuz  a  big  French  steam 
engine  turnin'  three  hundred  and  thirty  times  a  minute. 
And  there  wuz  a  great  hydraulic  press  from  Germany  that 
exerts  the  terrific  pressure  of  ninety  thousand  pounds  to 
the  square  inch — what  would  it  be  to  the  yard  ?  My  brain 
hain't  powerful  enough  to  tackle  the  idee. 

Well,  there  wuz  every  kind  of  machinery  in  the  world 
from  all  the  foreign  countries  as  well  as  ours,  and  the 
methods  of  making  and  running  them.  And  we  stayed 
there  till  my  head  seemed  to  turn  'round  and  'round,  and  I 
told  my  pardner  I  must  git  out  into  the  open  air  or  I 
should  begin  to  turn  'round  and  revolve  in  spite  of  me. 


134         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

I  spoze  I  did  look  bad,  and  Josiah  said  we  would  go  and 
have  lunch.  He  said  there  wuz  a  caff  right  'round  the 
corner,  as  he  pronounced  cafe  it  sounded  like  a  young  cow. 
But  the  idee  wuz  good,  and  after  we  eat  quite  a  good  meal 
and  rested  a  little  we  started  to  tackle  Agricultural  Buildin' 
which  wuz  writ  next  on  my  pad. 

It  wuz  quite  a  journey  there,  in  fact,  as  I've  said  before, 
you  have  to  walk  a  long  distance  to  git  anywhere,  but  jest 
before  we  got  there  we  see  sunthin'  that  made  us  forgit 
for  the  moment  our  achin'  limbs.  On  the  side  of  a  slopin' 
hill  at  the  bottom  of  the  long  flight  of  stairs,  that  lead  up 
to  the  north  entrance  of  Agricultural  Hall  is  the  most 
wonderful  clock  that  wuz  ever  seen  on  this  globe,  and  I 
don't  believe  they've  got  anything  to  beat  it  in  Mars  or 
Saturn. 

I  can't  give  you  much  idee  of  it  by  writin',  nobody  can, 
but  I  can  probably  describe  it  so  you  can  see  it  goes  ahead 
of  your  own  clock  on  the  kitchen  wall  or  mantelry  piece. 
To  begin  with  how  long  do  you  spoze  the  minute  hand  is  ? 
The  minute  hand  on  our  clock  is  about  three  inches  long, 
and  the  minute  hand  to  this  is  fifty  feet  long,  and  its  face 
is  about  three  hundred  feet  'round  and  all  made  of  the 
most  beautiful  posies. 

Why,  the  figures  that  mark  the  hours  are  fifteen  feet 
long,  most  three  times  as  long  as  my  pardner,  if  he  lay 
flat  as  a  pan-cake  to  be  measured  by  a  pole,  jest  think  of 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         135 

that  and  these  figgers  are  all  made  of  bright  colored  foliage 
plants.  The  ornaments  'round  the  face  of  the  clock  is  a 
border  of  twenty-five  different  plants,  each  one  fifteen  feet 
wide.  Some  different  from  the  ornamental  wreath  'round 
our  clock  face,  that  hain't  more'n  half  an  inch  wide,  if  it 
is  that.  Our  clock  has  a  picture  underneath  of  old  Time 
with  his  scythe  a  mowin'  down  the  hours  and  minutes  as 
his  nater  his.  And  I  told  Josiah  how  beautiful  and  sym 
bolical  it  wuz  to  think  old  Time  had  laid  down  his  scythe 
for  a  spell,  and  wuz  measurin'  off  the  hours  here  in  this 
Fairy  Land  with  beautiful  posies. 

And  Josiah  said,  "  The  hours  ort  to  be  marked  here 
with  canes  and  crutches,"  he  said  his  legs  ached  like  the 
toothache. 

The  distances  are  awful  and  I  couldn't  deny  it,  and  you 
do  git  tuckered  out,  but  then,  as  I  told  Josiah,  jest  think 
what  you're  tuckered  for. 

And  he  said,  "  When  you're  as  dead  as  a  door-nail  he 
didn't  know  what  good  some  steeples  and  flags  wuz  goin' 
to  do  you,  or  floral  clocks."  I  mistrusted  he'd  walked  too 
fur  lately,  and  had  strained  the  cords  of  his  legs,  and  his 
patience  too  much,  though  the  last-named  wuz  easy  hurt 
and  always  wuz. 

But  Josiah  took  out  his  watch  and  looked  at  it  and  said 
he'd  promised  to  meet  a  man  on  important  bizness,  and 
he'd  meet  us  at  a  certain  spot  in  Agricultural  Hall  in  jest 
one  hour. 


136         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

I  asked  him  what  bizness  it  wuz,  and  he  hesitated  a  little 
and  said  as  he  hurried  away  that  it  wuz  "  Bizness  con 
nected  with  the  meetin'  house,"  and  I  asked  him  "  What 
meetin'  house?  "  and  he  didn't  answer  me,  he  wuz  walkin' 
off  so  fast — mebby  he  didn't  hear  me. 

Well,  Blandina  and  I  stayed  lookin'  at  this  wonderful 
clock  for  some  time,  and  she  said  that  the  man  that  in 
vented  this  clock  wuz  a  powerful  genius  and  how  she  did 
wish  she  could  meet  him.  She  said  such  a  man  needed  a 
kind  and  lovin'  companion  to  take  every  care  offen  him  and 
pet  him  and  make  of  him. 

The  machinery  of  this  clock,  what  makes  it  go,  is  up 
above  a  little  ways  on  the  hill  in  a  small  pavilion.  There 
are  glass  doors,  and  you  can  look  in  and  see  the  works  of  the 
clock.  A  great  bell  there  strikes  off  the  hours  and  quarter 
hours,  and  there  is  a  big  hour-glass  there  too.  One  thou 
sand  electric  lights  light  it  up  at  night  so  folks  can  see 
day  or  night  jest  how  time  is  passin'  away. 

Agricultural  Building  is  the  largest  on  the  ground.  The 
two  palaces  of  Agriculture  and  Horticulture  stand  up  on 
a  beautiful  hill  surrounded  by  orchards,  gardens,  vine 
yards,  shrubs,  vines  of  all  sorts.  This  outside  exhibit 
covers  fifty  acres.'  There  are  beautiful  lakes  full  of  the 
rarest  aquatic  plants,  from  the  great  Egyptian  lotus, 
whose  leaves  are  large  and  strong  enough  to  hold  up  a 
good-sized  child,  and  all  kinds  of  smaller  plants,  but  jest 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         137 

as  beautiful ;  indeed,  there  is  everything  rare  and  lovely  in 
that  display  that  ever  grew  in  water  or  on  land,  and  they 
make  it  one  of  the  most  beautiful  places  of  the  hull  Ex- 
position. 

The  enormous  display  outside  and  inside  covers  seventy 
acres,  and  every  inch  on  'em  beautiful  and  instructive. 
The  twenty  acres  covered  by  Agricultural  Hall  contains 
everything  relating  to  the  soil  and  its  cultivation,  every 
thing  that  Mother  Earth  gives  to  man,  all  the  tools,  imple 
ments  of  every  kind  used  in  agriculture,  ploughs,  reapers, 
mowers,  threshers,  etc.,  run  by  horse-power,  steam  or  elec 
tricity. 

Among  the  ploughs  we  see  a  small  old-fashioned  one 
made  of  wood,  used  by  Daniel  Webster  when  he  wuz 
a  poor  farmer  boy.  Workin'  hard  at  his  humble 
work  but  his  boyish  mind,  most  probable,  sot  on 
sunthin'  fur  above,  lookin'  at  the  hard  soil  ahead  on 
him  that  he  must  break  up,  with  them  wonderful, 
sad,  eloquent  eyes  of  hisen,  and  seein'  visions,  no  doubt, 
and  dreamin'  dreams.  Callin'  out  to  his  oxen  or  horses, 
"  gee,"  or  "  whoa  "  as  the  case  might  be,  and  they  not  sens- 
in'  the  fact  that  this  voice  wuz  goin'  to  give  utterance  to 
silver-tongued,  heart  thrillin'  eloquence  in  the  highest 
places  of  Europe  and  his  native  land. 

As  I  looked  at  it  pensively  I  pictured  the  tired  boy  hold- 
in'  the  onhandy  handles  of  the  plow  and  trudgin'  along 


138         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

behind  his  team  through  the  long  sultry  days,  and  thought 
to  myself,  what  hopes  and  dreams  and  ambitions  wuz 
turned  over  by  that  old  plow  as  well  as  green-sward. 

Eight  by  that  little  plow  wuz  a  big  powerful  one  that 
went  by  electricity.  A  sight  that  would  probable  looked  as 
strange  to  Daniel,  could  it  have  appeared  to  him  then,  as 
any  of  his  wildest  day-dreams  materilized. 

And  there  wuz  all  the  methods  of  irrigation,  draining, 
engines,  wind-mills,  pumps,  farm  wagons,  all  kinds  of 
fruit,  sugar  canes,  vegetable  sugar,  candy  stores,  confec 
tionery  displays,  vegetables  of  all  kinds  that  wuz  ever 
hearn  on,  some  on  'em  of  such  monster  size  that  you  never 
dremp  on  'em,  unless  it  wuz  in  a  night-mair. 


CHAPTER   VIII 

ELL,  the  time  had  arrived  when  we  promised 
to  meet  Josiah  at  the  appinted  rondevoo. 
Indeed  Blandina,  went  a  little  ahead  of  time, 
for  as  second  chaperone  she  said  it  might 
be  he  would  get  there  a  little  early,  and  bein'  naturally 
high-sperited  he  might  get  impatient,  and  she  said  men 
ort  to  be  guarded  from  anything  that  would  wear  on  their 
tempers,  jest  as  much  as  possible. 

So  I  looked  'round  a  little  more,  and  when  I  got  to  the 
place  appinted,  there  sot  Blandina  readin'  extracts  from 
"  The  Noble  Achievements  of  Men "  in  a  paper  cover, 
which  she  carried  'round  in  her  pocket.  But  no  Josiah  wuz 
there. 

Minutes  passed;  my  happiness  and  peace  of  mind 
passin'  off  faster  than  the  minute  hand,  and  no  Josiah.  A 
quarter  of  a  hour  passed,  and  still  no  sign  of  that  dear 
man.  And  when  half  an  hour  had  gone  by  I  busted  into 
tears,  and  Blandina  I  could  see  wuz  torn  with  anxiety  and 
offered  to  go  out  into  the  streets  of  St.  Louis  and  hunt  for 
him.  She  mistrusted  he  had  wandered  off  the  Fair  ground, 
and  that  clever  creeter  wuz  willin'  to  leave  all  the  allure 
ments  that  wuz  allurin'  her  here  to  hunt  for  him. 


140         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 


I  sez,  "  I  don't  believe  he  is  there.  But,  oh,  where  shall 
we  find  him?  and  what  state  will  he  be  in  when  found! " 
Knowin'  the  past  as  we  did,  we  feared  for  the  worst.  But 

jest  then  Billy 
Huff  happened  to 
pass  by  and 
stopped  and  asked 
what  wuz  the 
matter. 

"  Oh!  "    sez   I, 
with    the    tears 
runnin'  down  my 
cheeks  in  copious 
as  torrents,  "  my 
pardner  is  lost!  ' 
"Where     did 
you    lose    him!  ' 
sez  he. 

I  told  him  how 
it  wuz  and  he  sez, 
"I'll    bet    I    can 
find  him  for  you; 
I  remember  his  talkin'  last  night  about  a  certain  place." 
Sez  I  in  tearful  axents,  "  Oh,  do !  do  try,  and  ease  the 
heart  of  a  distracted  companion." 

But  when  he  mentioned  the  place  he  thought  he  wuz 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         141 

I  repelled  the  insinuation  with  scorn.  It  wuz  one  of 
the  most  hilarious  and  vain  places  of  revelry  at  the  Fair, 
where  there  wuz  lots  of  bally  girls  and  etcetery,  and  I  sez : 

"  No,  indeed !  He  may  have  gone  into  some  meetin' 
house  and  wandered  up  into  the  steeple  onbeknown  to  him, 
or  some  educational  exhibit,  or  Bible  rooms,  but  never, 
never  in  that  place." 

But  yieldin'  to  his  arguments  I  consented  to  go  with  him 
sayin'  we  would  stay  at  the  door  while  he  reconoitered. 
But  jest  as  we  got  to  the  door  who  should  we  see  comin' 
out  radiant  and  smilin'  but  Josiah  Allen  and  Uncle  Sime 
Bentley. 

Billy  sez,  "  What  did  I  tell  you?  " 

I  couldn't  frame  a  reply,  I  had  no  frame  that  fitted 
the  remark,  but  as  Billy  disappeared  to  once  it  didn't 
matter.  When  Josiah  ketched  my  eye  and  the  look  it 
wore,  the  blush  of  shame  mantiled  his  cheek — or  wuz  it 
remorse? — I  couldn't  tell,  they  look  some  alike. 

And  he  sez,  "  We  went  in,  Samantha,  to  look  for  a  mis- 
sin'  man,  and  my  corn  ached  like  furiation  jest  as  we  wuz 
passin'  the  door,  and  I  couldn't  seem  to  walk  another 
step,  and  it  looked  some  like  rain  and  I  knew  you  wouldn't 
want  me  to  spile  my  new  coat— 

And  Uncle  Sime  chimed  in,  "  We  wuz  took  faint  both 
on  us  jest  as  we  got  to  the  door  and  had  to  set  down,  and 
I  mistrusted  I  should  find  cousin  Zekiel  there,"  and  then 


142         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

happenin'  to  remember,  both  at  the  same  time,  they  begun 
to  say  how  they  went  for  the  good  of  the  meetin'  house. 

Sez  I  in  frigid  axents,  "  Say  no  more!  "  And  I  turned 
onto  my  heel  and  walked  coldly  away. 

But  Blandina  whispered  to  me,  "  Oh,  be  merciful,  Aunt 
Samantha,  men  have  such  powerful  intellects,  that  Shows 
that  would  almost  ruin  a  woman,  don't  affect  them  hardly 
any.  Speak  tenderly  to  him,"  sez  she,  "  and  I  myself  will 
gently  accost  Mr.  Bentley." 

So  she  stepped  back  to  his  side  and  Josiah  advanced 
and  walked  by  me  still  pourin'  out  excuses.  Why  he  gin 
enough  reasons  to  excuse  a  regiment  let  alone  one  small 
deacon. 

But  Blandina  seemed  to  lose  her  efforts,  for  Uncle  Sime 
talked  real  grouty  to  her,  he  has  never  had  a  idee  of 
marryin'  anybody  since  his  wife  died  and  he  mistrusts 
wimmen  are  runnin'  after  him.  You  know  male  widow 
ers  do  git  that  idee  into  their  heads,  them  that  are  as 
humbly  as  Time  in  the  Primer,  and  a  onmarried  woman 
can't  ask  'em  about  the  weather,  or  sheep,  or  anything 
but  what  they  mistrust  some  hidden  warmth,  and  pride 
themselves  on  how  attractive  they  be.  It's  a  sight. 

As  nigh  as  I  could  find  out  the  minute  Josiah  Allen 
left  me  he  took  the  railway  and  hurried  to  the  wicked 
place  where  he  and  Uncle  Sime  wuz  to  meet,  expectin' 
to  git  back  in  ample  time  to  meet  us.  But  they  wuz  so 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         143 

took  up  with  the  show  they  dallied,  and  so  retribution 
and  a  indignant  pardner  overtook  'em.  Well,  we  took 
the  Intremoral  railway  and  went  back  to  finish  Agricul 
tural  Hall,  for  that  bein'  writ  on  my  pad  I  wanted  to 
complete  it  so  fur  as  we  could,  of  course  it  would  took 
months  to  do  justice  to  it. 

We  got  there  in  a  few  minutes,  and  Josiah,  as  might 
be  expected,  wanted  to  see  the  food  exhibits,  so  we  went 
where  there  wuz  all  kinds  of  food  made  of  vegetable  pro 
ducts,  all  kind  of  grain,  flour  mills  where  you  could  see 
wheat  go  in  one  end  and  bread  come  out  the  other,  baker 
ies,  kitchens,  tea  and  coffee  pavilions  and  every  sort  of 
animal  food  products,  milk  and  cream  in  every  form, 
fresh  and  preserved  cheese  and  butter  dairies,  all  sorts  of 
dairy  tools,  churns,  separators,  cheese  presses  and  vats, 
everything  connected  with  makin'  butter  and  cheese, 
transporting  and  distributing.  Starch  factories,  broom 
factories,  market  gardening  in  all  branches. 

Grasses,  all  sorts  of  fodder  for  cattle,  raised  in  every 
country  of  the  world,  and  the  best  methods  of  raising. 
Everything  relating  to  poultry,  artificial  hatching  and 
raising.  Every  kind  of  crop  raised  in  every  country  of 
the  world  and  the  best  methods  of  raising  and  handling 
them.  As  in  cotton,  you  can  see  it  from  the  tiny  seed 
clear  to  the  cotton  mill,  so  in  corn,  you  see  everything 
that  is  manufactured  from  it  and  how  it  is  done — meal, 


144         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

breakfast  foods,  starch,  bread,  pastry,  baking  powders, 
yeast,  from  a  kernel  of  corn  up  to  mills  and  manufac 
tories.  And  so  it  wuz  in  everything  raised  in  our  own 
country  and  all  over  the  world. 

And  there  wuz  a  display  of  insects,  bees  and  everything 
relating  to  honey  and  wax.  Silk  worms  and  their  work  and 
products,  cochineal  and  all  kinds  of  useful  insects  and 
their  work,  and  hurtful  insects  and  methods  of  destroy 
ing  them,  and  so  on  and  so  on  and  so  on.  I  couldn't  tell 
all  I  see  if  I  should  try  a  week,  and  what  we  see  wuzn't 
a  drop  to  a  fountain.  The  immense  buildin'  is  divided 
off  into  streets  and  blocks  jest  like  a  city,  and  you  might 
roam  through  them  streets  a  month  and  find  sunthin'  new 
and  interestin'  every  day  and  hour. 

Well,  from  there  we  went  to  Horticultural  Hall,  or  we 
had  started  for  there  when  Josiah  made  a,  observation 
about  the  size  of  a  potato  he  had  seen  in  Agricultural  Hall, 
that  I  had  to  in  the  cause  of  Truth  and  Duty  object  to, 
the  size  he  mentioned  was  a  twelve-quart  pail,  and  I  said: 

"  Josiah,  take  off  a  few  quarts  from  that  pail.  For  the 
good  of  your  soul  take  off  two  quarts  anyway." 

"  Not  a  quart !  "  sez  he,  "  nor  a  spunf  ul." 

Well,  we  had  words  about  it,  Blandina  as  usual  siding 
with  her  uncle,  and  it  ended  with  their  goin'  back  with  a 
string,  which  Josiah  produced  from  his  pocket  to  measure 
it,  I  offering  to  stay  by  a  certain  statute  till  they  got  back. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  ^Exposition         145 

And  as  I  stood  there  lookin'  at  the  stiddy  passin'  crowd 
and  philosophizin'  on  it  as  my  nater  is,  I  wuz  accosted  by 
a  strange  lookin'  man,  as  I  took  it  to  be  (I  say  It  for 
reasons  named  hereafter). 

"  Josiah  Allen's  wife,  I  am  happy  to  meet  you ;  I  knew 
you  at  once  though  it  is  so  long  since  we  met."  In  the 
meantime  it  had  gripped  holt  of  my  hand  with  fervor. 

I  drawed  back  and  sez,  "Sir!"  (I  thought  it  favored 
that  gender  most)  "  Sir,  I  think  you  are  mistook." 

"  Oh,  no,  you  are  Josiah  Allen's  wife ;  I  am  Dr.  Mary 
Walker." 

"  Oh !  "  sez  I  in  a  relieved  axent,  as  I  returned  the  warm 
grasp  of  her  hand,  "  I  am  glad  to  meet  you,  Mary." 

She's  done  some  good  things  in  her  life,  takin'  care  of 
poor  wounded  soldiers,  etc.,  and  I  honored  her  for  'em. 
Though  I  don't  approve  of  her  costoom,  as  I  told  her  in 
the  conversation  that  ensued,  after  we'd  talked  consider 
able  about  the  Fair  and  kindred  matters.  For  I  see  as  we 
stood  there  behavin'  ourselves,  curious  eyes  wuz  bent  on 
her  and  onbecomin'  epithets  hurled  at  her  by  them  who 
knowed  no  better.  She  seemed  oblivious  to  'em,  but  I 
asked  her  if  she  wouldn't  rather  wear  less  noticeable  attire. 

And  she  said  she  cared  not  for  ribald  remarks  as  long 
as  her  motives  wuz  pure. 

And  I  said  we  could  carry  pure  motives  under  a  head 
dress  of  peacock's  feathers  standin'  up  straight  over  our 


146         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

foreheads,  but  wouldn't  it  be  better  to  carry  'em  under 
a  bunnet! 

"  No  better !  "  sez  she.    "  Not  a  whit." 

"  Well,  easier!  "  sez  I.  "  Wouldn't  it  be  easier  for  our 
selves  and  bystanders !  " 

Sez  she,  "  I  care  not  for  Public  Opinion !  " 

"  But,"  sez  I,  "  as  long  as  we've  got  to  live  clost  neigh 
bor  to  Public  Opinion  wouldn't  it  be  easier  for  us  to  fall 
in  with  his  idees  a  little  on  comparatively  unimportant 
things  than  to  keep  him  riled  up  all  the  time!  It  seems 
to  me  that  if  folks  want  to  impress  their  personality  on 
the  world  it  is  better  to  do  it  by  noble  deeds  and  words 
than  by  startlin'  costooms." 

Sez  she,  "  My  dress  is  fur  more  comfortable  than  the 
ordinary  dress  of  females." 

Sez  I  reasonably,  "  Short  dresses  are  a  boon  and  a  bless- 
in',  but  in  my  opinion  they  can  be  short  enough  for  com 
fort  and  still  not  infringe  on  man's  chosen  raiment. 
And  as  for  pantaloons,  men  are  welcome  to  'em  so  fur 
as  I'm  concerned,  and  also  tall  hats,  they  hain't  nothin' 
I  hanker  for  either  on  'em." 

Sez  she,  "  We  have  a  right  to  wear  any  clothes  we  see 
fit." 

Sez  I,  "  We  have  a  right  to  plow  green  sword,  shingle 
a  steep  barn  ruff,  or  break  a  yoke  of  steers.  But  the 
question  is,  will  it  pay  in  comfort  or  economy  to  do  this? 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         147 

As  for  me,  I'd  ruther  be  in  the  house  in  a  comfortable 
dress  and  clean  apron,  cookin'  a  good  dinner  for  Josiah, 
or  settin'  down  knittin'  his  socks  whilst  he  duz  the  harder 
work  he  is  by  nater  and  education  fitted  for.  But  every 
body  to  their  own  mind.  And  so  fur  as  I  am  concerned 
I'd  ruther  attract  attention  by  doin'  sun  thin'  worth 
while,  sunthin'  really  noble  and  good,  than  by  tyin'  a  red 
rag  round  my  fore-top.  But  as  I  say,  folks  are  different, 
and  I  am  fur  from  sayin'  that  my  way  is  the  only  right 
way." 

Mary  kinder  waived  off  sx)me  of  my  idees  and  went 
on  and  spoke  of  her  work  on  the  battlefield  and  how  neces 
sary  her  dress  wuz  in  such  a  place. 

And  I  sez,  "  Mary,  I've  always  honored  you  for  your 
noble  work  there.  But  I  believe  I  could  lift  up  the  head 
of  a  dyin'  man  easier  in  a  loose  gingham  dress  and  straw 
bunnet  tied  on,  than  I  could  in  your  tight  pantaloons  and 
high  hat,  but  howsumever  the  main  thing  is  that  the  man 
is  lifted,  and  he  doubtless  wouldn't  quarrel  about  the  cos- 
toom  of  his  preserver.  The  main  thing  in  this  world, 
Mary,  is  the  work  we  do,  the  liftin',  or  tryin'  to  lift;  the 
day's  work  we  do  in  the  harvest  field  of  Endeavor.  And 
I  spoze  a  few  trousers  more  or  less  hain't  goin'  to  count 
when  we  carry  in  our  sheaves.  Though  I  must  say  to  the 
last,  Mary  Walker,  I  could  carry  'em  easier  in  my  dress 
than  I  could  in  yourn." 


148         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

In  the  heat  of  our  good-natered  conversation  Mary  had 
slipped  her  hand  through  my  arm  and  neither  of  us  no 
ticed  it,  so  wropped  up  wuz  we  in  the  topics  under  dis 


cussion,  when  I  hearn  Blandina's  voice  behind  me  sayin', 
"  Oh,  what  a  noble  lookin'  man  Aunt  Samantha  is  talkin' 
to  and  how  affectionate  actin';  how  sweet  it  will  be  to 
meet  him."  And  then  I  hearn  a  sharp  raspin'  voice  clost 
to  me  sayin' : 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         149 

"  Sir,  I  will  thank  you  to  onhand  my  wife ! " 
I  wouldn't  hardly  have  knowed  my  pardner's  voice, 
such  burnin'  anger  showed  in  it  and  wuz  depictered  on 
his  liniment  as  I  turned  round  and  faced  him.    And  he 
went  on: 

"  Samantha,  have  I  lived  with  you  most  a  century  to 
be  deceived  in  you  now!  " 

His  turrible  emotions  had  onhinged  his  reason  in'  facul 
ties,  we  hain't  lived  together  so  long  as  that,  but  I  didn't 
dane  to  argy,  I  only  sez  with  calm  dignity: 

"  Miss  Walker,  this  is  my  pardner,  Josiah  Allen." 
"Miss  !  "  sez  he  in  a  overbearin'  axent,  "Miss  Walker !  " 
He  looked  as  if  he  thought  it  wuz  a  conspiracy  hatched 
up  between  us  to  deceive  him. 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  coolly,  "  Miss  Walker,  Dr.  Mary  Walker." 
"  Oh ! "  sez  Josiah,  in  his  surprise  and  relief  not  offer- 
in'  to  bow  or  shake  hands  or  nothin'.  "  Dear  Samantha, 
I've  hearn  on  her."  And  he  turned  and  linked  his  hand 
in  my  other  arm  so  for  a  minute  we  looked  like  three  twins 
perambulatin'  along.  In  the  meantime  I  introduced  Blan- 
dina,  who  looked  bewildered  and  disappinted. 

But  Dr.  Mary  Walker  remembered  a  engagement,  and 
to  my  relief  took  leave  on  us.  And  I  said  a  few  words 
to  Josiah  on  the  danger  and  cruelty  to  me  of  his  hasty 
opinion  and  suspicion  and  in  the  cause  of  Duty  I  men 
tioned  the  late  eppisode  of  himself  and  Uncle  Sime,  and 


150         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

he  seemed  mortified  and  apologetic  for  as  many  as  three 
minutes.  But  it  didn't  last,  it  never  duz  with  his  sect. 
And  we  went  on  to  Horticultural  Hall,  Josiah  on  the  way 
reluctantly  showin'  me  the  string  he  had  measured  the 
potato  with.  He  had  to  take  off  several  quarts  offen  that 
pail,  jest  as  I  told  him  he  would,  and  it  made  him  fraxious. 

But  he  lost  his  shagrin  on  the  way,  it  wuz  buried  under 
the  acres  of  posies  and  beautiful  shrubs  and  trees  through 
which  we  wuz  passin'.  Every  rare  posy  you  ever  hearn 
on  wuz  there  and  them  you  never  dremp  on,  and  trees, 
some  beautiful  and  familiar,  and  them  with  strange  and 
beautiful  foliage.  Little  lakes,  where  gold  and  silver  fish 
played  and  dotted  over  with  the  rarest  and  loveliest  water 
plants  and  blossoms,  shrubs  runnin'  over  with  bloom,  why, 
there  wuz  acres  of  jest  rosies.  And  in  the  middle  of  a  six- 
acre  rose  garden  stood  a  handsome  statute  of  one  of  my  own 
sect,  Flora  by  name,  jest  lookin'  down  as  if  she  owned 
the  hull  on't,  and  wuz  proud  and  happy  to  be  there,  as 
well  she  might — she'll  never  git  into  such  a  delightful 
spot  agin,  I  don't  believe. 

And  there  wuz  pleasant  walks  windin'  round  every 
which  way  and  once  in  awhile  a  big  tree  shadin'  a  cozy 
nook  where  you  could  sit  down  and  enjoy  the  beauty  and, 
perfume.  It  wuz  good  to  be  there,  and  it  seemed  as  if 
the  hull  world  had  the  same  mind  about  comin'  and  wuz 
all  there  walkin'  about  or  else  settin'  down  enjoyin'  them 
selves. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        151 

Horticultural  Buildin'  is  big  enough  and  full  enough 
to  keep  folks  busy  a  month.  Eight  in  the  centre,  in  a 
place  as  long  as  from  our  house  clear  over  to  she  that 
wuz  Submit  Tewksbury's  and  I  d'no  but  furder,  wuz  a 
display  of  fruit,  all  kinds  of  fruit  of  every  shape  and 
size  that  grow  in  every  climate  from  frigid  to  torrid, 
and  every  country  from  Greenland  to  Asia,  it  wuz  a  sight. 
Then  there  wuz  a  display  of  every  kind  of  horticultural 
machinery  and  implements,  glass  housen,  aquariums,  fern 
eries,  all  sorts  of  ornaments  for  gardens. 

All  kinds  of  small  fruits  and  how  to  grow  'em,  every 
thing  relating  to  the  culture  of  vines,  vineyards,  wine  cel 
lars.  All  sorts  of  ornamental  plants  and  flowers,  models 
of  fruit  in  wax  and  plaster,  baskets  and  bunches  of  flow 
ers,  conservatories,  all  flowering  plants  from  every  coun 
try  and  the  way  to  grow  them.  All  sorts  of  seeds,  grass, 
fruit  trees  of  all  kinds,  and  the  best  way  to  prune  and 
plant  them. 

Josiah  told  me  he  thought  we  could  git  round  and  see 
what  wuz  in  this  buildin'  in  four  weeks,  but  I  felt  duber- 
some  about  it  and  told  him  we  would  have  to  go  a  pretty 
good  jog  if  we  did.  Blandina  thought  she  could  git 
round  in  three  weeks  if  she  had  some  good  man's  arm  to 
lean  on  the  most  of  the  time. 

But  'tennyrate,  after  stayin'  there  and  lookin'  round  a 
long  time,  I  told  Josiah  I  wuz  tired  enough  to  go  home, 
so  we  went. 


152         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

I  wuz  most  melted  too,  for  St.  Louis  weather  is  tuck 
ering  to  them  that  can't  stand  heat.  It  made  Josiah  real 
worrisome  time  and  agin.  And  one  thing  he  said  about 
it  put  a  idee  into  my  head  that  I  never  had  thought  on, 
I  thought  it  wuz  real  smart. 

Somebody  wuz  lamentin'  the  fact  in  our  hearin'  that  so 
many  thieves  and  villains  of  all  sorts  had  congregated  at 
St.  Louis  this  summer,  and  Josiah  sez: 

"  It's  a  first  rate  thing  for  sinners  to  come  here  to  git 
acclimated,  as  it  were,  before  they  die." 

I  hadn't  thought  on't,  but  felt  there  wuz  sunthin'  in  it, 
for  truly  the  burnin'  climate  of  the  place  I  don't  want  to 
speak  on  by  name,  must  be  easier  to  bear  after  visitin' 
St.  Louis  than  to  plunge  into  it  from  cooler  and  more 
northern  States.  And  still  I  don't  know  why  we  should 
want  to  make  it  easier  for  'em,  I  spoze  it  wuz  our  pityin' 
naters  that  made  us  think  ont. 

The  weather  wuz  simply  burnin'  hot,  no  other  word 
describes  it,  oveny,  f urnacy  hot !  and  Josiah  said,  and  well 
said,  it  set  folks  to  thinkin'  and  inclined  'em  to  take  warn- 
in'  and  mend  their  ways.  Sez  he,  "  Two  days  of  St.  Louis 
weather  wuz  worth  more  to  sinners  than  the  sermons  of  a 
month  of  winter  Sundays." 

Truly  in  heat  it  wuz  a  great  object  lesson.  I  wore  my 
brown  lawn  dress  day  after  day,  havin'  no  chance  to  wear 
my  rich  alpacky,  as  I  wanted  to,  to  kinder  show  off  be- 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         153 

fore  Miss  Huff,  and  Blandina  presented  the  wilted  ap 
pearance  of  a  long  slim  cabbage  leaf  plunged  in  bilin' 
water. 

I  believe  Josiah's  groanin's  and  takings  on  and  mut- 
terin's  helped  him  to  bear  it  better  than  if  he  had  held 
in.  Not  that  I  told  him  so,  no,  I  told  him  it  wuz  onmanly 
to  carry  on  so.  But  truly  the  heat  wuz  fearful,  our  cloth- 
in'  stuck  to  us  and  prespiration  and  sweat  run  down 
our  faces. 

The  next  day  it  wuz  so  hot  I  felt  kinder  mauger  and 
stayed  to  home.  Blandina  and  Miss  Huff  went  half  a 
day,  and  in  the  afternoon  Blandina  went  to  a  big  depart 
ment  store  in  the  city  to  git  some  thinner  underwear,  and 
I  got  awful  skairt  about  her.  Miss  Huff  gin  her  the  most 
minute  directions  about  where  it  wuz  and  what  car  to 
take,  it  wuzn't  a  great  ways  off,  and  she  ort  to  got  back 
at  four  o  'clock  anyway. 

But  time  run  along,  four  struck,  then  five  and  then  six, 
and  I  wuz  gittin'  dretful  worried  about  her  when  she 
come  in  tired  enough. 

Sez  I,  "  I  wuz  awful  worried  about  you,  Blandina.  Did 
you  git  lost?  ' 

1  No. ' '  She  said  she  got  onto  the  right  car  and  the  con 
ductor  wuz  a  dretful  handsome  and  fascinatin'  man,  and 
she  went  to  git  off  at  the  right  street,  and  kinder  backed 
off,  she  always  duz  git  off  that  way,  and  the  conductor 


154         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

thinkin'  she  wanted  to  git  on,  he  smiled  so  sweet  and  held 
out  his  hand  to  help  her  on  so  she  would  git  on  again. 
And  that  happened  over  and  over.  She  not  wantin'  to 
hurt  his  feelin's  and  slight  him  by  not  takin'  holt  of 
his  hand  and  climbin'  on  agin.  Till  finally  she  did  show 
some  good  sense,  she  asked  the  man  standin'  on  the  plat 
form  if  he  would  help  her  off,  for  she  had  been  tryin' 
to  git  off  for  the  last  .five  stations.  So  she  had  to  take  a 
car  back,  but  the  conductor  wuz  humbly  and  gruff  and 
she  got  along  all  right,  but  it  belated  her. 
Sez  I,  "  What  made  you  do  it,  Blandina?  ' 
"Oh,"  sez  she,  "  he  looked  so  winmn'  and  invitin'  I 
didn't  want  to  hurt  his  feelin's." 

Sez  I,  "  You'll  sup  sorrer  yet,  Blandina,  by  your  want- 
in'  to  obleege  everybody.  You  ort  to  look  out  for  your 
self  some,  you're  altogether  too  good  to  be  comfort 
able." 


CHAPTEE   IX 

ELL,  Josiah  went  that  day  with  Billy  Huff,  he 
santered  off  without  any  system  or  plan, 
and  wouldn't  take  my  pad  though  I  offered 
it  to  him.  But  I  guess  they  jest  poked 
round  miscelaneous,  as  you  may  say,  seem'  jest  what 
they  happened  to  run  into.  And  in  some  of  their 
travels  they  met  Barzelia  Trimble,  a  woman  lecturer, 
she's  young  and  good  lookin'  and  smart  as  a  whip, 
and  I  guess  she  made  much  of  Josiah,  'tennyrate  she  gin 
him  tickets  to  her  lecture. 

She  said  she'd  met  a  man  whose  brother-in-law's 
cousin  had  bought  a  dog  once  of  a  neighbor  of  mine,  and 
so  feelin'  so  well  acquainted  with  me  she  sent  me  the 
tickets,  and  did  hope  we  would  come.  She  said  she  felt 
that  she  knew  us  both  so  well  that  it  would  be  a  treat 
to  her. 

The  way  she  come  to  see  Josiah  that  day,  Billy  had  met 
her  at  school  where  she  lectured. 

Josiah  wuz  very  anxious  that  we  should  both  go.  He 
remembered  the  dog. 

But  I  sez,  "  I  thought  you  didn't  believe  in  wimmen's 
lecturin'  and  havin'  rights,  Josiah." 


156         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

"  Well,  I  don't  believe  in  'em,  but  the  tickets  wuz  gin 
to  us,  fifty  cents  right  out  of  her  pocket,  and  she  '11  expect 
us.  She  said  it  would  make  her  feel  more  homelike  to 
have  us  present." 

' '  Well, ' '  sez  I,  "  I  don 't  know  as  I  feel  so  very  intim 
ate  with  her,  I  never  see  the  dog,  but  her  idees  on  wim 
men 's  rights  is  sensible,  I've  read  about  'em." 

And  that  kinder  headed  Josiah  off  onto  a  new  tact; 
we  had  had  a  dretful  good  supper,  and  I  believe  Miss 
Trimble  had  made  a  sight  on  him,  I  believe  she  had  flat 
tered  and  pompeyed  him  and  for  the  time  bein'  he  felt 
soft  in  sperit  towards  the  sex. 

And  'tennyrate  men 's  moods  are  like  the  onf athomable 
sea,  sometimes  turbulent,  throwin'  up  stunny  arguments 
and  sandy  ones,  and  agin  flowin'  calm  and  smooth  as  ile, 
and  this  wuz  one  of  the  gently  swashin'  ones. 

"  Id 'no,"  sez  he,  "  and  I  told  her  so,  what  wimmen 
want  rights  for,  or  to  vote;  I  never  wanted  wimmen  to 
vote,  I  told  her  they  wuz  too  good,  they  wuz  too  near 
angels  to  have  rights.  You  know  I've  always  said  so, 
Samantha,  and  I  wuz  readin'  a  piece  a  day  or  two  ago, 
writ  by  one  of  the  first  ministers  in  the  country,  and  he 
said  that  wimmen  hadn't  ort  to  want  any  rights;  they  ort 
to  be  riz  up  on  a  pedestal  and  I  say  so  too." 

And  I  sez,  "  No,  Josiah,  I  can't  go  into  that  with  all 
the  rest  I  have  to  do,  and  it  seems  onreasonable  in  that 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         157 

minister  to  want  wimmen  to  climb  up  onto  pedestals  when 
they  have  to  do  their  own  housework. " 

"  Well,  I  say  it  hain't  onreasonable.  You  ort  to  be 
up  on  one,  Samantha." 

(How  much  Miss  Trimble  must  have  made  on  him. 
He  wuz  so  oncommon  clever,  and  he  never  wuz  megum, 
poor  creeter!)  I  didn't  really  want  to  git  into  an  argument 
at  that  time  o'  day,  but  I  see  he  wuz  on  the  wrong  tact, 
and  I  felt  I  must  convince  him,  so  I  sez  in  reasonable 
axents : 

"  I  jest  as  lives  be  on  a  pedestal  as  not,  I'd  kinder 
love  to  if  I  could  set,  I  always  did  enjoy  bein'  riz  up,  if 
I  had  nothin'  to  do  only  to  stay  up  there  some  time,  but 
wimmen  have  to  git  round  so  much  it  wouldn't  work. 
How  could  I  take  a  tower  histed  up  like  the  car  of  Jug 
gernaut  or  a  Pope  in  a  procession.  I  couldn't  get  car 
riers  for  one  thing,  and  I  wouldn't  give  a  cent  to  be 
carried  round  anyway  with  my  dizzy  spells,  I  should 
more'n  as  likely  as  not  fall  off.  But  that  hain't  the  main 
reason  I'm  agin  it,  it  is  too  tuckerin'  a  job  for  wimmen." 

"  Tuckerin'  to  be  enthroned  on  a  pedestal  with  the 
male  sect  lookin'  up  to  you  and  worshippin'  you.  You 
call  that  tuckerin'?  "  sez  he. 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "  I  do.  How  under  the  sun  can  I  or 
any  other  woman  be  up  on  a  pedestal  and  do  our  own 
housework,  cookin',  washin'  dishes,  sweepin',  moppin', 


158         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

cleanin'  lamps,  blackin'  stoves,  washin',  ironin',  makin' 
beds,  quiltin'  bed  quilts,  gittin'  three  meals  a  day,  day 
after  day,  biled  dinners  and  bag  puddin's  and  mince  pies 
and  things,  to  say  nothin'  of  custard  and  pumpkin  pies 
that  will  slop  over  on  the  level,  do  the  best  you  can ;  how 
could  you  keep  'em  inside  the  crust  histin'  yourself  up 
and  down!  And  cleanin'  house  time— 

"  Mebby,"  sez  I  honestly,  "  it  would  come  handy  in 
whitewashin'  or  fixin'  the  stovepipe,  but  where  would 
it  be  in  cleanin'  mop-boards,  or  puttin'  down  carpets,  or 
washin'  winders,  or  doin'  a  three  weeks  washing  or  bilin' 
soap?  or  pickin'  geese?  They  act  like  fury  shot  up  on 
the  barn  floor.  How  could  you  git  our  old  gander  up  on 
a  pedestal?  His  temper  is  that  fiery,  to  say  nothin'  of 
settin'  or  standin'  on  it  and  holdin'  on  to  the  old  thing 
and  pickin'  it.  And  raisin'  chickens  and  washin'  old 
trousers  and  overalls,  and  cleanin'  sullers  and  paintin' 
floors  and  paperin',  and  droudgin'  round  all  the  time,  as 
a  woman  has  to  to  keep  her  house  comfortable. 

"  And  pickin'  black-caps  and  strawberries,  and  churn- 
in'  big  churnin's  of  butter,  and  pickin'  wool,  to  say  noth- 
in '  of  onexpected  company  comin ',  and  no  girl.  Let  a  lot 
of  company  come  to  stay  all  day  the  relations  on  your 
side  and  the  work  not  done,  and  me  posin'  like  a  statute, 
lookin'  down  on  you  and  your  sect,  you'd  feel  like  a  fool 
and  jaw,  you  know  you  would.  I  presoom  you'd  throw 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         159 

your  boot-jack  at  me  and  threaten  to  part  with  me,  and 
how  mean  that  would  be  in  you  when  I  did  it  at  your 
request.  'Tain't  anything  any  woman  would  go  into  if 
she  wuz  let  alone. " 

"  And  then  think  of  the  thrashers  and  silo  fillers  comin' 
in  hungry  as  bears,  what  would  they  say?  No  dinner 
cookin'  and  I  on  a  pedestal,  why  it  would  be  the  town's 
talk.  Or  you  comin'  home  from  Jonesville  on  a  cold 
night  fraxious  as  a  dog  and  sayin'  you  should  die  off  if 
you  didn't  have  supper  in  ten  minutes.  How  could  I 
git  it  on  time  perched  up  there  ? 

"  I  say  it  can't  be  done,  and  it  is  onreasonable  for  men 
to  want  it,  and  at  the  same  time  want  wimmen  to  do  her 
own  housework.  For  these  men,  every  one  on  'em,  would 
act  like  fury  if  their  house  wuzn't  clean  and  their  clothes 
in  order,  and  meals  on  time.  And  you  must  know  it  would 
jest  about  kill  a  woman  to  be  doin'  all  this  and  histin' 
herself  up  and  down  a  hundred  times  a  day,  and  mebby 
half  dead  with  rumatiz  too.  Why,  it  would  be  worse  for 
me  than  all  the  rest  of  my  work,  and  you  hadn't  ort  to 
ask  it  of  me." 

Josiah  looked  real  huffy  and  sez,  "  I  hain't  the  only 
man  that's  wantin'  it  done;  men  have  always  been  sot 
on  it.  There's  been  more'n  a  wagon  load  of  poetry  writ 
on  it  and  you  know  it.  Men  have  always  said  a  sight 
about  it,  I  hain't  alone  in  it,"  he  snapped  out. 


160        Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

"  No,"  sez  I  honestly,  "I've  hearn  it  before.  But  you 
see  it  wouldn't  work,  don't  you?  And  I  believe  I  could 
convince  every  man  if  I  could  git  to  'em  and  talk  it  over 
with  'em.  And  I  don't  see  where  the  beauty  on't  would 
come  in;  of  course  a  woman  couldn't  change  her  clothes 
and  put  on  Greek  drapery  right  in  the  midst  of  cleanin' 
the  buttery  shelves  or  moppin'  off  the  back  steps.  And 
to  see  a  woman  standin'  up  on  a  pedestal  with  an  old 
calico  dress  pinned  up  round  her  waist  and  a  slat  sun- 
bunnet  on  and  her  pardner's  rubber  boots,  and  her  sleeves 
rolled  up,  and  her  face  red  as  blood  with  hard  work,  and 
her  hands  all  swelled  up  with  hot  soap  suds  and  lye, 
what  beauty  would  there  be  in  it!  It  always  did  seem 
onreasonable  besides  bein'  so  tuckerin'  no  woman  could 
stand  it  for  a  day." 

He  looked  mad  as  a  hen  and  sez  he,  ' '  They  could  man 
age  it  if  their  minds  wuz  strong  enough." 

Sez  I,  "It  seems  to  me  it  would  depend  more  on  the 
strength  of  their  legs,  specially  if  the  pedestal  wuz  a 
high  one.  I  never  could  git  up  onto  it  at  all  if  I  should 
go  into  it  without  gittin'  up  on  a  chair  and  then  on  a 
table.  No  woman  no  matter  how  strong  she  wuz  could 
git  more  than  two  meals  a  day  under  the  circumstances. ' ' 

Josiah  looked  worried  and  sez,  "  Well,  mebby  there 
has  been  too  much  said  about  it,  mebby  it  would  be  jest 
as  well  to  leave  pedestals  to  statters." 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         161 

And  I  sez,  "It  is  as  well  agin.  Wimmen  couldn't 
stand  it  with  all  they  have  to  do. ' ' 

And  so  we  ended  by  bein'  real  congenial  in  our 
two  minds  and  thinkin'  considerable  alike,  which  is  in 
deed  a  comfort  to  pardners.  And  we  read  our  chapter 
in  the  Bible  and  had  family  prayers  jest  as  we  do  to 
home.  For  I  would  not  leave  off  all  the  good  old  habits  of 
my  life  because  my  body  wuz  moved  round  a  little.  And 
we  had  a  good  night's  rest  and  sot  out  in  good  season 
the  next  mornin '  for  the  Exposition. 

The  next  mornin'  grandpa  Huff  said  to  the  breakfast 
table  that  he  did  wish  he  had  someone  to  read  to  him 
that  day,  everybody  wuz  goin'  to  the  Fair  and  he  wuz 
goin'  to  be  left  alone.  So  Blandina,  clever  creeter  that 
she  is,  said  she  would  stay  and  read  to  him  from  his 
favorite  volume,  Foxe's  Book  of  Martyr's,  and  also  from 
Lamentations  and  Job.  Billy  said  his  grandpa  wuz  never 
happy  only  when  he  wuz  perfectly  miserable.  We  have 
all  seen  such  folks. 

So  Josiah  and  I  sot  off  alone,  and  he  bein'  in  good 
sperits  and  bein'  gin  to  new  and  strange  projects,  pro 
posed  that  we  should  take  an  ortomobile.  I  didn't  favor 
the  idee  and  said : 

"  Id 'no  about  it,  Josiah,  I  feel  kinder  skairful  about 
ortos,  I  fear  that  it  might  prove  our  last  ride." 

"But,"  sez  he,  "with  a  good  shuffler  there  hain't 
any  danger." 


162         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

But  I  still  wuz  dubersome  and  sez,  "  Mebby  it  would 
end  by  our.  shufflin'  off  our  mortal  coils,  as  Mr.  Shake 
speare  tells  on." 

"  You  don't  wear  'em,  Samantha,  nor  never  did,  nor  I 
don't  wear  a  pompodoor  "  (he  meant  this  for  a  joke  for 
his  head  is  most  as  bare  as  a  sass  plate) . 

And  he  went  on,  ' '  It  would  be  a  very  stylish  -and  gen 
teel  ride.  I'd  love  to  tell  brother  Gowdey  about  it.  The 
bretheren  will  expect  it  of  me  as  a  live  progressive  Jones- 
villian  minglin'  here  with  the  noblest  in  the  land  to  cut 
sunthin'  of  a  dash. 

But  seein'  that  I  still  looked  dubersome  he  sez,  "  I 
don't  feel  very  rugged  this  mornin'  and  I  dread  the 
crowded  car;  Id 'no  but  I  should  faint  away  in  'em  if  I 
sot  out." 

That  of  course  settled  the  matter.  As  his  anxious 
chaperone  I  consented  to  the  project  and  he  went  and 
got  the  showiest  one  he  could  find.  He  didn't  look  for 
character  or  stability,  only  for  gildin'  and  red  paint. 
And  we  embarked,  Josiah  with  a  proud  liniment,  as  if 
he  wuz  introducin'  me  into  gay  life  and  fashionable 
amusements.  The  man  wuz  to  take  us  to  the  Fair  ground 
for  so  much,  and  Josiah  feelin'  so  neat  had  paid  him  in 
advance,  and  there  wuz  another  party  waitin'  for  him. 
And  the  speed  that  shuffler  put  on  wuz  sunthin'  awful. 
The  first  few  minutes  before  we  got  to  goin'  that  ter- 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         163 

rific  speed  Josiah  liked  it,  and  seemed  to  look  patroniz- 
in'ly  down  on  the  people  walkin'  afoot  that  we  passed  by 
and  pity  'em.  But  anon  the  man  got  to  goin'  faster  and 
faster  and  Josiah 's  liniment  underwent  a  change  and  he 
hollered  out  to  me,  for  the  noise  wuz  so  loud  and  skair- 
f ul  he  had  to  yell : 

"  Samantha,  I  don't  believe  it  is  right  for  members  of 
the  meetin'  house  to  be  goin'  at  such  a  gait." 

And  I  hollered  back  to  him,  "  It  hain't  none  of  my 
doin's,  it  hain't  nothin'  I  wanted,"  I  a  hangin'  onto  my 
bunnet  strings  and  tryin'  to  keep  my  bunnet  on.  As  for 
the  tabs  of  my  mantilly  I  had  gin  up  tryin'  to  curb  'em 
down,  and  they  waved  out  like  a  pirate's  flag  in  a  cyclone 
only  a  different  color. 

Finally  Josiah  hollered  to  the  shuffler,  "  I  want  you 
to  curb  in  your  machine!  I'm  a  deacon,  and  have  got  my 
station  in  the  Jonesville  meetin'  house  to  think  on.  Hold 
it  in,  I  say!  " 

The  shuffler  glanced  round  at  us  as  calm  as  a  goggle- 
eyed  clam  and  never  dained  to  answer,  and  seemin'ly 
urged  on  the  orto  to  redoubled  speed. 

Oh,  the  awfulness  of  the  seen!  the  terrific  noise  soundin' 
on  my  ear  pans  till  it  seemed  as  if  them  pans  must  break 
down,  the  dirt  a  flyin',  my  pardner  standin'  up  with  his 
whiskers  and  coat  tails  wavin'  in  the  breeze.  His  hat 
blowed  off  and  by  almost  superhuman  exertions  I  ketched 


164         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 


it  and  carried  it  in  my  hand,  thinkin'  it  wuz  safer  than 
on  his  head. 

He  a  yellin',  "  Stop,  I  tell  you!  Whoa!  back  up!  Dum 
your  dum  picter,  whoa  I  say!  ' 

For  the  last  few  milds  Josiah  rid  standin'  all  I  could 
do  and  say.  Yellin'  at  the  shuffler,  hollerin'  whoa  to 
him,  and  appealin'  to  Heaven  and  me  simultaneous  as  it 

were,  for  mercy 
and  succor. 

And  that 
shuffler  payin7 
no  more  atten 
tion  to  him  than 
as  if  he  wuz  a  fly, 
not  a  hoss  fly, 
but  jest  a  com 
mon  fly.  Only  he  would  look  back  at  us  once  in  awhile 
through  them  big  goggles  of  hisen  that  most  curdled  my 
blood  to  see  'em. 

At  last  Josiah,  seemin'  to  give  up  all  hope,  sunk  back 
and  grasped  holt  of  my  tab  and  sez,  "  Good-bye,  Saman 
tha,  if  you  git  through  alive  remember  I  died  try  in '  to 
save  you."  His  emotions  and  the  dirt  choked  him,  and 
he  faintly  added: 

i  l  Tell  the  bretheren  and  see  that  it  is  put  in  the  Jones- 
ville  Augur,  that  I  died  a  hero's  death  tryin'  to  save  my 


SVu* 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         165 

pardner."  And  his  grasp  on  my  tabs  become  almost 
hysterical. 

But  at  that  minute  the  entrance  gate  wuz  reached  and 
the  orto  stopped  so  abruptly,  that  Josiah  who  had  got  up 
agin,  wuz  precipitated  into  my  lap.  But  he  got  out  im- 
megiately,  and  the  minute  he  and  I  stepped  onto  terry 
firmy  he  turned  and  shook  his  fist  at  the  man  and  sez  he, 
"  If  it  wuzn't  for  the  crowd  and  Samantha 's  feelin's,  I 
would  whip  you  within  an  inch  of  your  life!  Oh,  if  I 
only  had  you  in  a  ten  acre  lot  you'd  feel  the  wrath  of  a 
lion  when  it  wuz  rousted  up !  ' 

But  I  laid  my  hand  on  him  and  led  him  away,  I  knowed 
such  seens  wuz  bad  for  his  nerve.  He  trembled  like  a 
popple  leaf,  and  the  minute  we  got  through  the  gate  I 
had  to  set  down  with  him  and  deal  out  four  nut-cakes 
before  he  wuz  himself  agin. 

I  wuz  determined  this  day  to  go  to  the  Palace  of  Fine 
Arts,  so  we  did  and  I  put  in  a  time  of  almost  perfect 
happiness  there.  We  went  into  Government  Building 
entrance  that  day,  and  I  proposed  to  Josiah  that  we 
should  stop  at  Liberal  Arts  Building  on  the  way,  and  he 
at  first  demurred  and  sez: 

"  Samantha,  you're  too  liberal  by  half  now  for  folks 
with  our  means  and  Id 'no  as  I  want  you  to  spend  your 
time  in  such  a  display.  He  said  he  would  ruther  take  me 
to  the  display  of  Economics,  and  sez  he,  wantin'  to  per- 


166         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

suade  me  to  go  with  him,  "  Wimmen  has  countless  vir 
tues,  but  to  my  mind  her  crownin'  excelence  is  to  be  equi- 
nomical. ' ' 

But  I  explained  to  him  that  exhibit  didn't  mean  bein' 
liberal  with  money  but  it  wuz  jest  a  step  behind  Fine 
Arts,  and  sez  I,  "  I  should  think  you  would  want  to  see 
the  place  where  this  Exposition  wuz  dedicated  in  the  pres 
ence  of  one  of  the  biggest  crowds  that  wuz  ever  gath 
ered  together. " 

So  we  stopped  there  a  little  while,  and  could  have  spent 
days  there  with  interest  and  profit.  The  foreign  coun 
tries  have  splendid  exhibits  here  as  well  as  our  own. 

Everything  in  typography  and  books,  everything  pos 
sible  in  photography;  models  of  light-houses;  dams;  geo 
graphical  maps;  Egyptian,  Hebrew  and  Imperial  surveys. 
Scientific  demonstrations  in  liquid  hydrogen  and  that 
queer  substance,  radium. 

I  wuz  dretfully  interested  in  that  wonderful  new  dis 
covery  and  sez  I  to  myself  as  I  looked  at  it,  "  As  little 
as  there  is  of  you  there  is  enough  to  overturn  big  systems 
of  science  and  philosophy,  and  begin  a  new  history  of  the 
inside  of  the  world.  I  wuz  glad  my  sect  had  discovered 
this  and  thought  it  wuz  one  of  the  best  things  she  had 
done  in  a  number  of  years. 

And  there  wuz  all  kinds  of  hygienic  displays,  chemical 
and  engineering  works.  China  had  a  dretful  mterestin' 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         167 

exhibit,  ancient  manuscripts,  books  published  thousands 
of  years  before  our  kind  of  type  wuz  invented.  Weapons 
that  wuz  old  when  Mr.  Confucious  wuz  livin'.  Armor, 
costumes,  musical  instruments,  queer  lookin'  things  them 
wuz  as  I  ever  see  and  nothin'  I  would  want  to  play  on. 
Photo  engineering,  electrotyping,  lithography,  typewrit 
ing;  telescopes  of  all  kinds  from  tiny  ones  up  to  ones 
that  weigh  four  thousand  pounds.  The  latest  medical 
and  surgical  instruments.  The  piano  from  the  first  one 
made  up  to  the  present  automatic  instruments  of  all 
kinds;  stringed  instruments,  church  organs;  displays  in 
civil  and  military  engineering;  machinery  for  making 
good  roads ;  rock  crushers,  water  purifying,  and  so  on  and 
so  on  and  so  on. 

The  time  spent  in  this  buildin'  is  full  of  education  as 
well  as  interest.  There  wuz  some  beautiful  statutes  too 
decoratin'  this  building  most  on  'em  I  wuz  proud  to  see 
wuz  figgers  of  my  own  sect. 

But  having  sot  out  for  the  Palace  of  Fine  Arts  we  anon 
wended  our  way  thither.  It  is  a  beautiful  building,  or 
ruther  there  are  four  massive  buildings  connected  to 
gether  to  form  this  Palace  of  Art.  There  are  three  big 
buildings  in  front  and  an  annex,  the  central  building 
built  of  stone  and  brick  is  the  only  permanent  buildin' 
in  this  enormous  Exposition  so  naturally  they  would 
make  it  as  perfect  as  possible. 


168         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

And  it  is  crowded  full  of  beauty.  In  fact  turn  where 
you  would  you  would  see  such  glowing  landscapes,  such 
beautiful  faces,  such  perfect  sculpture  that  you  git  all 
mixed  up,  and  when  you  thought  it  over  you  couldn't 
remember  whether  some  picture  or  statute  that  stood  out 
in  your  memory  wuz  in  the  U.  S.  exhibit  or  the  French, 
or  German,  or  Italian,  or  etc.,  etc. 

In  lookin'  back  and  thinkin'  on't  and  tryin'  to  git  'em 
in  the  right  place  in  your  mind  it  is  as  difficult  as  it  would 
be  in  walking  through  a  big  clover  meadow  and  tryin' 
to  sort  out  the  clover  blossoms  and  describe  'em  one  by 
one  and  tell  in  jest  what  corner  of  the  lot  you  found  'em. 
It  can't  be  done;  in  such  an  immense  field  of  art  your 
brain  sort  o'  fills  up  and  turns  round  and  round  and  you 
git  mixed.  But  as  I  say  some  of  the  pictures  and  statutes 
stayed  in  my  memory  so  I  couldn't  dislodge  'em  and 
don't  want  to,  no  indeed! 

Now  there  are  three  noble  figgers  at  the  entrance  that 
you  can't  forgit.  Inspiration  standin'  up  above  the  main 
entrance  is  jest  where  she  should  be.  Inspiration,  breath 
of  the  Most  High  breathed  into  some  of  His  children 
below  anon  or  oftener,  and  then  on  each  side  is  Truth  and 
Nature.  Nature,  the  kind  All  Mother,  Truth,  the  divine 
one.  How  sweet  to  find  'em  all  there  together  guardin' 
and  consecratin'  these  walls.  You  went  in  feelin'  safer 
with  such  gardeens  at  the  portal. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         169 

I  must  say  though  that  Truth  didn't  have  any  clothes 
on,  she  wuz  jest  settin'  there  on  top  of  the  world  jest  as 
naked  as  she  could  be,  she  could  have  wore  one  of  my  bib 
aprons  as  well  as  not,  durin'  the  Fair  anyway,  whilst 
there  wuz  so  many  folks  round  and  she  would  have  looked 
enough  sight  better  to  me  and  been  jest  as  truthful.  But 
howsumever  I  knew  she  wuz  likely,  her  face  wuz  innocent 
and  beautiful. 

As  I  said  it  is  some  of  the  pictures  and  statutes  that 
stand  out  clearest  in  my  memory,  but  there  wuz  every 
thing  else  there  admirable  and  choice  in  art,  paintings 
in  oil,  wax;  on  canvas,  wood,  enamel,  metal,  fresco  paint 
ings  on  walls  and  ceilings.  Water  colors,  chalk,  pastel, 
ivory,  pyrography.  Engravings,  etchings,  figgers  in  mar 
ble,  metal,  plaster.  Carvings  in  ivory,  stone,  wood,  etc. 
Architectural  designs  of  all  kinds;  mosaics;  art  work  in 
glass,  earthen  ware,  leather,  metal;  artistic  book  binding 
and  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  and  I  might  spread  these  out  into 
volumes. 

And  didn't  my  soul  jest  spread  her  wings  here  in  de 
light,  to  speak  in  flowery  language.  What  pictures  of 
beauty  dawned  on  my  rapt  eyesight,  faces  sweet  as  wuz 
ever  dremp  on,  sad  faces,  tragic  faces,  old  faces  and  young 
faces;  children  sweet  and  bonny  as  wuz  ever  seen.  Youth 
and  love,  age  and  manhood  and  gratified  ambition, 
princes  and  paupers,  life  and  death. 


170         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Landscapes  full  of  the  dewy  freshness  and  joy  of  the 
morning,  night  seens  dark  and  full  of  mystery  and  melan 
choly.  Mountain  and  valley,  hill  and  dale,  ocean  and 
rivulet.  Every  phase  of  human  joy  and  sorrow  wuz  de- 
pictered  there,  and  every  phase  of  peaceful  and  warlike 
life.  It  wuz  a  sight.  If  I  could  stayed  there  a  year  right 
in  them  walls  I  might  have  got  round  mebby  and  seen 
what  I  wanted  to  and  as  long  as  I  wanted  to. 

But  of  course  this  wuzn't  to  be,  for  one  thing  the  Fair 
would  be  closed  before  and  then  Josiah  wouldn't  gin  his 
consent  anyway.  He  got  kinder  worrisome  as  it  wuz  and 
didn't  want  to  stay  so  long  as  we  did,  and  after  a  hour  or 
so  I  compromised  with  him,  gin  him  nut  cakes  occasion 
ally  and  anon  when  we  would  enter  a  new  gallery  he 
would  set  down  by  the  door  till  I  had  got  through  lookin'. 

As  I  said  some  of  the  pictures  and  statutes  clung  to  my 
memory  as  if  they'd  been  throwed  at  my  mind  so  power 
ful  that  they  jest  stuck  there  and  couldn't  be  dislodged 
even  by  all  the  later  multitude  of  sights  throwed  over  'em. 

There  wuz  one  by  Whistler  full  of  the  subtle  mystery 
that  he  wrops  round  his  figgers.  Why  you  know  he  has 
painted  one  that  to  them  that  are  sympathetic,  the  Little 
Lady  in  Black,  will  walk  right  out  of  the  picture  and  come 
towards  'em,  time  and  agin  she's  done  it,  I'm  tellin'  the 
truth  that  can  be  proved. 

In  the  ' t  Mystery  of  the  Night, ' '  the  female  figger  dimly 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         171 

discerned  through  the  veil  of  mist  seems  the  incarnation 
of  the  mystery  of  sky  and  sea,  the  infinite  solemnity,  and 
peace  and  loneliness  of  the  night. 

There  wuz  pictures  that  made  you  happy,  and  some 
that  sort  o'  sent  a  chill  to  your  sperit,  like  Millais'  "  Chill 
October, "  as  you  looked  at  it  you  almost  felt  the  chill, 
mournful  breeze  that  you  knew  wuz  sweepin '  along. 

Some  queer  pictures  like  the  "  Ghost  Dance  "  kinder 
lingered  in  the  vestibule  of  your  mind.  You  know  your 
mind  has  got  more  different  rooms  in  it  than  any  house 
that  wuz  ever  built,  and  some  pictures  and  folks  don't  git 
into  the  very  inmost  rooms;  they  never  git  furder  than 
the  doorstep. 

There  are  three  pictures  by  the  King  and  Queen  of  Por 
tugal,  all  on  'em  picturin'  humble  life.  The  King's  show 
a  peasant  drivin'  cattle  to  water.  I  wondered  if  he  didn't 
wish,  when  he  painted  it,  that  he  wuz  that  care-free 
herder,  who  could  sing  and  whistle  and  wear  easy  shues, 
and  throw  on  any  old  clothes,  and  santer  out  into  the 
dewy  mornin'  and  do  as  he  wanted  to. 

One  of  the  Queen's  wuz  a  farm  wagon,  such  as  they 
carry  farm  produce  in,  but  sometimes  I  spoze  load  up  with 
merry  girls  and  boys  for  a  happy  outing  in  the  green 
woods. 

I  shouldn't  wonder  if  when  she  wuz  dead  tired  of  the 
cares,  formalities  and  burdens  of  a  queen,  she  wished 


172         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

she  wuz  one  of  them  happy  young  girls  riding  off  in  a 
cotton  frock  on  the  old  farm  wagon  into  some  joyous 
picnic. 

The  other  one  of  hern  wuz  a  cute  little  donkey  and  over 
all  on  'em  wuz  bright  sunlight  and  soft  shadow.  They 
done  well.  I  wished  I  could  encouraged  'em  by  tellin' 
'em  so— a  word  of  praise  sometimes  duz  so  much  good, 
to  anybody  from  peasant  to  king. 

Among  the  statutes  that  I  see  to  the  Fair  that  stood  up 
straight  in  my  mind  wuz  Light  and  Darkness.  Darkness 
wuz  in  the  form  of  two  men,  one  on  'em  crouched  low  with 
his  arm  over  his  face  drawin'  his  mantle  to  hide  from  the 
light.  The  other  male  is  liftin'  his  head  but  his  eyes  are 
still  shot,  evidently  he  feels  the  dawn  of  sunthin'  better 
and  he's  waking  up,  while  standin'  erect  is  the  graceful 
figger  of  a  female,  beautiful  and  noble,  full  of  boundin' 
life  and  light,  holdin'  up  high  over  her  head  a  star.  She 
wants  to  wake  up  the  hull  world  to  the  light. 

Dakota  wuz  pictured  as  a  lady  with  precious  few  clothes 
on;  she  looked  old  in  her  face,  and  I  told  Josiah  it  wuz  a 
shame  to  see  a  woman  that  age  with  such  a  low-necked 
dress  on.  It  wuz  cut  down  to  the  bottom  of  her  waist, 
And  lots  of  the  men  staters  wuz  wearin'  low  necks.  I 
didn't  like  it,  but  Josiah  remarked  that  he'd  always  said: 

' i  A  vest  and  coat  cut  low  neck  would  make  a  man  look 
dressy,  and  he  believed  he  should  have  one  made  foi 
best." 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         173 

I  looked  coldly  at  him  and  said  it  looked  bad  enough 
to  see  young  folks  dress  in  that  way  without  old  folks  cut- 
tin  '  up  and  actin'. 

Lots  of  the  statutes  would  looked  as  well  agin  if  they'd 
had  me  to  advise  'em  about  their  clothes,  but  still  take 
the  pictures  and  statutes  of  the  Fair  as  a  hull  they're 
magnificent  and  a  honor  to  the  nations.  There  are  a 
thousand  statutes,  all  beautiful  and  inspirin',  to  be  seen 
there  on  the  Exposition  grounds. 

I  wuz  glad  to  see  the  statute  of  Dr.  Jenner,  who  dis 
covered  vaccination,  tryin'  it  first  on  his  own  son.  When 
it  is  the  law  for  doctors  to  try  their  medicine  first  on 
their  own  folks,  miseelaneous  patients  will  feel  safer. 
Dr.  Jenner  acted  honorable  toward  humanity  at  large. 
I  told  Josiah  I  hoped  the  boy  got  along  well  and  didn't 
git  hit  on  the  arm  while  it  wuz  sore. 

And  he  said,  "  I  wouldn't  worry  over  folks  I  never 
neighbored  with,  and  I'd  better  tend  to  my  own  com 
panion,  who  wuz  starvin'  slowly  by  my  side. 

He  couldn't  been  so  very  hungry  havin'  eat  so  many 
nut-cakes  since  breakfast,  but  I  dealt  out  some  more  to 
him. 

Well,  we  stayed  in  the  Art  Gallery  a  long  time,  so  long 
that  Josiah  complained  bitterly  and  sez,  ' '  If  you  stay  as 
long  in  every  buildin'  when  will  we  git  round  to  see  the 
Pike?  "  Truly  Josiah  longed  for  that  place  day  by  day, 


174         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

but  as  first  chaperone  of  the  party  I  tried  to  delay  him 
from  goin',  knowin'  that  it  must  come  sometime  but 
gladly  puttin'  off  the  day. 

But  I  sez  soothingly,  "  I  shan't  want  to  stay  so  long  at 
any  other  place. "  And  it  bein'  past  our  lunch  time  we 
went  and  had  a  good  meal,  and  of  course  Josiah's  cross 
ness  subsided  with  every  mouthful  he  took  and  his  lini 
ment  looked  like  a  cosset  lamb's  in  amiability  when  I  pro 
posed  we  should  go  to  the  Fishery  Building  it  wuzn't 
so  very  fur  from  there  considering  though  as  I  have  said 
before  every  place  is  a  good  ways  off  from  anywhere  else. 
You'd  have  knowed  the  buildin'  by  the  great  fish  that 
wuz  sculped  over  the  entrance.  It  wuz  a  bigger  fish 
than  wuz  ever  lied  about  in  male  fish  stories,  and  that's 
sayin'  enough;  connected  with  this  is  also  an  exhibit  of 
forestry  and  game.  We  went  into  the  part  devoted  to 
forestry  first,  there  are  several  acres  outdoors  as  well 
as  inside  devoted  to  this  display,  and  what  didn't  we  see 
there  in  trees,  plants,  woods  of  every  kind,  forest  growth 
tree  planting,  all  sorts  of  useful  wood,  pine,  spruce,  hem 
lock,  cedar,  all  the  hard  woods,  and  everything  made  of 
wood;  wood  pulp,  barrels,  baskets,  turpentine,  alcohol. 

In  the  United  States  exhibit  wuz  immense  pictures  illus 
trating  our  forests,  methods  of  lumbering,  lumber  camps, 
forest  fires,  etc.,  etc.  There  wuz  displays  of  different 
species  of  trees  and  plants,  forest  botany,  structure  and 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         175 

anatomy  of  woods,  saw-mills,  seeds  and  plants  of  all  kinds, 
and  all  the  different  woods  and  products  of  wood  from 
Egypt  to  Japan,  barks,  roots,  cork,  rubber,  gums,  oils, 
quinine,  camphor,  varnish,  wax,  dye-woods,  lumber, 
staves,  why  there  wuz  over  two  hundred  different  kinds 
of  wood  from  Argentina  alone. 

Josiah,  who  wuz  real  interested  here,  sez,  "  I'd  love  to 
have  brother  Gowdey  step  in  here  a  minute;  he's  proud 
as  a  peacock  of  his  strip  of  woodland,  he  thought  he 
covered  the  hull  field  of  forestry  with  his  wood  pulp 
and  maple  sugar.  I  guess  his  pride  would  be  took  down 
a  little." 

"  Well,"  sez  I,  "  let's  look  on  it  as  showin'  the  great 
ness  and  wonder  of  Providence  and  be  humble  and  ad 
mire.  ' ' 

"  I  shall  look  at  it  as  I'm  a  minter!  "  he  sez.  But  I 
guess  he  wuz  more  reverential  for  a  spell. 

And  there  wuz  all  the  plants  and  leaves  used  in  medi 
cine,  and  mushrooms,  truffles,  seeds  and  plants  and  im 
plements  for  gathering  and  preserving;  drying  houses, 
nurseries,  basket  work,  grass  work.  It  seemed  as  if  every 
thing  that  could  be  known  about  trees  and  plants  could 
be  learnt  here,  and  though  we  knowed  we  hadn't  time 
or  convenience  to  take  all  the  knowledge  in,  no,  our  heads 
wuzn't  big  enough,  but  they  felt  crowded  full  as  we  left 
this  buildin'.  And  that  I  felt  wuz  the  crowmn'  glory 


176         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

of  this  fair,  the  new  idees  and  knowledge  of  better  ways 
and  things  that  wuz  learnt  in  all  these  exhibits,  and  wuz 
destined  in  the  future  to  bear  fruit  and  bless  the  world. 

In  the  Fishery  department  we  see  all  the  products  of 
the  great  water  world  that  makes  up  more  than  half  of 
our  earth.  Every  kind  of  fish  that  ever  swum,  from  a 
whale  to  a  minnie,  salt  water  and  fresh  water  fish,  and 
them  that  are  half  fish  and  half  animal,  and  aquatic  birds 
and  aquatic  plants  of  all  kinds,  and  plants  that  seem  half 
way  between  vegetable  and  animal.  Sea  grass,  shells  of 
all  kinds,  pearls,  pearl-shells,  corals,  sponges,  skins  and 
furs,  illustrations,  paintings  and  casts  illustrating  water 
life  of  all  kinds,  fishing  grounds.  All  kinds  of  boats, 
nets,  traps,  rods,  reels,  lines,  fish  curing  establishments, 
aquariums,  and  so  and  so  on  and  so  on,  and  I  might  write 
them  "  so  ons,"  indefinitely  but  what  would  be  the  use? 

Jest  imagine  everything  that  is  discovered  and  brought 
to  light  by  them  that  go  down  to  the  sea  in  ships  and 
there  it  wuz. 


CHAPTER   X 

EST  of  the  forestry  buildin'  growin'  right  out 
of  the  ground  is  a  immense  map  of  the 
United  States  covering  five  acres  of  ground, 
gravel  walks  mark  the  State  and  coast  lines, 
and  each  State  is  sot  out  in  its  own  native  flowers. 

There  it  wuz,  you  could  look  right  down  onto  it  jest 
like  a  map,  from  the  rocky  shores  of  Maine  down  to 
Florida. 

Josiah  wuz  simply  infatuated  with  the  sight  and  I 
myself  thought  it  wuz  a  great  idee  and  I  sez: 

* '  Josiah,  this  is  a  plan  worthy  of  Uncle  Sam  to  immor 
talize  what  is  dearest  to  him  in  living  colors. ' ' 

"  Yes,  indeed!  "  sez  he,  and  after  a  minute's  thought 
he  added,  "  Others  can  f oiler  suit  and  set  them  that  are 
dearest  to  'em  out-doors.  If  I  live  till  another  spring, 
Samantha,"  sez  he  firmly,  "  I  will  set  you  out  in  the 
paster.  The  dooryard  would  be  too  small  to  do  justice 
to  you.  Ury  and  I  will  plant  you  in  the  middle  of  the 
ten  acre  lot." 

I  wuz  touched  by  the  tenderness  underlyin'  the  idee, 
but  sez  I,  "  Have  you  counted  the  cost,  Josiah?  " 

"  I  know  it  will  cost,  you're  hefty  and  big  boneded  and 


178         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

I'd  want  you  heroic  size,  but  we  needn't  have  your  hull 
frame  made  in  posies,  I  could  plant  you  in  different  seeds 
and  raise  you  like  a  crop,  and  sell  you  in  the  fall.  Beans 
would  look  well  in  different  colors." 

He  see  my  look  of  cold  irony  as  he  spoke  of  sellin'  me, 
and  added,  "  Or  I  could  set  you  out  mostly  in  pusley 
if  you'd  ruther,  the  garden  is  full  of  it." 

"  I  shall  never  be  sot  out  in  pusley,  Josiah  Allen,  I 
always  hated  it.  The  hull  thing  is  as  crazy  as  anything 
you  ever  undertook." 

"  Crazy  or  not  it  will  be  did;  summer  squash  would 
look  well  and  be  equinomical,  I  could  probable  train  'em 
so  you'd  seem  to  be  holdin'  the  squashes  in  your  arms." 

"  Give  up  the  hull  skeem,  Josiah  Allen;  don't  try  to 
combine  love  and  economy  so  clost." 

But  he  vowed  he  wouldn't  give  it  up,  and  I  spoze  I  may 
see  trouble  weanin'  him  from  the  idee. 

That  night  whilst  I  wuz  restin'  a  little  in  my  room 
after  supper,  Josiah  havin'  stayed  down  in  the  parlor 
a  spell  talkin'  to  granpa  Huff  and  Billy,  Blandina  come 
into  my  room.  She  wuz  all  fagged  out,  but  under  the 
fag  you  could  see  that  expression  of  perennial  good  na 
ture  and  love  to  man. 

She  said  she'd  been  readin'  all  day  to  grandpa  Huff 
and  as  near  as  I  could  make  out  he'd  kep'  her  right  down 
to  them  blood-curdlin'  chapters  where  they  fried1  the 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        179 

martyrs  in  ile  and  briled  'em  on  grid-irons.  She  looked 
dretful  tired  and  I  told  her  I  wouldn't  gin  in  and  read 
such  stuff  all  day. 

But  she  said  Mr.  Huff  wuz  anxious  to  hear  it  and  she 
wuz  perfectly  willin'  and  more  than  willin'  to  please 
him,  for  sez  she  smilin'  in  a  queer  sort  of  a  way  and  sort 
o'  bridlin'  a  little,  "I'm  anxious  to  do  anything  for  him 
I  can  because  I  love  him  devotedly." 

I  wuz  fairly  stunted.  ' '  Love  him  ?  ' '  sez  I,  ' i  why  how 
long  ago  wuz  it  that  you  loved  his  grandchild  passion 
ately?  Why,"  sez  I,  "  Blandina,  you  seem  to  rob  the 
cradle  and  the  grave  for  objects  of  affection. ' ' 

"  Yes,  I  did  love  Billy  with  perfect  devotion  till  I 
found  that  my  affection  wuz  driven  back  like  a  dove 
from  the  rest  it  fain  would  made  in  his  youthful  heart, 
and  now  it  has  settled  down  upon  his  grandpa's  bosom. 
Mr.  Huff  needs  a  companion,  Aunt  Samantha.  He  needs 
a  tender  female  companion  to  journey  by  his  side  over 
the  rough  pathway  of  life.  And,  oh,  I  do  feel  that  this 
world  is  a  cold  rough  place  and  my  heart,  like  that  wan- 
derin'  dove  I  spoke  on,  sithes  to  find  rest." 

'  Well,"  sez  I  reasonably,  "  mebby  a  dove  would  be 
safe  to  rest  on  grandpa  Huff,  but  I  don't  believe  he  could 
stand  the  weight  of  a  hen.  Why,  he's  ninety  if  he's  a 
day,  Blandina." 

She  didn't  reply  but  sot  lookin'  mournful  but  clever, 
and  agin  she  sez,  "  This  is  a  cold  world." 


180         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

"  Not  here  it  hain't,  not  in  St.  Louis,"  sez  I,  wipin' 
my  heated  forward,  but  she  went  on: 

"  My  heart  has  gone  out  to  him  without  any  will  of 
my  own.  I  feel  that  he  has  the  makin'  of  a  noble  man 
in  him." 

And  I  sez,  "  I  guess  he's  made  about  all  he  can  be  on 
this  spear."  But  seein'  her  mournful  looks  I  added, 
"  You're  a  clever  critter,  Blandina,  that's  what's  the 
matter  with  you,  you're  so  good  hearted  you  mistake 
good  nater  and  pity  for  love  more'n  half  the  time.  I 
don't  believe,"  sez  I  feelin'ly,  "  I  ever  see  a  cleverer 
creeter  than  you.  are."  And  I  meant  it,  every  word  I 
said. 

But  she  repeated  agin,  "  I  love  him,  Aunt  Samantha, 
with  a  pure,  deep  devotion. ' ' 

"  Well,"  sez  I,  "  if  I  wuz  in  your  place  I  would  take 
a  little  catnip  tea  and  go  to  bed.  I'll  steep  some  for  you 
over  my  alcohol  lamp."  I  knowed  it  wuz  her  good  nater 
and  her  nerves  that  wuz  wrought  up  instead  of  her  heart, 
though  catnip  is  good  for  the  heart  for  all  I  know.  She'd 
got  all  nerved  up  readin'  them  dretful  things  and  felt 
queer,  I  wuz  sorry  for  Blandina  to  think  she  wuz  so  very 
sensitive  to  masculine  influence.  She  refused  the  catnip 
tea  but  took  the  other  half  of  my  advice  and  went  to 
bed,  and  I  sez  to  myself,  I  declare  I  don't  know  what 
the  good  nater  of  that  creeter  will  lead  her  into  and  I 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         181 

most  wished  she  wuz  back  in  Jonesville  where  that  trait 
of  hern  wouldn't  have  so  much  room  for  showin'  off  and 
so  many  objects  to  practice  on,  but  I  felt  safe  about 
grandpa  Huff,  for  I  knowed  that  even  if  he'd  been  strong 
enough  to  stand  up  to  be  married,  his  grandchildren  and 
great-grandchildren  wouldn't  let  him. 

Well,  the  next  morning  Molly  come,  havin'  arrived  on 
a  sleeper.  I  welcomed  her  warmly.  She's  a  sweet  girl, 
with  big  eyes  soft  and  brown  as  the  shallers  in  our  trout 
brook  and  a  shadder  in  'em  now  some  like  the  dark  places 
where  the  deep  water  is.  Hair  about  the  same  color, 
done  up  in  a  shinin'  coil  on  the  top  of  her  head,  but  where 
it  would  git  loose  a  little  kinder  curlin'  and  crinklin' 
about  her  white  forward  and  round  white  neck.  A  sweet 
sad  expression  on  her  lips,  cheeks  white  as  snow  now 
but  meant  to  be  pink  and  a  pretty  plump  figger.  She  wuz 
very  beautiful  and  called  so  by  good  judges. 

And  I  wuzn't  surprised  that  Billy  Huff  fell  immegi- 
ately  and  voylently  in  love  with  her  to  his  own  discom 
fiture  and  the  great  enrichment  of  them  that  sold  per 
fumery  and  hair-oil.  But  I  knowed  it  wouldn't  hurt  him 
any,  it  wuz  only  a  new  face  to  hang  up  for  the  present 
in  the  gallery  of  a  boy's  Fancy.  Aunt  Tryphena  fairly 
worshipped  her.  She  immegiately  rose  to  the  top  place 
in  her  gallery  of  perfect  beings.  Nothing  wuz  too  good 
for  her,  no  service  she  could  render  her  wuz  too  hard, 


182         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

she  almost  soared  up  to  that  pinnacle  on  which  her  Prince 
Arthur  dwelt.  Dotie  became  her  willin '  adorer  and  Miss 
Huff  couldn't  do  enough  for  her. 

But  to  resoom  backward  a  little.  Molly  didn't  want 
to  go  to  the  Fair  ground  that  morning,  wantin'  to  rest 
and  recooperate,  so  Josiah,  Blandina  and  I  sot  forth  a 
little  later  than  common.  There  wuz  a  stoppage  of  the 
cars  some  ways  from  the  gate  and  we  got  out  and  walked 
thinkin'  we'd  git  there  quicker,  Josiah  started  to  step  off 
first  when  Blandina  rushed  past  him,  waved  him  back, 
and  descended  herself  right  into  the  midst  of  horses 
heads  and  huffs  and  yells  and  profanity  from  two  drivers 
who  wuz  stoppin'  the  way  and  wuz  revilin'  each  other, 
and  after  we  got  safe  onto  the  sidewalk  and  wuz  walkin' 
along  I  sez  to  her: 

"  You  ort  to  be  more  careful,  Blandina,  or  you'll  find 
yourself  killed  some  day  and  trompled  on,  I  wuz  skairt 
for  you." 

"  Oh,  I  didn't  think  about  myself,  I  wuz  only  thinkin' 
of  savin'  dear  uncle  Josiah,  it  wuzn't  so  much  matter 
about  me.  A  woman's  life  you  know  is  not  worth  any 
thing  compared  to  a  man's." 

"  Oh,  shaw!  "  I  sez,  I  wuz  driv  to  it,  and  I  sez  it  agin, 
"  Oh,  shaw!  " 

"  Why,  Aunt  Samantha,  you  know  it  has  been  decided 
that  that  is  so.  It  has  been  settled  by  law  that  a  female's 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         183 

life  is  worth  only  half  as  much  as  a  man's.  Don't  you 
remember  last  spring  in  Brooklyn  it  wuz  settled  once  for 
all  that  a  female  child's  life  wuzn't  worth  only  half  as 
much  as  a  male  child!  ' 

Sez  I,  "  I  remember  a  man's  saying  so,  I  don't  remem 
ber  it  wuz  proved;  I  myself  thought  it  wuz  about  as 
hefty  a  thing  as  a  judge  ever  undertook  to  try  to  set  a 
value  on  two  human  lives  with  all  their  glorious  and  ter 
rible  possibilities,  and,"  sez  I,  eppisodin'  a  little  but 
walkin'  along  all  the  time,  "  how  did  that  man  know  but 
the  soul  of  a  Florence  Nightingale  would  wake  up  in 
that  girl  and  bless  the  world  for  all  time!  And  how  did 
he  know  but  the  boy  would  prove  a  Benedict  Arnold  or 
a  Guiteau?  An  evil  influence  to  curse  the  world  forever. 
It  wuz  a  hefty  job,  and  if  Josiah  had  been  judge  I 
wouldn't  let  him  undertook  it,  or  if  he  had  I'd  had  him 
set  an  equal  value  on  what  God  and  nater  and  human 
affection  had  made  equal." 

"  Well,  well,"  sez  Josiah,  "  le'ss  git  along  unless  you 
want  to  stay  here  and  preach  all  day  on  the  sidewalk." 

"  But,"  sez  I,  "I'm  not  preachin',  Josiah,  I'm  eppi 
sodin'." 

1  Well,  there  is  a  time  for  eppisodin'  and  a  time  for 
common  sense,  and  le'ss  git  along." 

He  acted  real  grumpy,  I  guess  he'd  thought  more  on 
me,  if  I  had  pretended  I  thought  his  life  wuz  worth  double 


184         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

mine.  But  I  wouldn't  say  I  thought  so  not  even  for 
love's  sake.  And  mebby  he  squirmed  because  I  said  I 
would  have  him  do  thus  and  so.  Men  are  so  queer!  you 
can't  always  tell  jest  where  the  shue  pinches,  but  you 
know  by  their  actin'  and  behavin'  that  it  pinches  some 
where. 

But  Blandina  sez,  evidently  reconnoitering  the  past 
seen  in  her  memory,  ' '  No  livin '  bein '  will  ever  make  me 
think  a  man's  life  is  not  worth  more  than  a  woman's." 
Well,  she  felt  so  and  I  couldn't  make  her  over  at  this 
late  day,  she'd  been  made  too  long,  so  Common  Sense, 
with  whom  I  always  try  to  be  on  the  most  intimate  terms, 
told  me  I  hadn't  better  multiply  any  more  words  with 
her.  Josiah's  liniment  wuz  some  clouded  till  his  mind 
wuz  took  up  by  seein'  some  horses  with  hats  on  which 
truly  wuz  needed  in  that  torrid  heat,  and  he  forgot  his 
temporary  shagrin  in  visions  of  the  future. 

Sez  he,  "  The  first  work  I  do  when  I  git  home  will  be 
to  git  a  hat  for  the  old  mair;  I  won't  have  to  buy  one, 
Tirzah  Ann's  last  summer  hat  will  be  jest  the  thing. 
You  know  that  one  trimmed  with  red  roses  and  shiffon 
and  long  lace  streamers.  Your  hats  ain't  dressy  enough; 
why  the  old  mair  hain't  quite  twenty-one,  hain't  old 
enough  to  vote  even  if  her  sect  had  the  privelige.  She's 
young  and  ort  to  dress  young.  That  hat  will  be  jest  the 
thing.  And  what  a  sensation  we  will  make  enterin' 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         185 

Jonesville  on  a  Sunday  mornin',  the  mair,  myself  and 
you,  we  shall  attract  world-wide  attention. "  But  that 
minute  we  got  to  the  gate  and  entered  in.  I  never  shall 
ride  after  the  mair  with  a  hat  on,  and  pink  roses  and 
long  lace  streamers,  never.  But  didn't  argey  about  it. 

Well,  Josiah  couldn't  be  held  off  any  longer,  he  would 
go  to  the  Pike  that  mornin';  I  told  him  it  wuzn't  writ 
in  my  pad. 

And  he  sez,  "  Dum  that  pad!  Am  I  goin'  to  be  held  in 
by  that  pad,  and  led  round  by  it  all  summer?  I'm  goin' 
to  the  Pike  to-day  and  you  can  do  as  you're  a  minter." 
And  Blandina  jined  in  of  course  and  said  that  if  dear 
Uncle  Josiah 's  mind  wuz  sot  on  it  it  wuz  best  to  go,  and 
she  sez  kinder  low  to  me,  "  it  wuzn't  right  to  cross  a 
man  unless  it  wuz  absolutely  necessary." 

I  wuz  goin'  to  twit  her  and  tell  her  that  as  first  chap- 
erone  I  wuz  the  one  to  settle  these  matters,  but  I  see 
Josiah  wuz  gittin'  too  agitated,  one  look  at  his  gloomy 
face  made  me  think  of  the  past,  and  I  gin  in  as  gracefully 
as  I  could,  and  we  wended  our  way  thither  with  no  more 
parley,  and  Josiah,  as  soon  as  our  heads  wuz  turned  that 
way,  begun  to  brighten  up  and  look  better,  and  so  about 
one-half  of  my  mind  and  sperit  wuz  satisfied.  And  some 
times  I  think  you  can't  be  satisfied  any  more  than  that  on 
this  spear  wherever  you  go,  and  whatever  you  see,  speci 
ally  if  you  have  a  man  to  deal  with  that  is  more  or  less 


186         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

fraxious  and  worrisome.  To  ease  his  nr.nd  and  temper 
you'll  git  led  into  strange  and  devious  paths  time  and 
agin. 

But  to  resoom  forward.  The  Four  Cowboys  on  a  Tear 
guardin'  the  entrance  to  the  Pike  confronted  us  and  in 
their  wild  and  boysterous  hilarity  seemed  to  my  agitated 
and  forebodin'  sperit  to  shadow  forth  what  we  would 
find  inside  their  domain.  They  wuz  a  strange  and  skair- 
ful  set,  their  clothes  wuz  rough  and  disheveled  and  so 
wuz  their  linements.  They  all  on  'em  brandished  aloft  a 
pistol,  seemin'  to  be  on  the  lookout  for  someone  to  shoot. 
Their  horses  wuz  on  the  dead  gallop  and  you  knowed  by 
the  expression  on  their  faces  jest  what  blood  curdlin' 
yells  wuz  issuin'  from  their  throats. 

Why,  if  you'll  believe  it  they  wuz  goin'  at  such  a 
gallopin'  prancin'  gait  that  the  feet  of  one  of  their  horses 
never  touched  the  ground,  all  four  of  his  feet  wuz  gal 
lopin'  through  the  air.  Josiah  sez  as  he  looked  at  it: 

"  I  would  give  a  dollar  bill  to  Ury  in  a  minute  if  he 
could  learn  the  colt  to  do  that  trick,  gallop  along  with 
out  his  feet  touchin'  the  ground.  Jest  think  what  a  sen 
sation  it  would  make  to  the  Jonesville  fair.  The  old 
mair  is  too  old  of  course  to  git  the  trick." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "  I  guess  her  feet  will  never  be  lifted 
altogether  from  the  ground  till  they  are  turned  up  in 
their  last  rest.  But  I  wouldn't  try,  Josiah  Allen,  to  imi- 


It  is  the  big   crowd   that   is  surgin'  through  the   Pike   to  and  fro, 
fro  and  to.— Page  187. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         187 

tate  that  roarin'  and  rakish  set  if  I  wuz  in  your  place, 
you  a  member  of  the  meetin'  house. " 

"  Oh,  keep  throwin'  that  meetin'  house  in  my  face,  I 
should  think  you'd  git  tired  ont  but  don't  spoze  you 

win." 

And  Blandina  sez,  "  Oh,  Aunt  Samantha,  don't  be  too 
harsh  on  them  happy  young  men,  it  is  only  their  high 
sperits.  They  would  probable  settle  down  and  make  the 
best  of  husbands  if  they  had  a  tender  and  loving  com 
panion.  I  wonder,"  sez  she,  "  if  they  wuz  took  from 
life  and  if  they're  here  to  the  Fair  I  do  so  like  the  looks 
of  one  on  'em,  I  believe  we  would  be  congenial. ' ' 

I  hurried  'em  along,  the  one  she  pinted  out  had  his 
pistol  raised  the  highest  of  the  lot  and  he  looked  the  most 
rakish. 

But  you  forgot  the  looks  of  the  cow-boys  as  you  stood 
at  the  entrance  and  got  a  full  view  of  the  Pike.  A  per 
fect  flood  of  all  the  colors  of  the  rainbow,  and  towers  and 
steeples  and  domes  and  crescents,  and  ornaments  of  all 
kinds  busts  on  your  vision,  and  at  the  same  time  your 
ear-pans  are  assailed  by  a  noise  like  the  sound  of  many 
waters,  it  is  the  big  crowd  that  is  surgin'  through  the 
Pike  to  and  fro,  fro  and  to,  and  keep  at  it  night  and  day. 

The  great  crowd  seen  here  all  the  time  shows  how  much 
the  average  human  craves  amusement  and  recreation. 
For  the  Pike  is  the  amusement  street  of  the  Exposition. 


188         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

And  a  bystander  standin'  by  told  us  that  it  extended  a 
mild  and  a  half  from  the  Lindel  entrance  where  we  en 
tered  clear  up  to  the  Skinker  road. 

' '  What  Skinker  is  that  1  ' '  sez  Josiah  to  the  man.  ' '  Is 
he  any  relation  to  the  Skinkerses  up  in  Zoar?  Old  Ethan 
Skinker  had  a  boy  who  come  West.  Most  probable  you  Ve 
seen  him  here;  I  know  most  every  stranger  that  comes  to 
Jonesville. ' ' 

"  Where  is  Zoar?  "  sez  the  man,  an  uppish  lookin' 
creeter,  but  sunk  in  ignorance,  for  when  Josiah  sez,  "  Zoar 
is  four  milds  from  Jonesville,"  sez  the  man: 

"  Where  is  Jonesville?  " 

And  Josiah  sez  to  me,  "I'll  be  jiggered,  Samantha,  if 
this  man  at  this  age  of  the  world  don't  know  where  Jones 
ville  is." 

"  Well,"  sez  I  coolly,  "  we  hain't  expected  to  civilize 
all  creation,  Josiah."  And  as  we  had  jest  come  to  the 
entrance  of  the  Tyoleran  Alps  I  wouldn't  let  Josiah  stop 
and  parley  with  him  any  furder.  He  wuz  kinder  snicker- 
in  '  to  himself,  a  ignorant  onmannerly  creeter. 

I  had  told  Josiah  and  he  fell  in  with  the  idee  to  once 
(he  is  clost)  that  we  wouldn't  try  to  see  all  the  sights  of 
the  Pike.  But  this  bein'  the  first  one  we  come  to  we 
thought  we  would  enter  and  we  found  it  wuz  a  highly 
interestin '  spectacle. 

There  wuz  lofty  snow-crowned  mountains,  some  on  'em 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         189 

that  seemed  fur  away,  and  some  nigher  by,  a  lake  lyin' 
smooth  and  placid  at  their  feet.  Its  shore  wuz  dotted 
with  trees,  and  little  picturesque  cottages  nestled  on  its 
banks. 

Anon  a  large  fair  city  spread  out  at  the  foot  of  the 
serene  mountains.  Then  you  would  come  to  an  immense 
castle,  so  nigh  the  mountain  that  it  seemed  to  grow  out 
of  it  with  its  ivied  walls  and  lofty  towers  pierced  with 
quaintly  paned  windows.  Crowds  of  sightseers  passin' 
in  and  out  its  lofty  arched  entrance  and  walking  through 
the  grounds  outside. 

Another  castle,  handsomer  yet,  wuz  the  castle  of  Lin- 
derhof,  which  stands  in  stately  magnificence  at  the  foot 
of  the  mountain,  but  furder  away  from  it.  Kows  of 
clipped  evergreens  stand  along  its  white  terraces  and 
masses  of  foliage  on  each  side.  A  white  monument  tow 
ered  up  to  the  sky  in  the  centre  of  its  beautiful  lawn  in 
front,  and  nigher  by  there  wuz  a  big  leapin'  fountain 
guarded  on  each  side  by  statutes  of  female  wimmen  re 
clining  at  ease  but  seemin'  to  have  their  eye  on  the  hull 
beautiful  seen  and  tendin'  to  things,  as  wimmen  have  to. 

Then  anon  you  would  come  to  a  little  village  with 
pretty  houses,  mostly  gables.  There  wuz  a  mountain  tor 
rent  with  several  bridges  over  it  that  foamed  and  dashed 
along  through  the  quaint  little  place.  Pretty  girls  in 
their  gay  national  costume  accosted  us  from  the  verandas 
anon  or  oftener  wantin'  to  sell  sooveneers. 


190         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Josiah  noticed  the  price  they  asked  and  hurried  me 
onwards.  They  wuz  real  pretty  girls  so  I  didn't  mind 
so  much  goin'  on  (married  wimmen  will  understand  my 
feelin's.  We  have  to  keep  one  eye  out  more  or  less). 

There  is  a  little  chapel  and  below  it  cut  from  solid 
rock  is  a  statute  of  Andreas  Hofer,  victorious  soldier, 
lover  of  country,  but  like  many  another  hero  he  had  to 
suffer  martyrdom  for  it.  But  his  grateful  countrymen 
keeps  his  memory  green.  I  wuz  glad  to  see  it. 

It  wuz  a  pretty  place:  the  lofty  mountain  side  with 
cow  bells  tinkling  along  the  winding  roads,  the  cool  pretty 
villages  below,  chimes  sounding  from  high  towers,  the 
peasants  singing  their  national  songs,  the  bands  ringing 
out  their  stirring  melodies.  And  you  could  take  a  tram 
car  and  go  through  some  of  the  loveliest  seens  in  the 
Alps.  We  stayed  there  some  time. 

I  have  hearn  since  that  them  mountains  wuz  holler 
and  they  keep  beer  and  stimulants  there,  Id 'no  how  true 
it  is.  But  I  sez,  "If  it  is  so  it  is  symbolical  of  where 
such  stuff  and  its  dealers  will  find  themselves  if  they 
don't  repent,  down  in  the  dirt  and  the  dark,  keepin' 
company  with  the  Prince  of  Darkness.  But  I  didn't  see 
hide  nor  hair  of  any  of  'em  and  don't  know  as  there  wuz 
anything  to  see. ' ' 

I  kinder  wanted  to  go  into  the  Irish  Village,  and  said 
so;  I  remarked  that  you  could  buy  Irish  linen  and  lace 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         191 

there  right  on  the  spot.  But  Josiah  sez,  thrustin'  his 
portmoney  deeper  in  his  pocket,  "  Id 'no  why  we  should 
go  in  there,  we  hain't  Irish." 

But  I  sez,  "  Miss  Huff  said  it  wuz  dretful  interesting 
Josiah,  I'd  kinder  like  to  see  it." 

But  Josiah  gin  another  deeper  thrust  to  his  portmoney 
and  must  have  strained  his  pocket  and  sez  in  terser, 
hasher  axents: 

"  We  hain't  Irish!  " 

And  I  sez  kinder  short,  "  Id 'no  as  we're  Alps."  But 
I  didn't  argy  there  wuz  so  many  folks  round,  wimmen 
have  to  choke  off  time  and  agin  and  conceal  their  shag- 
rin'  and  their  pardner's  actin'. 

Miss  Huff  had  told  me  a  lot  about  it.  She  said  they 
had  a  real  House  of  Parliament  and  you  could  drive  in 
jaunting  cars  through  Lake  Kilarney  region  and  the  rocky 
road  to  Dublin  that  we've  all  hearn  about. 

Blarney  Castle  is  used  here  as  a  theatre  with  stirring 
national  plays  going  on  and  there  is  an  Irish  arch  over 
nine  hundred  years  old,  and  in  a  village  here  is  an  Irish 
national  exhibit  together  with  a  Scotch  display,  laces, 
linens,  carpets,  etc.,  and  there  is  a  gallery  of  famous  Irish 
beauties.  She  said  it  wuz  as  good  as  a  visit  to  Ireland 
to  study  the  country  and  the  looks  and  ways  of  the  people. 

But  as  I  say,  Josiah  hurried  me  past  the  long,  many 
windowed  front  of  the  Irish  Industrial  Exhibit  with  its 


192         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

gay  flags  wavin'  out  on  top  bagonin'  us  to  come  in,  past 
the  famous  St.  Lawrence  gate,  Droggeda,  one  of  the  most 
famous  relics  in  all  Ireland,  with  its  tall  towers  and  its 
noble  archway  filled  with  crowds  of  sightseers,  for  he 
had  seen  right  by  the  side  of  that  gate  a  big  roundin' 
entrance  arch  with  the  round  world  poised  above  it  and 
above  the  arch  in  letters  as  high  as  he  wuz : 

Under  and  Over  the  Sea. 

And  of  course  he  wuz  bound  to  indulge  in  that  luxury. 
And  it  wuz  thrillin'  in  the  extreme  though  I  stood  it 
better  than  he  did. 

The  first  thing  you  see  is  a  submarine  boat,  you  can 
see  this  plain  from  the  Pike  and  the  passengers  embarkin' 
on  it,  two  hundred  and  fifty  can  be  carried  by  this  boat 
at  one  time,  and  Josiah  led  us  onto  it  with  a  excited  lin- 
ement,  but  he  tried  to  look  brave  and  fearless. 

But  the  sights  we  see  down  there  wuz  enough  to  dis 
may  a  man  weighin'  far  more  than  Josiah.  You  could 
look  right  out  of  the  boat  on  the  dashin'  waves,  water 
above  you  and  on  every  side  and  see  the  strange  monsters 
of  the  deep,  and  the  queer  marine  growths  and  blossoms. 
Imagine  seem'  whales  up  over  your  head  comin'  right 
towards  you,  and  Id  'no  but  there  wuz  leviathians,  I  guess 
there  wuz,  they  wuz  big  enough. 

Anon  you  come  to  the  river  Seine  in  Paris  and  swoop 
up  to  the  top  of  Eiffel  Tower.  Blandina  sez  holdin'  onto 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         193 

my  tabs,  "  From  the  bowels  of  the  earth  up  to  the  vaulted 
heavings!  ' 

I  said  tabs,  but  I  meant  tab,  for  Josiah  had  holt  of  the 
other  with  an  almost  frenzied  grasp,  and  sez  he,  ' '  Where 
will  we  go  next,  Samantha?  ' 

And  I  sez,  "  Id 'no,  mebby  to  the  moon  or  Mars." 

And  Blandina  in  trembling  axents  sez,  "  I  wish  I  wuz 
safe  at  Mars." 

Her  ma  is  old  but  got  her  faculties.  And  Josiah  sez 
with  chatterin'  teeth  and  quaverin'  voice  as  he  looked 
down  from  the  dizzy  hite  onto  Paris,  "  If  I  git  through 
this  alive  I  shall  be  glad  to  tell  the  brethren  about  it." 

Far  below  us  lay  the  illuminated  city,  for  it  wuz  night, 
and  a  beautiful  seen  but  sort  o'  melancholy.  And  sure 
enough,  as  if  to  prove  my  words  true,  here  at  the  very 
top  of  the  tower  wuz  an  air-ship  on  which  we  took  flight 
through  the  boundless  fields  of  air.  Paris  died  on  our 
vision,  then  we  floated  over  many  cities  and  harbors,  up 
the  English  Channel,  anon  the  lights  of  London  are 
passed  and  we  are  high  up  above  the  ocean.  Weird  and 
wild  is  the  seen,  the  moon  comes  up,  black  clouds  rise, 
and  the  voice  of  the  winds  is  heard,  then  the  rumbling  of 
thunder  and  the  forked  lightning  darts  its  baleful  glare 
at  us. 

Josiah  whispers,  "  Samantha,  have  you  got  on  your 
gold  beads?  " 


194         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

I  wear  'em  under  my  collar  but  most  always  take  'em 
off  in  a  thunder  storm  not  wantin'  to  be  struck  in  my 


neck.  And  I  seen  him  furtively  gittin'  ready  to  throw 
away  his  jack-knife.  But  at  that  minute  the  storm  calms 
down  and  Josiah  replaces  his  knife  jest  as  we  enter  New 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         195 

York  harbor.  A  flight  over  sea  and  land,  forest  and 
city,  and  we  land  agin  at  the  Exposition. 

As  we  disembarked  Josiah  grasped  holt  of  my  hand 
ostensibly  to  help  me  but  really  in  tender  greeting,  and 
sez  in  fervid  axents,  "  I  wouldn't  have  you  take  that  trip 
alone,  Samantha,  without  me  with  you  to  protect  you, 
not  for  worlds. " 

' '  No, ' '  sez  Blandina, ' '  what  would  we  have  done  with 
out  dear  Uncle  Josiah  by  our  side?  " 

I  didn't  argy  but  felt  that  he  wouldn't  with  his  size 
and  weight  made  much  headway  agin  them  whales  and 
water  monsters  to  say  nothin'  of  danger  by  drowndin' 
and  fallin'  from  the  sky.  But  he  felt  neat  and  we  wended 
our  way  on. 

Josiah  said  he  didn't  care  about  goin'  to  Asia,  and  I 
said  it  wuz  a  pity  not  to  when  we  wuz  so  nigh,  but  he 
kinder  hurried  me  on. 

I  told  him  that  the  Streets  of  Seville  interested  me,  for 
it  wuz  planned  by  a  woman,  the  only  woman  who  ever 
received  a  concession  in  a  amusement  street  of  a  Exposi 
tion. 

And  Josiah  sez,  "  I  shall  spend  my  money  on  sun  thin' 
of  more  importance;  it  probable  all  runs  to  crazy  quilts 
and  tattin." 

But  it  wuz  no  such  thing,  it  wuz  perfectly  beautiful, 
as  I've  hearn  folks  say  that  have  been  there.  But  I  see 


196         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

lie  wuz  beginnin'  to  look  kinder  mauger,  and  as  first 
chaperone  I  sez  anxiously,  "  Where  do  you  want  to  go, 
dear  Josiah?  Do  you  want  to  go  to  Hagenbecks  Animal 
Show?  " 

"  No,  I  don't;  I  shall  see  animals  enough  when  I  git 
home  in  my  own  barnyard.'7 

"  Well,  do  you  want  to  go  to  the  Hereafter,  Josiah?  ' 

' '  No,  we  shall  git  there  all  right  if  we  keep  on  without 
my  payin'  out  money.  I  told  you  I  wuzn't  goin'  to  pay 
to  go  in  to  all  these  places. ' ' 

"  Well,  do  you  want  to  go  to  France  or  Ceylon  or 
Persia  ?  Or  Cairo  ?  Or  where  do  you  want  to  go  ?  ' 

Sez  he,  cross  as  a  bear,  4  *  I  want  to  go  where  I  can  git 
sunthin'  to  eat." 

And  I  sez,  "  Dear  Josiah,  I've  been  so  took  up  I  forgot 
your  appetite;  we  will  go  to  once."  And  havin'  heard 
that  good  food  could  be  got  in  Japan  we  hastened  thither. 


CHAPTER  XI. 

E  entered  Fair  Japan  through  a  big  gateway 
a  hundred  feet  high.  It  wuz  called  the 
Temple  of  Kiko,  it  wuz  all  covered  with 
carvin'  and  gold  ornaments.  And  they 
say  it  couldn't  be  made  now  of  the  same  materials  for  a 
million  dollars.  It  would  been  magnificent  lookin'  if  it 
hadn't  been  for  what  looked  like  serpents  wreathin'  up 
the  pillars  in  front.  I  hate  snakes!  and  they're  the  last 
ornaments  I  would  ever  sculp  over  my  front  door. 

Blandina  said  they  wuz  dragons,  and  mebby  they  wuz. 
'Tennyrate  they  wuz  fastened  to  the  pillars  and  didn't 
offer  to  hurt  us.  We  got  quite  a  good  meal,  but  queer, 
in  a  tea-house  on  the  borders  of  the  lake.  They  had  the 
best  tea  I  ever  drinked.  I  asked  'em  how  long  they 
steeped  it,  and  how  much  they  put  in  for  a  drawin',  but 
they  bein'  ignorant  didn't  seem  to  understand  me.  But 
I  enjoyed  bein'  there,  for  whilst  our  inner  men  and  wim- 
men  wuz  bein'  refreshed  our  minds  wuz  enriched  by  this 
real  picture  of  life  in  Japan,  for  in  there  it  is  jest  as 
if  we  had  traveled  thousands  of  milds  and  wuz  sot  down 
in  the  real  Japan. 

After  the  edge  of  Josiah's  hunger  wuz  squenched  he 


198         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

begun  to  look  about  him  and  praise  up  the  looks  of  the 
Geisha  girls  that  wuz  dancin'  or  rather  posterin'  in  their 
pretty  modest  way,  and  some  on  'em  playin'  on  queer 
lookin'  instruments  that  looked  some  like  my  carpet 
sweeper. 

These  girl  musicians  wuz  settin'  on  the  floor  dressed 
in  what  seemed  to  be  gay  colored  night  gowns,  and  they 
looked  well  enough,  kinder  innocent  and  modest  lookin'. 
But  I  told  him  it  wuzn't  becomin'  in  a  old  man  and  a 
professor  to  be  so  enthusiastick  over  young  girls  dancin' 
and  playin'. 

And  he  sez,  '  *  Oh,  well,  fetch  on  your  girl  blinders  and 
I'll  put  'em  on.  But  till  you  git  'em  for  me  and  harness 
me  up  in  'em  I've  got  to  look  round  some." 

But  I  told  him  there  wuz  enough  for  him  to  see  be 
sides  girls  and  there  wuz.  For  it  beats  all  what  long 
strides  the  Japans  have  made  in  every  branch  of  educa 
tion  and  culture.  If  they  keep  on  in  the  next  century 
as  they  have  in  this  some  of  the  so-called  advanced  na 
tions  will  have  to  take  a  back  seat  and  let  this  little 
brown,  polite  people  stand  to  the  head.  But  then  they 
have  been  cultured  for  hundreds  of  years,  though  lots  of 
folks  don't  seem  to  know  it. 

But  I  am  sorry  to  say  it  wuzn't  the  high  art  and  cul 
ture  of  Japan  that  Josiah  wuz  most  interested  in,  but 
the  queer  things,  such  as  the  strange  stunted  trees  trained 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         199 

into  forms  of  men  and  animals  hundreds  of  years  old  and 
no  higher  than  a  common  chair,  and  lots  of  'em  not  so 
high.  And  there  wuz  roosters  with  tails  twenty-five  feet 
long. 

Josiah  said  he  wuz  bound  to  git  an  egg  and  see  if  he 
could  hatch  one. 

And  I  sez,  "  Where  would  it  roost?  It's  tail  is  long 
agin  as  the  hen  house  is  high. ' ' 

Well,  he  said  in  the  summer  it  could  roost  on  top  of 
the  barn  with  its  tail  kinder  hangin'  down  and  out  over 
the  smoke  house. 

But  it  wuzn't  a  minute  before  his  eyes  wuz  took  up 
with  some  images,  some  big  ones  covered  with  the  most 
exquisite  carvin',  down  to  them  so  small,  if  you'll  be 
lieve  it,  they  wuz  carved  out  of  a  single  kernel  of  rice. 
And  there  wuz  gold  fish  and  a  hundred  other  kinds  of 
fishes,  and  you  see  there  the  common  houses  of  the  people 
and  people  livin'  in  them  jest  as  they  do  in  their  own 
country,  and  a  royal  palace,  arched  bridges,  lanterns 
hangin'  everywhere,  pagodas,  temples,  lagoons  with  orna 
mental  boats,  cascades,  etc.  All  made  a  pretty  picture, 
though  curious. 

Then  in  Asakusa,  a  native  village  of  Japan,  is  forty 
stores  and  there  you  see  the  most  beautiful  display  of 
rugs,  carved  ivory  and  wood,  porcelain,  jewels,  fans, 
paintings,  etc.,  and  the  workmen  busy  making  'em  right 


200         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

before  your  eyes.  And  in  the  narrer  streets  jugglers,  ac 
robats,  fortune  tellers  are  giving  their  mysterious  per 
formances.  There  are  bands  of  music,  jinrikishaws  with 
men  harnessed  up  in  'em,  and  you  can  ride  in  'em  if  so 
inclined. 

There  wuz  quite  a  number  of  places  on  the  Pike  that  we 
passed  that  I  kinder  wanted  to  see,  but  Josiah  wuzn't 
willin'  to  pay  out  too  much  money,  and  what  interested 
me  most  wuz  the  foreign  countries  that  I  had  never  had 
a  chance  to  see,  they  havin'  the  misfortune  to  be  so  fur 
from  Jonesville.  But  when  we  got  to  the  Chinese  Village, 
it  had  such  a  magnificent  and  showy  front  that  Josiah 
never  made  an  objection  to  goin'  inside. 

I  wuz  dretful  glad  to  go  there,  you  know  it  is  nater  to 
want  to  do  what  you  can't.  And  China  has  been  so  de 
termined  to  keep  Josiah  and  I  and  the  world  out  of  her 
empire,  I  wuz  glad  enough  to  git  in,  and  wuz  real  inter 
ested  lookin'  at  them  queer  yeller  pig-tailed  little  creeters 
with  dresses  on,  and  their  funny  little  houses. 

There  wuz  a  big  Chinese  theatre,  and  a  Joss  house 
where  they  worship  Joss,  whoever  he  or  she  may  be,  I 
wanted  to  have  their  religion  explained  to  me,  there  wuz 
a  guide  there  to  do  it. 

But  Josiah  said  that  as  a  deacon  he  wouldn't  counten 
ance  it,  for  I  might  be  led  into  idolatry.  And  when  I 
argued  with  him  he  whispered  to  me  : 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         201 

' '  Samantha,  if  you  insist  on  hangin '  round  their  meet- 
in  '  house  here  any  longer  I  shall  say  out  loud,  '  By 
Joss!  '  " 

At  that  fearful  threat  I  started  on,  I  wouldn't  let  him 
demean  himself  before  the  heathen. 

You  can  see  here  in  this  country,  as  in  Japan,  native 
workers  plyin '  their  different  trades,  mechanics,  painters, 
jewelers,  etc.,  etc.  Silk  weavers  usin'  the  same  old,  on- 
handy  looms  they  used  centuries  ago,  ivory  carvers  f  ash- 
ionin'  elephants  and  other  animals,  and  all  on  'em  tryin' 
to  sell  to  us  in  their  high-pitched  voices. 

I  had  quite  a  number  of  emotions  here  in  China  a 
musin'  on  the  oldness  and  strangeness  of  their  civiliza 
tion,  and  wonderin'  if  it  would  ever  be  merged  into  a 
newer,  fresher  life. 

Blandina  didn't  share  my  lofty  emotions,  she  simpered 
some  and  said,  "  I  believe  they  would  make  lovely  hus 
bands  if  their  eyes  wuz  sot  in  straighter  and  they  dressed 
different." 

And  I  sez,  "  I  wouldn't  admire  'em  in  that  capacity, 
but  after  all  they  would  be  equinomical  husbands.  If 
you  had  a  calico  dress  kinder  wore  off  round  the  bottom 
you  could  cut  it  off  and  make  'em  wear  it,  men's  clothes 
are  so  expensive  it  would  be  quite  a  savin'.  And  you 
could  pass  him  off  for  the  hired  girl  if  strangers  come  on- 
expected,  though  that  is  sun  thin'  I  wouldn't  approve  on, 


202         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

fur  from  it,  a  hauty  sperit  goes  before  a  fall,  as  I  told 
Josiah  once  when  lie  got  on  a  new  kind  of  collar  that  held 
his  head  up  so  high  he  fell  over  the  wood-box." 

But  to  resoom.  The  Chinese  are  curious  lookin',  but 
equinomical,  they  can  live  on  a  few  grains  of  rice  a  day, 
and  America  owes  'em  a  debt  of  gratitude  anyway  for 
tunnelin'  her  Rocky  Mountains,  buildin'  her  big  rail 
roads  and  diggin'  ditches  to  water  the  land  and  make  it 
beautiful  that  they're  shet  out  of. 

Blandina  sez  to  me  as  we  wended  our  way  out,  "  No 
man  ort  to  be  turned  back  out  of  this  country."  She 
said  the  Chinee  wuz  good,  industrious,  equinomical  and 
peaceable. 

And  I  sez,  "  Yes,  they  work  well  and  don't  go  round 
like  some  other  foreigners  with  a  chip  on  their  shoulder. 
'  *  But, ' '  sez  I,  '  *  Blandina,  I  will  not  tell  the  nation  what 
to  do  in  this  matter;  there  is  so  much  to  be  said  on  both 
sides  it  must  not  depend  on  me  to  settle  it,  and  they 
needn't  ask  me  to." 

I  hadn't  more  than  said  these  words  as  we  wuz  strollin' 
along  when  who  should  we  meet  but  Royal  and  Rosy 
Nelson.  I  knowed  they  wuz  to  be  married  the  very  day 
after  we  left  for  St.  Louis.  We  wuz  invited  but  couldn't 
go,  our  plans  bein'  all  laid  and  tickets  bought,  but  I  sent 
'em  a  handsome  present,  for  I  wuz  highly  tickled  with 
the  match. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         203 

Truly  no  rose  ever  looked  sweeter  hangin '  on  its  bough 
than  did  Rosy  Nelson  hangin '  onto  the  arm  of  her  devoted 
consort,  and  he  I  thought  wuz  well  named,  so  royal  and 
proud  wuz  his  mean  as  he  introduced  his  wife. 

I  kissed  her  warmly  right  there  in  China  and  promised 
to  make  her  a  all  day's  visit  soon  as  I  got  home,  I'm 
lottin'  on't. 

We  talked  a  little  about  past  troubles  caused  by  Jabez- 
eses  and  inventions,  and  the  glories  of  the  Fair,  and  then 
they  strolled  off  happy  as  two  turkle  doves,  not  needin' 
or  desirin'  any  other  company  than  their  own,  and  show- 
in'  it  plain  by  their  actions.  Josiah  was  put  out  about 
it  for  he  wanted  to  find  out  about  how  things  wuz  to 
home,  bein'  highly  tickled  to  meet  a  male  Jonesvillian. 

Blandina  sez  as  they  walked  away,  bound  up  in  each 
other  and  both  on  'em  wropped  up  in  the  glowin'  mantilly 
of  youth  and  joy:  "  Oh,  happy,  happy  wedded  souls! 
how  I  envy  you. ' ' 

And  Josiah  sez  in  a  fraxious  axent,  "  How  queer  it  is 
that  two  such  smart  young  folks  can  look  and  act  so 
spooney,  but  thank  heaven!'  it  won't  last.  It  won't  be 
long  before  Royal  will  be  willin'  to  pass  the  time  o'  day 
with  a  Jonesvillian." 

I  told  him  there  wuz  nothin '  so  beautiful  as  love. 

"  No,  nor  nothin'  that  makes  folk  act  so  like  pesky 
fools,  they  don't  act  as  though  they  knew  putty." 


204         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

I  hated  such  oncongenial  idees.  But  couldn't  deny 
they  wuz  spooney,  for  they  wuz,  not  a  small  teaspoon  but 
a  big  silver  dinner  spoon,  and  I  believe  it  will  last.  Not 
the  outward  form  of  the  spoon,  oh,  no,  that  would  be  too 
wearisome  to  the  world  and  themselves,  but  the  precious 
metal  that  forms  it.  Love  is  the  greatest  thing  in  the 
world. 

Blandina  had  always  lived  in  a  back  place  and  had 
never  heard  a  graphophone,  so  bein'  kinder  tired,  and 
bein'  nigh  a  place  where  they  had  one,  we  went  in  at 
her  request  and  sot  for  quite  a  spell. 

And  we  heard  voices  and  songs  gay  and  sad,  marches 
and  melodies,  loftiest  oratory,  maddest  mirth  and  pro- 
foundest  feeling  all  comin'  out  of  a  little  square  box, 
what  a  idee! 

What  a  man  that  Edison  is.  It  seems  always  like 
watchin'  the  wonderful  onseen  secrets  of  nater,  like  seein' 
the  mortal  made  immortal  to  think  that  voices  we've 
loved  and  mourned  as  they  wuz  hushed  in  the  last  still 
ness  can  sound  out  agin,  breakin'  our  hearts  with  the 
same  old  echoes,  the  same  old  sweetness  of  the  voice  we 
loved  and  lost,  talkin'  in  mortal  words  and  axents  to  us 
when  they've  long,  long  ago  learnt  the  immortal  lan 
guage,  beheld  the  immortal  seens. 

Why  Cleopatra's  voice  might  have  been  stored  up  as 
she  made  love  to  Antony,  or  the  voice  of  the  relation 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         205 

on  her  own  side,  old  Mr.  Pharo  himself  orderin'  the 
Hebrews  to  git  out  of  his  premises,  and  their  back  talk 
about  plaguin'  him  till  he  wuz  willin'  they  should  go. 

Why  even  Eve  scoldin'  Adam  about  slackness  in  gittin' 
kindlin'  wood  or  her  pardner  eomplainin'  about  her 
wastefulness  and  extravagance  in  usin'  so  many  fig  leaves 
for  her  fall  suit.  Oh,  how  nateral,  how  nateral  that  would 
sound  to  wimmen. 

Or  old  Noah's  voice  as  he  stood  in  the  Ark  door  bagon- 
in  and  shoutin '  to  the  animals  to  walk  in  male  and  female. 
Or  his  voice  kinder  soothin'  and  patronizin'  tellin'  the 
female  dove  to  go  out  and  shirk  round  on  the  water  and 
see  if  it  wuz  safe  for  the  males  in  the  party  to  go  out. 
Oh,  how  nateral  that  would  sound  to  wimmen,  soundin' 
out  through  the  centuries. 

And  on  and  on  down  the  long  years,  Job's  voice  eom 
plainin  '  of  the  bitter  comfort  of  his  friend's  familiar 
talk.  He'd  stood  losin'  family  and  fortune  and  had  stood 
biles  but  the  seven  days'  visitation  and  the  "  I  told-you- 
sos  "  and  the  advice  of  well  wishers  wuz  too  much  for 
him. 

And  Solomon's  talk  to  Miss  Sheba  and  hern  to  him. 
And  Daniel's  talk  by  the  deep  waters,  and  mebby  the 
Great  Voice  that  said  to  him: 

"  Understand!  " 

And  brave  Queen  Esther's  voice  facin'  her  enemies  and 


206         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

a  drunken  king,  and  sweet  Ruth's,  and  Paul's  incom 
parable  words,  and  St.  John 's.  Or  the  lofty  voices  of  the 
Patriot  fathers  as  they  nobly  shrieked  for  freedom  as 
they  threw  their  pardner's  tea  overboard,  while  they 
hung  onto  their  whiskey  and  tobacco  that  wuz  taxed 
twice  as  high. 

Oh,  how  their  impassioned  cries  for  liberty,  and  how 
they  would  willin'ly  sacrifice  their  wives  favorite  beve- 
ridge  ruther  than  to  yield  to  the  tyrant.  How  nateral, 
how  nateral  them  noble  yells  would  sound  to  their  de 
scendant  females,  the  Daughters  of  the  Revolution,  and 
all  the  rest.  What  would  it  be  for  us  all  to  hear  them 
axents,  and  it  could  have  been  done  if  Edison  had  been 
born  sooner  and  that  little  box  had  been  round. 

I  didn't  wonder  that  Blandina  wuz  enthused,  it  is 
enough  to  enthuse  anybody  that  never  has  hearn  it,  she 
said  she  laid  out  to  go  every  day  three  or  four  times  a 
day  and  stay  jest  as  long  as  she  could. 

One  of  the  most  remarkable  sights  we  see  on  the  Pike 
wuz  Jim  Key,  a  horse  that  is  valued  at  a  hundred  thous 
and  dollars,  who  travels  in  his  own  private  car.  A  horse 
that  can  read  and  write,  spell,  understand  mathematics, 
go  to  the  post  office,  git  mail  from  any  box,  give  chapter 
and  verse  of  Bible  text  where  the  horse  is  mentioned, 
uses  the  telephone,  and  is  so  intelligent  you  expect  him  to 
break  out  in  oratory  any  time. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         207 

Josiah  wuz  spell  bound  here,  I  could  hardly  tear  him 
away.  And  sez  he: 

' '  The  first  thing  I  do  when  I  go  home  will  be  to  send 
the  colt  to  the  deestrick  school.7' 

I  told  him  the  teacher  wouldn't  want  him  whinnerin' 
round  amongst  her  scholars,  and  mebby  gallopin'  and 
snortin'  round  the  schoolroom. 

But  he  wuz  as  firm  as  adamant  in  his  idee.  And  Id 'no 
what  I  shall  do  about  it.  But  spoze  the  trustees  will  have 
to  head  him  off. 

Josiah  wanted  to  go  and  see  the  Fire  Fighters,  he  said 
he  thought  he  could  git  some  idees  to  tell  the  brethren  that 
wuz  in  the  fire  company,  and  Blandina  and  I  wanted  to 
see  the  Esquimeaux  Village.  We  went  on,  Josiah  promis- 
in'  to  meet  us  there.  And  as  we  went  I  said: 

"  I've  sung  for  years  about  Greenland's  icy  mountains, 
but  never  spozed  I  should  set  my  eyes  on  'em."  For  there 
towerin'  up  to  the  skies  wuz  immense  ice  mountains 
peaked  and  desolate  lookin',  and  inside  it  looked  worse 
yet.  A  bare  snowy  place  broken  by  cold  lookin'  water 
dotted  with  ice  islands  and  surrounded  by  tall  ice  peaks. 
I  don't  spoze  it  wuz  real  ice  and  snow,  but  looked  like  it. 

And  there  wuz  reindeers  hitched  to  sleds,  and  the  low 
round  huts  of  the  natives  lookin'  jest  like  the  pictures 
in  our  old  Gography.  And  there  wuz  some  white  bears 
natural  as  life,  and  dog  teams  haulin'  sledges,  toiling  up 


208         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

the  steep  cliffs  hitched  tantrum.  The  natives  wuz  queer 
lookin'  little  creeters,  dark  complexioned,  dressed  in  furs 
and  thick  costooms.  But  little  Nancy  Columbus  born  at 
the  World's  Fair,  Chicago,  wuz  cute  as  she  could  be. 

There  wuz  a  big  street  show  at  the  other  end  of  the 
Pike  and  this  place  wuz  most  deserted  by  sight-seers,  and 
Blandina  and  I  sot  down  on  a  bench  by  the  side  of  one 
of  these  little  housen  to  rest.  As  we  did  so  we  hearn  the 
voice  of  oratory  comin'  from  the  other  side,  where  some 
Esquimeaux  seemed  to  be  gathered  with  open  mouths  and 
wonderin'  linements.  The  orator  seemed  to  be  finishin' 
his  address  in  words  as  f oilers : 

"  Let  us  not  permit  ourselves  to  be  spiritually  incapa 
citated  by  quandaries  regarding  the  control  of  earthly  mat 
ter.  Let  us  circumnavigate  the  ethereal  realms  of  unex 
plored  ether,  quander  the  unquanderable  until  the  ever- 
Jastin'  stupendiousness  of  the  whyness  of  the  what  shall 
dawn  on  the  enraptured  vision,  and  precipitate  the  efful 
gent  tissues  of  ethereal  matter  in  one  glorious  pulchritude 
of  transcendentalism." 

As  the  speaker  paused  for  needed  breath  Blandina 
clasped  her  hands  and  sithed  out,  "  Oh,  what  glorious  elo 
quence  !  I  never  hearn  anything  like  it !  " 

And  I  sez,  "  I  never  did  but  once,  I  know  that  voice, 
though  I  hain't  hearn  it  for  twenty  years;  that  is  Prof. 
Aspire  Todd."  And  I  thought  to  myself,  he  is  practicin' 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         209 

over  a  speech,  and  thought  the  Esquimeaux  would  stand 
it  better  than  tribes  less  humble  and  good  natered.  And 
so  it  turned  out;  he  hoped  he  would  be  invited  to  speak 
at  a  scientific  meetin'  to  take  place  in  Festival  Hall  in  a 
day  or  two,  and  bein'  to  the  Inside  Inn  he'd  tried  to  orate 
his  speech  in  his  own  room,  but  it  is  built  so  shammy  you 
can  hear  things  from  one  end  to  the  other,  and  they  threat 
ened  him  with  horse  whippin'  on  one  side  and  lynchin'  on 
the  other,  and  bein'  drove  to  it  he  tried  it  on  the  Esqui- 
meauxs.  They  stood  it  pretty  well,  though  I  noticed  one 
or  two  on  'em  weepin'  bitterly,  not  knowin'  what  ailed  'em. 

Well,  to  resoom  backward,  I  sez  to  Blandina,  "  I  hearn 
Aspire  Todd  at  a  Fourth  of  July  celebration  in  Josiah's 
sugar  bush." 

"  Oh,"  sez  Blandina,  claspin'  her  hands,  "  would  it  be 
possible  for  you  to  introduce  me  to  that  noble  being!  " 

Sez  I,  "  You  like  his  talk  then?  " 

' i  Oh,  yes !  ' '  sez  she,  shutting  her  eyes  and  clasping  her 
hands.  "  His  matchless  eloquence  is  beyond  praise." 

"  So  'tis,"  sez  I,  "  way  beyond  my  praise.  But  I  can 
introduce  you  if  you  want  me  to ;  he  visited  me  that  time 
he  wuz  in  Jonesville  and  stayed  to  supper."  So  as  he 
come  round  the  corner  of  the  buildin'  follered  by  some 
bewildered  lookin'  natives  I  put  out  my  hand  and  sez, 
"  I  don't  know  as  you  know  me,  Professor  Aspire  Todd, 
but  you  visited  me  in  Jonesville.  I  am  Josiah  Allen's 
wife." 


210         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

He  grasped  my  hand  almost  warmly  and  sez,  "  Indeed 
my  memory  retroacts  readily  on  that  delightsome  remem 
brance." 

And  then  I  introduced  Blandina,  knowin'  I  wuz  makin' 
her  perfectly  happy  by  so  doin'.  He'd  growed  old  con 
siderable,  which  I  didn't  blame  him  for  and  didn't  see  as 
he  could  help  it,  twenty  years  havin'  gone  by.  His  hair, 
which  wuz  still  long  and  hung  down  over  his  turn-down 
collar,  wuz  streaked  with  gray.  But  he  still  had  the  same 
kind  of  a  curious,  sentimental,  high-flown  look  to  him. 

I  didn't  admire  his  looks,  but  Blandina's  manners  to 
him  wuz  worshipful,  and  it  seemed  to  agree  with  him  first 
rate,  he  seemed  really  to  take  to  her.  And  as  he  asked 
to  accompany  and  go  with  us  to  the  next  exhibit,  I  fell  in 
with  it,  and  when  my  pardner  come  walked- ahead  with 
him  while  Professor  Todd  follered  with  a  perfectly  bliss 
ful  Blandina,  and  before  they  parted  he  arranged  a  ron- 
devoo  next  day  with  Blandina. 

I  wuz  beat  out  when  I  got  home  and  Miss  Huff  sent 
Aunt  Pheeny  up  to  my  room  with  a  glass  of  hot  lemonade 
and  some  crackers,  supper  not  bein'  quite  ready  owin'  to 
shiftless  works  in  the  kitchen.  Molly  wuz  in  my  room 
also  sweet  as  a  June  rosy.  Aunt  Tryphena  wuz  quiverin' 
with  excitement,  and  she  sez,  "Lazy,  good  for  nothin' 
things!  but  it  hain't  what  they  do  that  I  mind  but  it  is 
their  iggorance  I  despise." 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         211 

Sez  Molly,  "  If  the}  are  ignorant  you  ought  to  over 
look  it,  Aunt  Pheeny." 


"Overlook  it!"  sez  she,  turnin'  an'  facin'  us  with  her 
hands  on  her  portly  hips.     "I  hain't  used  to  no  such 


212         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

trash.  When  anybody  has  lived  with  the  highest  nobility 
they  can't  stomach  such  low  down  niggers.  Why,  I  used 
to  have  'em  kneelin'  at  my  feet,  four  or  five  at  a  time, 
askin'  what  I'd  have  for  dinner.  And  that  poor,  iggorent, 
low-down  cook  in  the  kitchen  told  me  jest  now  I  lied  about 
Prince  Arthur,  that  there  never  wuz  such  a  prince,  and  I 
sez  to  her,  <  How  any  black  nigger  can  stand  makin'  bakin' 
powder  biscuit  and  tell  such  lies  is  a  mystery  to  me.'  " 

"  Well,  you  know  Princes  are  not  common  in  this 
country,"  sez  I. 

She  drew  herself  up  more  hautily,  "  Such  a  Prince  as 
that  hain't  common  in  no  country!  Why  he's  so  hand 
some  and  good  the  very  birds  in  the  trees  will  stop  sing- 
in'  to  listen  to  his  talk,  and  the  grass  turn  brighter  green 
where  he's  stepped  on  it,  and  the  May-flowers  peek  up  and 
blush  with  happiness  if  he  looks  at  'em." 

1 1  How  come  you  to  leave  him,  Aunt  Pheeny,  if  he  wuz 
so  perfect?  " 

"  I  tole  you  before,"  sez  she  with  dignity,  "  that  when 
lie  went  off  to  school  I  wuzn't  in  no  ways  bound  to  stay 
with  ole  Miss.  She  wuz  jealous,  you  know,  jealous  of  me. 
Prince  Arthur  made  more  of  me,  we  used  to  sing  together, 
you  know  I've  sung  in  Concorts  and  Operations,  been  a 
star  in  'em.  Ole  Miss  couldn't  sing  no  more  than  a  green 
frog.  And  he  always  said  when  he  got  married  I  wuz  to 
live  with  him,  that  nachully  sot  up  his  Ma's  back,  and  I 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         213 

santered  off  one  day,  never  tole  her  I  wuz  goin',  but  jest 
lifted  up  my  train,  I  wore  long  pink  and  blue  satin  dresses 
then,  and  I  jest  santered  out  the  house  over  to  Californy 
and  Asia  and  so  on  to  Chicago,  and  then  hired  out  to  Miss 
Dotie's  ma.  And  here  I  is ! "  sez  she  firmly,  and  took  up 
the  empty  tray  and  departed. 

She  wuz  a  good  singer,  her  voice  full  of  the  sweetness 
and  heart  searchin'  pathos  of  her  race.  And  her  wild 
flights  of  imagination  never  hurt  anyone  but  herself. 

Well,  after  supper,  which  they  called  dinner,  I  felt  con 
siderable  better.  Josiah  stayed  down  in  the  parlor  talk- 
in'  to  Grandpa  Huff  and  Billy,  and  Molly  come  up  in  my 
room  agin  and  sot  with  me,  whilst  twilight  let  down  her 
soft  gray  mantilly  round  us  and  pinned  it  to  the  earth 
with  silver  stars  (metafor). 

I  always  take  it  as  a  great  compliment  when  folks  con 
fide  the  deepest  secrets  of  their  heart  to  me.  And  Id'no 
why  it  is,  but  they  most  always  do;  I  mean  them  that  I 
take  to  nachully.  Sometimes  I've  felt  first  rate  by  it  and 
spozed  it  wuz  because  I  had  such  a  noble  riz  up  look  to 
my  face.  But  Josiah  sez  it  is  because  I  have  such  a  soft 
look  that  folks  think  they  can  pour  their  griefs  into  me 
and  they  will  sink  in,  some  like  water  into  cotton  battin, 
and  they  can  lose  sight  of  their  sorrows  for  a  spell  and 
relieve  'em  some.  Well,  Id'no  which  it  is,  but  'tennyrate 
as  Molly  sot  there  with  me  lookin'  as  wan  and  pale  as 


214         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

a  white  rose  on  a  cold  November  evenin'  she  told  me  the 
whole  story,  hid  from  her  own  folks  but  revealed  unto  a 
Samantha. 

Josiah  may  say  what  he's  a  mind  to,  but  I  believe  it  is 
the  natural  nobility  of  my  linement  that  drawed  it  from 
her.  While  she  wuz  away  visitin'  this  school  chum  in  a 
southern  city  she  met  a  young  chap  handsome  as  Appol- 
yan,  I  knew  from  what  she  said,  and  so  talented  and 
gifted,  I  could  see  in  a  minute  they  had  fell  in  love  voy- 
lently  from  the  very  first  time  they  met,  and  day  by  day 
the  attraction  growed  till  they  wuz  completely  wropped 
up  in  each  other.  She  said  he  seemed  to  worship  her. 

But  strange,  strange  thing !  with  all  the  love  he  showed 
her,  in  every  word  and  act,  he  left  her  without  a  word, 
only  a  sort  of  a  wild  note  saying  he  could  not  endure  the 
wretchedness  of  seeing  a  heaven  so  near  that  he  could  not 
hope  to  enter,  and  after  that  silence,  deep,  dark  and  on- 
broken  silence  and  despair.  "  And  my  heart  is  broken !  " 
sez  she,  as  she  laid  her  pretty  head  in  my  lap  sobbin'  out, 
"  What  shall  I  do !  Oh,  what  shall  I  do !  " 

She  wep'  and  cried  and  cried  and  wep',  and  I  wep'  with 
her,  my  snowy  handkerchief  held  in  one  hand,  the  other 
hand  tenderly  caressin'  the  bowed  head  in  my  lap.  But 
as  she  said  the  word  Silence  it  brung  up  sunthin'  I  had 
read  that  very  day,  and  I  sez : 

"  Dear,  did  you  ever  hear  of  enterin'  into  the  Silence?  " 


She  laid  her  pretty  head  in  my  lap,  sobbin'  out,  "  What  shall  I  do? 
What  shall  I  do  ?  "—Page  214. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         215 

"  Yes,"  sez  Molly,  liftin'  her  tear  wet,  sweet  face,  "  I 
have  a  friend  who  enters  into  the  Silence  for  hours,  and 
she  says  that  everything  she  greatly  desires  and  asks  for 
at  that  time,  is  given  her.  She  calls  it  the  New  Thought." 

"  And  I  call  it  the  Old  Thought,  Molly,  older  than  the 
creation  of  man.  And  what  they  call  Entering  into  the 
Silence,  I  call  Waiting  on  the  Lord.  And  what  I  call 
prayer,  they,  from  what  I  read,  most  probable  call  waking 
up  the  solar  plexus,  whatever  that  may  be.  But  it  don't 
make  much  difference  what  a  thing  is  called,  the  name  is 
but  a  pale  shadow  compared  to  the  reality.  Disciples  of 
the  New  Thought,  Christian  Scientists,  Healers,  Spirit 
ualists,  etc.,  are,  I  believe,  reaching  out  and  feeling  for 
the  Light  as  posies  growin*  in  a  dark  suller  send  out  little 
pale  shoots  huntin'  for  the  sunlight.  And  so  I  feel  kinder 
soft  and  meller  towards  the  hull  caboodle  on  'em  though 
I  can't  f oiler  all  their  beliefs. 

For  I,  as  a  member  of  the  M.  E.  meetin'  house,  call 
this  great  beneficient  over-rulin'  Power  that  sot  the  world 
spinnin'  on  its  axletrees  and  holds  it  up,  lest  it  dashes 
aginst  the  planets,  and  directs  the  flight  of  the  tiny  bird 
fleeing  before  the  snows ;  this  Mighty  Force  that  controls 
us  from  the  cradle  to  the  grave,  but  which  we  cannot  see 
no  more  than  we  can  see  His  servants,  the  cold  and  wind 
that  freezes  us  or  the  warmth  and  love  that  blesses  us. 
This  Power,  that  whether  we  scoff  or  pray,  holds  us  all 
in  the  hollow  of  His  mighty  hand,  I  call  God  the  Father, 


216         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Son  and  Holy  Guest,  and  believe  it  once  took  mortal 
shape  and  dwelt  with  humanity  to  uplift  and  bless  it.  And 
that  love,  that  torture,  crucifixion  and  death  could  not  slay 
still  yearns  over  this  sad  old  world,  still  as  the  comfort 
ing  Guest  makes  its  home  in  human  hearts  that  love  and 
trust 

Molly  sot  still  with  her  pretty  head  leaning  aginst  me 
and  I  went  on,  "  In  the  story  of  His  life  and  death,  that 
volume  that  holds  the  wisdom  of  the  old  and  ripened  glory 
of  the  new,  that  holy  book  sez,  "  He  that  dwelleth  in  the 
secret  place  of  the  most  high  shall  abide  under  shadow 
of  the  Almighty." 

"  What  a  place  to  abide  in,  Molly,  the  shadow  of  the 
All  Loving,  the  All  Mighty  one,  a  shadow  that  casts  glow 
ing  light  instead  of  darkness  like  our  earthly  shadows,  a 
pure  white  light  in  which,  lookin'  through  the  eye-glass 
of  faith  we  can  read  the  meanin'  of  all  the  sorrows  and 
perplexities  and  troubles  he  permits  us  to  endure,  and 
find  every  word  on  ?em  gilt  edged  with  glory." 

"  Spiritualists,  Christian  Healers,  etc.,  may  name  this 
what  they  will.  Disciples  of  the  New  Thought  may  call 
it  the  Silence,  but  I  shall  keep  right  on  callin'  it  the 
Secret  Place  of  the  Most  High.  And  He  who  inhabits 
that  sacred  place  has  promised  that  if  you  reverently  and 
obediently  enter  and  dwell  therein  and  trust  in  Him,  He 
will  give  you  the  desire  of  your  heart. 

"  So  all  you've  got  to  do,  Molly,  is  to  do  as  he  tells 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         217 

you  to,  obey  and  trust  Him  jest  as  the  child  trusts  his 
pa,  and  asks  him  for  what  he  wants  most,  you  must  ask 
Him  for  the  desire  of  your  heart,  and  if  it  is  best  for  you, 
dear,  He  will  bring  it  to  pass." 

"  Do  you  think  so !  "  sez  she,  brightenin'  up  more'n  con 
siderable. 

"  No,  I  don't  think  so.    I  know  it." 

Well,  them  consolin'  words,  for  thought  is  a  real  thing, 
and  I  jest  wropped  her  round  with  my  tenderness  and 
compassion,  I  guess  they  comforted  her  some,  'tennyrate 
she  promised  me  sweetly  that  she  would  obey  and  trust, 
and  I  felt  considerable  better  about  her. 

I  wuz  sorry  for  her  as  sorry  as  I  could  be,  but  I  had  a 
strong  feelin'  inside  of  my  heart  (mebby  some  wise,  sweet 
angel  whispered  it  to  me)  that  everything  would  come 
out  right  in  the  end,  and  Molly  would  git  the  desire  of 
her  heart. 

She's  belonged  to  the  meetin'  house  for  years.  But 
sometimes  members  git  some  shock  that  jars  'em  and 
sends  'em  out  of  the  narrer  road  for  quite  a  spell  and 
they  git  kinder  lost  gropin'  through  the  dark  shadders 
of  earthly  disappointment  and  sorrow.  Nothin'  but  the 
light  that  streams  down  from  above  can  pierce  them 
glooms,  and  I  knowed  by  the  sweet  light  that  lit  up 
Molly's  linemen  t  that  her  face  wuz  turned  in  the  right 
direction  and  she  wouldn't  look  sideways,  behind  or  be 
fore,  but  would  seek  for  light  and  help  from  above. 


CHAPTER   XII. 

ELL,  for  the  next  week  we  had  a  busy  time, 
goin'  to  the  Fair  most  every  day,  sometimes 
all  together,  but  not  stayin'  together  long, 
for  most  always  we'd  meet  Professor  Todd 
somewhere  and  he  and  Blandina  would  pair  off  together 
(I  jest  as  willin'  as  anybody  ever  wuz). 

Molly  had  a  young  schoolmate  who  lived  in  St.  Louis, 
and  sometimes  they  would  spend  the  day  together  at  some 
reception  or  other.  But  most  of  the  time  Josiah  and  I 
paid  our  two  attentions  to  the  Fair  stiddy,  a  travelin' 
about  and  seein'  all  we  could. 

And  one  mornin'  Josiah  asked  me  before  breakfast, 
jest  as  cool  as  if  he  wuz  proposin'  a  glass  of  lemonade 
with  ice  in  it,  if  I  didn't  want  to  go  to  Jerusalem  that 
mornin'. 

Jerusalem !  City  of  our  Lord !  Oh,  my  soul,  think  on't ! 
As  he  said  the  words  I  looked  at  him  and  then  some  dis 
tance  through  him  and  beyond,  and  entirely  onbeknown 
to  myself  I  begun  to  hum  over  that  old  him: 

"  Jerusalem  the  golden,  with  milk  and  honey  blest, 
Beneath  thy  contemplation  sink  heart  and  soul  oppressed. 
We  know  not,  oh,  we  know  not  what  joys  await  us  there." 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        219 

And  Josiah  broke  in  and  sung  the  last  line  with  me 
(or  what  he  called  singin'). 

"  What  radiancy  of  glory,  what  bliss  beyond  compare." 

But  I  knowed  that  singin'  that  time  of  day  would  be 
apt  to  draw  attention,  specially  as  Josiah's  singin'  wuz 
very  base  and  my  sulferino  hain't  what  it  wuz,  and  I 
hastened  to  say : 

"  Yes,  Josiah,  I  want  to  go." 

Breakfast  wuz  kinder  late  that  mornin',  and  little  Dor 
othy  come  into  my  room,  she  slep'  jest  acrost  from  us, 
and  she  begun  to  tell  me  to  once  about  a  meetin'  she'd  been 
to  the  night  before  with  Aunt  Pheeny.  And  to  make  talk 
with  her  I  asked  her  what  the  text  wuz,  and  she  sez : 

"Jesus  the  quilt." 

Josiah  wuz  horrified,  and  it  did  sound  bad,  and  he  be 
gun  to  reprimand  her  sharp,  but  I  sez : 

"  Tell  me  all  about  it,  Dotie. 

And  come  to  find  out,  it  wuz  "  Jesus  the  Comforter," 
and  her  little  bedspread  wuz  sometimes  called  a  quilt  and 
sometimes  a  comforter.  And  I  told  Josiah  how  necessary 
it  wuz  not  to  condemn  children  before  searching  into  their 
motives.  But  Dotie  wuz  evidently  thmkin'  about  the  ser 
mon  she  had  hearn  so  lately,  and  she  went  on  to  ask, 
"Was  Jesus  a  Jew?" 

And  I  sez,  "  Yes,  dear." 


220          Samantha  at  tlie  St.  Louis  Exposition 

"  Why,"  sez  she,  "  I  always  thought  Dod  wuz  a  Presby- 
terium." 

That  wuz  her  Aunty  Huff's  persuasion,  which  she  na- 
chully  thought  couldn't  be  improved  on. 

Dotie  had  a  little  straw  hat  on  that  time  o'  day  and  I 
asked  her  what  it  wuz  for,  and  she  sez,  "  Oh,  I  carry  my 
papers  in  it,  I'm  writin'  a  book." 

Grandpa  Huff  always  carried  papers  in  his  hat,  and  she 
copied  him.  I  asked  her  what  her  book  wuz  about,  and  how 
she  wuz  gittin'  on  with  it  and  she  said: 

"  It  wuz  about  a  lady,  a  buggler  and  a  ghost,  and  I've 
killed  'em  all  and  that's  as  fur  as  I've  got." 

Killin'  a  ghost !  a  burglar  and  a  heroine,  I  thought  what 
a  noble  start  for  a  sensational  novel. 

But  the  breakfast  bell  rung  jest  then,  and  I  took  the 
little  warm  hand  in  mine  and  led  her  down  to  breakfast. 

Well,  after  breakfast  Josiah  and  I  sot  out  in  good 
season  for  Jerusalem. 

Molly  wanted  to  go  to  the  British  Building  to  see  a 
school  friend  of  hern  that  she  thought  might  be  there, 
and  Blandina  offered  to  accompany  her.  They  wuz  goin' 
to  stop  at  a  number  of  places  on  the  way,  and  we  agreed  to 
meet  at  noon  sharp  at  the  English  Building. 

We  went  into  the  walled  city  of  Jerusalem  by  the  Jaffa 
Gate,  through  a  tall  arched  entrance  in  the  stun  wall. 
Within  wuz  lots  of  carriages  and  horses  and  camels  and 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         221 

donkeys  and  men,  wirnmen  and  children,  some  in 
strange  and  startlin'  costooms,  but  the  first  thing  Josiah 
spoke  on  wuz  the  name  of  a  restaurant,  "  A  Fast,"  it  wuz 
over  a  door  clost  by. 

"  A  fast,"  sez  he,  "  that  don't  look  very  encouragin'  in 
a  eatin'  house.  If  it  wuz  Brek  Fast  it  would  look  more 
hopeful." 

"  You've  had  your  breakfast,  Josiah,  and  a  good  one. 
Don't  be  thinkin'  of  vittles  so  much  in  such  a  place  as  this." 

"  I  shall  think  of  what  I'm  a  minter,  and  you  can't  break 
it  up,  mom !  " 

Truly  he  spoke  the  truth;  I  could  cling  to  his  arm, 
drink  out  of  the  same  cup,  set  in  the  same  chair,  lay  my 
head  on  the  same  piller,  and  yet,  he  might  be  millions 
of  milds  from  me  in  sperit,  'round  with  other  wimmen 
for  all  I  knew.  Queer,  hain't  it? 

Yes,  he  wuz  thinkin'  of  food  right  here  in  this  Holy 
City.  As  for  me,  a  perfect  troop  of  lofty  emotions  wuz 
sweepin'  through  my  mind,  as  I  looked  'round  me  on  the 
very  same  seen  our  Lord  had  looked  at.  Low  old-fash 
ioned  stun  housen  such  as  He  might  have  entered  in,  men 
and  wimmen  clad  in  long  robes  such  as  He  wore. 

And  to  think  of  seein'  the  Via  Dolorosa,  the  Way  of 
Sorrows,  that  He  walked,  carryin'  the  agony  of  humanity, 
and  the  pityin'  compassion  of  divinity. 

And  the  Nine  Stations  of  the  Cross  where  our  Lord 


222         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

stopped  to  rest  on  that  bitter  journey,  toiling  up  the  steep 
hill  carrying  up  the  heavy  cross  and  the  woes  and  sins  of 
the  world,  awful!  beautiful  Calvary!  sacred,  heart-break 
ing,  holy  place.  How  iny  soul  burnt  within  me  thinkin' 
of  all  this  as  I  stood  in  the  Holy  City. 

And  there  wuz  the  Tower  of  David,  the  Shepherd  king. 
I  always  liked  David,  though  I  could  advised  him  for  his 
good  in  lots  of  things.  He  didn't  do  right  by  Ury,  and 
he  ortn't  to  had  so  many  wives,  if  he'd  scrimped  himself 
a  little  in  'em,  mebby  his  son,  Solomon,  wouldn't  had  so 
many,  and  one  is  enough,  as  I  told  Josiah. 

"  Yes,"  sez  he  with  intense  conviction  in  his  tone. 
"  One  wife  is  enough  for  any  man,  heaven  knows,  and  any 
body  that  hankers  after  more  than  one  is  a  fool ! " 

I  didn't  really  like  his  axent;  he'd  been  layin'  it  up,  I 
guess  what  I  said  about  vittles,  but  I  didn't  mind  it. 

And  we  went  through  the  different  quarters  of  the  city. 
The  little  stores  and  bazars  by  the  side  of  the  street  wuz 
full  of  real  nice  things  to  sell,  rich  Eastern  woven  goods, 
embroideries,  cushions,  curtains,  rugs,  lamps,  jewels,  orna 
ments,  trinkets  of  all  kinds,  etc.,  etc.  There  is  more  than 
a  hundred  of  these  little  booths  and  stores  in  Jerusalem, 
and  all  full  of  handsome  things.  I  loved  to  look  at  'em, 
though  Josiah  tried  to  draw  me  away. 

Sez  he,  "  You  don't  want  to  buy  here ;  you  can  do  as 
well  agin  in  Jonesville  tradin'  off  your  butter  and  eggs, 
and  probable  git  a  chromo  throwed  in." 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         223 

I  didn't  argy,  but  I  bought  a  string  of  beads  for  Tir- 
zah  Ann  and  a  pipe  for  Thomas  J.,  the  wood  of  which 
growed  on  the  Mount  of  Olives,  so  the  man  said. 

I  told  Josiah  they  would  prize  'em  high  bavin'  come 
from  Jerusalem. 

And  he  said, ' '  They  never  see  Jerusalem, ' '  he  said  they 
wuz  growed  over  in  New  Jersey,  and  when  I  asked  him 
how  he  knew,  he  said  he  recognized  the  berries  and  the 
grain  of  the  wood. 

But  he  couldn't  no  such  thing,  and  I  presoom  the  man 
told  considerable  truth.  And  we  see  Eabbis,  Turkish 
cavalry,  common  people  livin'  in  the  queer  little  housen 
jest  as  they  did  in  Jerusalem,  and  the  priests  goin'  through 
their  religious  ceremonies  jest  the  same.  And  we  went 
through  the  Citadel  and  the  different  public  buildin's. 

There  wuz  lots  of  wimmen  and  girls  on  the  streets,  some 
on  'em  sellin'  posies  for  charity,  I  bought  two  little 
bunches,  one  on  'em  I  put  in  Josiah's  buttonhole,  though 
he  objected  and  said  it  would  probable  make  talk  for  a 
man  of  his  age  and  dignity  to  be  trimmed  with  flowers. 

They  wuz  real  pretty  girls,  with  white  veils  on  over  their 
dark  hair,  their  lustrous  eyes  lookin'  out  at  us  as  they  might 
have  looked  at  the  Postles. 

And  there  wuz  cunnin'  little  donkeys  that  anybody  could 
ride  if  they  wanted  to,  and  camels  with  gorgeous  trappings 
kneelin'  down  ready  for  folks  to  mount  and  be  carried 


224         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

'round  the  streets.  Josiah  stood  ready  to  pay  the  ten 
cents  apiece  to  give  us  the  pleasure  of  a  ride. 

But  I  declined  the  treat.  I  sez,  "  We  don't  ride  the 
old  mair  hoss  back  to  home,  and  I  don't  hanker  after  bein' 
histed  up  onto  a  camel's  hump,  or  to  see  you  in  that  peril 
ous  poster." 

He  said  he'd  love  to  tell  the  bretheren  we'd  rid  'em,  but 
seein'  I  wuz  sot  agin  it  he  gin  up. 

The  streets  smell  bad  and  are  so  narrer  I  don't  see  how 
they  would  manage  if  two  buggies  met;  one  would  have 
to  back  out,  they  couldn't  git  by  each  other. 

The  old  Roman  barracks  are  bare  and  dreary  lookin', 
but  dretful  interestin'  to  me  for  there  our  Lord  stood  to  be 
judged  by  Caesar  like  a  lamb  before  the  shearer,  and  he 
said,  "  I  wash  my  hands  of  this  matter,  I  find  no  fault  in 
this  man." 

I  wish  Caesar  had  had  more  gumption.  His  wife  could 
see  furder  ahead  than  he  could.  But  that  is  often  the 
case,  as  I  tell  Josiah. 

And  we  went  through  St.  John's  Hospice,  and  the 
Mosque  of  Omar.  That  is  a  monstrous  big  building  with 
a  great  round  dome  on  top,  two  broad  flights  of  steps  lead 
up  into  it,  we  dumb  the  nighest  one  and  went  inside.  The 
high  dome  is  lined  with  colored  mosaic,  and  looks  first- 
rate,  but  I  didn't  pay  much  attention  to  that  for  right 
underneath  the  centre  is  an  exact  reproduction  of  the  rock 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         225 

where  Abraham  offered  up  Isaac,  or  got  ready  to.  How 
Love  and  Duty  tugged  at  Abraham's  heart  and  most  tore 
it  into  as  he  stood  there,  and  what  faith  he  had.  It  is 
heart-breakin'  to  think  on't,  though  it  all  come  out  right 
in  the  end,  as  the  hardest  things  will  if  we  cling  to  Duty. 

But  Josiah  wuz  gittin'  worrisome  and  wanted  to  go, 
but  I  sez,  "  Josiah,  I  must  see  Solomon's  Temple." 

It  wuz  quite  a  few  steps  away,  but  I  didn't  begrech  the 
time  or  journey,  and  jest  as  we  wuz  goin'  up  the  steps, 
who  should  we  meet  comin'  out  but  Jane  Olive  Perkins 
(nay  Gowdey)  once  a  Jonesvillian,  but  now  livin'  in 
Chicago,  but  visitin'  her  old  home  and  relation  quite 
often. 

She  wuz  dressed  beautiful,  her  neck  and  bosom  sparklin' 
with  diamonds.  I  don't  approve  of  such  dressin'  in  the 
street,  but  Jane  Olive  wuz  always  showy. 

She  held  out  both  hands  in  joyful  greetin'  (the  meanin' 
of  which  I  mistrusted  afterwards).  We  talked  about  the 
splendor  of  the  Fair  and  our  own  two  healths,  and  the 
Jonesvillians,  and  then  she  sez: 

i  l  I  am  so  delighted  to  meet  you,  Josiah  Allen 's  wife,  for 
I  know  you  will  want  to  give  to  a  noble  cause  I  am  workin' 
for,  you  and  dear  Mr.  Allen.  It  is  a  cause  that  ort  to  be 
first  in  every  feelin'  heart,  and  I  knew  you'd  give  liberal." 

I'd  forgot  my  portmoney  that  mornin'  and  didn't  want 
right  there  in  Solomon's  Temple  to  dicker  with  Josiah  for 


226         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

money,  I  knowed  it  would  make  him  fraxious.  And  I 
wuz  havin'  such  a  lot  of  lofty  emotions  there  a,t  Jeru 
salem,  I  didn't  want  to  bring  'em  down  by  havin'  words 
with  my  pardner.  And  I  knowed  too  that  "  dear  Mr. 
Allen  "  would  be  apt  to  say  hash  things  that  would  bring 
him  down  in  Jane  Olive's  estimation,  he's  so  clost  and  he 
never  liked  her  to  begin  with. 

So  I  said  I  couldn't  very  well  stop  and  tend  to  it  right 
there  in  Solomon's  Temple,  and  she  asked  me  for  my 
address  and  told  me  she  should  come  and  see  me.  She 
wuz  stayin'  at  a  big  tarven  not  so  very  fur  from  Miss 
Huff's,  and  said  she'd  brought  her  orto  and  shuffler  with 
her  from  Chicago. 

Well,  she  bid  us  a  tender  adoo,  sayin'  the  last  thing 
"  owe  Revwah"  or  sunthin'  like  that  and  Josiah  sez  to  me : 

"  Who's  she  twittin'  us  on  1  I  don't  owe  nobody  by  that 
name,  nor  never  did,  not  a  cent,  I'm  a  man  that  pays  my 
debts." 

And  I  sez,  "  Dear  Josiah,  nobody  that  knows  you  can  dis 
pute  it." 

Jane  Olive  kinder  smiled  and  passed  on,  and  I'dno  but 
in  Fancy  I  and  the  public  may  as  well  set  down  on  the 
steps  of  Solomon's  Temple,  and  I'll  tell  about  who  Jane 
Olive  Perkins  wuz.  She  wuz  Jane  Olive  Gowdey,  and 
married  Samuel  Perkins,  old  Eliphilet  Perkinses  second 
boy,  and  folks  thought  she  done  mizable  when  she  married 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         227 

him.  Sam  hadn't  been  put  to  work  much  bein'  sort  o' 
weakly  so  his  folks  thought,  he  looked  kinder  peaked. 

But  I  spoze  Sam  enjoyed  pretty  good  health  all  the 
time  onbeknown  to  his  folks  and  wuz  kinder  savin7  up  his 
strength,  layin'  it  up  as  you  may  say  for  the  time  o'  need, 
so  he  had  it  all  when  he  wuz  married.  A  master  hand  he 
wuz  to  save  things  and  make  'em  count.  For  all  he  never 
did  any  work  to  speak  on,  he  had  more  proppity  laid  up 
than  any  of  the  Perkins  boys  when  he  wuz  married,  he  had 
saved  so  and  sort  o'  speculated  and  laid  up. 

He  wuz  kinder  mean  too,  runnin'  after  wimmen  at  that 
time,  though  onbeknown  to  Jane  Olive  or  his  folks,  but  it 
come  out  afterwards,  he  wuz  awful  sly.  When  he  married 
Jane  Olive  Gowdey  that  wuz  a  surprise  too,  for  Bill,  the 
oldest  boy,  wanted  her  the  worst  way  and  everybody 
spozed  they  wuz  engaged.  A  good  creeter  Bill  wuz,  virtu 
ous  as  Joseph,  or  any  of  the  old  Bible  Patriarchs,  and 
virtuouser  than  lots  of  'em. 

But  Sam,  in  jest  that  way  of  hisen,  laid  low  and  sort  o' 
did  the  best  he  could  with  what  he  had  to  do  with,  sort  o' 
speculated  and  increased  her  likin'  for  him  on  the  sly 
(mean  fellers  will  git  ahead  of  good  ones  five  times  out  of 
ten,  wimmen  are  so  queer) .  And  lo  and  behold !  the  first 
Jonesville  knew  they  up  and  got  married. 

They  moved  to  a  big  city  where  Sam  got  a  chance  to 
travel  for  a  grocery  store,  and  Jane  Olive  opened  a  inteli- 


228         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

gence  office,  where  for  an  ample  consideration  she  fur 
nished  incompetent  help  to  distracted  housekeepers,  re- 
ceivin'  pay  from  both  victims,  and  they  laid  up  money 
fast.  Then  he  went  into  pork  and  first  we  knew  Sam  wuz 
a  very  rich  man,  lived  in  great  style,  kep'  his  carriage, 
but  wuz  awful  mean,  so  we  heard,  hadn  't  no  morals  at  all 
to  speak  on  so  fur  as  wimmen  wuz  concerned,  and  we  had 
hearn  that  Jane  Olive  not  bein'  over  and  above  happy  in 
marriage,  and  forgittin'  to  all  appearance  she  had  ever 
dickered  with  mistress  and  maid,  wuz  tryin'  her  best  to 
work  her  way  in  among  the  aristockracy,  she  wuz  dretful 
ambitious  and  so  wuz  Sam,  they  wanted  to  go  with  the  first. 

She  did  everything  she  could  to  foller  their  example, 
she  dressed  up  in  satin  and  diamonds  and  trailed  'round 
to  theatres  and  operas  and  hung  over  dry  goods  counters, 
and  kep'  her  maid  and  coachman  and  butler,  or  that's  what 
folks  say,  I  don't  even  know  what  a  butler  is  expected  to 
do,  or  Josiah  don't.  "  Butler,"  sez  I  when  I  hearn  on't, 
"  I  can't  imagine  what  a  butler  duz." 

And  Josiah  sez,  "  A  coachman  is  to  coach,  and  a  waiter 
is  to  wait,  and  a  butler  must  be  to  buttle." 

Sez  I,  "Buttle  what?  Or  who!  Or  when?  "  But  he 
couldn't  tell.  Well,  Sam  he  did  everything  to  git  into  the 
first  and  be  fashionable,  he  embezzled  a  lot,  broke  down 
two  or  three  times  with  enormous  profit  to  himself,  spent 
his  money  like  water,  wuz  jest  as  mean  as  he  could  be, 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         229 

went  over  to  Europe  now  and  then,  did  everything  he  could 
do  to  be  fashionable  and  act  like  a  man  of  the  world,  and 
finally  he  led  astray  a  little  girl  that  lived  with  'em,  a 
motherless  little  girl  they  had  took,  pretty  as  a  pink  too, 
and  affectionate  dispositioned.  Jane  Olive  turned  her  out 
doors,  of  course,  when  she  found  it  out.  It  wuz  in  the 
fall  of  the  year,  and  the  night  before  Christmas  the  girl 
with  her  baby  in  her  arms  jumped  into  the  river  and  wuz 
drownded. 

Her  father  had  some  spunk  and  took  Sam  up,  but  he 
wuz  always  sly  and  looked  ahead,  and  he  proved  that  she 
wuz  a  day  or  two  older  than  the  age  of  consent,  and  he  got 
let  off  triumphant  and  her  father  had  to  pay  the  cost, 
besides  the  funeral  expenses,  and  grave  stun. 

Such  smartness  riz  Sam  up  considerable  amongst  his 
mates  and  he  wuz  sent  to  Congress  most  immegiately  after 
wards,  and  it  wuz  owin'  to  his  powerful  arguments  that  the 
age  of  consent  wuz  lowered  a  year  or  two ;  I  believe  he 
brought  it  down  to  about  ten  years.  He  wuz  thought  a 
sight  on  by  his  genteel  male  friends,  so  they  say,  he  worked 
so  powerful  for  their  interest.  He  brought  down  the 
licenses  on  saloons  and  bad  housen  a  sight,  and  made 
almost  Herculanean  efforts  to  have  saloons  scattered 
broadcast  through  the  country  without  any  license  to  pay. 
I  spoze  there  never  wuz  a  more  popular  statesman.  He 
worked  too  hard  though,  and  had  to  retire  to  more  private 


230         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

life  to  reap  the  fruits  of  his  efforts.  And  he  kep'  right  on, 
so  they  say  reapin'  'em  ever  since,  cuttin'  up  and  acting 
but  always  actin'  jest  inside  the  law  and  always  cuttin'  up 
the  same. 

He  had  the  gift  of  gab  and  he  made  eloquent  public 
speeches,  tellin'  what  boons  saloons  and  kindred  places  wuz 
to  the  community.  I  spoze  there  never  wuz  a  more  popular 
legislator. 

But,  of  course,  such  high  honors  cast  dark  shadders,  and 
one  night  after  he'd  made  a  powerful  speech  at  the  openin' 
of  a  saloon  he  owned,  a  old  one  made  over  into  gorgeous 
beauty,  he  got  a  good  hoss  whippin',  and  by  some  wimmen 
too. 

Perkins  had  made  a  great  speech  himself  and  wantin'  to 
show  off  to  the  world  that  it  wuz  real  respectable  (they 
had  this  saloon  kinder  graded  off,  weaker  drinks  in  one 
place  leadin'  up  gradual  to  brandy  and  whiskey),  he  got 
a  minister,  a  well-meanin'  man,  so  I  hearn,  who  made  a 
prayer  and  then  they  all  sung  the  Doxology : 

Praise  God  from  whom  all  blessings  flow— 

Askin'  God  to  bless  what  He'd  cursed.  What  must  God 
thought  on't !  For  He  and  they  well  knew  all  the  sin  and 
pain,  poverty  and  crime  that  flowed  out  of  saloons,  the 
ontold  losses  and  danger  to  community,  the  brutality, 
fights,  murders,  crimes  of  all  kinds. 

Praise  Him  all  creatures  here  below — 


Samantfia  at  tlie  St.  Louis  Exposition         231 

When  that  minister  knowed  the  stuff  he  wuz  dedieatin' 
rendered  all  creeters  here  below,  no  matter  how  smart 
they  wuz  nachully,  incapable  of  tellin'  whether  they  wuz 
on  their  head  or  their  heels,  blessin'  or  cussin'.  When 
a  man  is  drunk  as  a  fool  how  can  he  praise  anything  ?  It 
is  all  he  can  do  to  navigate  his  own  legs  within'  and 
weavin'  along  under  him,  ready  to  crumple  down  any 
minute  into  the  gutter.  He'd  look  well  tryin'  to  sing  gospel 
hims  when  he  can't  tell  what  his  own  name  is,  or  speak 
it  if  he  could. 

Praise  Him  above  ye  heavenly  hosts — 

Why,  I  don't  see  how  they  dasted  to  sing  that  when  they 
knowed  that  the  Heavenly  Host  couldn't  have  flowed 
through  such  places  without  bein'  liable  to  git  their  feathers 
pulled  out  in  some  of  the  drinkin'  carouses  held  there. 
As  liable  agin  for  their  pure  eyes  must  be  dimmed  with 
tears,  tears  for  the  eighty  thousand  victims  turned  out 
yearly  from  these  resorts.  Innocent  youth  changed  to  reck 
less  wickedness,  noble  manhood  turned  to  brutes  falling 
from  honorable  places  in  society  down  into  drunkards' 
loathsome  lives,  drunkards'  dishonored  graves. 

How  could  these  pityin'  sperits  help  weepin'  over  it? 
And  the  long,  agonized  procession  follerin'  on — pale, 
wretched  mothers,  once  happy  wives,  now  hungry,  broken 
hearted  wrecks,  with  pinched,  starved  children  clingin'  to 
their  ragged  skirts.  The  idee  of  askin'  this  pure  heavenly 
Host  to  praise  God  for  what  brought  all  this  to  pass ! 


232         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Praise  Father,  Son  and  Holy  Ghost. 

Why,  I  believe  that  Satan  himself,  though  he  loved  to 
see  the  work  go  on,  would  be  ashamed  to  sing  the  Doxology 
there.  I  don't  believe  you'd  ketch  him  at  it,  for  he  is  so 
smart  he  would  see  in  a  minute  how  it  would  look  to  praise 
God  for  such  a  place  as  that  when  he  had  said  plain : 

"  Cursed  is  he  that  putteth  the  cup  to  his  neighbor's 
lips." 

And  Satan  knowed  jest  as  well  as  Josiah  and  I  and  the 
world  did,  that  saloons  wuz  made  a  purpose  for  this. 

"  And  no  drunkard  hath  eternal  life."  And  that  minister 
wuz  ordained  to  help  people  attain  that  life,  not  to  help 
'em  lose  it. 

I  don't  see  what  he  wuz  thinkin'  on.  Of  course,  the  top 
of  the  long  slippery  descent  to  ruin  is  quite  cheerful  lookin', 
lit  up  with  false  lights,  hollow  mirth,  false  hopes  and 
dreams  lurin'  the  victims  on  and  down.  But  he  knowed 
how  slippery  it  wuz,  how  impossible  it  wuz  for  ordinary 
men  to  stand  up  when  they  got  to  slidin'  down.  He  knew 
that  nothin'  but  God's  grace  wuz  strong  enough  to  reach 
down  and  haul  'em  up  agin  to  level  ground. 

A  few  men  are  so  strong-footed  they  can  grip  on  and 
stay  'round  the  top  for  some  time,  and  I  presoom  this 
minister,  bein'  a  good-natered  man  would  been  glad  to 
had  'em  all  hung  on  there,  but  he  must  have  knowed  they 
wouldn't  and  couldn't.  He'd  seen  'em  leggo  thousands  and 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         233 

thousands  every  year,  he  knowed  what  made  'em  fall.  And 
he  might  jest  as  well  made  a  prayer  and  sung  a  hymn  over 
a  murderer's  knife,  because  he  wanted  it  to  cut  bread  but 
knowed  it  would  and  did  murder,  as  to  done  this. 

For  no  matter  what  he  wanted  he  knowed  intemperance 
is  evil  and  only  evil.  And  pattin'  a  pizen  viper  and  callin' 
it  "  angel  "  and  singin'  the  Doxology  over  it  hain't  goin'  to 
change  its  nater,  its  nater  is  to  sting,  and  its  bite  is  death. 

And  the  God  they  dasted  to  invoke  said  of  the  drink  the 
place  wuz  made  to  sell,  "  It  biteth  like  a  serpent  and 
stingeth  like  an  adder,"  and  the  end  thereof  is  death. 

I  don't  know  what  that  good  man  could  be  thinkin'  on  to 
dast.  But  then  as  long  as  our  Government  opholds  it,  I 
spoze  he  thought  he  might. 

But  I  wish  I'd  been  there  to  told  him  how  it  wuz  goin' 
to  look  to  me  and  Josiah  and  the  world,  and  what  slurs 
wuz  goin'  to  be  cast  onto  the  sacred  cause  of  religion  by  it. 

I  couldn't  tell  him  what  harm  it  wuz  goin'  to  do;  no, 
eternity  is  none  too  soon  to  count  that  up.  Awful  waves  of 
influence  sweepin'  along — sweepin'  along  clear  from  to-day 
to  the  Day  of  Judgment;  I  can't  bear  to  think  on't;  I'm 
kinder  sorry  for  him,  and  am  glad  enough  it  hain't  my 
Josiah  that  has  got  that  ahead  on  him.  I  wish  he'd  ondo 
now  what  he's  done  as  fur  as  he  can,  he'd  feel  better,  I 
believe,  I  know  that  I  and  the  meetin'  house  would  and 
Josiah. 


234         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

But,  'tennyrate,  no  matter  how  Satan  wuz  laughin'  and 
sneerin'  and  angels  bendin'  down  from  the  gold  bars  of 
Heaven  lookin'  through  their  pityin'  tears  hopin'  it  must 
be  a  mistake,  not  believin'  it  possible  that  them  prayers  and 
hims  could  come  from  a  man-killin'  saloon.  And  coverin' 
their  eyes  with  their  droopin'  wings  when  they  found  it 
wuz  so — they  sung  it  through  and  the  minister,  for  he  wuz 
a  stiddy  man,  went  home  in  good  season.  And  Perkins 
also  started  home  walkin'  afoot,  it  wuz  so  little  ways. 

And  as  I  said,  some  wimmen  sot  on  him  and  hoss- 
whipped  him.  Some  of  these  wimmen's  husbands  had 
been  ruined  and  killed  by  the  Poor  Man's  Club.  And  there 
wuz  some  mothers  whose  little  boys  of  seven  and  eight 
had  been  coaxed  with  brandy-soaked  candy  into  another 
saloon  Perkins  owned.  For  this  saloonkeeper  had  boasted, 
Perkins  backin'  him,  that  money  spent  enticin'  the  young 
and  innocent  to  drink,  whilst  they  wuz  easily  influenced, 
wuz  money  well  spent. 

For  of  course,  as  good  calculators,  they  had  to  in  the 
interest  of  their  profession  provide  new  recruits  to  take 
the  place  in  the  staggerin '  ranks  of  the  hundred  thousand 
they  annually  killed  off.  And  this  saloonkeeper,  helped 
on  by  Perkins,  had  the  name  of  the  most  active  boy  and 
girl  ruiner  among  the  thousands  in  the  city,  though  they 
all  did  a  flourishin'  bizness. 

Two  or  three  of  Perkins'  saloons  made  a  specialty  of 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         235 

sellin'  drink  to  girls,  and  their  mothers  who  lay  their  heads 
on  their  pillows  at  night  and  found  'em  like  thorns  and  fire 
under  their  heads,  thinkin'  of  the  pretty  warm-hearted  girls 
who  had  to  be  away  from  mother's  care  to  earn  their  livin', 
out  to  service  and  in  manufactories  and  elsewhere.  And 
some  rich  mothers,  whose  girls  wuz  away  to  school 

These  mothers  thinkin'  what  a  weak  thing  a  girl's  will 
wuz  when  drink  had  drownded  out  the  small  self-control 
they  had,  and  youthful  passion  and  temptation  urgin'  'em 
on,  and  the  company  Perkins  nachully  drawed  'round  him. 

These  mothers  whose  boys  and  girls  wuz  like  pieces  of 
their  own  hearts,  and  these  wives  in  the  grief  made  reck 
lessness  of  despair,  made  a  hash  vow  that  they  would 
break  up  Perkinses  saloons  or  die  in  the  attempt,  so  they 
sot  on  him  that  night  and  gin  him  good  drubbin'. 

But  they  couldn't  do  much,  for  the  police,  of  course, 
horrified  by  their  onparalelled  and  onprovoked  crime, 
hustled  the  wimmen  off  to  jail,  and  escorted  Perkins  home 
with  honor.  But  to  resoom  backwards. 

I  will  git  up  (in  fancy)  from  the  steps  of  Solomon's 
Temple  and  go  on  in. 

This  is  a  complete  copy  of  the  magnificent  temple  built 
by  Solomon,  the  wisest  man  in  the  world.  Though  like  all 
wise  men  he  had  his  foolish  streaks,  seven  hundred  wives 
is  too  many  for  one  man  to  git  along  with,  I  should  told 
him  so  if  I  had  lived  neighbor  to  him.  I'd  say: 


236         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

"  Mr.  Solomon,  if  you  have  the  name  of  knowin'  so  much 
showyour  smartness  bygittin'  rid  of  six  hundred  and  niney- 
nine  on  'em ;  keep  jest  one,  pick  her  out,  take  your  choice, 
but  discharge  the  rest.  Set  'em  up  in  dressmakin'  or 
millionary  or  sunthin'  to  git  a  livin'  by,  and  settle  down 
peaceable  with  one."  Mebby  he'd  hearn  to  me  and  mebby 
not,  men  are  so  sot  in  their  way. 

But  to  resoom.  Here  we  stood  in  that  splendid  temple 
which  was  the  wonder  of  the  world,  and  see  the  tabernacle 
the  old  Hebrews  carried  with  'em  through  the  parted  waves 
of  the  Red  Sea  and  their  journeyin's  through  the  wilder 
ness  for  forty  years,  led  by  the  pillow  of  fire. 

What  f  eelin's  I  had  as  I  looked  on  it  and  meditated,  what 
riz  up  f  eelin's  them  old  four  fathers  that  carried  it  must 
have  had,  and  them  that  follered  on,  led  as  they  wuz  by 
heavenly  light,  fed  by  heavenly  food.  How  could  they 
acted  as  they  did,  rambelous  often  and  often,  wanderin' 
from  the  right  road,  but  still  not  gittin'  away  from  the 
Divine  care. 

And  there  wuz  a  picture  forty  feet  long,  as  long  as  our 
barn,  showing  the  old  Hebrews  encamped  before  Mount 
Sinai,  where  Moses  received  the  Law  that  rules  the  world 
to-day  (more  or  less).  Heaven  drawin'  so  nigh  to  earth 
that  hour  that  its  light  fallin'  on  Moseses  face  made  it  too 
glorious  for  mortal  eyes  to  look  on. 

And  I'dno  but  one  of  them  mountains  we  see  wuz  where 
Moses  stood  after  his  forty  years  journey,  castin'  wish- 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         237 

ful  eyes  onto  the  Promised  Land,  not  bein'  able  to  enter 
in  because  of  some  past  error  and  ignorance.  And  I 
thought,  as  I  stood  there,  how  many  happy  restin'  places 
we  plan  and  toil  for  and  then  can't  enter  in  and  possess 
through  some  past  error  and  mistake  caused  by  ignorance 
as  dense  as  Moseses  ignorance.  What  a  lot  of  emotions  I 
had  thinkin'  this,  and  how  on  top  of  another  mount  the 
great  prophet  and  law-giver  wuz  not,  for  God  took  him. 

I  wuz  lost  and  by  the  side  of  myself,  but  Josiah's  voice 
reached  me  up  in  the  realm  of  Keverie  and  brought  me 
back. 

"What  ails  you,  Samantha?  Do  you  lay  out  to  stand 
here  all  day!  "  And  I  tore  myself  away. 

Well,  there  wuz  movin'  pictures  describin'  the  Holy 
Land  and  we  see  'em  move,  and  dissolvin'  views  of  the  same 
and  we  see  'em  dissolve,  and  at  last  Josiah  got  so  worri 
some  I  had  to  go  on  with  him.  We  laid  out  to  stop  to  Japan 
and  France,  they  bein'  right  on  our  way,  and  I  sez,  "  We 
might  as  well  stop  at  Morrocco."  For  as  I  told  Josiah, 
while  we  wuz  travelin'  through  foreign  countries  we  might 
as  well  see  what  we  could  of  the  people,  their  looks  and 
habits. 

But  he  sez  to  once,  "  You  don't  want  to  buy  any  Morrocco 
shues,  Samantha,  they  don't  wear  nigh  so  well  as  calf-skin 
and  cost  as  much  agin."  And  sez  he,  "  We  won't  have  more 
than  time  to  go  through  Japan  and  France  and  do  justice 
to  'em."  So  we  went  on. 


CHAPTER   XIII. 

HE  Japan  exhibit  is  on  a  beautiful  hill  south 
of  Machinery  Palace.  There  are  seven  large 
buildin's  besides  the  small  pagodas  and  all 
filled  with  objects  of  interest.  It  seems  as 
if  the  hull  kingdom  of  Japan  must  have  taken  hold  to 
make  this  display  what  it  is.  And  how  they  could  do 
it  with  a  big  war  goin'  on  in  their  midst  is  a  wonder, 
and  shows  beyend  words  what  wonderful  people  the 
Japans  are. 

There  are  two  kinds  of  exhibits,  one  by  the  allied  busi 
ness  interests  or  Government  and  the  other  by  individuals. 
But  they  all  seem  to  work  in  harmony,  havin'  but  one 
idee,  to  show  off  Japan  and  her  resources  tc  the  best 
advantage,  and  the  display  wuz  wonderful,  from  a  royal 
pavilion,  rich  in  the  most  exquisite  and  ornate  decora 
tions  down  to  a  small  bit  of  carving  that  mebby  repre 
sented  the  life  long  labor  of  some  onknown  workman. 

In  the  Transportation  Buildin'  is  a  map  one  hundred 
feet  long,  showing  the  transportation  facilities  of  the 
Empire,  a  perfect  network  of  railways  and  telegraph  and 
telephone  wires,  showin'  they  have  other  ways  of  gettin' 
'round  there  besides  man-carts  and  jinrikshas,  yes,  indeed ! 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        239 

it  is  a  wonder  what  they  have  done  in  that  direction  in  fifty 
years. 

The  postal  exhibit  shows  they  delivered  eight  hundred 
and  sixteen  million  pieces  of  mail  last  year,  and  every 
post-office  has  a  bank,  the  school  children  have  deposited  in 
them  eleven  millions.    I  wish  our  country  would  do  as  well. 
The  exhibit  of  the  steamships  show  jest  as  much  enter 
prise,  and  how  world-wide  is  their  commerce.    The  saloon 
of  one  of  the  steamships  is  a  dream  of  beauty  and  luxury. 
The  Temple  of  Nikko  is  ornamented  by  wonderful  carv 
ing  in  catalpa,  chrysantheums,  etc.,  and  in  it  in  glass  cases 
are  the  most  beautiful   specimens   of  their  embroidery, 
tapestry,  pottery.    One  pair  of  vases  are  worth  ten  thou 
sand  dollars.    As  you  leave  this  Temple  you  see  on  each 
side  the  finest  specimens  of  Japanese  art,  painted  and  em 
broidered  screens,  all  kinds  of  metal,  laquear  and  ivory 
work;  exquisite  vases  and  priceless  old  delft  wear,  and 
there  is  a  model  Japanese  house,  you  feel  that  you'd  love 
to  live  in  it.    There  is  one  spring  room  in  it  that  holds  the 
very  atmosphere  of  spring.    The  tapestry  and  crape  hang 
ings  are  embroidered  with  cherry  blossoms,  its  one  picture 
is  a  sweet  spring  landscape.    Low  green  stools  take  the 
place  of  stuffy  chairs   and  sofas.     And  there  wuz  an 
autumn  room,  autumn  leaves  of  rich  colors  wuz  woven  in 
the  matting  and  embroidered  in  the  hangings,  the  screens 
and  walls  white  with  yellow  chrysantheums. 


240         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Then  there  wuz  a  gorgeous  Japan  room  with  walls  of 
exquisitely  carved  laquear  wood,  massive  gilt  furniture, 
rich  embroidered  silk  hangings,  and  the  ceiling  wuz  a 
beautifully  carved  flowery  heaven  with  angels  flying  about 
amidst  the  flowers.  This  one  room  cost  forty-five  thousand 
dollars. 

And  we  see  lovely  embroidered  cloths,  porcelain,  shrines, 
urns,  cabinets,  chairs  all  wrought  in  the  highest  art,  silks 
of  every  description,  and  sights  and  sights  of  it.  Fans, 
parasols,  lanterns,  fireworks  of  all  kinds,  mattings,  straw 
goods,  cameras,  etc.,  etc. 

In  the  mining  display  is  a  model  of  one  of  their  copper 
mines,  and  you  see  they  have  the  largest  furnace  in  the 
world,  and  they  not  only  mine  on  land  but  under  the  sea, 
it  beats  all  how  them  Japanese  do  go  ahead.  There  are 
tall  gold  and  silver  bars  showing  how  much  they  have 
mined  in  these  metals. 

Their  educational  exhibit  shows  the  same  wonderful 
energy  and  advancement.  There  is  a  compulsory  edu 
cational  law  and  twenty-two  per  cent,  of  the  children 
attend  school.  There  are  schools  for  the  blind,  deaf  and 
feeble-minded,  and  a  display  of  all  their  excellent  meth 
ods  of  education,  from  kindergarten  to  the  imperial 
university. 

In  the  Palace  of  Electricity  on  a  map  thirty  feet  high 
and  twenty-five  feet  wide,  you  see  pictures  of  Japan's  great 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        241 

engineering  work,  Lake  Biwa  Canal,  connecting  the  Lake 
with  Kioto.  Irrigating,  electricity  making,  electrical 
apparatus  invented  by  them,  they  have  nearly  twenty-five 
thousand  telephones,  long  and  short  distance. 

In  the  tea  exhibit  you  see  everything  relating  to  this 
beverage,  tea  houses,  experimental  farms  and  over  one 
hundred  different  kinds  of  tea  are  shown.  Kice  is  shown  in 
every  stage  of  its  growth,  tobacco,  fruit,  canned  goods. 

You  can  enter  the  Forestry  and  Fish  departments 
through  a  temple  built  of  twenty  different  kinds  of  wood. 
Here  you  see  all  the  native  forest  woods,  bamboo  takin' 
the  lead.  Their  fish  and  their  methods  of  fishing  are 
shown  off,  charts  of  their  fishing  grounds  and  boats.  The 
Japanese  section  of  the  Palace  of  Fine  Arts  hac  the  best 
samples  of  sculpture,  painting  and  pottery. 

But  the  crownin'  beauty  of  the  Japanese  display  is  the 
Enchanted  Garden  (well-named).  A  charmin'  little  lake 
lies  in  the  midst  of  flower  beds  and  hedges,  dotted  by 
aquatic  flowers.  Beds  of  hydrangeas  and  chrysantheums 
and  other  bright  flowers  glow  in  the  sunlight.  A  pretty 
summer  house  stands  on  a  little  island  and  bending  over 
the  water  are  dwarf  pine  trees  brought  from  Japan.  At 
one  end  is  a  waterfall,  and  there  is  a  pleasant  tea  house 
where  pretty  Japan  girls  serve  tea  on  the  broad  galleries. 

Beyend  the  lake  you  see  a  model  Japanese  house  and 
not  fur  off  is  the  headquarters  of  the  Japanese  commission. 


242         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Near  the  top  of  the  hill  is  a  large  pavilion  made  of  wood 
and  bamboo.  It  is  used  as  a  reception  room,  and  here  you 
see  Japanese  costooms  from  the  earliest  day  to  the  present. 
Here  are  pictures  of  the  Emperor  and  Empress.  There 
is  a  display  here  also  of  the  Red  Cross  society,  medical 
boxes  of  army  and  navy,  etc.  This  is  the  only  hint  this 
courteous  country  gives  of  the  great  war  going  on  at  home 
that  would  stop  the  exhibit  of  most  any  other  country. 
They  are  a  wonderful  people  and  are  making  swift  strides 
to  the  front  in  every  direction.  I  took  sights  of  comfort 
here  and  so  did  Josiah. 

I  said  a  big  war  would  stop  the  exhibit  of  most  every 
country — it  has  stopped  Russia — she  don't  have  much 
show  here  to  the  Fair,  they  wanted  to,  and  laid  out  to, 
but  couldn't  on  account  of  havin'  to  go  to  war.  It  is  dret- 
ful  busy  this  year,  killin'  off  men,  and  sendin'  out  men  all 
the  time  to  be  killed,  so  of  course,  it  can't  devour  the  same 
time  in  more  peaceful  occupations. 

I  wuz  really  sorry,  for  I  always  liked  the  Zar.  Of  course, 
we  don't  visit  back  and  forth,  he  havin'  the  misfortune  to 
not  live  neighbor  to  us.  But  I  always  thought  he  wuz 
likely,  real  smart  and  good-natered,  lovin'  his  wife  and 
babies  devotedly,  settin'  a  splendid  example  in  this  direc 
tion  to  other  high  potentates  who  act  and  behave  more  or 
less. 

And  his  Peace  Proclamation,  like  a  tall  white  monument 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        243 

riz  up  for  men  and  angels  to  admire.  How  its  pure 
luminous  light  lit  up  this  dark  earth  and  streamed  clear 
up  to  heaven,  the  blessed  influence  it  shed  abroad  wuz  so 
beneficient  and  divine.  How  much  I  and  the  hull  world 
thought  on't. 

And  here  it  is  all  broke  to  smash,  for  of  course,  it  wuz 
right  in  his  way  and  he  had  to  tromple  on  over  it,  he  and 
the  squadrons  he  called  to  war. 

I  don't  know  exactly  the  right  or  wrong  on't,  it  is  hard 
sometimes  to  keep  track  of  ethics  in  a  Jonesville  quarrel, 
and  when  two  big  Empires  git  to  cuttin'  up  and  aetin' 
and  sassin',  and  dastin'  each  other  to  do  thus  and  so,  I 
can't  be  expected  to  know  all  the  ins  and  outs  of  their 
dispute. 

But  I  do  know  this,  that  the  beautiful  Peace  Monument 
is  smashed  all  to  pieces  under  the  feet  of  the  thousands 
and  thousands  of  men  sent  out  to  murder  and  be  murdered, 
and  it  is  doubtful  to  me  if  the  Zar  can  ever  contoggle  it  up 
agin  to  be  as  strong  as  it  wuz  before.  You  know  he  will 
nachully  git  his  muscles  and  will  and  temper  kinder  stiff 
jinted  leadin'  the  armies  and  gittin'  so  awful  mad. 

But,  there  they  be,  these  two  great  nations,  Japan  and 
Eussia,  sendin'  out  their  peaceable  and  well-behaved  sons 
by  the  thousands  and  hundreds  of  thousands  to  cut  each 
other  to-pieces,  shoot,  maim  and  murder  each  other,  for 
that  is  what  war  is,  it  is  on  purpose  to  kill  men,  the  great 
est  crime  in  the  civil  calendar. 


244        Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

As  I  told  Josiah  one  night  to  Miss  Huff's,  as  I  laid  down 
a  paper  givin'  the  details  of  a  bloody  battle  which  wuz 
headed  "  A  Great  Victory." 

Victory !  the  idee !  hundreds  of  men  borne  bleeding  from 
the  field  suffering  tortures  worse  than  death  and  every 
pang  they  felt  twice  suffered  by  them  that  loved  'em, 
watching  and  waiting  at  home  in  agonized  suspense,  hun 
dreds  more  layin'  with  their  white,  dead  faces  upturned 
to  heaven  as  if  in  mute  appeal  and  wonder  that  such  a 
horror  as  war  could  be  in  a  world  where  the  words  of 
the  gentle  Christ  had  been  hearn. 

Sez  I,  "  I  can't  understand  it,  Josiah,  John  Jones  gits 
mad  and  kills  one  man,  a  small  boneded  man  too,  and 
weakly,  couldn't  live  long  anyway,  and  John  had  been 
abused  by  him  shameful  and  wuz  dretful  mad  at  him.  A 
horrified  state  law  clutches  John  Jones  and  kills  him. 
Public  Opinion  sez  good  enough  for  John,  it  will  keep 
other  murderous-minded  men  at  bay  mebby. 

"  But  I  always  loved  justice,  and  if  a  king  gits  mad  and 
kills  or  causes  to  be  killed  hundreds  of  thousands  of  men 
I  can't  see  why  he  if  successful  should  be  admired  for  it, 
have  a  monument  riz  up  to  show  forth  his  nobility  and 
school  boys  be  taught  to  emulate  his  greatness." 

Josiah  said,  "  That  wuz  different,  a  war  between  nations 
wuz  planned  ahead,  it  wuzn't  murder." 

"  But,"  sez  I,  "  if  John  Jones  had  planned  killin'  his 
man  he  would  git  hung  the  sooner." 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         245 

"  Well,"  sez  Josiah,  "  great  national  quarrels  has  to  be 
settled  some  way.  Nations  wouldn't  go  to  war  unless  they 
wuz  aggravated." 

Sez  I,  "  John  Jones  wuz  aggravated.  Murders  hain't 
generally  planned  or  committed  in  class  meetings,  and  love 
feasts." 

"  Well,"  sez  Josiah,  scratchin'  his  head,  "  it  is  different." 

But  I  sez,  "  How  different,  Josiah,  they  are  both 
murders." 

Sez  Josiah,  "  I  guess  I'll  go  down  to  Grandpa  Huff's 
room  and  borry  the  World.  But  I  kep'  thinkin'  on't  after 
he  left  about  war  and  what  it  wuz.  Rivers  of  human  blood 
flowin'  through  ruined  countries,  follered  by  the  horrible 
specters  of  pestilence,  disease  and  famine,  moral  and  finan 
cial  ruin.  Acres  and  acres  of  graves  filled  with  forms  once 
full  of  throbbing  life  and  hope  and  dreams  of  future 
happiness,  cut  down  like  grass  before  the  mower.  Wives, 
mothers,  sisters,  sweethearts  see  the  sun  of  their  life's 
joy  go  down  in  blackness,  their  heaven  of  love  and  hap 
piness  changed  into  a  hell  of  misery  by  somebody's 
quarrel,  somebody's  greed  and  ambition.  How  many  of 
the  common  soldiers  who  make  up  the  great  body  of  the 
army  know  or  care  about  the  right  or  wrong  of  their 
cause.  They  go  into  the  fight  like  dumb-driven  cattle, 
suffer  and  die  and  make  their  loved  ones  die  a  hundred 
deaths  jest  because  they  are  hired  to  do  it,  hired  to  murder 


246         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

their  fellow  men,  jest  as  you  would  hire  a  man  to  cut 
down  a  grove  of  underbrush.  They  go  out  to  this  whole 
sale  slaughter  to  kill  or  be  killed,  to  meet  all  the  black 
awful  influences  that  f oiler  the  armies,  go  gayly  to  the 
sound  of  bugle  and  drum. 

It  is  the  common  people  who  bleed  and  die,  it  is  the 
hearts  of  the  common  people  that  are  wrung;  it  is  their 
wives  and  orphan  children  who  have  to  struggle  along  and 
strive  and  die,  or  live  and  suffer  by  this  cause. 

And  who  can  tell  the  moral,  physical  and  financial  ruin, 
the  sickenin'  and  terrible  effects  of  evil  habits  formed 
there,  the  sin  and  woe  that  like  a  black  cloud  follers  the 
army?  The  recordin'  angel  himself  can't  do  the  sum  till 
the  day  of  judgment,  not  till  then  can  he  add  up  the 
broad,  ever-widenin '  effects  of  evil  and  sorrow  that  follers 
a  great  war  and  that  shall  go  on  and  on  till  time  shall  be 
no  more. 

Calm  judicial  eyes  lookin'  back  at  this  problem  from  the 
happy  days  when  Peace  and  Love  shall  rule  the  world, 
from  the  era  when  Courts  of  Arbitration  will  settle  national 
differences,  will  look  back  on  the  bloody  godless  warfare 
of  to-day  with  more  horrow  than  we  do  on  the  oncivilized 
doin's  of  our  savage  ancestors. 

It  is  strange,  hain't  it,  to  think  eighteen  centuries  of 
Christian  teaching  hain't  wiped  the  blood  stains  off  the  face 
of  the  earth,  as  it  would  like  to?  Yes,  indeed!  our  Lord's 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         247 

words  are  luminous  with  Charity,  Peace  and  Love.  But 
the  vengeful  black  clouds  of  war  sweep  up  between  the 
nations  and  the  Sermon  on  the  Mount  and  hides  its  words 
so  they  can't,  or  don't  heed  'em. 

And  I  d'no  what's  goin'  to  be  done.  I  guess  them  that 
don't  believe  in  war  must  keep  on  givin'  in  their  testimony, 
keep  peggin'  away  at  Public  Opinion  and  constant  droppin' 
will  wear  away  stun. 

But  to  resoom  backwards.  We  stayed  so  long  in  Japan 
that  I  couldn't  devote  so  much  time  to  France  as  I  wanted 
to,  for  they  too  had  a  fine  display.  The  most  beautiful 
exhibit  we  saw  was  the  reproduction  of  the  Grand  Trienon, 
the  favorite  home  of  Napoleon,  brought  from  all  appear 
ances  from  Versailles  with  its  famous  garden  and  sot  down 
here  in  St.  Louis. 

There  is  a  big  central  pavilion  and  on  each  side  wings, 
each  terminating  in  a  pavilion  joined  by  tall  marble  col 
umns.  The  ruff  is  surrounded  by  a  balustrade  ornamented 
by  vases  and  beautiful  statutes.  The  same  balustrade  ex 
tends  the  hull  length  of  the  building  below,  five  hundred 
and  thirty-four  feet. 

And  below  it  stretches  the  beautiful  garden,  terraces, 
lake,  fountains,  statutes,  rare  flowers,  shrubs  and  trees. 
Winding  walks  in  which  the  great  Conqueror  might  have 
walked  with  his  brain  teemin'  with  ambitious  plans.  I 
didn't  want  to  leave  the  garden  it  was  so  beautiful,  but 


248         Sdmantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

time  wuz  passin'  and  we  went  inside  and  went  through 
room  after  room,  each  one  seemin'ly  more  beautiful  than 
the  one  we  had  seen  last.  The  picture-room  wuz  specially 
beautiful  filled  as  it  is  with  treasures  of  French  art.  And 
all  the  rooms  wuz  gorgeous  with  tapestries,  elaborate  carv 
ing,  sculpture,  painting,  the  most  exquisite  decorations  of 
all  kinds  showing  what  a  beauty  and  pleasure:loving  race 
can  gather  about  it  of  beauty  and  grandeur  if  it  sets  out 
to. 

And  France  shows  off  well  also  in  manufactures,  elec 
tricity,  machinery,  transportation,  etc.  All  together  this 
is  the  best  exhibit  she  has  ever  made,  and  she  has  reason  to 
be  proud  on't. 

England  makes  a  good  show  in  products  and  processes 
in  every  Exposition  building.  In  the  Palace  of  Varied 
Industries  she  gives  a  model  of  one  of  her  charming  coun 
try  houses,  a  model  indeed  of  comfort  and  luxury. 

Her  national  pavilion  is  built  of  red  brick  and  stone  and 
is  a  reproduction  of  the  Orangery,  a  building  two  hundred 
years  old.  It  wuz  Queen  Ann's  favorite  home,  and  I  didn't 
blame  Ann  a  mite  for  lovin'  it.  As  I  walked  through  the 
beautiful  and  stately  rooms  I  thought  I  would  have  loved 
to  neighbor  with  Ann  and  spend  some  time  with  her. 

The  gardens  outside  are  so  beautiful  you  don't  want  to 
leave  'em,  shaded  avenues,  terraces,  flower  beds,  yew  and 
box  shrubs  trained  into  shapes  of  lions  and  big  birds. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         249 

Josiah  wuz  entranced  here,  and  as  he  stood  lost  in  admira 
tion  of  them  green  animals  growin'  right  out  of  the  ground, 
he  sez: 

"  My  first  job  in  Jones ville  is  cut  out,  Samantha." 

As  first  chaperone  I  looked  at  him  tenderly  and  sez, 
"  Don't  jar  your  mind  too  much,  Josiah,  don't  dwell  on 
tuckerin'  things." 

"  But,"  sez  he,  pintin'  to  the  green  form  of  the  lion 
growin'  right  out  of  the  ground,  "  do  you  see  what  a  im 
pressive  and  noble  figger  the  old  mair  is  goin'  to  cut  when 
Ury  and  I  sculp  her  out  of  the  pig-nose  apple  tree?  We 
can  do  it  by  odd  jobs,  and  the  apples  hain't  good  for 
nothin'  anyway." 

But  I  sez,  "  You  can't  prune  apple  trees  into  figgers, 
Josiah,  it  takes  different  trees,  and  that  is  too  big  anyway." 

"  That's  a  woman's  way  of  talkin' ;  I  want  her  in  heroic 
size,  she's  worthy  on't.  I  expect,"  he  went  on,  "  the  road 
will  be  jest  lined  with  Jonesvillians,  and  we'l  see  'em 
hangin'  over  the  orchard  fence  lookin'  on  and  admirin' 
the  beautiful  statter,  I  think  I  can  see  her  now,  head  up, 
tail  out,  mane  a  flutterin'— you'll  see,  Samantha." 

"  Oh,  dear !  "  sez  I,  "  I  expect  I  will  see  more  than  I  want 
to." 

But  goin'  on  a  little  furder  we  see  what  put  such  vain 
and  onpractical  idees  out  of  his  head.  We  wandered  into 
a  spot  where  there  wuz  old-fashioned  flowers,  such  as  grow 


250         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

in  the  green  meadows  and  hedges  of  old  England,  and  there 
wuz  some  old  wimmen  wrinkled  and  gray,  poorly  clad, 
lookin'  at  them  daisies  and  cow-slips  and  laughin'  and 
cryin'  over  'em. 

They  wuz  fur  from  the  old  home  and  the  summer  time 
of  youth  and  love,  a  half  century  of  years  and  dreary 
wastes  of  sea  and  land  lay  between  'em,  but  these  cow-slip 
blows  and  daisies  took  them  back  to  their  youth  and  the 
sunny  fields  they  wandered  in  with  the  young  lover  whose 
eyes  wuz  as  blue  as  the  English  violets,  while  their  own 
cheeks  wuz  as  rosy  as  the  thorn  flowers. 

When  the  hull  world  lay  hid  in  a  rosy  mist,  and  they  wuz 
the  centre  of  it,  and  life  wuz  new,  and  hope  and  happiness 
gilded  the  future,  and  the  Fairy  land  of  America  wuz 
beckonin'  to  'em  out  of  the  rosy  mist. 

Fifty  years  of  dusty,  smoky  tenement  life,  hard  work, 
child-birth,  rearing  children,  toil,  disappointment,  pain- 
where  wuz  they?  They  had  all  gone.  They  wuz  eighteen 
agin ;  they  wuz  pickin'  the  rosy  blooms  in  the  dear  home 
land,  and  love  wuz  whisperin'  to  'em  that  they  wuz  sweeter 
than  the  flowers. 

I  took  out  my  snowy  handkerchief  and  almost  cried  my 
self,  the  tears  just  run  down  my  face,  and  Josiah  blowed 
his  nose  on  his  bandanna,  and  I  believe  furtively  wiped 
his  eyes.  But  men  never  love  to  betray  such  sentimental 
emotion,  and  most  immegiately  he  asked  me  in  a  gruff  tone 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         251 

for  a  fried  cake,  and  I  handed  him  one  absently  and  as  one 
who  dreams,  and  we  went  on  and  met  the  girls  at  the  ron- 
devoo  appointed. 

Fd  had  my  supper  and  wuz  restin'  in  my  room,  Molly 
and  Blandina  had  gone  for  a  walk  accompanied  by  Billy 
Huff,  and  Josiah  had  gone  down  to  set  with  grandpa  Huff 
a  spell,  when  Aunt  Tryphena  come  in  and  said  a  lady  wuz 
there  to  see  me ;  I  asked  her  who  it  wuz,  and  she  said : 

"  I  don't  know,  but  guess  it  is  some  '  big  bug  trash,' 
'tennyrate  she  come  in  a  antymobile  that  stands  to  the 
door  without  hitchin'." 

I  knowed  in  a  minute  it  wuz  Jane  Olive  Perkins  and 
told  her  to  bring  her  up  to  my  room.  And  she  entered 
with  more  than  her  usual  gushin'  warmth  of  manner, 
and  told  me  the  first  thing  that  I  grew  better  and  younger 
lookin'  every  year. 

But  I  kinder  waved  the  idee  off  and  told  her  I  didn't 
feel  so  young  as  I  did  twenty  or  thirty  years  ago. 

I  acted  well.  (But  then  I  spoze  I  do  look  remarkable 
young  for  one  of  my  years,  and  I  admired  her  good 
horse  sense  in  seein'  it  so  plain.)  But  she  looked  real 
mauger,  and  I  sez: 

"You  look  kinder  beat  out,  Jane  Olive,  hain't  you 
well!" 

Yes,  she  said  she  wuz  well,  but  had  so  many  cares  that 
they  wore  on  her. 


252         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

"  Why,"  sez  I,  "  you  don't  try  to  do  your  housework 
alone,  do  you!  " 

No,  she  said  she  had  ten  servants. 

So  I  knowed  she  didn't  have  to  do  the  heaviest  of  her 
work,  but  her  face  looked  dretful  tired  and  disappinted 
and  I  knowed  it  wuz  caused  hy  her  efforts  to  git  into 
fashionable  society,  for  I'd  hearn  more  about  it  since  I 
come  here,  Miss  Huff  knowed  a  woman  that  lived  neigh 
bor  to  her,  she  said  that  in  spite  of  all  Sam  Perkinses 
money  and  Jane  Olive's  efforts  she  couldn't  git  so  fur 
into  the  circle  of  the  first  as  she  wanted  to,  though  she 
had  done  everything  a  woman  could  do. 

Went  off  summers  where  the  first  went  and  winters  too. 
When  it  wuz  fashionable  to  go  to  springs  and  seasides 
she  went  and  ocean  trips  and  south  and  north,  and  when 
it  wuz  the  fashion  to  go  into  the  quiet  country  she  come 
to  Jonesville. 

And  now  she  wuz  tryin'  a  new  skeem  to  git  into  the 
first,  she  got  up  a  name  for  bein'  very  charitable.  That 
took  her  in,  or  that  is  part  way  in,  for  her  money  went 
jest  as  fur  and  wuz  jest  as  welcome  to  heathens  and  such 
as  if  it  wuzn't  made  out  of  pork.  It  went  jest  as  fur  as 
the  money  that  wuz  handed  down  from  four  fathers  or 
even  five  or  six  fathers  who  wuz  small  farmers  and  trap 
pers  in  Manhattan  years  and  years  ago.  Her  money  went 
jest  as  fur  as  though  it  had  descended  onto  her  from  the 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        253 

sale  of  the  mink  skins  and  cabbages  of  the  grandpas  of 
the  400. 

Well,  as  I  say,  this  did  more  than  all  her  other  efforts 
put  together,  and  took  her  inside  furder,  for  givin'  as 
much  as  she  did  they  had  to  invite  her  to  set  down  on 
the  same  charitable  boards  where  these  genteel  females 
wuz  settin7.  And  when  a  passel  of  wimmen  are  settin' 
down  on  one  board  they  have  to  be  more  sociable  and 
agreeable  like,  than  if  they  wuz  settin '  round  on  different 
piles  of  lumber. 

So  Jane  Olive  wuz  highly  tickled  and  gin  money  freely. 
And  now  I  don't  want  it  understood  that  Jane  Olive  done 
every  mite  of  this  work  and  gin  every  cent  of  money  for 
the  speech  of  people  or  to  git  on  in  fashionable  life.  No, 
she  wuz  kinder  good  hearted  and  felt  sorry  for  the  af 
flicted.  Her  motives  wuz  mebby  about  half  and  half,  half 
goodness  and  half  ambition,  and  that  is  I  spoze  a  little 
worse  than  the  average,  though  motives  will  git  dretfully 
mixed  up,  evil  is  worse  than  Canada  thistles  to  git  mixed 
with  good  wheat. 

When  some  good  object  rises  up  and  our  souls  burn 
within  us  aginst  wrong  and  injustice  and  bigotry  and 
such,  we  may  think  in  our  wropped  moments  that  our 
motives  are  all  good.  But  most  always  some  little  on- 
worthy  selfish  motive  will  come  sneakin'  in  by  some  back 
door  of  the  heart  and  wiggle  its  way  along  till  it  sets 


254         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

down  right  by  the  side  of  our  highest  whitest  motives  and 
stays  there  onbeknown  to  us.  It  is  a  pity  that  it  is  so,  but 
human  nater  is  human  nater  and  we  are  all  on  us  queer, 
queer  as  dogs.  Once  in  awhile  you'll  see  some  rare  soul 
that  seems  as  if  all  onworthy  motives  have  been  driv  out 
by  the  angels  of  divine  Purity  and  Endeavor,  but  they're 
source,  scurce  as  hen's  teeth. 

Jane  Olive  wuz  highly  tickled  with  her  success,  and 
then,  as  is  the  way  of  human  creeters,  when  she'd  done 
well  she  wanted  to  do  better.  She  wanted  to  outdo  the 
other  females  settin'  on  the  boards  with  her,  she  wanted 
her  board  to  tip  higher  than  theirn,  so  she  took  it  into 
her  head  to  build  a  Home  for  Fallen  Wimmen  in  that  end 
of  the  city  where  she  lived.  She  said  that  there  wuz  sights 
and  sights  of  wimmen  that  had  fallen  round  there,  and 
sights  that  wuz  fallin',  and  I  spozed  there  wuz.  I  spozed 
that  anywhere  that  Sam  Perkins  lived  there  would  be 
apt  to  be,  and  she  took  the  idee  of  buildin'  a  home  for 
'em,  it  wuz  a  first  rate  thought,  but  in  my  opinion  it 
didn't  go  fur  enough,  it  didn't  cover  the  hull  ground. 

Well,  Jane  Olive  had  gin  of  her  own  money  ten  thou 
sand  dollars  and  had  raised  nine  thousand  more,  twenty 
thousand  would  build  it,  and  she  wuz  collectin'  round  even 
in  St.  Louis  when  she  met  anybody  she  thought  would 
give ;  she  knowed  how  the  welfare  of  humanity,  specially 
female  humanity,  lay  down  on  my  heart,  therefore  she 
tackled  me. 


CHAPTER   XIV. 

HE  talked  real  eloquent  about  it,  and  kinder 
begun  to  shed  tears.    She's  a  capital  hand 
to  git  money,  she  could  always  cry  when  she 
wanted  to  when  she  went  to  school,  did  it 
by  holdin'  her  breath  or  sunthin'. 

And  when  I  say  that  I  don't  want  it  understood  that  I 
believe  she  did  all  her  cryin'  that  way.  No,  I  spoze  she 
could  draw  on  her  imagination  and  feelin's  to  that  extent 
and  git  'em  so  rousted  up  that  she  did  actually  shed  tears, 
wet  tears  jest  like  anybody,  some  of  the  time,  and  some 
she  made,  so  I  spoze. 

Well,  when  she  begun  to  cry  I  looked  keen  at  her  and 
sez,  how  much  she  made  me  think  of  herself  when  we 
went  to  school  together.  And  she  stopped  sheddin'  tears 
to  once  and  acted  more  natural  and  went  on  to  tell  about 
her  skeem.  She  said  female  vice  wuz  stalkin'  round  fear 
ful,  fallen  wimmen  appeared  on  the  streets  with  shockin' 
frequency,  sunthin'  must  be  done  for  these  lost  souls  or 
their  blood  would  be  on  our  dress  skirts. 

She  told  me  how  much  she'd  gin  to  this  object  and  how 
much  ministers  had  gin  and  how  they  wuz  all  goin'  to 
preach  sermons  about  these  poor  lost  wimmen  and  try  to 


256         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

wake  the  public  up  to  the  fact  of  the  enormity  of  their 
sins  and  the  burnin'  need  of  such  an  institution. 

She  talked  powerful  about  it,  and  I  sez :  "  Jane  Olive, 
I've  gin  a  good  deal  of  thought  to  this  subject,  and  I 
think  this  house  of  yourn  is  a  good  idee,  but  to  my  mind 
it  don't  cover  the  hull  ground.  Now  I  will  give  five  dol 
lars  for  the  Home  for  Fallen  Wimmen  and  the  other  five 
for  the  Home  for  Fallen  Men." 

Sez  she,  and  she  screamed  the  words  right  out : ' '  There 
hain't  any  such  institution  in  the  hull  city !  " 

"  Why,  there  must  be !  "  sez  I.  "  It  hain't  reasonable  that 
there  shouldn't  be.  Why,  if  a  man  and  a  woman  go  along 
over  a  bridge  together,  and  both  fall  through,  and  are 
maimed  and  broke  to  pieces,  they  are  carried  to  a  male 
and  female  hospital  to  be  mended  up.  Or  if  they  fall 
through  a  sidewalk  or  anywhere  else  they  have  to  both  be 
doctored  up  and  have  the  same  splints  on  and  rubbed  with 
the  same  anarky,  etc." 

"  That's  very  different,"  sez  Jane  Olive. 

"Why  different!"  sez  I.  "If  they  both  fall  morally 
their  morals  ort  to  be  mended  up  agin  both  on  'em.  The 
woman  ort  to  be  carried  to  the  Home  for  Fallen  Wimmen, 
the  Home  for  Magdalenes,  and  the  men  to  the  Home  for 
Fallen  Men,  the  Home  for  Mikels." 

"  There  hain't  no  such  place ! "  sez  Jane  Olive  agin  de 
cidedly. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         257 

Sez  I,  "  Did  you  ever  inquire?  " 

"  No,"  sez  she,  "  I  wouldn't  make  a  fool  of  myself  by 
inquirin'  for  such  a  thing  as  that,  Home  for  Mikels!  I 
don't  know  what  you  mean  by  that  anyway." 

"  Why,"  sez  I,  "  fallen  men  angels.  You  know  Mikel 
wuz  a  angel  once  and  he  fell." 

"  Well,  there  is  no  such  place,"  sez  she,  tossin'  her  head 
a  little. 

"  Well,"  sez  I,  "  you  ort  to  know,  you're  from  the  city 
and  I  hain't;  but  I  know  that  if  there  hain't  such  a  place 
it's  a  wicked  thing.  Just  look  at  them  poor  fallen  men 
that  are  walkin'  the  streets  night  after  night,  poor  cree- 
ters  goin'  right  down  to  ruin  and  nobody  trying  to  lead 
'em  up  agin  to  the  way  of  safety  and  virtue — poor  fallen, 
ruined  men !  I  feel  to  pity  'em." 

Sez  Jane  Olive,  "Oh,  shawl  they  don't  feel  ruined, 
they're  all  right,  I'll  resk  them." 

"How  do  you  know  how  they  feel?  Take  a  tender 
hearted,  innocent  man,  that  some  bad,  designin'  woman 
has  led  astray,  led  him  on  till  she  has  betrayed  and  ruined 
him,  and  he  feels  that  the  screen  door  of  society  is  shet 
aginst  him— 

"  Oh,  shaw ! "  sez  Jane  Olive  agin.  "  The  door  of  so 
ciety  hain't  shet  aginst  the  man,  it  never  is." 

"  Then,"  sez  I,  "  there  is  sunthin'  wrong  with  the  door 
and  it  ort  to  be  tended  to." 


258         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Sez  she,  "  Things  are  winked  at  in  a  bad  man  that 
hain't  in  a  bad  woman." 

"  Not  by  me,"  sez  I  firmly.  "  The  man  won't  git  a  wink 
out  of  me  more  or  less  than  I  would  give  to  the  woman." 

"  It  don't  hurt  a  man,"  sez  Jane  Olive.  "  And,"  sez 
she,  "  no  self  respectin'  man  goes  to  any  place  that  hain't 
licensed  and  respectable." 

"  If  such  houses  are  respectable,"  sez  I,  "  and  the  law 
makes  'em  so,  why  hain't  the  wimmen  called  so  that  keep 
'em?  Why  hain't  the  wimmen  looked  up  to  that  work 
there?" 

Sez  Jane  Olive,  "  You  don't  talk  no  good  sense  at  all." 

"  Sez  I,  "  Jane  Olive,  I  am  spozin'.  Mark  you  well,  I 
don't  say  they  are  respectable;  I  say  they  are  the  depths 
of  infamy.  But  I  am  talkin'  from  the  standpoint  of 
legislators  and  highest  officials,  and  if  they  call  'em  re 
spectable,  and  throw  the  mantilly  of  law  and  order  over 
'em  it  is  only  justice  to  let  the  mantilly  spread  out,  so  it 
will  cover  the  males  and  females  too.  Agin  I  quote  the 
words  of  the  poet  to  you,  i  what  is  sass  for  the  goose  ort 
to  be  sass  for  the  gander.' ' 

Says  she,  "  Such  things  are  looked  on  so  different  in 
a  man,  they  can  hold  their  heads  up  jest  as  high  as  they 
did  before." 

"Not  if  I  had  my  way,"  sez  I.  "If  the  female  is 
dragged  off  to  the  Home  for  Fallen  Wimmen  let  the  same 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Lords  Exposition         259 

team  come  back  and  haul  the  men  off  to  the  Home  for 
Fallen  Men,  tie  'em  up  with  the  same  rope,  preach  to  'em 
from  the  same  text,  let  'em  out  when  they've  both  re 
pented  and  want  to  do  better.  That's  my  scheme,"  sez  I. 

"  Oh,  shaw !  "  sez  Jane  Olive,  "  it  wouldn't  work." 

"  Why  not?  "  sez  I.  "  I'll  bet  if  that  course  wuz  took 
for  the  next  five  years  with  fallen  men  you  wouldn't  have 
to  raise  so  much  money  for  fallen  wimmen;  I'll  bet  it 
would  ameliorate  their  condition  more  than  anything  else 
would." 

"  It  don't  hurt  a  man,"  sez  Jane  Olive  agin. 

"  Why  don't  it  hurt  'em!  "  sez  I.  "  If  it  makes  a 
woman  so  bad  the  hull  world  calls  her  ruined  and  lost, 
and  prints  her  name  out  in  the  daily  papers,  as  they  al 
ways  do,  givin'  her  full  name  and  address  and  sayin'  some 
wild  young  man  (but  nameless)  of  respectable  family  was 
implicated,  and  talks  of  her  as  if  Heaven  wuz  shet  aginst 
her,  and  she  has  got  to  pray  and  repent  in  sack-cloth  and 
ashes  all  the  rest  of  her  days,  and  never,  never  git  her  old 
place  back  in  the  eyes  of  the  community,  it  hain't  rea 
sonable  to  spoze  it  don't  hurt  a  man  a  mite  to  fall  at  the 
same  time  and  in  the  same  way.  There  is  no  sense  in  it, 
and  I'll  bet  if  you  hunt  round  in  your  city  you'll  find 
where  fallen  men  are  kep'  hid  away  till  they  can  repent 
and  reform. 

"  Why,"  sez  I,  "  men's  hearts  and  souls  and  morals  are 


260         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

made  out  of  exactly  the  same  stuff  that  wimmens  be. 
And  as  I  said  before,  let  a  man  and  a  woman  fall  out  of 
a  high  winder  together  it  smashes  him  jest  as  bad  as  it 
duz  her.  They  have  to  be  carried  off  to  hospitals  jest 
the  same,  the  same  doctor  tends  'em,  the  same  medicine 
has  to  be  administered  to  'em  and  they  have  to  come  back 
slowly  to  health  agin.  It  takes  the  same  length  of  time 
to  lose  the  marks  of  the  woonds  and  bruises,  and  they 
have  to  hobble  round  on  the  same  kind  of  crutches.  And 
why  under  the  sun,  moon  and  stars  there  is  any  difference 
in  the  woonds  on  their  souls  and  morals  I  can't  see,  nor 
I  don't  believe  you  can." 

Agin  she  snorted  and  acted  real  high  headed,  and  sez 
she,  "  There  hain't  no  such  a  Home  as  that  you're  talkin' 
about,  and  never  wuz." 

"  Well,"  sez  I,  "  then  it  is  high  time  there  wuz."  And 
I  went  on  real  eloquent,  "  Poor  fallen  men  have  been 
neglected  too  long  and  their  ruin  will  lay  on  our  door 
steps  if  we  don't  do  sunthin'  to  help  'em ;  I  won't  give  a 
cent  to  help  fallen  wimmen,  who  have  had  ten  times  as 
much  preachin'  to  'em  and  as  much  done  for  'em,  till  jus 
tice  has  been  done  to  fallen  men.  Poor  mizable  creeters ! 
They'll  find  out  they've  got  one  friend  that  will  stand  by 
'em  if  they've  never  had  a  mite  of  pity  or  help  or  en 
couragement  held  out  to  'em  before  in  the  world.  It  is 
high  time  sunthin'  wuz  done  for  'em;  and  when  you  who 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         261 

live  right  in  the  midst  of  fallen  men  come  here  and  say 
you've  started  a  home  for  'em,  where  there  will  be  preach- 
in'  to  'em,  and  encouragement  gin  'em  to  repent  and  re 
form,  when  you've  come  and  told  me  you've  started  this 
job  I'll  give,  and  give  liberal." 

She  sot  kinder  demute  for  a  minute,  and  I  went  right 
on,  and  sez  I,  "  I'd  have  a  immense  big  house  built  if  I 
had  my  way  so's  to  accommodate  'em  if  I  could  git  a 
house  big  enough.  And  I  would  set  'em  there  in  immense 
rows  and  let  'em  meditate  on  their  sins  a  spell  and  I'd 
have  good  likely  preachers  of  both  sects  go  and  preach 
to  'em  about  fallen  men  and  fallen  wimmen,  and  how 
they  could  git  up  agin  with  God's  help  if  they  tried  hard 
enough  to.  And  I'd  have  pictures  hung  on  the  wall  of 
Mikel  and  Magdaline  and  them  old  fallen  men  castin' 
stuns  at  fallen  wimmen  and  what  the  Lord  said  about  it. 
And  then  to  kinder  encourage  'em  and  show  'em  to  what 
they  might  rise  up  to,  if  they  repented  and  reformed,  I 
would  have  pictures  of  some  likely  he  angels  flyin'  round 
up  in  a  purer  air  and— 

I  wuz  almost  carried  away  and  by  the  side  of  myself 
with  this  beautiful  and  inspirin'  picture  I'd  cunjered  up 
in  my  heated  brain,  when  she  broke  in  all  wrought  up 
with  excitement  and  borrow  with  a  new  thought  that  had 
dawned  on  her: 

"  Why,"  sez  she,  "  if  you  did  that,  if  you  shet  up  such 


262         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

men  there  wouldn't  be  a  man  left  outside."  And  she  sort 
o'  screamed  out,  "  Where  would  I  git  a  coachman  to  drive 
for  me  or  a  butler?  " 

"  Drive  yourself/'  sez  I  sternly,  "  and  buttle  too;  if 
that  is  so,  but  I  don't  believe  it." 

But  she  still  looked  most  wild  with  excitement  and  bor 
row,  and  agin  she  sez,  "  It  would  take  away  every  man 
in  the  world!  and  what  would  we  do  for  men!  "  sez  she. 

"  Do !  "  sez  I,  all  wrought  up, 1 1  Do  without  'em  if  that 
is  the  case,  though  I  don't  believe  it;  but  if  it  is  so  it's 
high  time  we  begun  fresh,  educate  and  bring  up  men 
babys  in  the  right  way,  and  begin  agin ;  start  a  new  world 
with  'em,  jest  as  you'd  start  a  new  kind  of  gooseberry  or 
anything.  But  I  don't  believe  a  word  on't,  not  a  word. 
I  believe  there  are  good  men  in  the  world,  lots  and  lots 
of  'em." 

"  I  know  there  hain't,"  sez  she. 

And  I  sez,  "  I  know  there  is." 

And  we  disputed  back  and  forth  several  times  but 
didn't  convince  each  other.  You  can  see  jest  how  it  wuz, 
it  wuz  the  example  of  our  own  companions  that  wuz  in- 
fluencin'  us  in  our  opinions.  She  havin'  lived  with  a  per 
fect  sardeen  and  he-wretch,  thought  all  men  wuz  like  him, 
I  nerved  up  by  the  thought  of  my  noble-minded  (though 
small)  companion  held  my  faith  firm  as  a  iron  anchor 
that  the  world  wuz  full  of  good  men,  scattered  here  and 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        263 

there  like  good  wheat  among  the  tares,  and  I  felt  and 
knowed  that  the  tearers  wuz  fur  scurser  than  the  wheat. 

But  Jane  Olive  riz  up  and  kinder  let  her  train  flop  out 
over  the  floor,  she'd  held  it  up  as  she  come  in. 

I  bid  her  a  cordial  good-by  and  told  her  to  come  and 
see  me  in  Jonesville,  but  she  acted  kinder  cold  and  hauty 
and  I  hain't  much  hopes  that  she  will  foller  my  advice. 

Josiah  came  in  pretty  soon,  and  when  I  told  him  about 
it  he  acted  real  huffy  and  agreed  with  Jane  Olive,  and 
resented  the  idee  of  a  Home  for  Fallen  Men.  Blandina, 
who  come  while  we  wuz  talkin'  about  it  to  borry  a  few 
needlefuls  of  white  thread,  she  shed  tears  and  said  she 
wouldn't  mortify  men  by  namin'  a  home  like  that  for 
thousands  of  worlds  like  this. 

And  Josiah  acted  puggicky  all  the  evenin'.  But  I 
knowed  I  wuz  in  the  right  on't.  Truly  the  path  of  duty 
is  a  thorny  one  anon  or  oftener. 

We  went  into  the  Fair  the  next  mornin'  by  what  they 
call  the  Skinker  Entrance,  and  we  hadn't  hardly  got  in 
when  Josiah  sez  to  me,  pintin'  to  a  small  low  house, 
"What  do  you  spoze  they  show  there,  Samantha?  It 
must  be  pretty  poor  if  they  can't  afford  shingles  or  a  tar 
ruff." 

And  sure  enough  the  ruff  wuz  covered  with  straw.  It 
wuz  a  low  buildin'  built  of  sunthin'  that  looked  like  stun. 
But  come  to  find  out  it  wuz  the  cottage  of  Robert  Burns, 


264         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

and  I  hastened  my  steps,  Josiah  and  Blandina  follerin' 
on. 

For  low  as  that  buildin'  is,  lookin'  like  a  ant  hill  almost 
by.  the  side  of  the  high  red  granite  administration  build- 
in',  that  little  cabin  holds  memories  that  soar  up  higher 
than  the  peakedest,  highest  ruffs  on  the  Fair  ground. 
The  Home  of  Robert  Burns,  the  Poet  of  the  People.  How 
his  inimitable  poetry  come  troopin'  through  my  mind 
as  I  walked  through  the  low  rooms,  there  is  only  four 
on  'em,  kitchen,  settin'  room,  store  room  and  stables. 

I  didn't  approve  of  havin'  the  stables  so  nigh  the  livin' 
rooms,  and  should  have  advised  Bobert's  wife  to  stood 
her  ground  and  not  had  it.  But  I  wuzn't  there,  and  she 
gin  in  probable,  and  mebby  she  wanted  it  so,  it  wuz 
handy,  you  could  open  the  door  and  milk  into  your  coffee 
cup  if  so  inclined.  The  bed  is  built  in  the  kitchen  wall; 
I  spoze  they  couldn't  afford  anything  better,  and  'tenny- 
rate  that  humble  bed  pillowed  the  form  that  will  walk 
down  the  ages  crowned  with  honor  and  lovin'  memories, 
while  many  monarchs  who  at  that  time  rested  on  carved 
rose-wood  have  sunk  into  oblivion. 

The  people  are  not  goin'  to  forgit  their  poet.  He  who 
taught  that  no  matter  what  the  rank,  a  man  wuz  a  man 
"  for  a'  that."  Who  sung  and  dignified  the  humble  pleas 
ures  of  the  poor.  "  The  Cotter's  Saturday  Night "  will  be 
remembered  when  many  a  scientific  tome  and  eloquent 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         265 

poem  writ  in  long  words  is  dust  and  ashes.  And  the 
scathing  irony  and  wit  satirizing  the  ignorant  rich,  the 
scorn  of  meanness  and  bigotry,  the  love  of  liberty  and 
justice  the  melting  tenderness  of  his  love  poems,  the 
People  he  loved  and  wrote  for,  will  not  forget. 

The  big  open  fireplace  might  have  been  the  one  im 
mortalized  in  his  poetry.  There  wuz  a  high  clock  like 
the  one  that  told  him  the  hours,  anxious  hours,  weary 
hours,  happy  hours,  hours  radiant  with  the  poet's  inspi 
ration.  Despairin'  hours  full  of  anxiety  and  dread  for 
the  wife  and  children  he  loved.  It  told  the  hours  of  day 
and  night  too,  for  Robert  did  love  what  he  called  a  good 
time,  and  I  presoom  Bonnie  Jean  read  the  face  of  that 
old  clock  with  anxiety  and  weariness  writ  in  her  own  face 
when  the  small  hours  struck  and  her  Robbie  wuz  away 
with  gay  companions. 

And  with  what  despairin'  grief  did  she  read  its  calm 
old  face  while  her  poet  writ  this  sad  truth : 

"  I'm  wearin'  awa'  to  the  Land  o>  the  Leal." 

And  there  wuz  a  cupboard  with  blue  and  white  dishes 
and  a  sugar  bowl  that  he  and  Bonnie  Jean  had  used.  Oh, 
warm  fingers,  tired  fingers!  how  long  you've  been  dust, 
and  the  little  piece  of  metal  still  endures.  Oh,  my  soul ! 
the  wonder  and  the  pity  on't. 

There  are  chairs,  tables,  spinning  wheel,  etc.,  similar 
to  those  that  were  in  the  Burns  cottage.  But  there  is  a 


266         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

reel  that  wuz  used  by  Bonnie  Jean  herself,  I  took  holt 
on't  tryin'  to  bring  to  my  mind  what  emotions  she  had 
time  and  agin  as  she  reeled  her  threads  on  and  off,  love, 
anxiety,  ambition,  fear,  hopes  and  sorrows;  how  they 
twined  and  ontwined  in  her  faithful  breast  as  the  reel 
turned,  emotions  stilled  long  ago,  long  ago. 

And  there  wuz  the  very  griddle  and  toaster' with  which 
Bonnie  Jean  toasted  the  bread  for  her  Robbie.  Many 
and  many  a  time  her  heart,  I  presoom  to  say  seemin'  to 
git  seared  in  the  burnin'  fires  of  jealousy  whilst  the  bread 
wuz  toastin'.  For  Robert  wuz  a  man  of  many  fancies, 
and  though  a  wife  through  pride  or  affection  may  seem 
blind  to  such  things,  yet  burns  will  smart  and  "  jealousy 
is  as  cruel  as  the  grave." 

But  many  a  time  also  whilst  she  toasted  her  bread  her 
heart  would  bound  with  joy  and  pride  thinkin'  of  some 
triumph  the  man  she  loved  had  won,  or  rememberin'  some 
words  of  love  and  appreciation  he  had  whispered  in  her 
ear,  which  made  the  dark  world  over  in  a  minute  into  a 
bright  one,  for  wimmen's  hearts  beat  the  same  in  Ayr 
or  Jonesville,  and  Bonnie  Jean  wuz  proud  of  her  poet 
lover  and  loved  him.  And  he  loved  her  the  biggest  heft 
of  the  time,  and  mebby  all  the  time;  men  are  queer  in 
such  things  and  their  ways  past  findin'  out. 

'Tennyrate  my  heart  bent  in  homage  to  his  genius  and 
his  bravely  borne  poverty  and  sufferin'.  And  I  wished, 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         267 

oh,  how  I  wished  that  some  of  the  pride  and  honor  show 
ered  on  him  now  the  world  over  could  have  brightened 
his  hard  life  when  it  wuz  needed.  But  it  wuzn't  to  be,  I 
wuzn't  there  to  advise  folks,  or  to  cheer  him  and  Jean  up 
by  my  warm  appreciation  and  good  vittles.  And  I  re 
luctantly  tore  myself  away  from  the  memory-hanted  spot. 

Molly  wuz  dretful  interested  here  too,  but  naterally 
wanted  to  ride  in  the  Intremoral  railway  and  see  all  she 
could,  it  bein'  her  first  visit.  So  as  I  had  spoke  of  wantin' 
to  see  the  air-ships  we  went  there  next  and  then  to  the 
Philippines. 

Sister  Sylvester  Bobbett  laughed  when  I  told  her  that 
probable  Josiah  and  I  would  go  to  the  next  Exposition 
through  the  air. 

Sez  she,  "You  might  jest  as  well  talk  about  goin' 
through  the  ground." 

But  I  wuz  glad  to  see  that  other  folks  realized  the  im 
portance  of  the  subject,  for  they  have  given  as  much 
space  to  air  navigation  as  for  all  the  other  modes  of 
transportation  put  together.  The  buildin'  covers  about 
fourteen  acres— I  wonder  what  Sister  Bobbett  would  say 
to  that,  the  walls  are  thirty  feet  high,  the  lower  twelve 
feet,  air  tight,  the  upper  eighteen  feet  lattice  work. 

Part  on't  is  a  sort  of  a  harbor  for  their  air-ships  to 
light  in.  They  say  they  need  a  still  harbor  away  from 
boisterous  winds  jest  as  much  as  water  ships  do.  This 


268         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

is  the  first  Air-Ship  harbor  ever  built.  Josiah  said  it  wuz 
the  humbliest  buildin'  on  the  Fair  ground,  and  it  wuzn't 
a  beauty  so  fur  as  architecture  goes. 

But  I  sez,  "  Handsome  is  as  handsome  duz !  I  don't 
spoze,"  sez  I,  "  that  Noah's  Ark  wuz  a  beauty,  but  he 
started  a  new  world  with  it,  and  I  believe  this  buildin' 
holds  the  great  hope  and  promise  of  the  future  in  the 
way  of  transportation,  and  it  looks  good  to  me." 

It  stands  between  Physical  Culture  Hall  and  the  Hall 
of  Lady  Managers.  I  wuz  glad  it  wuz  where  wimmen 
could  keep  an  eye  on  'em  and  keep  'em  from  bein'  run 
on.  In  one  corner  on't  is  two  stalls,  jest  as  they  have 
horse  stalls  in  barns,  but  these  stalls  are  one  hundred  and 
eighty  feet  long  and  forty  feet  wide.  There  wuz  most 
ninety  entries  for  the  contest.  If  they  make  a  speed  of 
twenty  rnilds  an  hour  they  git  a  prize  of  one  hundred 
thousand.  I  would  like  to  know  what  Sister  Bobbett 
would  think  of  that. 

Josiah  said  he  believed  they  wuz  dangerous,  but  the 
head  of  this  company  told  me  with  his  own  mouth  that 
he  had  traveled  over  fifteen  States  in  air-ships  and  had 
never  been  hurt  or  even  skairt,  and  I  told  Josiah  that 
wuz  more  than  he  could  say  of  our  wheel-barrow  that 
had  never  been  out  of  Jonesville.  Josiah  went  out  one 
dark  night  to  shet  the  barn  door  and  fell  over  it,  and  it 
rared  up  on  him  and  throwed  him ;  he  wuz  skairt  to  death 
thinkin'  it  wuz  a  burglar  who  wuz  tryin'  to  fight  him. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         269 

I  had  to  take  the  lantern  and  go  out  and  rescue  him, 
and  I  hain't  goin'  to  tell  how  he  kicked  that  wheel-barrow 
when  he  recognized  it,  and  the  language  he  hurled  at  it. 
It  wuz  onbecomin'  a  deacon,  and  I  told  him  so. 

Next  to  the  Hall  of  Electricity,  the  great  onseen  Wiz 
ard  that  sways  the  world,  this  Hall  of  Air-Ships  wuz 
interestin7  to  me,  for  it  is  the  transportation  of  the  future. 
Baby  eyes  blinkin'  now  at  the  canopys  of  their  cribs  will 
look  up  and  see  the  blue  sky  above  'em  cleft  by  the  white 
wings  of  great  ships  of  the  air  sailin'  to  and  fro  with 
no  treacherous  rocks  to  dash  aginst,  no  forests  to  subdue 
or  mountains  to  tunnel,  no  roads  to  break,  to  and  fro, 
back  and  forth  shining  white  aginst  the  crimson  sunset, 
aginst  the  rosy  dawn,  and  the  cloudless  noon.  Oh,  what 
a  sight  for  the  eyes  that  will  behold  'em !  I  wish  I  could 
stand  it  till  then,  but  most  probable  I  can't,  and  I  wouldn't 
want  to  anyway  if  Josiah  couldn't  be  there  to  see  'em 
with  me;  and  his  health  hain't  what  it  wuz,  his  liver  is 
bad.  But  I  think  sometimes  that  Josiah  and  I  may  look 
on  and  behold  this  glorious  sight  from  some  cloudy  ter 
race  of  the  Better  Country;  I'd  love  to  if  we  could.  But 
'tennyrate  it  will  be  seen  by  them  that  live  long  enough. 

I  took  solid  comfort  and  lots  and  lots  of  it  wandering 
round  seeing  these  immense  Travelers  of  the  Sky  and 
askin' questions  and  lookin'  forward  towards  the  glories 
that  is  to  be. 


270         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Josiah  and  Blandina  didn't  enjoy  it  so  much  as  I  did, 
though  Josiah,  always  wantin'  to  embark  in  some  new 
enterprise,  thought  he  should  go  up  in  one  whilst  he  wuz 
there.  He  said  he  wanted  to  brag  on't  to  Deacon  Henzy 
and  Deacon  Huffer.  And  I  told  him  that  wuzn't  the  right 
sperit  to  show,  it  wuzn't  the  sperit  of  a  true  Discoverer 
tryin'  to  solve  the  problems  of  the  future  through  love 
for  God  and  humanity. 

And  he  said  he  guessed  he  knew  what  he  took  comfort 
in  and  what  he  didn't. 

Well,  we  rid  round  considerable  so's  to  give  Molly  a 
view  of  the  Cascades  and  big  buildings,  and  then  we  went 
on  to  the  Philippines.  This  is  the  largest  single  exhibit 
at  the  Fair  and  covers  forty-seven  acres  of  beautiful  wood 
land  and  water  spaces,  and  is  the  largest  colonial  display 
ever  made.  I  told  Josiah  as  we  walked  towards  it,  Molly 
and  Blandina  goin'  a  little  ahead,  "  What  wuz  the  use  of 
travelin'  so  fur  to  see  our  new  possessions!" 

1 1  Yes, '  sez  he ;  "  no  use  spendin '  so  much  money. ' ' 

This  wuz  to  me  one  of  the  most  interestin'  exhibits  at 
the  Fair.  And  I  thought  it  a  first  rate  idee  to  show  off 
to  the  world  the  almost  limitless  wealth  as  well  as  the 
hard  problems  that  face  Uncle  Sam  in  his  new  posses 
sions,  for  like  a  careful  pa  he  will  see  that  they  learn  how 
to  take  care  of  themselves  before  he  sets  'em  up  in  inde 
pendent  housekeepin'. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         271 

We  went  over  a  fine  bridge,  copied  from  one  of  their 
own  into  the  walled  city  of  Manila.  Here  in  one  room 
you  see  all  of  its  war  exhibits,  immense  cannons,  the  blow 
guns  of  the  Negritos ;  axes  the  Iggorote  head-hunters  used 
to  cut  off  the  heads  of  their  enemies.  The  Moro  cris,  the 
wooden  guns  and  bamboo  cannons  and  home-made  pow 
der  used  in  'em  by  the  insurgent  army  with  the  rough 
machinery  used  in  makin'  it. 

Wanderin'  on  you  see  the  nita  huts  of  the  Visayans, 
big  handsome  fellows  they  are  and  pretty  refined  wimmen, 
and  hear  their  weird  melodies  as  they  are  at  work  mak 
ing  their  beautiful  bamboo  furniture,  and  weaving  their 
handsome  blankets,  etc. 

You  see  on  the  hillside  the  huts  of  the  Negritos,  black 
little  creeters.  Then  you  see  the  Iggrotes,  a  real  village, 
some  of  the  housen  brought  from  their  own  land  and  the 
rest  built  here  by  them  from  their  own  materials.  It  is 
jest  as  though  you  stepped  over  to  the  mountains  of 
Luzon  and  see  'em  at  their  simple  housekeepin'. 

I  whispered  anxiously  to  Josiah  to  keep  clost  watch  of 
his  own  head,  for  though  they  promised  to  not  pursue 
their  favorite  pastime  till  they  got  back  home  agin,  yet 
I  didn't  know  what  might  happen,  though  I  felt  he  wuzn't 
in  so  much  danger,  his  bald  head  bein'  so  slippery  and 
nothin'  to  lay  holt  on,  still  I  kep'  a  clost  watch  on  that 
dear  head  all  the  while  we  wuz  there. 


272         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Josiah  didn't  sense  his  own  danger,  but  whispered, 
"  I'm  glad  enough  Bruno  is  to  home."  They  will  eat  dogs 
and  dance  their  war  dances,  but  I  spoze  I  couldn't  hender 
'em,  so  didn't  try  to  advise  'em.  Some  on  'em  didn't  have 
clothes  enough  on  to  be  decent  unless  you  call  the  tatooin' 
on  their  naked  bodies,  clothes.  I  see  Josiah  looked  at  'em 
with  interest,  and  he  wondered  if  common  ink  and  dia 
mond  dyes  could  be  used,  and  if  Ury  could  handle  'em. 

And  I  hurried  him  on  to  the  encampment  of  the  Moros. 
Here  we  see  the  men  and  wimmen  dressed  in  silk  and 
satin,  but  cut  after  patterns  I  would  never  let  Josiah  wear 
or  wear  myself.  Some  of  these  Moro  girls  are  quite  hand 
some  in  their  bright  striped  mantillys,  their  long  hair 
hanging  down  under  their  gay  turbans.  One  of  these  vil 
lages  is  on  land  and  one  built  on  bamboo  poles  over  the 
water.  Jest  open  sheds  covered  with  nipa  leaves.  Any 
one  with  rumatiz  couldn't  stand  it  in  'em. 

But  what  took  Josiah  most  of  all  wuz  the  tree  dwellers, 
their  houses  are  built  up  in  the  highest  trees  they  can 
find,  and  they  git  to  'em  by  ladders  they  pull  up  after 
'em;  as  he  looked  on  'em  I  see  in  Josiah 's  reminescent 
eye  dreams  of  summer  housen  in  our  ellums  and  maples, 
and  I  hurried  him  on.  Blandina  said  she  could  be  per 
fectly  happy  up  there  with  a  congenial  companion,  and 
I  knowed  she  wuz  thinkin'  of  Aspire  Todd ;  but  she  never 
could  git  him  up  there,  for  his  tongue  is  the  strongest  part 
on  him. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         273 

We  all  admired  the  Native  Scouts ;  they  live  in  a  little 
village  of  tents  in  a  beautiful  piece  of  woodland.  There 
are  four  companies,  Visayan,  Tagalog,  Maccabebe  and 
Ilicano.  Their  band  of  music,  and  the  band  of  eighty 
pieces  of  the  native  constabulary  are  called  the  finest  at 
the  Exposition.  When  they  march  they  all  seem  to  be 
one  body;  so  smooth  and  even  are  their  movements,  they 
are  called  the  most  perfectly  drilled  soldiers  in  the  country. 

Jest  think  on't,  if  they  show  off  so  now  what  will  they 
do  at  the  next  Exposition.  There  are  ten  large  buildings 
containing  their  enormous  display  of  art  and  science, 
education,  agriculture,  horticulture,  manufactures,  com 
merce,  etc.  Some  of  the  statutes  and  pictures  are  beauti 
ful  ;  you  couldn't  tell  some  of  'em  from  them  brought  from 
abroad.  But  folks  don't  seem  to  realize  that  some  of 
the  Filippinos  are  as  refined  and  cultured  as  if  they  come 
from  the  middle  of  Boston. 

Their  forestry  exhibit  is  the  finest  ever  brought  to  any 
Exposition  and  contains  everything  relating  to  the  fifty 
million  acres  of  Philippine  forests,  splendid  timber,  over 
fifteen  hundred  different  kinds  of  wood,  rattans,  gutta 
percha,  dye  stuffs,  trees  yielding  oil,  gums,  rosin,  etc. 
The  mineral  exhibit  shows  how  rich  these  islands  are  in 
gold,  copper,  coal  and  other  minerals.  In  agriculture  you 
see  the  great  display  of  fibres,  Manila  hemp  which 
brought  'em  over  twenty-two  millions  last  year,  ropes 


274         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

made  from  bamboo,  cocoa-nut,  rattan.  Sugar,  tobacco, 
coffee,  hats,  baskets  and  other  articles  made  from  palm 
leaves,  bamboo,  rattan  and  nito,  colored  by  their  own 
native  dyes.  In  the  flower  display  are  the  most  rare  and 
exquisite  orchids  growing  jest  as  common  there  as  weeds 
along  the  Jonesville  road.  One  interestin'  display  wuz  a 
map  built  out  doors  showin'  more  than  2,000  islands,  their 
shape  and  comparitive  size. 

But  most  of  all  I  wuz  interested  in  the  educational  ex 
hibit.  So  anxious  have  they  been  to  learn  night  schools 
have  had  to  be  established.  The  big  normal  school  build 
ing  in  Manila  is  handsome  enough  for  any  American  city, 
and  the  smaller  district  and  industrial  schools  are  doing 
jest  as  good  work.  Our  Government  sent  five  hundred 
and  forty  teachers  there  in  1901,  and  now  we  have  about 
seven  hundred  there.  I  took  comfort  in  seein'  the  great 
work  they  have  done,  as  well  as  the  church  and  private 
schools,  and  how  well  they're  learning  and  getting  along. 

Anyone  could  spend  five  weeks  at  least  jest  at  the 
Philippine  display,  and  find  abundance  to  interest  'em  all 
the  time  in  the  educational,  art,  manufacturing,  horticul 
tural,  agricultural  and  other  displays,  but  we  hadn't  no 
five  weeks  to  spend,  so  we  had  to  move  on,  but  I  felt 
proud  enough  to  see  what  my  revered  Uncle  Sam  had 
done  and  wuz  doing. 

Truly  he  took  a  big  job  on  his  hands  to  take  care  of 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         275 

such  an  immense  family,  and  differin'  so  widely  in  culti 
vation,  temperament  and  clothes,  to  lead  the  ignorant 
ones  into  civilization  and  keep  peace  in  the  family  and 
among  his  own  folks. 

He'll  have  as  hard  work  to  do  it  as  that  widower  I  hearn 
on  who  had  three  or  four  children  of  his  own,  and  mar 
ried  a  widow  who  also  had  a  number,  and  then  they  had 
several,  and  one  day  she  came  callin'  to  her  husband, 
"  Come  quick !  come  quick !  Your  children  and  my  chil 
dren  are  fightin'  with  our  children." 

But  Uncle  Sam  will  be  on  hand,  he'll  wade  right  in  with 
a  birch  gad  or  a  spellin'  book,  jest  which  he  thinks  they 
need  most  at  the  time,  and  settle  the  differences  all  right, 
and  I  believe  it  will  be  a  star  in  his  crown  in  time  to 
come:  turning  the  savages  and  cannibals  that  inhabit 
part  of  these  new  possessions  into  good  American  citizens. 

I  don't  spoze  I  shall  see  the  day  when  this  shall  fully 
come  to  pass,  and  mebby  the  babies  of  to-day  will  be 
great-grandpas  before  it  takes  place,  but  it  will  be,  I  be 
lieve,  and  so  duz  Josiah. 

Yes,  he's  doin'  a  good  job  by  his  step-children,  I  guess 
they  would  be  called  that  seein'  he  stepped  in  when  they 
wuz  poor  and  oppressed  and  took  'em  under  his  care. 

I  honor  him  for  it,  but  wish  he  would  do  as  well  by 
his  steal  children,  the  dark  complexioned  ones  stole  away 
from  their  own  land  to  be  slaves  and  drudges  for  his 
white  children. 


276         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

He'll  mebby  tell  me  they  wuz  ignorant  and  degraded 
and  wuz  better  off  here  than  in  their  own  land,  but  I'll 
say  back  to  him,  "  Samuel,  Josiah  and  I  would  probable 
be  in  a  better  house  and  more  high-toned  society  if  some 
king  or  other  should  steal  us  and  carry  us  away  from  our 
humble  farm  to  their  palace.  But  do  you  spoze  we  would 
enjoy  ourselves  as  well!  No  indeed!  " 

And  'tennyrate  they're  here,  the  problem  that  lays  so 
heavy  on  the  Southern  and  Northern  heart  and  conscience 
and  the  riddle  gits  harder  and  harder  to  solve.  The  lurid 
blaze  of  livin'  torches  makes  bloody  blindness  in  the  eyes 
of  them  that  look  on  and  light  them  fires.  The  disgrace 
ful  glare  flames  out,  shamin'  you  in  the  eyes  of  the  world, 
and  streams  up  to  the  pityin'  heavens  askin'  for  justice. 

Mebby  you'll  tell  me  you  don't  see  how  you  can  help 
it,  but  Samuel,  you  must  try,  for  though  there  are  here 
and  there  oasises  in  the  gloom  lighted  up  by  education 
and  inteligence  still  there  remains  the  great  multitude  of 
your  steel  children  that  you  ort  to  help,  you  ort  to  do  as 
well  by  them  settin'  in  long  rows  right  on  your  very  door 
step  as  you're  doin'  for  them  six  thousand  milds  off. 
Sinners  must  be  punished  by  law,  else  what  is  law  made 
for?  Order  must  be  kep',  the  helpless  protected,  but 
you  know,  Samuel,  that  if  some  of  the  disgraceful  seens 
that  are  bein'  enacted  here  right  under  your  dear  old 
nose  took  place  amongst  your  adopted  Philippine  chil- 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         277 

dren  or  even  amongst  your  protejays  in  Turkey  or  China 
you  would  send  out  a  warship  to  once.  I  am  sorry  for 
you,  Samuel,  and  think  the  world  on  you,  but  faithful  are 
the  woonds  of  a  friend;  you  must  hear  the  truth  once  in 
awhile  or  who  knows  what  would  become  on  you,  you 
might  puff  up  with  proud  flesh  and  have  to  have  an 
operation,  and  I  guess  you  will  anyway  before  you  git 
through  with  this  problem. 

I  presoom  you  want  me  to  advise  you  what  to  do,  only 
bein'  a  man  you  hain't  really  wanted  to  come  out  and  ask 
me.  Josiah  acts  jest  like  that  lots  of  times. 

So  I'll  say  to  you,  I  honor  you,  Samuel,  for  what  you're 
doin'  for  these  foreign  children,  but  I  want  you  to  do  jest 
as  much  to  home.  I  want  you  to  send  teachers  and  found 
schools  at  your  own  expense ;  you're  four  handed  and  able 
to  do  it.  And  Id'no  but  you  had  better  buy  land  in  their 
own  home  you  stole  them  from,  buy  a  small  farm  for 
each  one  that  wants  to  go.  Travelers  say  that  in  the 
Valley  of  the  Nile,  a  country  with  similar  climate  and 
soil  to  the  south  land  where  they  wuz  born,  is  an  unoccu 
pied  place  big  enough  for  each  one  to  have  a  small  farm 
of  their  own.  I  want  you,  Samuel,  to  buy  this  land  for 
'em,  take  'em  back  there  at  your  own  expense,  all  that 
want  to  go.  There  are  plenty  of  the  young  and  enter 
prising  who  would  go  full  of  the  hope  of  foundin'  a 
new  republic  for  their  own  race,  where  they  can  expand 


278         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

and  grow  strong  away  from  parlyzing  influence  of  racial 
and  social  hatred. 

There  would  Be  lots  of  'em  who  wouldn't  want  to  go, 
and  why  can't  you,  Samuel,  I'd  say,  buy  them  a  little 
home  here,  for  instance,  on  the  vast  unoccupied  area  of 
Florida?  Let  'em  have  the  hull  state  if  necessary;  let 
each  family  have  their  little  piece  of  land,  and  then  make 
'em  work  it ;  send  teachers,  found  schools,  teach  'em  to  be 
self  sustaining  and  self  respecting. 

Samuel  would  probable  sass  me  back  and  say,  You 
can't  teach  a  nigger  to  respect  himself  and  stand  upright. 

And  I'd  say,  "  'Tain't  so,  Sam,  but  if  it  wuz,  centuries 
have  been  spent  by  the  white  race  in  teachin '  this  people 
to  be  dependent  and  helpless,  to  not  think  for  themselves, 
to  lean  entirely  on  the  judgment  and  justice  of  the  white 
people  (weak  reeds  to  lean  on  anon  or  oftener). 

And  then  I'd  say,  "  Samuel,  you  did  a  foolish  thing 
after  the  Civil  war,  you  did  it  with  the  best  of  motives, 
and  you  needn't  be  skairt,  I  hain't  goin'  to  scold  you  for 
it,  but  it  wiiz  jest  like  turnin'  a  company  of  babies  out 
into  the  world  and  tellin'  'em  they  wuz  jest  as  tall  and 
inteligent  as  their  pas  and  mas  and  they  must  go  on  and 
take  care  of  themselves,  and  with  their  utter  lack  of  all 
knowledge  and  strength  take  an  equal  part  in  public  af 
fairs.  How  could  these  babies  do  it,  Samuel,  I  would  say. 
But  you  wuz  gropin'  along  most  blind  in  them  dark  days, 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         279 

and  you  did  the  best  you  knowed  how  to  then.  But  when 
you  see  you've  made  a  mis-step  you  must  draw  your  foot 
back  and  start  off  agin  jest  like  a  elephant  crossin'  a  weak 
bridge,  Fve  seen  'em  go  down  into  the  water  and  wade 
ruther  than  resk  it.  You  may  have  to  wade  through  deep 
waters  to  fix  it  all  right,  but  that  would  be  better  than  to 
fall  through  a  weak  bridge  and  break  your  neck. 

It  is  because  I  think  so  much  on  you,  Samuel,  that  I 
talk  so  plain  to  you,  for  I  don't  want  you  to  git  the  name 
Miss  Eben  Simmons  got.  She  jest  spent  her  hull  mind 
and  income  on  foreign  missions  and  let  her  own  children 
go  so  dirty  and  ragged  they  wuz  a  disgrace  to  Jonesville. 
I  want  you  and  Miss  Simmons  to  not  scrimp  in  your 
foreign  charities  but  begin  to  home  and  make  your  own 
dependent  ones  comfortable. 

I  presume  I  could  convince  him  if  I  had  time  enough, 
but  we  are  busy  creeters,  Samuel  and  I,  both  on  us,  and 
Id'no  as  he'd  have  time  to  argy  back  and  forth  with  me, 
but  it  would  be  well  for  him  if  he  did,  men  must  have 
wimmen  advise  'em  if  they  ever  expect  to  amount  to 
anything. 

But  to  resoom  forwards.  These  thoughts  wuz  runnin' 
through  my  head  as  we  wended  our  way  around,  it  did 
my  soul  good,  as  I  said,  to  see  the  progress  these  Filipinos 
are  makin',  and  to  meditate  on  the  fact  how  enterprisin' 
Uncle  Samuel  is  when  he  sets  out.  Why  jest  think  on't, 


280         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

he's  taught  them  Filipinos  more  English  in  four  years 
than  the  Spaniards  taught  'em  their  language  in  the  four 
hundred  years  they  took  care  on  'em. 

I  wuz  so  proud  and  happy  as  I  thought  on't  that  I 
stepped  considerable  high  as  I  walked  along,  and  I  hearn 
a  profane  bystander  say  (wicked  creeter  to  think  on't), 

"  That  woman  has  took  too  much  stimulant.'^ 

And  Josiah  sez,  "  What  ails  you,  Samantha?  You  walk 
as  if  you  wuz  follerin'  a  band  of  music." 

And  I  wuz,  it  wuz  the  music  of  the  Future  that  sounds 
out  in  my  ears  anon  or  oftener,  sweet  inspirin'  strains 
that  even  Josiah  can't  hear  if  his  head  lays  on  the  same 
piller. 

It  sings  of  an  ignorant,  oppressed  race  changed  into  an 
enlightened  prosperous  one,  this  great  work  done  by  our 
own  country,  this  song  comes  floatin'  into  my  ears  over 
the  wide  Pacific.  And  another  louder  strain  comes  from 
nigher  by  made  tender  and  pathetic  by  years  of  oppres 
sion  and  suppressed  suffering  that  could  find  expression 
in  no  other  way  than  this  heart  searching  pathos.  And 
blending  with  it,  ringing  over  and  above  it,  triumphant 
happy  echoes  telling  of  real  freedom  of  mind  and  con 
science,  the  true  liberty. 


CHAPTEB   XV. 

ELL,  Blandina  wanted  to  go  to  the  Anthropo 
logical  Buildin'.  She  said  Professor  Todd 
had  recommended  it.  I  should  knowed  he 
would  choose  that  spot  in  preference  to 
any  other.  I  hadn't  a  idee  what  it  meant,  but  didn't 
feel  obleeged  to  tell  her  so,  but  spozed  it  wuz  sun  thin ' 
hard  to  tackle,  judgin'  from  the  name,  but  told  her 
I  wuz  willin'  to  go  to  see  it  or  her  or  him,  not  knowin' 
which  it  would  turn  out  to  be.  But  come  to  find  out  it 
wuz  everything  relatin'  to  the  history  of  man,  and  spozed 
that  wuz  one  reason  why  Blandina  wuz  interested  in  it. 

It  wuz  a  monstrous  big  buildin',  and  in  it  and  outside 
on't  wuz  exhibits  from  all  the  different  countries  of  the 
world,  showin'  the  difference  in  the  races  of  mankind, 
their  difference  through  all  the  ages,  anatomy,  industries, 
customs,  education,  different  religious  rites,  games,  books 
and  pictures,  maps  illustrating  mankind  and  his  works, 
etc.,  and  I  could  fill  a  dozen  pages  with  etcs.,  and  not  half 
exhaust  the  contents  of  the  immense  buildin'. 

Blandina  wuz  in  her  glory  here,  she  wuz  studyin'  in 
full  magesty  the  history  of  her  idol,  man.  But  as  I  told 
her,  I  spozed  the  term,  man,  included  woman  also.  But 


282         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

she  looked  dubersome,  she  didn't  like  the  idee  I  could 
see,  and  Josiah  didn't.  But  I  knowed  I  wuz  right,  and 
I  guess  Molly  thought  so  too. 

This  is  the  most  complete  gathering  of  the  world's 
people  and  races  that  has  ever  been  got  together,  and 
includes  different  types,  from  the  smallest  pigmies  from 
Central  Africa  to  the  Patagonian  giants.  Josiah  wuz 
delighted  to  learn  of  the  strength  of  these  pigmies,  how 
they  kill  elephants  and  rhinocerhorses,  and  sez  he,  "I  tell 
you,  Samantha,  it  hain't  size  that  counts,  it  is  most  al 
ways  the  smallest  men  that  are  the  smartest,  looked  at 
Napoleon  and  me." 

But  I  whispered  to  him  to  keep  still,  for  he  wuz  at- 
tractin'  attention,  and  I  led  the  way  to  see  the  giants. 
But  he  looked  coldly  on  'em,  and  sez  he: 

"They  hain't  thought  much  on,  it  speaks  about  their 
mean  statter  in  the  guide  books." 

But  I  thought  to  myself  how  handy  it  would  be  to 
have  one  on  'em  in  the  neighborhood  to  rent  out  by  the 
day  to  whitewash  overhead  or  shingle  the  barn;  they 
wouldn't  even  have  to  git  up  in  a  chair,  and  Id'no  but 
they  could  lay  a  chimbly  standin'  on  the  ground;  they 
wuz  immense. 

And  there  wuz  displays  of  the  works  and  habits  and 
native  surroundin's  of  the  lowest  types  from  the  begin- 
nin'  of  the  stun  age  up  to  the  present  finished  glory  of 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         283 

Jonesville  and  the  world  at  large.  And  I  wondered  what, 
what  would  be  the  glory  showed  off  a  hundred  years 
from  now,  what  hites  would  men  stand  on,  sailin'  round 
through  the  air  and  comin'  from  other  planets  to  the  show 
like  as  not  jest  as  easy  as  we  come  from  Jonesville.  And 
where  will  Josiah  and  I  be  then!  That  wuz  another 
thought  that  hanted  me,  and  what  would  we  be  lookin' 
on?  'Tennyrate  I  hope  we  will  be  together  wherever  it  is. 

But  to  resoom.  There  wuz  the  skin  housen  of  the  In 
dians  from  Mexico  and  the  display  of  the  Ainu  tribes 
from  Japan;  red  negroes  from  Central  Africa,  and  all 
the  Indian  tribes  left  in  North  America,  so  fast  meltin' 
away  like  the  leaves  of  the  forest  before  the  march  of 
winter.  Basket  makers  from  California  and  Arizonia, 
bead  workers,  arrow  workers,  all  carryin'  on  their  work 
before  us  and  goin'  through  their  ceremonies  and  playin' 
their  games. 

And  there  wuz  the  tradin'  post,  with  the  agent  cheatin' 
the  Injuns  jest  as  nateral  as  life,  so  I  spoze.  Mexico  had 
a  wonderful  collection,  native  books  on  Maguey  paper, 
amulets  of  gold,  sculpture,  carved  idols,  remarkable  look- 
in',  though  I  wouldn't  worship  one  on  'em  not  for  a  dollar 
bill. 

Egypt,  where  Civilization  first  started,  had  to  crumple 
down  and  send  her  best  treasures  to  the  fur  away  West. 
Oh,  how  fur,  how  fur  Civilization  has  traveled  since  she 


284         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

left  the  Lotus  land.  And  she  hadn't  better  set  down  yet 
and  fold  her  hands.  She's  got  a  good  many  jobs  before 
her  that  I  could  pint  out  to  her  right  here  in  America. 

And  there  wuz  a  hull  Egyptian  tomb,  mummies,  ancient 
pottery,  necklaces  and  beads  took  out  of  old  Egyptian 
tombs.  Oh,  where  wuz  the  throbbin'  hearts  that  beat  agin 
them  with  boundin'  life  and  joy!  So  much  stronger  and 
greater  than  the  fragile  things,  yet  gone  to  dust  and  ashes 
centuries  ago,  while  these  senseless  toys  outlive  'em  and 
are  brought  thousands  of  milds  to  be  looked  on  by  a  strange 
race.  And  there  wuz  scarabes,  symbols,  strange  lookin' 
things  as  I  ever  see  and  piles  on  'em. 

And  there  wuz  a  display  showing  how  they  first  started 
fire,  which  they  worshipped  when  first  discovered  as  the 
Red  Flower  God,  and  everything  up  to  its  present  develop 
ment.  And  so  with  the  earliest  attempts  at  makin'  weap 
ons,  blades  of  bamboo  and  wood,  hammered  copper  up  to 
the  deadly  life  destroyers  of  to-day. 

And  in  one  room  wuz  the  priceless  treasures  of  the  Vati 
can,  and  a  exquisite  collection  of  the  Jubilee  presents  of 
the  Widder  Albert  carved  ivory  gems,  beautifully  set 
jewels,  fans,  feathers,  leather  work  and  wrought  gold, 
carved  ebony,  sandal-wood,  embroidered  silk  and  velvet 
caskets,  silver  prayer  wheel  (though  she  never  used  it  I'll 
warrant,  no  quicker  than  I  would)  gold  boxes  from  Africa, 
Burmah  and  all  her  provinces ;  gold  and  velvet  harnesses 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        285 

and  saddle  cloths,  chains  and  plumes;  a  chair  of  state  of 
carved  ivory ;  kneeling  cushion  in  rich  embroidered  velvet ; 
elephants'  tusks  mounted  on  ebony  and  on  rosewood ;  there 
are  thirty  cases  in  all,  and  as  I  looked  on  'em,  lent  to  this 
Exposition  by  his  Gracious  Majesty,  King  Edward  VII, 
jest  as  willin'  as  I'd  lend  sister  Bobbett  a  drawin'  of  tea, 
my  feelin's  pretty  nigh  overpowered  me  and  I  almost  bust 
into  tears,  but  knowin'  Josiah's  state  of  nerves  I  kep'  up 
and  restrained  myself  in  a  measure. 

But  I  noticed  Blandina  wuz  beginin'  to  act  restless  and 
looked  at  her  watch,  and  finally  she  said  that  Professor 
Todd  had  promised  to  meet  her  at  the  Anthropometric 
Display. 

Sez  I,  "  I  should  know  that  of  all  the  places  in  the  world 
that  would  be  his  chosen  rondevoo." 

"  Yes,"  sez  she,  "  he  has  got  such  exquisite  taste — in 
dress." 

I  don't  believe  she  had  a  idee  what  it  wuz,  I  believe  she 
thought  from  what  she  said  that  it  wuz  some  kind  of  men's 
clothes,  or  scarf  pins  mebby.  I  myself  didn't  even  hazard 
a  inward  guess,  but  made  up  my  mind  to  be  resigned  to  the 
sight  whatever  it  wuz  and  bear  up  under  it  the  best  I  could. 

But  we  found  out  it  included  all  kinds  of  measures,  atti 
tudes  and  angles,  photographs,  moulds,  casts  and  rates  of 
pulsation,  measurements  of  respiration,  tryin'  to  measure 
and  estimate  as  well  as  they  can  the  different  physical 


286         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

values  of  the  different  races  and  people,  it  wuz  a  sight  to 
see  it. 

Sure  enough  Professor  Todd  wuz  there,  and  I  willin'ly 
resigned  her  into  his  care.  He  offerin'  to  see  her  home 
after  the  illumination.  I  knowed  he  wuz  to  be  trusted,  and 
they  went  off,  Blandina  lookin'  up  happy  and  adorin',  he 
happy,  patronizin'  and  lookin'  down.  Both  on  'em  con 
tented  creeters.  He  leadin'  her  a  willin'  victim  to  where 
the  biggest  named  articles  wuz  and  explainin'  'em  to 
her  in  words  more'n  two  inches  long,  I'll  bet,  but  if 
anybody  is  happy  that's  enough.  And  though  it  is 
puttin'  the  wagon  considerable  ways  before  the  horse, 
I  may  as  well  tell  a  conversation  I  overheard  between 
Professor  Todd  and  Blandina  later  in  the  day.  Molly 
and  Josiah  wuz  interested  in  lookin'  at  a  display  a  little 
ways  off,  and  I'd  sot  down  for  a  spell  restin'  my  tired 
head  on  my  hand,  and  closed  my  eyes,  for  they  too  wuz  so 
weary  I  felt  I  should  almost  be  ashamed  to  face  them  two 
gray  orbs  in  the  lookin'-glass,  for  I  knowed  I  had  worked 
'em  too  hard,  and  no  knowin'  when  they  would  git  any  rest, 
for  it  seemed  as  though  the  more  we  see  the  more  there 
wuz  to  see. 

And  I  sot  there  lost  in  wistful  retrospection  of  the  view 
from  our  back  door  where  there  wuz  but  one  object  in  front 
of  me,  and  that  wuz  a  plain  barn  with  no  cupolas  or 
minarets,  or  towers  or  domes  on  it.  No,  jest  a  plain  barn 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         287 

with  a  slidin'  door  enriched  and  bejeweled  when  open  only 
by  the  form  of  my  beloved  pardner.  And  the  only  vista 
visible  the  grassy  path  that  led  round  the  hen  house  to  the 
ash-barrel,  and  the  only  ornamental  water,  the  waterin' 
trough  embellished  only  by  the  green  moss  on  its  sides. 

I  felt  I'd  seen  too  many  ornaments,  I  most  knowed  I 
should  never  hanker  agin  for  a  minaret  or  a  mosque,  or  a 
steeple  or  a  crescent,  or  a  wavin'  banner,  or  gildin',  I  felt 
that  my  heart  would  never  more  long  and  pine  for  water  to 
squirt  up  in  the  air  or  drizzle  down  three  or  four  hundred 
feet,  nor  for  statutes  or  peaks  or  pillers.  No,  I  almost  felt 
I  should  have  Dave  Yerden  saw  off  the  top  of  the  what 
not  because  it  riz  up  in  a  sort  of  ornamental  fashion,  and 
I  almost  despised  the  thought  of  the  M.  E.  steeple  in  Jones- 
ville,  to  such  wicked  and  reckless  lengths  will  over-weari 
ness  lead  one.  But  jest  as  I  wuz  rebukin'  myself  to  my 
self,  I  hearn  jest  on  the  other  side  on  me  the  voices  of 
Blandina  and  Professor  Aspire  Todd.  He  wuz  evidently 
continuing  a  conversation  begun  sometime  before. 

"  Oh,  that  lost  companion  of  mine !  oh,  that  beauchious 
female  so  humilitous  in  her  sweet  humility,  so  super-con 
scious  of  man's  superior  attainments,  she  seemingly  only 
existed  to  minister  to  my  corporial  necessities." 

"  Well  she  might,  Professor,  well  she  might,"  sez  Blan 
dina.  "  Any  woman  of  right  feelin'  would  feel  only  too 
blest  and  honored  to  do  the  same." 


288         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

"  I  experienced  from  the  first  moment  my  eyes  rested 
on  you,"  sez  the  Professor  in  solemn  axents,  "  a  sensa 
tion,  or  a  feeling,  as  you  may  say,  that  you  wuz  my  af 
finity,  that  your  soul  wuz  congenial,  and  every  transitory 
period  of  time  that  has  progressively  advanced  since 
then  has  but  intensified  the  impression." 

Though  I  couldn't  see  her,  I  could  feel  Blaridina  simper. 
But  at  that  minute  Josiah  interrupted  the  dialogue  by 
askin'  where  Samantha  wuz,  and  I  come  forward  and  jined 
'em.  Blandina  looked  radiantly  happy,  and  I  motioned 
to  Molly  and  Josiah  to  come  on,  I  knowed  they  would 
rather  have  our  room  than  our  company.  For  I  remem 
bered  I  wuz  onmarried  myself  once,  and  though  my  sperit 
wuz  never  incarnated  in  the  personality  of  a  Blandina,  yet 
I  had  a  vivid  remembrance  of  the  time  when  Love  first 
laid  holt  on  me,  and  I  well  remembered  the  feelin's  I  felt 
at  the  ardent  attentions  of  a  Josiah. 

Professor  Todd  might  not  be  an  object  of  admiration 
to  me,  indeed  he  wuz  not,  fur  from  it !  But  one  of  the  last 
things  we  learn  in  life  is  not  to  judge  other  folks  attach 
ments  and  desires  by  our  own  liking,  and  not  to  condemn 
other  people  for  having  fur  different  ideals  than  our 
own.  I  had  found  out  that  Professor  Todd  wuz  likely 
and  respectable  and  well  off,  and  if  Blandina  had  got  to 
git  along  through  life  without  knowin'  much,  she  had  bet 
ter  git  along  with  a  protector  and  under  comfortable  cir- 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         289 

cumstances.  So  I  stood  ready  to  give  away  the  bride  at 
any  time,  for  to  tell  the  truth  I  had  worried  about  her 
future,  not  knowin'  but  I  had  her  on  my  hands  for  life. 
But  true  to  my  principles  I  felt  that  I  would  make  no 
matches  nor  break  none,  but  would  only  smooth  the  path 
for  True  Love  to  trundle  along  in. 

Josiah  wuz  blind  as  a  bat  to  what  I  see,  and  wanted  to 
know,  "  What  Blandina  wuz  pokin'  round  with  that  fool 
for?" 

Truly  men  can't  see  through  a  stun  wall  or  a  matri 
monial  movement  with  anything  like  the  clearness  of  a 
woman.  As  I  wended  my  way  onwards  I  felt  jest  as  sure 
in  my  mind  how  it  would  end  as  I  did  two  months  after 
wards  when  I  see  'em  at  the  altar. 

But  to  resoom  backwards.  Josiah,  Molly  and  I  wended 
our  way  off  to  another  department  of  the  immense  buildin', 
goin'  from  one  display  to  another,  and  could  have  stayed 
a  week  and  seen  sunthin'  new  every  minute. 

I  took  sights  of  comfort  at  the  Indian  schools.  Seein' 
on  one  side  the  old  poor  oncivilized  way  of  living,  habits 
and  customs ;  and  then  to  see  what  education  and  culture 
had  done  and  wuz  doing  for  'em,  what  swift  strides  they 
wuz  makin'  along  the  road  that  leads  upwards.  And  to 
see  'em  workin'  away  right  before  us  at  all  the  industrial 
trades,  to  see  inteligence  in  the  eyes  that  had  held  savagery, 
to  hear  the  inteligent  conversation  in  place  cf  gutteral 
axents,  I  wuz  highly  tickled. 


290         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

And  I  sez  to  Josiah  and  Molly,  "  I  hope  Uncle  Sam 
will  do  well  by  all  the  folks  he's  gardeen  over,  the  Indians, 
Negroes,  Philippines  and  all,  I  believe  he  means  well  by 
the  hull  on  'em,  but  he  has  so  much  on  his  hands  he  don't 
know  which  way  to  turn,  and  I  spoze  it  will  be  some  time 
before  he  gits  'round  to  do  what  he  wants  to  for  all  on 
'em,  and,"  sez  I,  "  they  had  better  in  the  mean  time  try 
to  git  along  and  do  all  they  can  for  themselves,  it  will  be 
best  for  'em  anyway." 

I  wuz  walkin'  along  with  my  Josiah  in  a  quiet  part 
of  the  grounds,  if  any  of  'em  can  be  called  so,  'tennyrate 
there  wuzn't  many  round  when  I  hearn  some  workmen 
passin'  along  say,  "  There  is  the  President." 

And  lookin'  round  eagerly  and  anxiously  I  see  a  good- 
lookin'  man  with  eye  glasses  settin'  on  a  bench  readin' 
a  paper.  And  I  knowed  to  once  that  it  wuz  our  Teddy, 
so  dear  to  the  heart  of  them  that  set  store  by  manliness, 
fearlessness,  bravery,  bright  badges  from  Heaven's  mint 
shinin'  on  the  breast  of  a  man  faithful  to  wife,  children 
and  country.  He  didn't  look  exactly  like  his  pictures, 
but  I  knowed  pictures  didn't  always  favor  their  orig 
inals,  specially  in  newspapers.  I  wuz  highly  tickled  to 
see  him,  for  I  had  some  errents  for  him,  and  wanted  to 
advise  him  for  his  good,  and  I  advanced  with  outstretched 
hand  and  sez  ' '  Mr.  President,  I  am  delighted  to  see  you !  ' 

He  shook  hands  and  said  polite, '  *  You  have  the  advan 
tage  of  me,  mom." 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         291 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "  folks  see  your  face  in  the  papers."  I 
mentioned  my  name  and  then  went  right  on  to  say,  "  I 
wanted  to  tell  you  the  first  thing,  I  hadn't  nothin'  to 
do  with  that  slightin'  piece  about  you  you  probable  read 
in  the  Jonesville  Auger.  The  Nation  knew  I  had  writ 
for  it,  and  for  the  Gimlet,  and  I  wuz  awful  afraid  you'd 
think  it  wuz  me,  and  be  mad  at  me,  but  I'm  as  innocent 
as  a  infant  babe.  Keturah  Snyder  writ  it,  and  she's  been 
through  with  trials  enough  to  make  her  bitter  but  bein' 
so  mad  she  sez  things  she  can't  prove.  Now  she  thinks 
you  could  kep'  her  from  bein'  turned  out  of  the  Jones 
ville  post-office  and  you  could  keep  the  price  of  meat 
down.  No  use  arguin'  with  her,  she  sez  you  had  it  in 
your  power  to  squelch  some  of  the  Trusts,  and  didn't  do 
no  thin'  but  talk. 

' '  And  that  Post-Office  scandal,  she  said  she  spozed  you 
wuz  goin'  to  make  public  samples  of  them  stealers,  but 
it  all  squizzled  out,  nothin'  done  about  it,  only  jest  talk. 
And  you  remember  she  said  in  her  piece,  '  she  wuz  turned 
out  of  the  post-office  for  borryin'  five  cents  from  the  Gov 
ernment,  and  bein'  backward  with  another  five,  ten  cents 
in  all,  and  them  post-office  clerks  in  Washington  stealin' 
hundreds  of  thousands  and  nothin'  done.'  "  Here  Theo 
dore  tried  to  say  sunthin',  and  knowin'  he  wuz  such  a 
fluent  talker  I  wuz  bound  to  git  my  explanation  in  before 
he  begun,  for  I  wouldn't  interrupted  him  for  the  world 
after  he  got  to  goin'. 


292        Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Sez  I,  "  I  wanted  you  to  know  jest  what  reason  she 
had  for  bein'  so  mad  and  writin'  it,  for  I  knowed  you 
wouldn't  feel  so  mortified  about  it.  The  way  on't  wuz, 
she  wuz  in  the  Office,  and  hadn't  baked  that  week  owin' 
to  the  cat  tippin'  over  her  yeast,  she's  so  petickular  she 
won't  use  boughten,  and  a  hull  load  of  company  driv  up 
onexpected  at  leven  forty-five.  The  baker  come  and  not 
havin'  a  cent  of  change  by  her,  and  he  refusin'  to  trust 
her  jest  out  of  meanness,  she  knowin'  she  wuz  to  have 
some  money  paid  her  in  the  mornin',  jest  borrowed  five 
cents  from  Uncle  Sam.  I  don't  say  it  wuz  right,  she'd 
better  made  biscuit,  but  I  say  she  wuz  punished  pretty 
hash  for  that  and  two  other  small  things,  for  bein'  half 
distracted  by  her  cares,  she  forgot  to  cancel  three  letters, 
the  first  mistake  she'd  made  in  the  three  years  she'd  been 
in  office.  One  wuz  a  drop  letter,  so  Uncle  Sam  wuz  only 
out  five  cents.  Well,  you  know  Theodore,  that  when 
trials  come,  they  come  as  Shakespeare  said,  '  Not  as 
single  spiders  but  hull  battles  on  'em,'  or  words  to  that 
effect. 

"  Eight  on  top  of  that  Baker  come  the  Inspector.  He 
discovered  the  deficit  of  ten  cents,  and  also  that  other 
incident,  where  I  got  mixed  up  in  the  Jonesville  P.  0. 
Scandal.  Keturah  had  to  have  help  in  the  office  once  in 
awhile,  and  two  men  wanted  to  work  for  her,  Nate  Yer- 
den  and  Sam  Pendergrast.  She  didn't  like  Nate,  and  she 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         293 

did  like  Sam,  and  I  don't  spoze  it  made  much  difference 
in  her  f  eelin  's,  but  Sam  kep '  sheep  and  did  gin  her  yarn 
for  a  pair  of  stockings,  and  jest  out  of  pure  kindness  I 
colored  it  for  her  in  my  indigo  dye  tub. 

"  I  never  thought  of  committin'  any  sin,  let  alone  one 
with  such  a  big  name,  Misprision  of  Treason  and  Malad 
ministration  of  Justice,  I  believe  he  called  it.  Why,  for 
a  spell  I  thought  I  should  have  to  be  shot  up,  Josiah  wuz 
skairt  to  death,  and  told  him  he  never  hearn  of  such 
crimes,  and  sez  he,  i  I'll  bet  you  can't  find  'em  in  the 
Velosipeder. ' 

"  He  meant  the  Encyclepeder,  but  poor  man  he  wuz 
most  crazy.  I  emptied  out  my  blue  dye  and  don't  know 
as  I  shall  ever  set  up  another.  And  Keturah  raveled  out 
her  stockin's  and  gin  back  the  yarn,  I  got  off  with  the 
a wf ulest  talkin '  to  I  ever  had,  and  warnin  's  never,  never 
to  trifle  in  such  a  heedless  and  wicked  way  with  Public 
Matters  and  the  sacred  rights  of  the  people.  But  Ketu 
rah,  poor  thing!  wuz  jest  turned  right  out  of  office  root 
and  branch.  She  knowed  what  high  influence  duz  in 
politics,  and  she  got  Thomas  Jefferson  to  argy  with  the 
Inspector  and  tell  him  jest  how  it  wuz.  But  he  said  the 
dignity  of  a  great  Nation  wuz  at  stake  and  out  she 
must  go. 

"  Keturah  wep'  and  cried,  and  reminded  him  the  yarn 
wuz  gin  back  and  how  small  the  sum  wuz.  And  he  said, 


294         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

'  A  straw  showed  which  way  the  wind  blowed,  and  the 
Nation  must  trust  its  public  servants  implicitly,  or  where 
would  be  the  safety  of  the  people.' 

"  Then  Keturah  sassed  him  and  said  if  a  straw  showed 
the  direction  of  the  wind  in  Jonesville,  how  wuz  it  with 
the  dead  loads  and  stacks  of  straw  in  Washington,  sez 
she,  they're  so  heavy  with  rottenness  and  corruption 
they  can't  blow.  You'll  remember  that  powerful  figger 
of  speech  in  the  article.  I  told  her  it  would  make  you 
mad  as  a  hen  and  I  spoze  it  did.  And  I  felt  it  my  duty 
to  molify  you  and  tell  you  that  a  honester  creeter  never 
lived  than  Keturah,  and  it  wuz  only  these  extronnery 
circumstances  that  made  her  borry  the  ten  cents.  And 
workin'  out  by  the  day  and  eatin'  codfish  as  she  duz, 
makes  her  more  morbid,  kinder  salts  her  blood  I  believe, 
and  she  lays  it  to  you  onjustly,  for  meat  bein'  so  high 
that  she  can't  buy  any. 

"  Ive  told  her  time  and  agin  it  wuzn't  your  fault.  But 
she  sez  you  might  hold  in  the  Trusts  some  if  you  wuz  a 
minter. 

"  She  sez  you  had  'em  in  your  power  once  and  could 
made  a  sample  on  'em  but  didn't,  and  so,  sez  she,  I've 
got  to  live  on  codfish,  and  the  flour  trust  is  bringin'  up 
flour  so  Id 'no  but  I'll  have  to  eat  saw-dust  bread.  You 
remember  them  powerful  metafors  in  the  Auger.  I  wanted 
to  explain  all  this  and  I  also  had  some  errents  of  my 
own." 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        295 

He  made  another  effort  to  speak,  but  knowin'  his  re 
markable  eloquence,  and  that  I  wouldn't  try  to  git  a 
word  in  after  he  begun,  I  should  enjoy  his  talk  so,  I 
kep'  on: 

"  I  want  to  be  open  and  above  board,  Theodore,  jest 
as  you  are  nachelly.  And  that  other  piece  you  remem 
ber  that  come  out  about  the  same  time  in  the  Jonesville 
Gimlet  I'll  tell  you  plain  that  I  approved  on  it,  though  I 
didn't  write  it.  You  remember  it  begun  with  this  quo 
tation: 

'  They  enslave  their  children's  children 
Who  make  compromise  with  sin.' 

"  And  it  went  on  to  talk  about  our  great  dignified 
Nation  bein'  a  pardner  in  Saloons,  ruinin'  men,  breakin' 
wimmen's  hearts,  starvin'  children,  committin'  theft, 
murder,  adultery,  arson,  help  in '  on  fights,  death  and  ruin, 
jest  goin'  in  snux,  as  you  may  say  with  all  this  for  the 
money  got  out  of  it;  it  said  that  though  there  wuz  many 
great  evils  to  face  and  overthrow,  there  wuz  none  that 
brutalized  the  race  and  agonized  the  hearts  of  the  people 
like  this,  and  though  all  sin  left  its  mark,  no  other  sin 
changed  a  man  so  into  the  loathsome  body  and  soul 
wrecks,  that  drunkenness  did,  and  all  for  a  little  money. 

"  It  wuz  a  powerful  piece,  and  as  full  of  facts  as  a 
brick  is  of  sand.  It  told  jest  how  much  money  Uncle 


296         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Sam  got  out  of  every  drunkard  he  made.  My  memory 
hain't  what  it  wuz,  Theodore,  and  I  can't  tell  exactly 
jest  how  much  money  it  would  be  in  Uncle  Sam's  pocket 
to  make  your  four  bright  good  boys  drunkards,  and  finish 
up  the  job  and  land  'em  in  the  drunkard's  grave,  via 
the  saloon  and  gutter.  But  if  you  stood  by  and  see  it 
goin'  on  before  your  face  as  so  many  thousands  of  proud 
and  lovin'  fathers  have  to,  you  would  think  a  million 
dollars  of  such  blood  money  wuz  too  cheap,  yes  indeed! 
"  That  tells  the  hull  story,  Theodore,  I  could  throw 
statistics  at  you  till  you  wuz  black  and  blue,  about  our 
country  spendin'  for  what  is  useless  and  ruinous  to  soul, 
body  and  estate,  one  billion  four  hundred  millions  a 
year,  and  about  the  hundred  thousand  drunkards  that 
stumble  along  into  the  staggerin'  slobberin'  ranks  every 
year,  and  drop  into  the  drunkard's  grave.  I  could  eppi- 
sode  eloquent  to  you  about  all  this  but  what's  the  use; 
you're  real  smart  and  you  know  all  about  it.  You've 
seen  on  every  side  on  you  the  beast  drivin'  out  the  angel 
in  man,  you've  seen  the  staggerin'  army  march  by  you 
to  ruin.  You've  seen  the  saloons  spring  up  by  the  thou 
sands  on  every  side,  for  the  purpose  of  makin'  drunkards, 
you've  seen  wives  murdered  by  them  that  promised  to 
protect  'em,  you've  seen  children  driv  to  starvation  and 
the  streets  by  it;  you've  seen  Poverty  drive  Prosperity 
out  everywhere  the  curse  fell.  And  you've  seen  nothin' 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         297 

good  come  from  it,  nothin'  at  all,  only  the  money  that 
Uncle  Sam  takes  with  one  hand,  and  pays  out  with  the 
other,  for  law's  machinery  to  punish  the  criminals  he 
makes,  and  prisons,  jails,  reformatories,  poor  houses,  or 
phan's  homes,  cheap  coffins,  etc. 

"  No  use  my  tellin'  you  all  this  for  you  know  it,  but 
you  love  your  boys,  and  I  want  you  to  promise  me  to  do 
by  other  boys  as  you'd  want  me  to  do  by  yourn  if  I  see 
the  Saloon  tryin'  its  best  to  entice  'em,  and  see  their 
bright  innocent  eyes  beginnin'  to  enjoy  the  deathly  glitter 
on't.  You'd  want  me  to  slam  that  door  to  and  keep  'em 
out.  Put  my  shoulder  blade  agin  it,  prop  it  up  with  all  the 
strength  I  could  git  holt  on  in  law  and  gospel,  so  they 
couldn't  git  in.  And  that's  what  I  want  you  to  do,  Theo 
dore,  I  want  you  to  help  keep  out  other  children  jest  as 
dear  to  their  fathers  and  mothers  as  your  children  are  to 
you.  And  you  know  that  you  and  their  mother  would 
ruther  see  'em  lay  dead  at  your  feet,  than  to  see  'em 
enter  that  door  with  the  doom  of  the  place  on  'em. 

"  It's  a  heavy  door,  Theodore,  loaded  down  with  greed 
and  lowest  passions,  you  can't  shet  it  alone,  nor  I  can't, 
but  I  would  feel  guilty  as  a  dog  if  I  didn't  try  my  very  best. 
Public  Opinion  backed  by  Law  is  what  has  got  to  slam 
that  door  to  and  lock  it.  But  you  and  I  can  help,  and  you 
can  do  more  than  I  can,  and  I  want  you  to  promise  me 
to  do  all  you  can." 


298         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Agin  I  see  he  wuz  strugglin'  for  speech,  and  I  hurried 
to  git  my  last  words  in,  ' '  I  believe  you  want  to  do  right, 
and  I  will  encourage  you  by  tellin'  you  that  Josiah  is 
go  in'  to  vote  for  you,  though  we  hain't  got  nothin'  agin 
Mr.  Parker.  He's  close-mouthed,  which  is  a  good  qual 
ity,  though  it  can  be  carried  too  fur. 

"  A  neighbor  of  ourn  had  warned  her  girl  to  not  be 
too  familiar  with  the  hired  man,  a  good  Christian  he 
wuz  too.  And  once  when  her  ma  wuz  gone  he  asked  her 
where  the  milk  pail  wuz,  and  she  wantin'  to  be  on  the 
safe  side  wouldn't  say  a  word.  That  wuz  bein'  too  cau 
tious,  and  a  good  many  think  he's  been  a  little  too  mute 
about  some  things,  he  didn't  tell  jest  where  his  politics 
wuz.  But  then  the  tongue  is  a  onruly  member  and  has 
to  be  curbed  in,  and  I  guess  he  means  well.  And  Mr. 
Davis,  too,  of  course  he's  gittin'  along  in  years.  But 
jest  think  of  Methusaler,  Mr.  Methusaler's  folks  would 
call  Mr.  Davis  nothin'  but  a  child." 

Here  he  blurted  right  out,  "  I  hain't  Theodore,  though 
I've  been  took  for  him  before,  I'm  President  of  a  Gas 
Company." 

I  wuz  mortified  for  most  a  minute,  but  come  to  think 
it  over  I  knowed  such  seeds  of  truth  as  I'd  been  a  scat- 
terin'  couldn't  help  but  do  good  even  if  the  sile  wuzn't 
so  rich  as  I'd  spozed. 


I  hain't  Theodore.      I'm  President  of  a  Gas  Company. 

—Page  298. 


CHAPTER   XVI. 

ELL,  the  next  week  we  had  a  busy  time,  Jo- 
siah  and  Molly  and  I  went  mostly  together, 
Blandina  most  always  meetin'  Professor 
Aspire  Todd  somewhere  nigh  the  entrance, 
I  guess  it  wuz  planned,  but  'tennyrate  I  wuz  willin',  plan 
or  no  plan. 

And  we  visited  every  interestin'  spot  from  Morocco  to 
the  Model  City  and  from  Physicial  Culture  Hall  to 
Nevada. 

There  wuz  a  meetin '  that  scientific  folks  held  there, 
and  its  main  aim  seemed  to  be  to  make  light  of  the  re 
ligion  of  Christ.  It  madded  Josiah  dretfully,  and  he  sez, 
"  I  feel  it  my  duty  as  a  deacon  to  go  and  give  in  my  tes 
timony  and  break  up  such  wicked  doin's." 

Sez  I,  "  Josiah  you  let  'em  alone.  You  couldn't  break 
it  up,  no  thin'  but  the  power  of  the  God  they  deny  could 
do  it.  But  we'll  punish  'em  by  not  goin'  near  'em.  That 
will  mortify  'em  and  mebby  make  'em  see  where  they 
stand,  denyin'  the  power  that  gives  em  the  breath  they 
spend  in  such  folly,  so  when  Sunday  come  agin  we  went 
to  the  same  M.  E.  meetin'  house  and  hearn  a  splendid 
sermon  on  what  the  Christian  Eeligion  had  done  for  the 


300         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

World.  And  we  visited  Lincoln's  Cabin  and  I  had  prob 
able  fifty  emotions  a  minute  all  the  time  I  wuz  there 
thinkin'  of  that  wise,  child-hearted  man  and  what  he  did 
for  humanity. 

And  I  had  about  the  same  emotions  in  Grant's  Log 
Cabin.  Noble  creeters,  both  on  'em!  They  wuz  cramped 
for  room  in  these  humble  homes,  and  wuz  probable  put  to 
it  for  comforts.  But  they  have  room  enough  now,  the 
Great  World  claims  'em,  and  they  will  walk  down  the 
ages  together  crowned  with  the  love  and  reverence  of 
the  people. 

And  Josiah  wanted  to  see  the  Boer  War,  and  though 
a  war  wuz  nothin'  I  wanted  to  see  I  felt  I  musn't  cross 
him.  And  all  the  while  I  sot  there  seein'  them  contend- 
in'  armies  contend  I  wuz  thinkin'  of  poor  Oom  Paul  and 
his  brave  fight  for  liberty,  and  at  last  losin'  all  and  dyin' 
broken-hearted  in  a  strange  land. 

But  onbeknown  to  myself  these  words  come  to  me: 

"  The  mills  of  the  gods  grind  slowly 
But  they  grind  exceedingly  small." 

I  can't  look  ahead  and  see  jest  what  they're  grindin' 
out  for  this  brave  people  and  them  that  conquered  'em, 
nor  Josiah  can't. 

And  I  took  solid  comfort  in  the  Hall  of  Lady  Managers 
seein'  how  well  they  managed.  In  this  Exposition  there 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         301 

is  no  seperate  place  fenced  off  for  wimmen 's  exhibit. 
They  carry  the  idee  here  that  good  work  is  equally  valu 
able  when  done  by  man  or  woman.  They  claim  that 
works  of  art,  invention,  manufacture,  etc.,  are  as  sexless 
as  religion,  and  you  know  our  Lord  said  plain  of  men  and 
wimmen,  "  Ye  are  one  in  Christ/' 

I  wuz  glad  enough  to  see  it,  it  seems  to  bring  us  nigher 
to  the  day  of  justice  and  true  liberty  for  all.  That 
glorious  day  hain't  dawned  yet  (wimmen  are  still  classed 
in  law  with  idiots,  criminals  and  lunaticks).  But  by 
standin'  on  tip-toe  I  can  catch  a  faint  glow  in  the  East 
showin'  that  the  day  is  goin'  to  break  in  rosy  splendor 
bime-by. 

I  cant  begin  to  tell  jest  where  we  went  or  what  we 
see,  enough  'tennyrate  I  felt  to  last  me  through  life,  but 
time  hurried  on  jest  as  usual  and  brought  the  last  days 
of  our  stay  here. 

I  told  Josiah  that  I  never  would  go  home  without  see- 
in'  President  Francis  and  thankin'  him  for  the  treat 
he'd  gin  us. 

Josiah  didn't  want  to  go  but  I  sez,  "  David  will  expect 
it  of  me,  it's  only  showin'  him  common  politeness.  You 
know  I  brought  the  children  up  to  always  thank  the  folks 
that  entertained  'em.  And  such  a  entertainment  as  this! 
Do  you  spoze  I  am  goin'  to  slight  and  mortify  him  by 
not  noticin'  it  and  thankin'  him?  No,  indeed!  " 


302          Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

Josiah  argyed  and  said  that  * '  he  guessed  if  everybody 
follered  David  up  and  thanked  him  he  would  have  his 
hands  full." 

"  But,"  I  sez,  "  Other  folks  can  do  as  they're  a  mind  to, 
I  shall  do  my  duty,"  so  I  went  up  to  his  office  follered 
by  a  onwillin'  Josiah,  and  advanced  towards  him  where 
he  sot  alone  at  his  desk. 

He's  a  dretful  handsome  man,  sometimes  smart  men 
are  humbly,  and  it  is  a  treat  to  find  one  that  combines 
beauty,  smartness,  and  faculty,  for  it  took  more  than 
smartness  alone  to  plan  this  show,  it  took  faculty  and 
tack,  sights  and  sights  of  tack.  For  as  I  told  him,  after 
I'd  introduced  myself  and  shook  hands  cordially  with 
him,  sez  I: 

"  I  couldn't  leave  without  thankin'  you  for  the  great 
treat  you've  gin  us,  and  to  tell  you  how  I  appreciate  what 
you've  done  for  us.  Sez  I,  "  I'm  a  housekeeper  and 
know  what  it  is  to  fix  up  for  company  and  how  much 
work  it  is  to  git  two  or  three  rooms  and  the  front  steps 
and  door  yard  all  right  for  half  a  dozen  folks  for  jest  one 
afternoon,  and  then  to  clear  up  and  ornament  as  you 
have  more'n  twelve  hundred  acres,  and  have  so  many 
visitors  come  right  onto  you  and  settle  down  for  a  six 
months'  stay,  I  don't  see  how  you  stand  it. 

"  Why  last  winter  I  had  six  of  the  relation  on  my 
side  and  on  hisen,  snowbound  to  our  house  for  a  week, 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        303 

and  I  thought  I  should  go  distracted  tryin'  to  keep  the 
house  clean,  and  suit  'em  all  in  vittles,  and  some  on  'em 
jealous  thinkin'  I  gin  the  others  a  better  bed,  and  the 
other  relation  comin '  in  to  see  'em  and  kinder  disputin ' 
and  twittin'  'em  as  relation  will,  and  kinder  jealous  of 
me  because  they  wuz  visitin '  me  instead  of  them,  and  my 
folks  callin'  me  extravagant  in  vittles— I  had  a  dretful 
time.  And  what  wuz  it  compared  to  what  you're  goin' 
through  with  fifteen  thousand  visitors  settlin '  right  down 
on  you  for  a  six  months'  visit,  some  on  'em  smart  and 
high  headed,  some  not  knowin'  putty,  some  good-natered 
and  easy  to  please,  some  quarrelsome,  some  awful  petick- 
ular  and  fussy  about  their  vittles,  some  that  will  eat  dogs, 
some  too  dressy,  some  that  will  go  most  naked,  and 
hundreds  of  millions  comin'  and  goin'  all  the  time,  and 
more  than  thirty  millions  of  your  own  folks  complainin' 
and  sassin'  you  as  your  own  folks  will.  Payin'  out  fifty 
millions  and  mebby  called  extravagant  for  it— why  what 
a  time  you're  havin'! 

"  And  I  wanted  to  tell  you  how  I  appreciated  what 
you're  goin'  through,  and  thank  you  from  the  bottom  of 
my  heart  for  givin'  me  and  Josiah  such  a  great  treat, 
and  also  Blandina. 

"  And  if  you  ever  come  to  Jonesville  I  want  you  to 
feel  free  to  come  right  to  our  house  and  stay  as  long  as 
you  can.  Though  of  course  I  can't  do  for  you  what 


304         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

you've  done  for  me,  but  Pll  kill  a  hen  and  make  a  bag 

puddin',  and  do  the  best  I  can." 

j 

He  thanked  me  real  polite  and  said  "  if  he  wuz  ever 
in  Jonesville  he  should  certainly  come  and  see  me." 

And  I  sez,  "  How  I  do  wish  it  wuz  so  you  could  come 
this  fall.  We're  goin'  to  have  a  big  Harvest  Entertain 
ment  for  the  benefit  of  the  Grange,  and  you  do  have 
such  a  talent  for  gittin'  up  sun  thin'  interesting  your  ad 
vice  would  be  onvaluable  about  ornamentin'  the  hall  and 
givin'  'em  all  a  equal  show.  Of  course  every  mother 
wants  her  children  to  speak  the  openin'  piece,  and  every 
man  wants  the  best  place  to  show  off  his  squashes  and 
rutabagers.  Pomona  wants  the  hall  trimmed  one  way, 
and  Cerius  'tother  way,  whilst  Flora  and  Hygea  are  set- 
tin'  on  the  fence.  I  d'no  how  it  will  turn  out  and  whether 
or  not  it  will  lead  to  bloodshed. 

"If  we  only  had  your  faculty  and  your  tack  to  fall 
back  on  what  a  boon  it  would  be,  for  you  must  have  gone 
through  with  as  much  agin  with  everybody  wantin'  the 
best  place. 

"  But  I  know  it  is  too  much  to  ask  of  you  with  all  this 
doin's  on  your  hands,  millions  of  visitors  comin'  and  goin' 
and  thousands  of  help  to  look  after,  and  I  shan't  say  a  word 
to  you  about  it,  only  wishin'  you  could  be  there  to  enjoy 
it  with  us  when  it  is  ready. 

"  And  now  thankin'  you  agin  for  all  you've  done  for  us 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         305 

I  will  bid  you  adoo."  And  I  shook  hands  with  him  almost 
warmly. 

He  seemed  glad  and  relieved  about  sunthin'  as  we  took 
leave,  I  guess  it  wuz  because  I  thought  so  high  on  him. 

And  bein'  wunk  at  by  me,  Josiah  Allen  advanced  and 
held  out  his  hand  and  said,  "  how  de  do,"  and  "  good-bye," 
at  the  same  time,  and  I  sez  to  kinder  smooth  it  over,  "  In 
this  world,  Mr.  Francis,  it  is  hail  and  farewell  time  and 
agin." 

And  then  we  bowed  ourselves  out,  I'd  told  Josiah  to 
be  sure  and  not  turn  his  back.  And  we  got  along  first- 
rate,  only  onfortinat'ly  jest  as  we  got  to  the  door  we 
backed  into  the  Chinese  Minister  and  his  party  who  wuz 
jest  comin'  in. 

But  then,  as  I  told  Josiah  as  we  went  down  the  steps 
when  he  wuz  blamin'  me  for  this  contrary  temps,  as  men 
always  will  blame  their  pardners  for  most  everything,  I 
sez: 

"  China  is  used  to  bein'  backed  into  by  foreigners,  I 
guess  they'll  overlook  it." 

I  didn't  bandy  words  with  Josiah,  I  knowed  I'd  done  my 
duty  and  that  kep'  me  serene.  When  you're  f ollerin'  a  star 
you  don't  mind  the  bite  of  a  nat. 

The  last  week  of  our  stay  in  St.  Louis  Aunt  Trypheny 
on  leavin'  the  Fair  ground  one  day  wuz  struck  by  the 
twenty-mule  team  that  perambulates  the  ground,  was 


306         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

knocked  down  and  carried  to  an  emergency  hospital  on 
the  Fair  ground.  The  head  doctor  there  wuz  Miss  Huffs 
nephew,  and  she  got  a  little  room  for  her  till  she  could 
be  moved  with  safety. 

The  day  before  we  went  home  Josiah  went  down  into 
the  city  to  do  a  few  errents  for  the  bretheren,  Blandina 
had  gone  with  Aspire  Todd  to  visit  a  sister  of  hisen  (they 
wuz  engaged),  and  I  had  been  to  work  gittin'  ready  to  leave 
the  next  mornin',  and  Molly  and  I  wuz  goin'  in  the  after 
noon  to  take  a  last  look  at  the  Fair,  and  she  come  into 
my  room  as  I  wuz  gittin'  my  bunnet  on  with  her  hands  full 
of  the  most  beautiful  flowers  she  could  get,  and  proposed 
that  we  should  go  and  see  Aunt  Pheeny  and  cheer  her  up 
a  little. 

Sweet  creeter,  I  hadn't  thought  on't.  The  hospital  wuz 
quite  a  distance  off  from  where  we  had  laid  out  to  go,  and 
I  knowed  I  would  be  tired  as  a  dog  anyway.  But  not 
wantin'  to  be  behind  hand  in  good  works  I  said  I  would  go 
with  her,  and  I  selected  some  of  the  nicest  of  the  fruit  I  had 
bought  to  take  home  to  the  grandchildren,  and  put  in  my 
silk  bag  for  her,  and  put  on  my  mantilly  and  told  her  I 
wuz  ready.  And  then  that  dear  child  proposed  we  should 
take  Dorothy  with  us,  knowin'  Aunt  Trypheny  would  ruther 
see  her  than  any  Emperor  or  Zar,  and  I  gin  my  consent  to 
that,  and  we  sot  off,  Do  tie  happy  as  a  Queen  at  goin'  with 
us. 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition         307 

Well,  Aunt  Pheeny  wuz  glad  enough  to  see  us,  specially 
Dorothy.  But  we  found  her  blissful  in  mind  anyway  for 
she  told  us  the  first  thing  her  Prince  Arthur  had  been  there 
to  see  her  and  had  been  gone  only  a  few  minutes,  and  she 
showed  us  a  couple  of  gold  pieces  he  had  gin  her,  big 
enough  to  bear  witness  to  his  goodness  *of  heart  as  well  as 
his  wealth.  She  said  with  her  linement  all  aglow  (she 
never  liked  her)  that  his  mother  had  died  two  months 
ago  leaving  him  a  free  man,  he  had  stayed  with  her  and 
devoted  himself  to  her  because  he  thought  it  wuz  his'  duty, 
and  since  her  death  he  had  been  on  a  long  journey,  it 
seemed,  she  said,  as  if  he  wuz  hunting  for  something  or 
other,  though  what  she  didn't  know.  And  he  had  promised 
her  that  some  time  in  the  future  she  should  come  and  live 
with  him,  and  sez  she,  with  her  characterestic  irreligion, 
"  If  I  had  my  choice  to  live  with  him  or  in  heaven  I 
wouldn't  look  at  heaven."  The  idee!  We  give  her  the 
fruit  and  flowers  and  asked  her  if  she  had  everything  for 
her  comfort,  and  she  said: 

"  Yes,  indeed!  'tain't  much  here  like  the  ironfirmary  I 
wuz  sent  to  in  Chicago.  I  wuz  jest  as  white  as  you  are, 
Miss  Molly,  when  I  went  there,  and  them  iggorent  doctors 
jest  turned  my  skin  black  as  tar ;  I  wuz  so  mortified  when 
I  come  to  my  senses  and  found  what  they'd  done  and  I  wuz 
a  nigger,  I  jest  leaped  out  o'  bed  and  rushed  right  out  into 
the  street,  I  wuz  so  mortified.  But  'twuzn't  no  use,  I  wuz 
a  nigger,  and  so  I've  been  ever  since." 


308         Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

And  all  the  time  she  wuz  tellin'  this,  Dotie's  little  white 
arms  wuz  'round  her  neck  and  she  was  pattin'  the  black 
cheeks.  And  as  she  finished  she  said  lovingly,  "  Pheeny 
is  nice!  Pheeny  is  pretty!  Pheeny  has  got  white  teef !  " 
And  indeed  they  did  glisten  like  ivory  in  the  blackness 
of  her  face  as  she  held  the  baby  clost  to  her  heart  with 
broad  smiles. 

Well,  we  made  quite  a  long  call  and  cheered  her  up  con 
siderable  by  listenin'  to  some  more  of  her  most  eloquent 
and  unlikely  fabrications,  and  then  bid  her  good-bye.  A 
man's  gray  kid  glove  lay  on  the  table  and  a  little  book, 
and  she  said  Prince  Arthur  had  forgot  them. 

Well,  jest  as  we  passed  out  of  the  long  corridor,  Dotie, 
who  wuz  looking  back,  cried  out,  "  There  is  Pheeny 's 
Prince  Arthur!  '  And  refused  to  stir  another  step  till 
she  went  back  to  see  him.  She  said  Aunt  Pheeny  had 
showed  her  his  picture  and  that  wuz  the  Prince  that  could 
do  anything.  Aunt  Pheeny  I  spoze  had  filled  her  mind 
full  of  stories  of  his  perfections,  she  said  he'd  gone  back 
to  git  his  glove  and  book,  and  she  would  wait  and  see 
him. 

I  wuz  in  a  hurry  and  wuz  for  goin'  on,  but  Molly,  sweet- 
natured  thing,  said  we  might  sit  down  on  the  bench  for 
a  few  minutes  and  then  Dotie  would  be  willing  to  go.  So 
we  sot  down  and  Dotie  begun  to  state  with  much  excite 
ment  her  reasons  for  wanting  to  stay,  sez  she : 


Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition        309 

"  Billy  has  been  hoisting  to  me  that  he  see  a  Prince  to 
the  Fair,  a  real  live  meat  Prince.  He  wuz  hoisting  about 
it,  and  said  Aunt  Pheeny  didn't  have  no  Prince,  but  I  see 
his  picture  my  own  self,  and  I'll  let  Billy  know  that  Aunt 
Pheeny  did  have  a  nice  live,  meat  Prince  and  I  see  him. 
And  there  he  comes  now!  "  sez  she,  she  wuz  a  little  in 
advance  of  us  and  could  see  furder.  And  sure  enough  we 
hearn  a  quick  light  step  coming  down  the  corridor,  it  come 
nigher  and  nigher,  a  handsome  elegant-looking  young  man 
turned  the  corner  right  by  us,  Molly  looked  up— and  had 
the  desire  of  her  heart. 

He  left  his  friend's  house  and  Molly,  thinking  his  duty 
kept  him  by  his  mother,  and  he  had  decided  it  was  wrong 
to  ask  a  yotng  happy  girl  to  enter  the  shadow  of  selfish 
invalidism  with  him.  He  didn't  say  jest  that,  but  I  knowed 
it  from  what  he  didn't  say  as  well  as  from  what  he  did. 
The  minute  he  wuz  free  he  had  flown  to  his  friends  where 
they  had  met.  The  house  wuz  closed,  the  family  in  Eu 
rope,  he  didn't  know  where,  he  had  tried  in  vain  to  find 
her,  and  wuz  jest  on  the  eve  of  departing  for  Europe  that 
afternoon  to  try  to  find  his  friends  hoping  to  get  a  clue  of 
her.  Had  she  not  gone  to  the  hospital  that  day,  had  she 
come  a  little  earlier  or  a  little  later,  had  she  not  humored 
Dorothy  by  waiting,  they  would  not  have  met.  That's 
what  worldlings  might  say,  but  I  didn't  say  it  even  to  my- 


310        Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

self.  She  wuz  safe,  she  could  not  have  been  either  too 
early  or  too  late.  She  had  like  a  little  child,  asking  its  pa 
for  a  gift,  asked  her  Lord  for  the  desire  of  her  heart  and 
jest  as  he  promised,  he  brought  it  to  pass,  usin '  that  bare 
corridor  jest  as  he  might  the  Valley  of  the  Nile,  or  the 
Eocky  Mountains  if  necessary.  The  hull  world  is  but  a 
tiny  doorstep  leadin'  up  to  the  shinin'  pavilion  of  divine 
love. 

They  wuz  led  towards  each  other,  she  couldn't  miss  her 
way,  he  couldn't.  The  broad  ocean  rolled  between  'em 
and  mountain  and  valley,  but  they  wuz  both  led  by  the 
hand  like  two  little  children  out  May-flowering  with  their 
ma — they  had  to  meet. 

Well,  Josiah  met  us,  accordin'  to  promise  in  front  of 
Festival  Hall,  and  we  stayed  to  the  illumination,  Dotie 
havin'  gone  home  with  Miss  Huff  before  dark. 

Molly  and  Arthur  stood  on  the  high  terrace  with  light 
fallin'  all  'round  'em  and  before  'em,  their  faces  needin' 
no  light,  so  bright  wuz  they  with  heart  sunshine.  Josiah 
and  I  sot  a  little  in  the  shadder,  but  where  we  could  see 
plain.  And  one  by  one  like  brilliant  jewels  dropped  from 
an  endless  storehouse  of  glory,  lights  sprung  out  along 
the  front  of  the  stately  white  palaces,  adown  the  broad 
avenues  they  shone  in  gleamin'  lines  and  clusters,  and 
starred  with  brilliance  all  the  long  glorious  vistas.  Broad 
beams  of  crimson,  gold  and  azure  changin'  every  minute 


"  Josiah  and  I  sot  a  little  in  the  shadder,  but  where  we  could  see  plain  " 


312    .     Samantha  at  the  St.  Louis  Exposition 

fell  on  the  cascades,  the  flowers  gleamed  out  from  the 
emerald  grass  like  jewels  of  every  color. 

Music  riz  softly  from  the  lagoon,  the  great  organ  pealed 
out  in  triumphant  notes,  and  my  heart  boyed  up  on  waves 
of  beauty  and  melody  f ollered  the  strains  heavenward  as 
if  it  didn't  ever  want  to  come  back  agin  to  earth  and 
Jonesville. 

But  as  my  eye  fell  on  Josiah's  face  I  knowed  that  where 
the  star  of  Love  went  it  wuz  my  duty  and  joy  to  f  oiler  it. 
He  wuz  gittin'  worrisome  and  wanted  to  go,  and  so  I  sez : 

"  Beautiful !  beautiful !  Ivory  City,  farewell !  " 


A 


"S5WSSSK- 

'Chmond,  CA  94804-4698 


DUE  AS  STAMPED  BELOW 


12,000(11/95) 


M69940 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


